Since Deshi was Kin and Emily Human, he had no vote in the choices she made.
Haley squeezed his arm. “I’m sorry. I don’t know...I don’t know how…” Man, today had just turned out shitty. Wait, this was a new day, wasn’t it? Hopefully, this wasn’t a warning of things to come.
Haley brushed the hair out of Deshi’s eyes. He used to wear it long, all-the-way -down-his-back kind of long. Just like his Nevus – Emily made him cut off his hair.
“Come to bed, Deshi.” He resisted when she pulled on his arm.“Deshi, you need comfort. Come to bed.” When Haley tried to catch his eyes, he looked away. “What is it?”
Haley took his chin and made him look at her. His color was good, his eyes solid. He gave off no feeling of starvation or need. He was sated. Someone had been feeding him, and it sure as hell wasn’t her or Farley.
Deshi’s eyes widened. “This was a mistake. I need to go.” Haley put a hand on his shoulder.
“If Emily’s pregnant, it means you didn’t bond with her?” And yet he was getting fed somehow. “Deshi, who’s feeding you?”
A darkness passed behind his baby blues, and the air became saturated by the flavor of shame.
“Deshi?” He shook his head. “This is about more than Emily being pregnant, isn’t it?” Oh, yeah. Way more. Bad things were going on. Getting rid of the baby had just put the Prince on her doorstep. “Tell me.”
“Please, I can’t…” He tried to pull away, but she caught his face and held him. “Haley, I don’t want to.” But Males didn’t say no to a Female. Which was one of the reasons why Emily had such control over him. The other was still an unknown. Deshi called it love, but Haley had a hard time believing something supposed to be a good thing was capable of making a person endure such pain. His eyes shimmered, but no tears fell. “Please don’t make me.”
Making him tell her was exactly what Haley’s Female instincts demanded that she do. But then, of course, her Human-instilled ethics got in the way and gave a quick beat down.
Haley let Deshi go and walked around the wetbar. The counter was a mess from Farley making dinner, and he’d left the milk out. She busied herself with cleaning it up while Deshi sat on the stool looking broken. He looked that way a lot after marrying Emily. It was like all the life was being sucked out of his metaphysically perfect body.
Farley appeared in the bedroom doorway. He knuckled his still closed eyes and opened his mouth in a massive yawn. His lips drew back, and his fangs extended as his jaw cracked. “Who’s here?”
Deshi said, “Just me.”
“Long time no see.” Farley smiled, but it wilted when no one smiled back. “Everything okay?” The “Did he eat her?” went unsaid.
Deshi sighed. “Emily’s fine. She’s pregnant.”
Farley’s eyes went wide. He glided into the kitchen area. Even half asleep he moved in a beautiful liquid way which was Kin. And when he was awake, it was breathtaking. Haley couldn’t move that way no matter how hard she tried. It always made her a little jealous.
All right, a lot jealous.
“You two are okay then?” Farley tossed a look back and forth between Haley and Deshi. “So you’re not okay.” He leaned into the Prince and scented him. “You’re fed?” He touched Deshi’s hair, brushed his cheek, leaned in to taste his skin. Deshi jumped, practically throwing himself off the stool and running into the wall behind him. “Whoa...” Farley stepped back holding his hands up.
Deshi’s chest went up and down in panic while his eyes flicked around the room. “I’m sorry, I really should go--”
“Sit.” Haley’s pointed to the bar stool, and her Female instincts roared in triumph. “Now you can tell me nothing’s wrong all you want, but there is something wrong.”
Deshi looked at Farley, but then averted his eyes. And Haley didn’t miss his expression. Pinched. Uneasy.
Like he was…embarrassed?
Haley gave Farley the once-over. The scar on his shoulder was the only thing to mar his perfect body. Although his build was conservative, it was no less a thing of beauty. Every muscle carved and placed with perfection under lightly tanned skin. Unlike a lot of Kin, he had a belly button.
