Cassie looked over at Noah. His face was impassive, but she could see the discomfort in his eyes, in the way he gripped the steering wheel tightly. She reached out and took his hand.
“Has it occurred to you,” Cassie asked him, “that maybe you’re neither? You’re a survivor.”
Diana smiled at her words, but Noah just shook his head. “Whatever I am, there’s a part of him inside of me.”
“Noah,” Cassie said. “I love you. But cut the bull. Nobody can control where they come from. It’s who we choose to be that defines us. I have no contact with my father’s dad. He was a violent drunk who never had a kind thing to say about anyone. You’ve met my dad. Does he strike you as someone like that?”
Noah brought the car to a gentle stop as the traffic piled up near an accident. Everyone in the other cars stopped to look at the car that had been hit by a tractor trailer. The car now looked like an accordion.
Nobody in Noah’s car looked at the accident. Noah kept his eyes forward, but he shook his head. “No, he’s a good man. He’s been very kind to me.”
“He is,” Cassie agreed. “He’s a very good man. He’s the standard by which I judge other guys. And it’s a high standard. Noah, you more than measure up. I just need you to believe that.”
Noah looked over toward Cassie. He lifted her hand and kissed her fingertips gently. “I’ll try. I’m working at it.”
Diana smiled from the back. “Noah, let me state for the record, you have great taste in girlfriends.”
* * * *
Cassie hadn’t slept much the night before, so at some point she started to doze.
Cassie woke with a start as Noah pulled off the road and into the parking lot of a small hotel. Diana got out of the car.
Cassie turned to Noah. “Are you okay?”
Noah didn’t react at first so she took his hand.
“I hate the fact that you’re here,” Noah said. “But I love that you’re with me. I know that makes no sense.”
“Yes it does,” Cassie said.
Noah finally turned to face her. “This is going to be rough.”
Cassie nodded. “I know. It’s okay. We’ll get through it together.”
Slowly, Noah leaned in and kissed her. Cassie could feel so much passion in the kiss.
They were interrupted when Diana returned.
“I’ve got our rooms squared away,” Diana said as she got in the back seat. “Noah, drive to the back.”
Noah nodded and put the car in drive. He let Diana guide him to the back corner of the motel.
“Here,” Diana said as Noah parked. She handed up two credit card-like room keys. “I’m in room eleven. Noah is in thirteen. Cassie, you have your own room in twelve.”
Cassie accepted the card without comment.
“There was a message from the McMillians,” Diana continued. “They wanted to meet tonight. They’re at a different hotel. Are you okay to go over?”
Noah nodded. “I’m not crazy about leaving Cassie here alone.”
“No,” Cassie said quickly. “I’d like to go with you, if you don’t mind. Although I wouldn’t mind a chance to freshen up. And I should call my dad.”
“That’s fine,” Diana said before Noah could speak again. “Let’s all check into our rooms. I’ll call them and text you both the time of the meeting.”
They all got out. Noah grabbed his own bag and then Cassie’s while Diana took her own. He walked Cassie to her door and waited for her to use her key card to get in, all the while watching Diana to make sure she got inside of her room.
Cassie stepped inside and took a quick look around. She saw a door on the wall to her right.
“I think our rooms are joined,” she said. “After I talk to my dad and clean up, I’d like to talk.”
Noah nodded. “Are you sure you want to come tonight? It probably won’t be nice.”
“I’m sure,” she said. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
“Lock this door after I leave,” he said. “Come through there.”
She nodded as he stepped out. She closed the door and locked it. She had no doubt that Noah would have waited outside until he was sure she was securely inside.
Cassie grabbed her bag and ran to the bathroom to freshen up. When she was done, she used her cell to call her father.
“Cassie,” he answered. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” Cassie responded. “I’m sorry to run out on you like that. I’m with Noah and Diana.” She quickly explained why they were up there.
“I’m not crazy about you going up to the prison,” he said. “You make sure that you’re not left alone.”
“Don’t worry,” Cassie said. “Noah won’t let anything happen to me.”
“I know but I worry,” her dad replied. “Quite frankly, I’m a little surprised you’re not more worried. You sure you’re up for this? I hate to say this, but a prison would be a bad place for a panic attack.”
“I’m fine,” Cassie assured him. “As long as I’m with Noah, I’ll be okay.”
“I’ve noticed,” he said. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Cassie said.
She ended the call. Her cell signaled an incoming text. The McMillians wanted to meet in three hours. She sent back the letter K and went to the door that linked her room and Noah’s. She expected to have to knock, but Noah had opened his door and left it ajar for her. She went in and heard the water running from the bathroom.
She took a step inside as Noah came out. He had stripped off his shirt and hadn’t yet put on a fresh one.
Cassie gasped.
Noah stopped short, saw her and reached for his shirt.
“Wait,” she said.
Noah froze. She could see the embarrassment it caused him. His face turned red and his eyes were downcast, but she had to look.
Cassie moved closer to examine him. She had always known he was built, but she hadn’t realized how defined he was underneath the shirts that he wore.
But it was the scars that reached over his shoulders that her eyes were locked on.
