by Brown, Tara
He shakes his head. "Emma you went for food after you went for medicine to save me. None of this is your fault. We'll get her back." He looks at Will and smiles. It amazes me how much they look alike.
"I can't believe you're alive man."
Will ruffles his hair again, "You too little bro. You should have died a long time ago with your survival skills."
Jake blushes and laughs, "Anna."
"We need to get her back Jakey."
He nods.
I can't laugh with them. I can't pretend that everything is warm and fuzzy.
I shove him. "So how did you end up here? Why didn’t you stay at the farmhouse in the barn bunker?"
"I tried to go after them. I went over the hill and broke the branches like you told me. I knew you'd find me." He shakes his head at Will. "She's like a fucking terminator."
Will laughs, "I know."
Jake fixes his hair, "Anyway I came here yesterday. They all know you Will."
Will shrugs, "I made friends at camp, just like I always did Jakey."
I hate the way he calls him Jakey. I hate him in a horrid way. I wish he was at the breeder camp and Anna was with us. Him and his girlfriend in the shorts.
They have their mini reunion. I turn away and walk to the nearest small tent. I look in the flap. A younger looking guy is asleep inside. Half his face is burned.
I walk from one small tent to the next, until I find one with a barrel-chested man with red hair holding a pen and looking at a map that’s spread across a table, "Are you Marshall?"
He nods, but looks suspiciously at me.
"I need to know where the closest breeder camp is."
He chuckles, "Little girl you aren’t thinking about volunteering are you? The food's not that bad here."
I don’t laugh I look at the map. I don’t know how to read maps. I add it to the list of things he should have taught me, before.
He stops laughing and raises his eyebrows, "Why?"
"My friend was taken. I need her back."
He starts laughing again, "What do you plan on doing?"
I look up into his older gray eyes and his bright red beard and stare him down, "I'm going to get her back."
He scratches the back of his fuzzy red head, "Look kid I get you're upset but there is no getting them back. They go in and nine years later they get a nice house in the city. It's not a bad gig. They get healthy food and a place to sleep. Your life here is harder."
I feel my face change.
He puts his hands up defensively, "Look we have bigger fish to fry than worry about one girl at a breeder farm."
He turns his back on me and looks at the wall of the tent where other maps are hung. I feel my fingers twitch. I want to pull an arrow.
I leave the tent disheartened and lost.
"Emma where did you go?"
I look up at Will and Jake walking toward me.
I scrunch up my face and walk away from them both. I don’t know how to be dramatic. I feel the need burning inside of me, but I don’t physically know how to get angry without using my hands.
I walk to a group of ladies who are standing around a fire.
I smile sweetly and look at the one who looks the most like my mother did, "Hi."
She raises her eyebrows and the corners of her mouth at the same time, "Hi sweetie."
The rebellion people are nice.
"Do you know where the nearest breeder camp is?"
She frowns, "Yeah." She looks over at a dark strawberry blonde who has a scar along her mouth, "Beth where was that camp that you all saw not far from here?"
"South east, over two small mountains and a ghost town. Used to be a place called Lincoln there. Stay on the outskirts of that place."
I nod, "Thanks so much."
"You aren’t trying to go there?"
I shake my head, "No way. Just wanted to know where my friend went. Her nine years is almost up."
The lady with the scar laughs bitterly, "Honey she aint coming back out here to shit in a ditch. She'll get herself a nice place in the city. I hear they even got air conditioning again."
A lady with a t-shirt with a big tongue on it laughs, "Oh girl, what I would do for air conditioning."
They all laugh and it makes me grin. I walk away from them and go back to the small tent.
The man looks less than pleased I am there.
"Really, you're back again. Look kid I'm not sending a bunch of men to their death over some girl."
I smirk, "I'm not asking you for a thing. I just want to see the map."
He holds him arm out at the one on the table, "Have at it."
I look at the compass on the map.
"Where are we?"