Farley made a face. “Deshi, why do you keep looking at me like you’ve never seen me naked before? In fact you’re looking at me like I’ve never seen you naked before. Or better yet like you’ve gone all taboo or something.” He shot a stare at Haley. “What the hell did Emily give him – a brain transplant?”
Deshi looked like his worst secret was out. Haley moved closer to him, and he stiffened. She extended a hand and brushed the sleeve of his overcoat. Normally he shed it and laid it on the couch when he came inside.
Haley swept her hands across his mid-section, barely caressing the fabric of his Italian-labeled button-up. Underneath his clothes his muscles jumped like live wires. Haley tugged at his shirttail and freed it from his pants. When she looked at him, his eyes were wide and…terrified. Deshi smelled like food.
The Prince of Jersey City didn’t stop her when she pushed up the hem of his shirt. A dark pink scar peaked over his belt near his hip where his Nevus used to be. Haley missed his mark. It had been a lovely white thing which made her think of the wind. She pushed the shirt higher, and Deshi’s face squished up.
Faded bruises dotted his ribs. They were nothing really. Except on people who healed minor wounds in seconds, the bruises meant the injuries had been extensive. Farley joined her and tugged at Deshi’s overcoat. He didn’t fight when Farley pulled it from his shoulders, peeled it from his arms, and dropped it to the floor. Haley leaned in closer, drawing the Prince’s scent across her palate. There was something there she couldn’t identify, but it tasted terrible.
Farley growled, and Deshi whimpered. It was sound he never made. Farley tugged Deshi’s belt loose, and tears slid down the Prince’s cheeks. Haley put a hand on Farley’s to stop him. His eyes went up. Another whimper escaped Deshi’s pinched lips, and he dropped his head. Something bad had happened to him and was still happening.
Haley shushed Deshi and stroked his arm.
“We’ll stop,” Haley said. Farley raised his eye brows. “We will stop.” She looked him dead in the eye. Farley made an unhappy sound but backed away. “It’s okay, Deshi. I won’t make you.”
The Jersey City Prince shuddered, then all at once crumpled to the floor. He rolled forward hiding his face in his arms, while his entire body shook. “I know you won’t. You never make me. You never hurt me. That’s why I came here. I’m safe. I’m safe…” His hands locked on Haley’s ankles, and he pressed his face against her legs. His tears were hot on her skin. “Oh, Haley, she’s going to kill me.”
Was he talking about Emily?
Deshi’s large hands came up, and he pulled at his shirt. The little buttons made unhappy popping noises as he forced it over his head. His back was covered in a crisscross of bruises.
The wounds had been deep. Really deep.
“Who did this to you?”
It took more than Human strength to do this kind of damage.
Deshi shook his head. “It’s not his fault. He just does what he’s told.”
“That doesn’t answer my question, Deshi. I want to know who has been beating you hard enough to leave bruises hours old, and why?” Beating, hell – punching holes was more like it.
The Jersey City Prince picked up her hand. “If I tell you, promise me you won’t kill Emily.”
Haley didn’t want to kill anyone. The fact the Prince was asking her not to meant she was going to be mad. Really mad.
“Deshi--”
“Promise me!” His grip tightened. “Please…”
“I promise.”
He looked at Farley. “You too. You promise me.”
Farley growled. “I’m not promising anything. If Emily fucked you up like that…”
Deshi wailed and pushed his face back against Haley’s legs. She looked at Farley. His gold eyes flickered with red.
Haley said,
“Promise him.”
“Fuck no.”
“Farley!” Haley glared, and he did the same right back.
Farley made a face. “Fine.”
Deshi said, “Say you promise not to hurt Emily. Say it, so I know you mean it.”
Muscles jumped in Farley’s jaw. His hands clenched and his knuckles popped. “I promise not to kill Emily.”
Deshi’s shoulders sagged. He pulled himself upright and leaned against the back of the sofa. His lip was bleeding from where he’d bitten himself.
This is what a fallen angel looks like. So much agony and beauty in a single moment.
“Emily…” The Jersey City Prince’s breath shuddered out. “That night, when she saw Farley feed me…she changed.” He shook his head, ran a hand through his hair, and looked impossibly more broken than before. “I thought…I thought at first maybe she understood.”
