Cassie blinked and suppressed the urge to cough. “I didn’t spread any rumor and I’m not going to talk to you about this.”
Cassie started to brush past her, but the girl stepped in front of her.
“You’re not going anywhere,” she said.
Cassie struggled for control. “What’s your name?”
Now it was the girl’s turn to blink.
“Lisa,” she answered after a moment. “Why?”
Because, I want to be able to tell campus security who I killed if you don’t get out of my way, you stupid bitch.
“Look Lisa,” Cassie said. “Tom was drunk that night. He attacked me. I don’t know how you know him or how sweet he might be when he’s sober, I just know what happened. And it was caught on video.”
“You’re a fucking liar.”
“I don’t lie,” Cassie said. “Not about shit like this. Tom attacked me in a car dealership. There were surveillance cameras all over the place. I didn’t even call the cops, somebody else did that. I should have, but I didn’t. If you talk to Tom, tell him to turn himself in. They think he raped those other girls.”
“That’s bullshit,” Lisa said.
“Maybe,” Cassie allowed. “I can’t say it was him. I can’t say it wasn’t. If it wasn’t, he best turn himself in soon. In the meanwhile, leave me the fuck alone.”
Cassie finally had enough and pushed past Lisa. She started to wade into the other students when Lisa called to her.
“I heard about you,” Lisa yelled as she pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “I know you watched your mom getting fucked and called it rape too.”
Cassie slowly turned around. “What did you just say?”
“You heard me,” Lisa said as she lit up another cigarette. She decided to drag out her response for dramatic purposes, especially since there was a small crowd gathering. “You watched your mom get fucked. Bet she fucking loved it. And I bet you went after Tom first and then when he told you he just wanted to get laid that’s when you cried rape and…”
Cassie dropped her bag and charged at Lisa, ignoring the cheering from the group of college students. She was fully prepared to rip the girls head off when someone grabbed her around the waist.
“Jesus,” Adam said. “Cassie, calm down.”
Adam held on to Cassie as she continued to try and get to Lisa. Taylor looked shocked, but kept quiet.
“Let me go,” Cassie screamed. “Did you hear what she said about my mother?”
Lisa, who had jumped back in fear, now laughed.
“Just calling her out on her bullshit,” Lisa said. “Better be careful how you hold her there or she’ll call you a rapist. Just like she did Tom. I was just telling her how I knew it wasn’t the first time she’s pulled that shit. She did the same thing when she watched her mom fuck some guy.”
Cassie doubled her efforts to escape Adam so she could murder Lisa.
“What the fuck, Lisa,” Taylor said. “She watched her mother get raped and murdered, you stupid bitch.”
Suddenly, the buzz of the crowd hushed to a whisper.
Taylor’s eyes met Cassie’s.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Taylor said. She looked around at the crowd who was now avoiding eye contact.
Cassie had stopped struggling. Slowly, Adam let her go. She grabbed her things and walked away. Cassie heard Adam stop Taylor from going after her to apologize again. She didn’t look at anyone as she brushed past them, even though she knew they were all watching her.
* * * *
“Cassie,” Noah yelled. He drove his Mustang along the side of the road. They were about three blocks from campus. “Wait up. What happened?”
Cassie ignored him and continued to walk.
“Cassie,” Noah called again. “Didn’t you get my text?”
“Yes,” she answered. “I got your text. I needed to go. Alright?”
Noah, realizing something was up, pulled over and got out. He ran over to her. When she continued to walk, he stepped in front of her.
“Cassie,” he said. “What’s the matter?”
Cassie looked up at him. It finally dawned on her that he hadn’t heard yet.
But he was going to.
Finally, she stopped, sighed and looked up at Noah. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
Noah nodded. He pulled her into a small hug.
They drove to a nearby field. There was no practice that day of any kind, so they had the field to themselves. At first they just walked in silence. Cassie explained what had happened. As she did, she watched Noah’s reactions.