He drops a fat finger onto the map next to a blue line.
I drag my finger southeast to the place that says Lincoln. I look up at him, "Which way is south east from here?"
He points to the back of the tent where the other maps are. He's blocking my view of them purposely.
I nod, "thanks." I walk in the direction he's told me.
My quiver isn't very full. Normally I make arrows once a month but I haven’t had a chance in the last month.
Nothing has been the way it would have been back at the cabin. I think about the moment I stood at the door as Anna knocked outside of it. I remember the regret.
I see Will and Jake. I walk faster. I don’t know what to say, but running away from them seems like a pretty good idea. Jake still limps from the branch, but they move quickly.
"Em wait up." Jake's voice picks at me.
I want to be alone. It figures the only boys I've ever liked have to be brothers. My mom would have been proud. She too had a thing for brothers.
Fingers bite my arm and spin me around.
Will towers over me, "What are you doing?" He looks annoyed.
I pull my arm from him, "I'm going to find her." I look at Jake, "Stay here and get better. That leg wound isn’t going to heal with you traipsing all over hell's half acre."
He looks hurt.
Will grabs my arm again, "Em we aren’t going to let you run off half cocked. We need a plan."
I feel angry, maybe because I like them both and maybe because they're not running after her, like I expected they would.
I glare at Jake, "When you fell in that hole she did the bravest thing I have ever seen anyone do. She told me that she didn’t care if I shot her but I had to come find you."
He shakes his head, "We need a plan."
I point south, "There's probably a three day hike, we can plan on the way."
Will's grip on my arm tightens, "We will be down a mountain and in the woods alone with no resources when we find her. What plan can you come up with there?"
I shake my head again. "I've made it this far without anyone." I pull my arm free and take a step back, "I don’t need either of you."
I feel something in my stomach. I should have grabbed food. I start my hike. I realize I not only have no plan but that I'm starving.
I hear their footsteps behind me.
"She's really stubborn." Jake tries to whispers but I hear him.
"I did notice that. How's the leg?"
I make a face but don’t look back at them.
"Good. She did surgery on it. I don’t think I'll ever win the Boston Marathon if it comes back in style."
Will snorts. I want to laugh but I'm pissed off.
"Anna been a handful?"
Jake laughs, "Oh my god. The year she started the road to womanhood was the beginning of the end. Oh my god it was bad."
I feel my face flush with heat. I remember getting my first menstruation and cringe. I had thought I was dying for a few days. I read granny's encyclopedia to health and found the answers I'd been seeking. I made rags and stayed indoors. I rubbed the clary sage oil on my stomach for the cramping like the book said and put warm compresses on my belly.
It was the first thing I added to the list of things he should have told me about. Being twelve and alone in
the forest was daunting. Bleeding every month for no reason was much worse.
I realize how far ahead of them I am when I come out of my daydream and can't hear them. I look back. They are laughing and walking like it's a stroll in the park. I glance up in the trees to see the guards placed strategically. I know we are still safe from the others but I can't imagine laughing and joking and catching up the way they are.
I walk faster. I miss the silence and uncomplicated days of traveling with Leo. He would hunt and we would touch each other every now and again but neither of us needed to make a sound.
I look back at Jake again and notice the way he lumbers through the woods. I sigh.
The bottom of the mountain leads to a valley. I climb a tree and sit up in it.
"What do you see?"
"A highway. There are cars on it, they're burned."
It frightens me. Scavengers are always nearest to the old remains. I stay away from the remains.
"Do you see movement?"
I shake my head but narrow my eyes to improve my vision. The sick have a way of not moving when you need them to. The sun is going down. I want to cross the highway and be halfway up the next mountain before it's completely dark.
I climb down the tree and try not to look at either of the hulking men standing next to me.
I pull an arrow and crouch low to the ground. I shut my mind off. I try to not think when I'm scared shitless.
