by Brown, Tara
I just put one foot in front of the other.
When the sun rises I am in the middle of nowhere. I walk and listen to the music of the birds. The sun is above me and hot. Spring isn’t like it was when I was little. It's warm and muggy now. I know I'm about halfway. Lost in the trail and thought I hear something I haven’t heard in a long time, a buzz. I follow the noise to a hive. It's small and only half built but it makes me hopeful. If the bees aren’t dead like I feared they would be, maybe there is hope. I haven’t seen a bee since before.
I look at the small hive. Humans could do that. We could rebuild. If we stopped trying to be on top, we could stand a chance. I watch the busy bees for a moment and turn back to the trail. It isn’t a real trail. It's just a direction I walked once before.
The sun sets, making me tired. I've walked nearly twenty-four hours. I climb a huge tree and lay against the trunk, in one of the high up branches. I close my eyes for a minute.
Flashes fill my head instantly.
My father is pushing me along the road. Cars and trucks fill the freeway. People sit in them still, but my dad doesn’t think we have enough time to get out. He has waited for this day his whole life.
"Em we need to get to high ground and we need to get away from these people." His fingers bite into my back, poking it.
"Dad maybe we should go back to granny's." My voice is small, compared to the noise from the masses.
"No. Run faster Em. We need to run." He is in front and dragging me up a grassy hill. My little legs hurt. He's made me workout and run since I can remember, but it's late and I'm tired.
I think a bad thought. It's a thought I will regret always. His erratic behavior forces the thought.
His hand squeezes mine.
I hear a cracking noise. My father's face fades.
I wake and look around but I see nothing. My eyes are blocked by something. I lift my head to realize I'm face down in a bushy branch. The smaller branch, I'm resting my weight on, is breaking. I struggle for a moment and pull myself up but the branch below me snaps loudly and falls. It hits every other branch on its way down. I cringe, as each noisy strike fills the air. The rustling of the bushes overtakes the night.
I pant loudly, waiting.
My heartbeat is throbbing throughout my body.
I have nowhere to go if anything has heard my noise. I stay perfectly still, willing my body to calm itself.
I can't believe how close I came to falling out of a tree. I never sleep in trees, I always choose underground, but tonight I have no choice. I have no plan. It's one of my rules to always have a plan. I feel naked without it.
I stay in the tree, resting my eyes and listening to the sounds of the night.
I climb down before the sun comes up. I never move much in the day. It's one of my rules but I have no choice. I'm limited for time.
I walk quickly, trying not to imagine the fever that has flushed his cheeks or the pain the leg is causing. His eyes unnerve me, even in my own mind.
I see the trees thinning. I am close. My stomach is a bundle of knots and nerves.
I walk as close as I can with my weapons. I grip them close to me as I have my last few seconds with them. I've only been here once and it scared the shit out of me.
I tremble and I put them in a hole under a tree. I stuff the bow to the very back of the hole and my knife. I shiver from the nakedness of being without them and I cover the hole with branches.
I walk away, breaking a branch with my hands every few steps. I leave the snapped ends hanging. It looks like a bear or another large creature has roamed the woods.
My father's craziness will live inside of me forever.
The first few steps from the woods feel like wading through the river. My legs ache, but the anxiety of being on an open road is making them feel like I'm wearing cement boots.
My breath increases. My peripheral vision becomes sharper. I see a leaf blowing down the concrete. I see an old brown stain and force my brain not to hear the ripping and tearing. It feels weird to walk on a road. It's been so long I can't remember the last time.
Just when my stomach can't hurt worse, I hear them.
They're a ways down the road but they holler at me. I know it's me they're shouting at.
My legs break into a run for the gates of the town, before I dare to glance at them. My muscles push and my bullet hole stings.
I run in a way I haven’t in a long time. No backpack to weigh me down, just a small sack in my hands. No heavy clothes what with the spring sun popping out. I wearing just a long sleeve t-shirt, cargo pants and my thick-soled boots I took from the dead. I'm faster than I remember being. It could be that I'm more scared than I remember being.
My arms pump as my legs dig. The ground is passing by me in a blur.
I see the guards. They won't protect me unless I reach the town. They'll watch the men tear my clothes from my body and rape me in the field out front.
The voices behind me are closing in on me. They're fast too. They run more than I do.
"Don't run baby. We'll make it worth your while."
I blast through the guard gate and drop to my knees inside the walls.
I hear a guard through the blood pounding inside my ears, "Halt."
I turn around to see four guards suddenly there. They stand in front of the gate with huge guns.
The five men, who have chased me, are bent over and breathing heavy. I see the smirk of one of the men as his eyes meet mine.
He points at me, "See you on the way out. Maybe we can give you an escort home."
Shivers travel my spine. His grin scares me.
He is seedy and dirty. His smile makes me want to gag. I move away from the contact of a hand gripping my arm suddenly. An older woman helps me stand, "I won't bite." She looks back at the man and gives him the middle finger. My dad called it the bird. "Not like them anyway."
She smiles at me. Her teeth are brown. She was probably poor before the world ended. The poor lived longer than any of the rich. They already knew how to survive.