Haley kneeled down so Deshi wouldn’t have to look up at her. It wasn’t right to make a Queen’s Son take such a submissive position, Male or not. Farley followed suit, but he stayed out of touching distance.
Deshi said, “Emily started asking me a lot of questions about…feeding. What it was like, why I hadn’t told her…that sort of thing.”
“Why didn’t you tell her?” Farley asked.
Deshi shrugged. “I didn’t want to scare her. And she wouldn’t have understood. I would have been more of a monster to her than I already am.” Haley petted his arm. He didn’t flinch so she didn’t stop. “Emily asked me if I was gay.”
Farley gave a snort. Haley could tell by his expression he was thinking the same thing she was. Humans were always trying to fit Kin into the boundaries of their culture. There was no such thing as sexual preference in Kin. It just didn’t exist. There was only the dominance scale, and rank dictated what they were. Food, sex, or both.
Unless, of course, there was a Female involved. They always took top position.
“Did you explain to her why sexuality doesn’t apply to you?” Haley was pretty sure she already knew the answer.
“I tried, but it didn’t do any good.” He rubbed his face. “I asked her again if she would Link with me.” And it was obvious her answer had been a big hell no. “I came home about a week later, and she was very excited. Happy. Emily said she had a gift for me. She said since I needed to feed, she wanted to help. I followed her to our bedroom…” Deshi clinched his eyes shut. “God of Man, I’ve never been so humiliated.”
“What happened?” Haley slid closer and brushed her fingers through his hair.
Deshi sighed. “Emily said she’d found this group on the internet. They provide services.” And the Prince said “services” like it was a dirty word. Haley had a feeling, for him, that’s exactly what it was. “Half-breeds. They provide half-breeds to feed Kin.” He shuddered. “He had a handler…Like he was a dog or something. The Human even made him wear a collar. God of Man, Haley, he couldn’t even speak.”
But Half-breeds were sometimes more animal than anything else. Queens were selective for a very good reason.
Deshi sighed. “I went along with it. The first time wasn’t so bad when he fed me.”
“Then what happened?”
“They came back, the Human and his half-breed. Two days later when I came home, Emily was in the same giddy mood. She wanted to watch me feed again. But this time…this time I had to let the half-breed feed from me.” And there it was. If there was a taboo among Kin, this was it. Half-breeds did not feed from Kin. They were considered an abnormality, equal to animals. And on top of that, Deshi wasn’t just any Kin, he was a Prince to the Queen of Jersey City. Farley’s eyes went wide.
“But that’s not all of it, is it, Deshi?” Haley made it a statement. The Male shook his head. “Tell me.”
He took a breath and told her how he’d been reduced to feeding a half-breed, reduced to being a punching bag, then forced to let the Male dominate him. Emily would watch while the Male cracked his bones and tore chunks of flesh from his body.
Mutilated him. Broke him.
Only when he was destroyed was she satisfied. Then Emily would instruct the half-breed to feed him.
“Last night I came home, and it was…terrible.”
It was all terrible. Haley had a hard time imagining how much worse last night had been.
“I’m not healing like I used to.” Deshi touched his arms and then his torso. “Last night I thought I was going to die.” Farley moved closer and pressed his head against Deshi’s shin. The Jersey City Prince stared at him for a long moment before he finally put a hand on Farley’s shoulder. “I told Emily I couldn’t play her game anymore. That…that what she was making me do wasn’t acceptable. I tried to tell her it was like a Human taboo, that half-breeds are animals, that feeding him was wrong...I told her I should have been his dominant, but she was…the things she…” Deshi bit off his words. “She screamed at me. She told me she was trying to fulfill my needs, that I should be grateful, that if I loved her…”
Yeah, that sounded like Emily all right. Haley sighed.