As usual, Noah was calm and controlled, but Cassie could see the fury in his eyes.
“And then she brought my mother into it,” Cassie said.
“Your mother?” Noah said. “What does she have to do with it?”
Cassie stopped walking.
“Cassie?” Noah stopped as well. “What is it? You never really mention your mom.”
Cassie took a deep breath.
“Noah,” she said. “My mother’s dead. She was killed when I was twelve. She was raped and murdered. And I watched it happen.”
She expected the normal reaction. Shock and horror. A sympathetic gesture. Noah didn’t say anything. He just waited and listened.
“My brother came into my bed,” Cassie said. “He was scared. Kept saying ‘mommy’, like something was wrong. I thought maybe she was sick. So I took his hand and we went to look. We walked in and saw my mother on the bed, her clothes were ripped off. She was sobbing, but trying not to. She didn’t want to wake us up because she was afraid of what he’d do to us if we saw.”
She paused for a moment, afraid of the next part.
Forcing herself to look into Noah’s eyes, she didn’t feel the normal fear and shame.
“There was this moment,” Cassie explained. “This matter of a few seconds where I could have put my hand over Tyler’s mouth and pulled him away and called the police, but I just stood there in shock. I had never seen anything like that… He was just about to…”
Cassie tried to block the memory, but it didn’t help. She could still see it in her mind, David Childs raping her mother, her begging him not to.
She tried not to think about how Tom had nearly violated her just weeks earlier.
“Tyler screamed,” Cassie said. “David grabbed us. That was when I realized she was tied up. Tyler and I tried to fight, but he was too strong. Everyone always asks why didn’t I do this or do that. I mean, he was standing there in front of me, but it’s just not that easy. And he was so fucking big. And the next thing I knew, he had a knife to Tyler’s throat and he made us get into the closet in my parents’ bedroom.
“He slammed the door,” Cassie continued. “And told us to shut our mouths. When the door banged, it didn’t stay closed. It opened a little. I could see him go back to my mother and rape her over and over again. I held Tyler the whole time. At first he cried, then he stopped. I’m not sure if he fell asleep or was just in shock. He says he can’t remember, but I do.”
She sighed. “And now, thanks to those two, it won’t be long before the entire school knows.”
Slowly, Noah pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry. I don’t know Taylor very well, but it sounds like she was trying to do the right thing. Lisa’s really the one you should be pissed at.”
“I know,” Cassie said, enjoying the embrace. “Which is what pisses me off even more. Adam came to my defense at that party. I would have imagined that galled at her. He called me the next day. Now he grabs me in public.”
“To prevent you from committing a homicide,” Noah said. “Justifiable though it may have seemed at the time.”
Cassie actually managed to laugh. “Yeah well, then she defended me today. She was outraged on my behalf. Aren’t I supposed to hate her? And she’s supposed to hate me? Isn’t that how it works?”
Noah shrugged. “Why? It didn’t work between you and Adam. If she and Adam can be happy, what’s wrong with that?”
“Why her?”
she asked. “I look at Taylor and ask why her and not me? What was wrong with me that he broke up with me? As if I didn’t already know?”
“What are you talking about?” Noah said. “What makes you assume that there’s anything wrong with you?”
Cassie rolled her eyes and started to walk away.
“Cassie,” Noah called and caught up again. He stepped in front of her and waited for her to look up. “Hey, you’re an amazing girl and any guy would be lucky to have you. You’re funny, smart, and really beautiful.”
He put his hands on her arm. She couldn’t tell if it was his touch that made her tremble or the other way around.
“Face it,” Cassie said. “I’m damaged goods. Who the hell would want to put up with someone like me? Adam didn’t. He went and got himself another girlfriend. And clearly you don’t want to be bothered with me.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you.”
Noah backed up a step.
“Cassie…”
“Yeah, yeah,” Cassie said. She threw her hand up and started to walk away. “I know it’s none of my business. Is it that harem of women you have that keep calling you?”