I hate the smell of the town. I remember that now, as the different smells wash over me. Sewage being the more distinct one.
"What can we do for you dear?"
I glance at the old lady. I don’t trust her. No one should trust townies. I have to remind myself of the desperate situation I am in.
"I need medicine for blood poisoning."
She winces, "Are you injured?"
I shake my head, "Not for me."
"What kind of injury?"
I pause not wanting to talk to her, but I know I don’t have time to take any chances, "A stick went into his leg. I sewed it up but I think bark is in there still."
She nods, "I have just the thing." She pulls me along.
The town is a shantytown, made up of rundown houses and lean-tos. They would have been nice and pretty fancy before. Now the lean-tos almost seem nicer. The walls surrounding the town are made of sharpened poles like out of a medieval village. I see the smelly people peddling their wares to the pass-throughs and I feel like we have entered a dark age. I wish knights in armor were part of this nightmare.
I am permitted to sleep one night with a purchase. I feel excitement I can't explain at the idea of sleeping. My rest in the tree was terrible.
I am a pass-through. I may buy whatever I can carry. Buy is trade and I have very few things I can trade.
We enter a rundown house with stacks of papers and garbage inside. I can smell the garbage before I enter. The people who sell things raid old towns and landfills. It's funny that the world before made enough crap to last us even now.
She clears away a stack of plastic bags and other garbage from a long wooden counter. She lifts a white metal chest up and grins a brown smile at me.
"This is very special. It's from the city. It's what they use to treat the breeders. My son works there. He lets me have some, to help us here."
Her words both disgust and scare me.
I can'
t help but look around the room. I feel the ambush is upon me any second.
She laughs, "Kid don’t be a fool. He was taken there. He doesn’t work there because of the special perks." I gag at the way she says perks and raises her eyebrows.
"He's a doctor. All the doctors were taken."
I don’t feel better at the thought. I feel myself panicking at the idea of the breeder farms.
"Girl you're going to have to wow me, for me to give you some of this."
I pull out the big guns on the first try. I would try to bargain but I'm in a hurry to get some sleep. I have to sneak out of the town in the middle of the night. The wolves at the gates have changed my initial plan.
I pass the small blue bottle to her. Her eyes light up instantly.
"Is it still sealed?"
I nod. She snatches it and kisses the bottle. I feel my nose scrunch up.
She eyeballs me with her crazy eyes, "How did you get this?"
"My father had a health food store. He left me a couple bottles. This is the last one." I hate that I've given it to her. It's not really my last one but it's still priceless.
She pushes three vials at me from the white chest and points to the door, "Leave and tell no one what I've sold you."
I nod, "Likewise."
She hands me the slip I need to get a nights sleep at the Inn.
I leave feeling her eyes on me, but when I look back she is hugging the bottle of pure tea tree oil like a nut. Her messy long white hair makes her look like the evil queen from snow white, hugging the poisoned apple.
I walk out into the broken concrete street and look around. I see the Inn in the far corner of the shops. I keep my eyes low to the ground as I cross.
"Bread miss? Eggs?"
I look at a young man pointing to a house. I shake my head. I don't eat anything that comes from other people. Especially not townies. The sanitation here is far below the standards we had as a civilization. I had heard rumors of a new plague the last time I had come through.
I enter the Inn and look around. A woman with bright red hair eyes me up and down. I pass her the slip of paper. Her face brightens up.
"Good to have patrons this early in the spring."
I look around, "How safe is the town?"
She shrugs, "Depends. A sweet piece of virgin ass like you is going to have troubles no matter where you go."
I frown, "Thanks."
She croaks a laugh, "Precious you are risking a fuck of a lot coming here. The hunters are looking for breeders like you. Clean virgins."
I pass her a diamond ring from my pocket.
Her dark brown eyes light up, "Luckily, a lady like me runs this Inn. You'll be safe."
I smile bitterly, "Wait until you see the ring you get when I leave here in one piece. Virginity intact."
She raises an eyebrow at me, "I'm starting to think maybe you're not too virginal. Most girls who look like you are slightly more fun to mess with."
I shrug, "I aim to please." I've read the line in a book once and always wanted to use it.
She croaks again and turns away from me.
"I'd sneak out in the night if I were you. The things that circle the town have what they want by sundown." She turns back to me and grins a bright white smile, "Like I said, the girls that look like you are more fun."
I meet her smile, "I'm fun. Just not in a way anyone appreciates."
I climb the stairs, trying not to let my exhaustion be too obvious.
Chapter Eight
A hand slips over my mouth. I instantly think of the germs. I squeeze my lips together.
"Don't move princess. They've come for you. Those fuckers sold you out to the breeders. Or it was that old bitch. You should know better than to trade with the first person who talks to you. You bush people are stupid." Her bright white smile flashes in the darkness, "Don't look so scared, I have a way out."
I nod. She pulls her hand from my face and puts it out in front of me. I slip my hand into my sports bra and pull out a massive ruby ring. I took it off a dead woman in a pile of rubble. It's gorgeous. It sparkles, even in the muted moonlight filtering in through the thin curtains.