I can hear Jake behind me walking, no doubt completely upright and picking his teeth with a piece of grass. If he starts humming I decide to shoot him myself. The grass on the side of the highways is long. As I slip through it the wind plays with it, making it whisper. The birds are not the kind who warn you of prey, they're scavengers. They want you to die.
The long grass sways and plays with my hair.
My heart is beating faster when my foot touches the gravel on the side of the highway.
I look back at Will. He nods. Jake's lips curl into a smile. I can't help but want to smile with him. I see myself back at the cabin for the briefest of seconds. Images of he and I laying on the couches fill my mind. I smile remembering the way we tried not to get caught staring at each other.
My mind snaps back.
I close my eyes and listen to the wind. There is no sound. I climb out of the huge ditch and walk quickly and silently up onto the broken asphalt. It's started to crack from the weather and lack of care. Where my foot steps first it crumbles. My eyes scan every inch of the deserted highway. Burned out cars, sit staggered along the long straight road. The people caught in the traffic jams when the tidal waves were coming or the bombs were dropping to contain the sick. They fled from their vehicles. They left everything and ran. I remember running. My father had waited too long in his friend's bunker. It was the only mistake he ever made.
I shake my head back to focusing. I slip between an old burnt SUV and the skeleton of a small car. The hood of the car is lifted and the battery is gone. Not uncommon.
"Which way?" Jake asks louder than I would like.
"Shhhhh." Will whispers soothingly.
The gravel on the other side is a welcome sight. When my feet touch the grass I break into a run. The bushes hit me in the face when I enter the forest. I run until I see the tree I want. I climb it and sit with my arrow pulled and at the ready. I scan the highway and the ditch vigorously.
Jake is huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf below my tree, "Oh man you can run. Holy shit. I thought your leg was hurt. Whoa."
"Jake." Will is back to being Business Will. There is no fun with him, only survival.
I don’t take my eyes from the road. Nothing moves.
I am about to climb down but I wait one more second. I see the bushes across the highway move. I pull the arrow back tighter.
It looks like an animal. I can't see it clearly.
"I see something." My voice is low.
"What?"
I shake my head, "Animal. Dog maybe."
"Shit."
I look down through the thick branches at Will's look and raise and eyebrow.
"Trackers."
He doesn’t finish the sentence and my eyes are scanning across the highway again. The animal is gone. Nothing moves. I climb down fast and turn to face the dense woods, "That way."
Jake looks pained, "Seriously. We're going to run some more?"
I look at him and nod, "Think about what it's like for Anna right now. She's terrified. She thinks the breeder camps are what we all think. She is waiting for her turn no doubt."
He flinches, "Jesus Em. Easy with the visuals. She's my little sister for Christ's sake. I'm not bitching. My leg is just killing me."
I glare, "Is it bleeding?"
He shakes his head and looks down at his pants, "No but it hurts."
"Climb the tree and wait for us." I hand him the water bottle from my belt.
He shakes his head and looks at Will who is stoic.
"Will I'm not staying."
Will licks his lips and thinks for a second, "You can't hold us up."
Jake rolls his eyes and sighs, "Let's just go." He points into the woods.
I hold the water bottle out for one more second but he doesn’t take me up on the offer.
I turn and start to run. My leg is sore and my stomach is empty. In my haste I never stocked up. Anna has been hard on my rules.
When the sun is setting, we are where I want to be. Jake hasn’t complained and Will is starting a small fire. I take my bow and find a nice quiet spot to sit and wait for something to make a sound.
The silence of the woods is alarming. I've never been in the woods here. I'm exhausted but I focus.
I hear the crunch of a stick. I raise my arrow in the direction I heard it. A large hare hops over a branch and sniffs the wind. It's ears twitch. It smells me. I release the arrow anticipating the hop it does. The arrow slices through the neck of the rabbit. It tries to move for a second and stops. I wish this isn’t my life for the seconds it takes me to retrieve my arrow. I gut the hare where I killed it. I never bring it back with all its guts. Leaving guts outside the cabin proved to be a mistake. I skin it quickly with the skinning knife my granny had always kept in the cabin. I leave the animal's remains and carry the carcass back to the fire.