Cassie slowly placed her hand on his chest. She could feel him tremble from her touch. He placed his hand over hers.
“Noah,” she said. “It’s okay. Please, let me look.”
Slowly, he nodded, closed his eyes and dropped his hand away.
Her fingers went to the scar on his left shoulder. She circled around him and saw his back. She had to fight not to gasp again. While his chest was mostly unblemished, except for the marks that reached around his shoulders, his back was a mishmash of scars, crisscrossing back and forth over one another.
She completed her turn around him and found herself facing him again. His eyes were shut tight.
“Noah,” she said softly. “Look at me.”
His eyes met hers. Cassie reached up and pulled him into a kiss. Noah resisted at first. She could feel his heart pounding in his chest. She placed her arms around him, not to feel the wounds again, but to pull him to her.
Any trace of resistance fell away when she pulled him onto the bed. His lips nuzzled her neck as his hand slid up her body. He found her breast through her blouse and caressed her while she moaned softly in his ear.
She placed a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed Noah on his back. She climbed on top of him and smiled. She kissed him again, starting on his lips, then slowly moving down his chest and working her way up again to his neck.
“Your turn to see,” she whispered in his ear.
She sat up and grabbed the bottom of her blouse, pulling it over her head. She looked down at him and smiled before she undid her bra and let it fall off.
Cassie watched him study every inch of her bare skin.
Noah sat up and crushed his mouth against hers. She felt his hands on her back, slowly inching their way forward until they cupped her breasts. His mouth continued down her neck. She sighed in pleasure when she felt his tongue on her nipple.
Cassie slid off Noah and stood up
. She quickly undid her jeans and pushed them to the floor. Once again, Noah seemed mesmerized as he examined her.
He stood next to her and let his hand roam her entire body. He slowly moved behind her, tasted the skin on her neck, and caressed her breast with his left hand while reaching down to touch her between her legs with his right.
Cassie’s legs felt weak with the surges of pleasure going through her. She leaned back against him, letting herself melt into his arms. She cried out softly as his finger explored her.
When she couldn’t take any more, she turned to face him, grinning.
Cassie undid Noah’s belt. Carefully, she pushed his pants down and then took a small step back so she could look at the whole of him. Her hands moved down his chest until she gripped him. Noah’s eyes never left hers as she pulled him back to the bed.
With his mouth on hers, she guided him until he was inside of her. They built a rhythm together as their hands continued to caress and discover each other.
Any trace of hesitation was long gone as Noah allowed himself to touch her. Cassie trembled as she felt herself building toward her release. She whispered his name as he brought her over the edge.
But Noah hadn’t yet had his fill. He continued to move, slowing his pace at first to allow Cassie to tingle all over. Then the intensity increased.
Cassie watched as Noah allowed himself to lose control. She looked into his eyes as she caressed him. She felt herself brought to the edge again as Noah’s body tensed and he exploded within her, taking Cassie with him once more.
His movements slowed, his kisses became gentler. He smiled as he felt her hand on his heart.
Noah relaxed. His body nestled hers. Their hands clasped together as they listened to each other breathe. He held her in his arms and whispered, “I love you.”
Chapter 13
“I don’t want to move,” Cassie said.
“You don’t have to,” Noah told her. “You can stay here. The McMillian’s are just expecting Diana and me.”
“Sort of defeats the purpose,” Cassie said. “I don’t want you to move either. I want to just stay here, wrapped up in you like this.”
Noah smiled as he pulled her closer. “Me too. But I have to go.”
“I know you do,” Cassie said. “And I’m going with you. You better get used to the idea of me, because I’m not going anywhere.”
Noah leaned in and kissed her.
“Good,” he said. “I don’t want you to. I know that’s selfish, but I can’t help it. I want you.”
Cassie rolled over so she could see Noah’s face.
“Why do you say that?” she asked. “Why is it selfish for you to be with me? Is it selfish for me to want to be with you?”
“No, it’s not. But I can’t help but feel like I’m dragging you into something very dark and evil.”
“Stop it,” she said. “Noah, you were touched by something dark and evil. That doesn’t make you dark and evil. What it makes you is amazing. With all that you’ve been through, you’re still so sweet and loving. I love you, Noah Hunt,” Cassie said. “Scars and all.”
“I love you, too,” Noah said.
Cassie held him close. For a few moments, she just listened to the steady beat of his heart.
“I want to tell you something.”
When Noah said those words, Cassie found herself holding her breath. Noah was going to share something with her. Something that she didn’t have to drag out of him.
“You may not understand this, but I honestly thought I’d never be with someone,” Noah said. “Not like that.”
“Why?”
“Quite honestly, it scared the hell out of me. Not the concept of sex. I’d been exposed to it since I was a child. I’m always afraid that he’s in me. Just waiting for a moment to break free. I was afraid that part of me would come out if I even let myself be with someone in that way.”
“I understand,” Cassie said. She caressed his chest as she spoke. “More than you think. My first exposure to sex was with what happened to my mom. The idea of letting someone do that to me had me horrified for years. At some point, I realized that what David Childs did wasn’t sex. It was rape. He did it to my mom. It was ugly and violent and evil. What we did was beautiful. We didn’t do anything to each other. We did something wonderful with each other.”