Noah looked shocked.
“Cassie,” he said. “It’s not like that. They’re just like family.”
“Just like family?” Cassie shot back. “But not family. Are you related to any of them?” She waited a moment until Noah shook his head. “Then explain to me why you go running whenever they call. Especially that Pamela, who makes you miserable? Can’t you just open up a little?”
For a brief moment, it looked like he might. Then Cassie saw his walls go up. “It’s private.”
“And what I just told you isn’t?” Cassie asked. “Noah, are you gay?”
Noah’s eyes widened. “Excuse me?”
“I didn’t think so,” she said crossing her arms. “But Jesus, I’ve been flirting with you for weeks. It’s had no effect on you. So what am I supposed to think?”
Noah came closer. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” Cassie said. “Tell me I’m not your type. Tell me you’re into dudes. Tell me what the fuck it is I’m doing wrong.”
“You’re not doing anything wrong,” Noah said. “It’s not you. It’s me.”
“Oh God,” Cassie cried. “That’s the worst thing you could have said to me.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s bullshit,” Cassie said. “And you know it. I know it, you know it. Everybody knows it.”
“It’s not bullshit,” Noah insisted. “Cassie you don’t want… that with me. You really don’t.”
Cassie waited for Noah to continue, but he didn’t. He just stood there. Waiting.
“Noah,” she said finally. “I feel sometimes like I don’t know you. I talk to you about everything. I’ve told you about my family. I told you about Adam, for Christ’s sake. I just told you about the most horrible thing that ever happened to me, but whenever the discussion is about you, you deflect. You’re really good at that.”
“I don’t mean to be.”
“Yes you do,” Cassie countered. “Noah, I can’t keep doing this. I can’t be your charity case.”
“You’re not,” Noah insisted. “Why would you say that?”
“Because,” Cassie said with a laugh, “it’s clearly not you. It’s me. So maybe I should just get to school on my own from now on.”
She started to leave, but Noah held on.
“No,” Noah said. “Cassie, I want you in my life. Please.”
“Give me one good reason why I should believe that. Give me one reason why I should think it’s really you and not me.”
Cassie watched Noah. She saw the look of terror in his eyes. She waited for him to speak, for the eventual attempt to deflect his true feelings, assuming Noah had any.
Instead, Noah kissed her hard. She felt his tongue explore the inside of her mouth as his hands pulled her body to his. She felt him against her and sensed the want of his touch. The need for her.
When the kiss ended, she felt staggered. She caressed his face and leaned in to kiss him again, but he stepped away from her, holding his hand out. For a moment, he looked like a child afraid of the monster living under his bed.
“Cassie,” he said. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not,” she said. “Why would you be?”
“I told you before,” he replied. “It’s not you. It’s me. Please. I know that sucks as an explanation, but it’s all I could give you right now.”
Cassie looked into his eyes and saw things she hadn’t seen in Noah before. Pain and fear, mixed in with incredible sadness. She started to believe that Noah did want more. And it was that wanting that scared him the most.
“Okay,” she said. “For now.”
The terror in his eyes faded as he nodded. She leaned up slowly and kissed his cheek. Taking each other’s hand, they walked back to his car together.
Chapter 7
Walter stood in the doorway, quietly watching Noah attack the punching bag. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen his grandson go at it, but this time was different. If this were a Disney movie where inanimate objects could speak, he was fairly certain the punching bag would be begging for mercy.
After ten minutes, Walter decided to intercede on behalf of the punching bag.
“Noah,” Walter said. “It gives up.”
Noah stopped, but he didn’t turn around.
“What’s the matter?”
Noah gave the bag another punch. “Nothing. Everything is fine.”
“Bullshit.”
Noah stopped again. “It’s nothing you can help with.”