She turns her back on me and walks to the closet.
She opens the door. I follow her. I'm holding my sack close to my chest. She pulls the rod for hanging clothes in the closet, making the wall pop out. She pushes it inside and walks into the wall.
She enters the darkness. I put my hands out. I hear voices coming to the room. I close the wall behind me, shutting them out and me in.
I feel her hand grip mine suddenly. I want to scream but I don’t. My pulse is vibrating throughout my body.
Words are whispered into the darkness. "Stairs." I put my feet down to the next level slowly.
I hear men's voices above me, "What the fuck is this?" They sound like they're right on top of me.
"She was here."
I hear the old woman's voice. I feel cheated and betrayed. For trade she would sell me out. Sell me out to the farms. I know humanity is a disgusting disappointment, but I still have a hard time imagining a woman turning another woman into the farms.
"She was here please. Let him just come home for a few days."
I continue down the stairs, feeling for each step with my toes. It feels like an eternity has passed by the time I reach the bottom. The voices are gone. Replacing them is a dripping sound and dank cold air. The kind that can only be found underground.
I look into the darkness, "This was your house wasn’t it?" I whisper.
"You guessed it kid. My husband had this installed when we built the house. He worked for the CIA."
I feel her hand grip mine again and pull me, "The ground is flat. We have to hurry."
I am stunned, no one knows about her underground bunker. Not as stunned as I am that she is helping me.
"You could have sold me to them."
I feel her grip my fingers. Her voice has changed. "They have no right. No right to do what they're doing." I feel her fingers on my shoulders biting into them. She shakes me, "You must hurry. Don't come back here. The girls all get taken. The hunters are dressed up as traders but they're not. Run. Feel your fingers along the wall until you see light in the ceiling. Climb up there. It’s a latch. I have to get back."
She is gone before I can even thank her. I am alone in the dark.
The fear is crippling me. I reach a trembling hand out into the darkness. Cold hard stone meets me somewhere in the black. I run my fingers along it, running as best as I can.
I'm scared. I hate being scared. I decide I need a rule about being scared and doing things that make me scared.
I see the ring of light up ahead. It casts a dull beam in the shape of a circle on the floor. The morning sun is rising. I've slept later than I thought I would have. I should have been halfway home by the time the sun came up.
I feel like I'm stepping into a magical light, like in the movies I watched with my granny. The dark of the bunker is held at bay by the tiny ring of light. Dust sparkles inside of the ring.
I reach my trembling fingers through it, making the dust dance in the light.
I look up at the ring of light. I put my hand out at the small ladder I can just see. I climb until my head is at the wooden hatch. I listen to the silence. Nothing makes a sound. I don’t want to open the hatch. I want to hide in the dark of the bunker and never come out.
I hear a whisper on the wind. It's a sound I would know anywhere. It isn’t close to my location, but it hurts me just the same. It could be me.
I take a breath and put my hand on the bottom of the hatch. I try to calm the shakes, but I can't. I push on the hatch. Light floods the small space even though the crack is tiny. My eyes adjust to the bright morning light. The sun hasn’t completely risen, just as the moon hasn’t fully set. It is dawn.
I see greenery everywhere around the hatch. Moss and brush surround me. I don’t see anything but the sounds of the screams have filled up the air. The animals make
no noises, as the people have taken over the space with their screams again.
"Puuleeease. Please. Stop please. I have money. I have riches."
Her voice scares me. The desperation frightens me. I have never been that desperate but I know I have it in me.
"Please sir, please. Don't you have a sister or a wife that you would want kept safe. Please. I'll let you do whatever you want please just don’t take me. Don't take me back there. I will die in there. Please."
I want to rock back and forth on the ground. I wish they would just kill her so she will shut up.
I'm frozen. I don’t leave my bunker but I don’t close the lid either. I don’t move.
I know I'm in danger. I take a deep breath. I think about Leo and Jake. I think of poor Anna alone and taking care of Jake. I feel bravery, or stupidity, for the smallest of seconds. I pull myself out of the bunker and slide along the moss and brush. I make very little noise but every movement or rustle feels as loud as a gunshot. I creep along the ground on my hands and feet like Leo does. I move away from the town. I don’t know where I am but I'm scared.
I get to a crowded bunch of trees and bushes and decide I need to risk it and stand. I need my bearings. I take another deep breath and slide my body up along side a tree. I try to blend in. Hoards of people have gathered in the street in front of the town. I can see the field and the cement road. I'm on the right side.
Women and girls are being loaded into trucks. They sob and reach for their loved ones. One girl looks about thirteen. I feel anger welling inside of me. There are the four guards from the gates and five other men milling around the trucks. The tenth man is inside the cab of the truck.
My brain is screaming at me to help the girl. She's a kid. That won't stop them. The sweaty men who take turns. I close my eyes. I shake my head, to rearrange my thoughts.
I turn my back on them. I run away, like the coward I am. I run until I find the broken branches. I use them to lead myself back to my weapon stash. I breathe easier when my bow is back in my hands. I could kiss my knife. I tuck it into my boots and start the run back to the house. I run faster than I did the day before. I run with new fear.