Noah nodded. “I guess I was afraid that I wasn’t capable of doing something beautiful. I feel ugly. Not just on the outside, but on the inside as well.”
Cassie moved up so she could kiss him. “Noah, you’re not ugly at all. I’ve seen you and you’re beautiful. Inside and out. I know that’s hard for you to believe, but trust me.”
“I do.”
Cassie looked at the clock on the table. “We should start getting ready if we’re going to be there on time and not have Diana waiting on us.”
“Are you sure you want to come tonight? It’s not going to be a pleasant experience.”
“Yes, I’m sure,” Cassie assured him. “Whatever happens, we’re in this together.”
* * * *
They arrived at the hotel where the McMillian’s were staying and met them in their room. They were both only a little older than Cassie’s father, but something about them seemed ancient. Noah introduced Cassie as his girlfriend.
Cassie kept quiet and watched.
Fred McMillian was a portly man with a receding hair line. He wore glasses with thick frames and a buttoned plaid shirt. His wife, a redhead with freckles, was named Joy. They introduced themselves and then turned to a girl sitting across the room.
“This is Alyssa’s twin sister,” Joy said. “Keagan.”
Keagan was in her early thirties. She was very beautiful, with long hair, the same soft red as her mother, but with a much slimmer figure.
“Noah,” Fred asked. “Do you think that there’s going to be a problem? Will he really tell you where Alyssa is?”
Noah nodded. “He wants me to keep coming back. He’ll tell me.”
“Why?” Keagan asked. “It’s not to try and be nice, is it? This isn’t his way of repenting? Because I don’t think you can ask any of us to forgive him.”
The sister had taken a dislike to Noah, Cassie realized.
“No,” Noah said. “Nathaniel isn’t interested in repenting or forgiveness. He likes being in control. This is all he has left. He gets to control me. Bring me back, year after year.”
“What will happen?” Joy asked.
Diana described the process. “We’ll meet at the prison tomorrow morning. You’ll be searched. No weapons, no cell phones, nothing. Just leave everything in your car. Someone will bring us to a viewing room where we’ll wait for Nathaniel. He’ll be escorted down by guards into an adjoining room. His hands will be latched to the table and his feet to the floor. The guards will verify that he’s secure before they let Noah speak to him. Four guards will stay in the room with Nathaniel at all times. Everyone in the observation room will be able to hear everything said in that room, but he’ll only speak to Noah.”
“What will he talk to you about before he gives you the location of my sister?” Keagan asked. “Does he want to know about your grades?”
Noah shook his head. “No. And you need to prepare yourself. Nathaniel is going to say horrible things. About your sister. About all of his victims. He’ll know you’re in the next room, but his main goal is to get to me. To talk about all the women I loved. He gets off on humiliating me. Only when he’s had his fill will he tell me where Alyssa was buried.”
“Why does he think that you loved my sister?” Keagan asked. “Wasn’t she just another woman you watched get brutalized and murdered?”
“Keagan,” her mother warned.
“No, it’s alright,” Noah said. He turned to Keagan. “He knows I loved her because she was wonderful to me. I won’t tell you what Nathaniel did to her. You’ll hear enough of that tomorrow, but your sister was very kind to me. She read to me. She played with me. She loved me. I know it’s
difficult to understand, but those of us down there were family.”
Keagan stared at Noah a long moment before nodding.
“You can step out of the room,” Noah told them. “Everything is being recorded and you won’t be allowed in with us. He won’t see you. He won’t talk to you. You’ll want to yell at him to shut up, and if you do, he will. And he won’t give us her location. I’m sorry. I wish there were an easier way, but this is what he wants.”
The McMillians all said that they were prepared for the worst. There was nothing Nathaniel could say or do to hurt Alyssa, or her memory. The worst thing he could do was not tell her where she was.
“I wanted to show you something,” Joy said. She went over to her bag and pulled out a large overflowing photo album. “I wanted you to see who Alyssa was before that man took her from us.”
Joy opened the book and showed Noah a picture of when her twin daughters were born. Slowly, she flipped each page, telling Noah a small detail about her daughter as each picture brought back a memory. Noah listened to each word, examined every picture and held Joy when she cried.
When they reached the end of the photo album, Joy closed it.
“Alyssa talked about all of you,” Noah told them. “She told me stories about how she and Keagan would try and fool people, so they didn’t know which one was who. You were the only one they could never fool.”
Joy smiled. “I always knew my girls. Even when they spent hours dressing alike and doing their hair and make-up the same. There was just something that let me know who was who.”
Noah shared a few more recollections about Alyssa, giving her family whatever peace he could. When they were done, Diana mentioned that they should all get some sleep. They would meet at the prison at nine in the morning.
As they left, Keagan stopped Noah.
“Why do you keep his name?” she asked. “Why not change it?”
“It was part of the deal,” Noah explained. “If I want to continue to get the locations, I have to keep his name. It’s his way of feeling like he still owns me.”
Just Breathe Page 15