I hear the cracking of the wood when I get close.
Will is standing over the fire and Jake is sitting on a log next to him.
"So is there something between you two?" Will asks but doesn’t move his face.
Jake shrugs, "I don't know. She's a tough one to get to know. We kissed. It was a mistake."
Will looks at him and smiles, "I hear that. You remember the Laura Croft movies where Angelina Jolie was all hot and quiet but would kill anything that moved?"
Jake laughs and points, "Yes. Exactly. Jesus, give her some pouty lips and bam, Laura Croft."
I feel my insides trembling. I don’t remember the movies they're talking about. I can't help but want to cry.
Will laughs and shakes his head, "But what a bitch though hey."
I grab a rock from where I'm standing and toss it back a few yards. They can't see me if I crouch down.
"She's back. Manners." Will speaks low and starts poking the fire. I stand and walk from the bushes. I just want to throw the stupid hare down and leave them there, but my stomach is growling. I am exhausted. I will stay as long as it takes to eat and then I'm sleeping in a tree. Maybe if I'm lucky I will fall in my sleep and wake up in heaven.
Will holds out a small sack, "I have some potatoes from the camp and tinfoil."
I nod, "Okay." I feel awkward. Kissing them both was obviously bad, but having them call me a bitch after they kissed me is awful. Having Jake say it was a mistake is killing me. I can't look in his eyes. I walk around him and find a good stick to make a spit with.
I search the ground around the fire until I find a good branch. I strip the small branches and leaves from it. I smirk and I shove the stick into the open neck. I am imagining it'
s one of them.
"You're a scary little thing."
I frown at Jake who is watching me get the hare on the spit.
"It's a compliment."
I don’t stop frowning. It doesn’t feel like a compliment. Even if it was it wouldn’t stop the pain of the kiss being a mistake.
I build a spit with rocks and branches and twine from my backpack. Will has sliced the potatoes and laid them in the tinfoil. He places them high on a rock with a flat surface in the fires circle of rocks.
Will glances at me, "So what's the plan?"
"Get captured and free us both."
He laughs.
"I can do it."
He shakes his head, "I know you can it's just funny that’s all. You're willing to sacrifice yourself to save my sister?"
"She's the first person I've met that I liked. Genuinely." It's a dig at them both. Fuck them.
He raises his eyebrows, "Fair enough." He looks hurt. The image of the girl in the short shorts doesn’t leave my mind easily.
Jake looks hurt, "What am I chopped liver?"
I smile, my granny used to say that if I hugged my grampy first. I hate that I'm smiling. I hate that he makes me smile so easily.
He grins at me and I remember his hands on me. I can't stop staring at his lips. It makes me feel sick.
Will clears his throat, "So how will you get captured?"
I shrug, "Just act lost near the area." I glance at Jake who is still staring at me. His grin hasn’t left his face. I dig my stick in the dirt and draw a circle. I hit a rock and dirt goes flying up at Jake on his stump.
I laugh. He wipes his face clean, "Thanks."
Will laughs, "Stop being a baby."
Jake shakes the dirt out of his hair, "You did that on purpose."
I put my hands up with the stick in them, "I didn’t, I swear." I wish I had.
"I don’t think you should go in there, Em."
I dig the stick again, "I have to." I don’t say that I led them straight to her. I don’t say that it's all my fault. I don’t have to. We all know it's true.
Will turns the hare on the spit slowly. The smells are starting to make my stomach make noises I haven’t heard since before I found the cabin.
Will looks around, "When you get captured you need a way out." He gets up from the fire and mutters, "Jake turn the hare." He goes to a tree and rips off a branch. He sits next to me on the log. The warmth of his body touching mine sets my nerves on fire. I swear there is electricity where our arms and legs touch.