“Well, how do you know unless you tell me,” Walter said. “Noah, you’ve been a little happier than normal this past week. And I think we both know why. Now you’re pissed. Did you break up with Cassie?”
“We can’t break up,” Noah said. “We’re not going out.”
Walter took a deep breath and struggled for patience. “Did you have a fight?”
Noah didn’t answer.
“Boy,” Walter said as he came in and took his place on the bench. “You didn’t fall into the trap did you? When they ask you if that pair of jeans make them look fat, you always say no.”
Noah started to go back to beating the punching bag.
“Would you knock it off?” Walter said. He pushed himself off the bench and approached Noah. “Dammit Noah, talk to me. What happened?”
Noah gave the punching bag one last thundering jab. Then he placed his hands on the bag to stop it swinging.
“I kissed her.”
Walter’s eyes went wide in surprise, but he resisted the urge to smile. “Did she object?”
Noah shook his head.
“Well gee,” Walter said. “I’m not really sure what to say here. Um… ‘Atta boy?”
Noah slanted a quick look at Walter before moving toward the weight bench.
“You’ve got to stop this,” Walter said. “So you kissed her. Did she kiss you back?”
Noah considered the question. “I guess.”
“So,” Walter said. “Why don’t you take her out on a real date? Maybe kiss her again. Maybe even a little more?”
“Grandpa!”
“Oh please,” Walter said. “Noah, you are a healthy, normal young man. You deserve to be happy. Why won’t you let yourself be?”
Noah gripped the barbell and started his reps. “You know why.”
“Bullshit,” Walter said. “You listen to me. You need to go to that girl and pick up where you left off. Use protection, but go.”
“No,” Noah said as he pushed up the heavy weights in practiced motions. “It’s not right.”
“Oh for crying out loud. I’m not saying you shouldn’t buy her dinner first. But you have a chance at a good relationship.”
“No I don’t,” Noah said. “I’ve got no business thinking about any kind of relationship with her. Especially not that kind of rel
ationship.”
“Why not?”
Noah pushed the barbell back into place and sat up in one quick, fluid motion. “You know why not.”
The two men stared at each other for a long moment. Walter looked away first. Giving into frustration, he took a swing at the punching bag. “I noticed you drew a face on here.”
Noah didn’t answer.
Walter took another swing at the bag, landing one right on the face. Then another. And again.
“Hey.” Noah went to his side. “Take it easy.”
But Walter couldn’t. He pummeled the bag, over and over again. Noah held it in place until Walter had exhausted himself.
Slowly, Noah helped his grandfather to the bench and they sat next to each other.
“I wish you would have been able to meet your grandmother,” Walter said. “She would have straightened your ass out.”
Noah thought of the woman in the pictures that adorned the house above them. His grandmother had been a pretty woman, with a kind face.
“It would have been better if you had seen us together,” Walter said. “Son, the right woman makes you a better man.”
Noah shook his head. “I’ve got no right to…”
“Bullshit,” Walter said. “That’s bullshit and it’s time you believed that. If you don’t, you let him win.” Walter looked toward the punching bag.
Noah followed his gaze.
“It doesn’t matter,” Noah said. “I probably screwed things up so badly already.”
Walter put his hand on Noah’s back. “Finish your work out. Go see your mother. Then go and see Cassie. Take it slow. Lord knows, you’ll take it glacially slow, but go to her and just see. Don’t let him win.”
Slowly, with a little help from Noah, Walter got up and started to leave.
“It’s not a matter of him winning,” Noah said. “He’s inside of me. How can he not be?”
Walter sighed as he reached the doorway.
“Maybe,” he said. “But here’s something else to mull around. So am I. So are your mother and your grandmother. And dollars to doughnuts there’s more of us in there than him.”
* * * *
Brady was sitting under a tree on the school campus between classes with Cassie and Megan. They all had their books out to study, but none of them were interested in school work. They were listening to Cassie explain the latest about her struggle to get together with Noah.
Just Breathe Page 7