Deshi’s baby blues came up. “Last night, I told her I couldn’t do it anymore, and we had to find another way. I even suggested letting Farley come over. If watching me feed on or be fed on by another Male was what she wanted…”
Farley pulled himself up and tucked his shoulder against Deshi’s ribs. “I’ll do it for you. I hate her, but if it would make things easier for you, I’ll do it. Whatever you need. Just tell me.”
Deshi stroked Farley’s head and back. “I know.”
“But she didn’t want Farley to feed you,” Haley said. Deshi shook his head.
Of course not. What Emily wanted wasn’t about meeting Deshi’s needs. It was about punishing him.
Deshi clenched his eyes shut as Haley pulled him to her. Because the Jersey City Prince was so much taller, he almost had to lie on his side to put his face in her neck.
And for a very long time Haley and Farley held him because there was nothing else they could do.
Chapter 7
Orin stood under the blistering spray of water shooting out of the old brass showerhead. He’d been standing there for at least an hour, and if it wasn’t for the godsend of hot water on demand, he would have run out a long time ago.
He should have been washing, scrubbing. The high velocity spray was doing an effective job of scraping the blood and body fluids from the creases of his skin, but it couldn’t wash the things he done from his mind.
Lucky for Orin, the two men had been nothing but professional. The first ten minutes had been all stop and start and flinching if they got to close. In spite of the roar in his chest, pounding pain of his teeth, and the heartbeat between his legs, he almost made them leave.
But dealing with Kin who didn’t want to be what they were, was part of their job. The blonde had serviced Orin before, and Orin, in his desperation, let him try the old standby of breaking past his usual inhibitions. No touching required, which was great. Just breathing. An exchange of scents…
And as soon as the Lesser-Bred’s taste hit Orin’s palate, all his cultured humanness went on hiatus and the thing he tried so hard not to be took over.
Hating himself didn’t change the fact his biology had been sated and he felt good. Or at least better than he’d been feeling for the past few weeks.
But what he needed-craved-wanted was his own.
Beast.
Orin found the green and white bar of Irish Spring, and he scrubbed it against his skin until he left ugly red welts. From head to toe he hurt himself, assaulting his body because he was powerless to control the metaphysical biology binding him together. Orin lost count of the times he repeated the process, but he eventually rinsed and shut the water off.
Feeling renewed and abhorring the sensation, Orin dragged a towel over his limbs and torso and forced himself to get dressed. By the time he had his shoes on, he decided he didn’t want Mary to come here tonight. The sins of what he’d done permeated the air,
and no amount of Febreeze was going to kill it.
He dialed her number as he headed up the sidewalk towards the Ancient Histories Building where he taught. He had absolutely no intentions of taking Mary inside, but it still seemed wrong to meet her there. Or maybe just unprofessional.
Right before the phone clicked over to voicemail, she picked up. “Hey, I’m on my way.”
“Change of plans.”
“Oh?” The tone of her voice said she was scared he was going to back out. But ten more tons of self-loathing wouldn’t have kept Orin from tending her need.
“Can we go to your place? If not, I can get us a hotel.”
“Sure…no. I mean, my place is fine. Orin, is something wrong?”
Yeah. Everything about me is fucked up. “No, nothing’s wrong. I just…” I can’t do this at my house. Not tonight. Not after… “I just don’t want to go home right now.” He knew Mary would know what he meant. While her hunger was intermittent, sometimes going weeks without a Rise, Orin was Kin and didn’t get a reprieve. And the hate of what he had to do was something she completely understood.
After all, the depression and self-loathing had almost killed her after her Shift. In some ways her strength to face what she had become made Orin ashamed. She was so much stronger than he was.
“Where do you want me to pick you up?”
“I’ll wait for you at the AH building. South end of the parking lot.”
“Be there in five.”
She made it there in a little less than four.
Mary pulled up in her Taurus and gave Orin the passenger door. He did a quick look-see, but this area of campus was a long way off from the night life. The only place with any signs of movement was the coffee shop at the end of the block.
Orin popped the door and climbed in.
“Hey.” Mary’s beautiful lavender eyes hit Orin head on. And no matter how foul his mood was, he was powerless to stop the shit-eating grin from spreading across his mug.
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