However, I suppose that was what was meant to happen, wasn’t it? Maybe I was becoming more Kamani over time in my ways, because it seemed to me that everything I had been through had all been leading to our meeting. And those thoughts led me to another truth. Though I had known him for only a short amount of time, I was now certain that I was in love with Atik. Which was why I had to see him—had to somehow convince him to stay, even though I knew that it would be an impossible task.
I finally found Atik near the edge of the Kamani compound, and though my heart threatened to pound its way out of my chest, I made my way over to him. But what would I say? Every attempt at coming up with a coherent thought failed me. Not for the first time, I wished that I could be as brave as Shay—as strong as Maggie—but I was just Clara, the same simple girl who had left Earth so many years ago, who had been held captive by the Ak-hal for all that time without any thought of even attempting to escape. What could a Kamani like Atik even see in someone like me? It seemed that over time, he would come to resent our fated mating, even if I did succumb to destiny.
But these thoughts were shaken from my head the instant he turned and I caught sight of his golden eyes. There was nothing in my mind then except for him and my desire for him as I closed the distance between us, taking in every feature of his well-sculpted face. Where Kypher was beautiful, he was rugged and handsome like a chiseled statue. The two of them couldn’t have been more different, and that fact gave me some comfort at least.
“Clara,” he said as I stepped up to him, reaching out to place his hand on my arm. I felt my skin grow hot simply from his touch, and tried not to tremble, though it was near impossible.
“You didn’t have to stay away,” I told him—almost feeling like I was telling him off, even though it had been my attitude in the first place that had kept him away, and I knew that was the case.
“I didn’t want to scare you. I know what you have been through,” he said. “But if you don’t want me to stay away, then I will not.”
The tone in his voice sent chills through me, and I took a deep breath to calm myself. Shaking my head, I willed myself to stand firm next to Atik and struggled to find the words that I had come here to say.
“Atik…” I reached up and closed my hands around his forearm, tracing my fingers around his firm muscles. “I don’t know how to do this. I was so broken, for so long.” Laughing, I shook my head. What was I doing? I was speaking in riddles, and that wasn’t the Barbearian way. “You’re a Kamani. You probably don’t understand what I’m saying.”
Then I felt his other hand on my chin, tilting my head up so that I was looking into his eyes again. “Maybe I don’t understand your words, Clara,” he said. “But I understand your heart. There were people that hurt you, but I will not. I will never hurt you, I swear this.”
So straightforward. So kind. What had I done to deserve him? I had saved his life, but already I could tell that every moment I was in his presence, he was the one that was saving me. It was like every wound that I had suffered, every pain that had ever been dealt to me in that long time I had spent with Kypher was healed simply by being near him. His every word cured me of the disease that had settled in my soul after my time among the Ak-hal—a disease that I had thought I would never be completely cured of, no matter how much time had passed.
“That’s not the only thing I’m afraid of,” I admitted as I looked into his eyes, the two of us standing there on an outcropping of ice with the sunlight drifting down in a midafternoon haze. Then, surprising even myself, I leaned forward and placed my head on his chest, where I could hear the beating of his heart. After a few seconds, he placed his arms around me and held me close to him, and I hoped then that he would never let me go.
“What are you afraid of, Clara?” he asked.
“I’m afraid of losing you. I heard that you planned to go with the others to the Ak-hal base to help rescue the women.”
There was a long silence. Then, “Yes. I do plan on going.”
“You can’t. Atik. You were almost killed before. What if something happens? I know, it’s horrible of me to ask you to stay, but—”
“I know where the base is, and many of the women are Kamani mates. I will go.”
“Atik.” Feeling tears filling my eyes, I pulled away, looking up at him. “If something happens to you… I only just found you. I only just started letting myself…” Stopping myself, I shook my head, unable to make that admission to him just yet. “Please. Don’t.”
“There is no other way,” he said. “It must be done.”
And I knew that he truly believed what he was saying. He was a Kamani after all, and Kamani were firm in their convictions. I also knew that my asking him to stay behind was selfish. The lives of several other women were at stake, and it very well might be the case that Atik was key in helping rescue them. However, as I stood there with him, it felt like it was inevitable that he would be ripped away from me. In the back of my head, a voice screamed—I had to find a way to stop this. I had to find a way to keep him safe, to stop this, to be sure that nothing happened to him. But what could I do? I could already tell that trying to talk him out of going would be impossible.
“How did the Ak-hal capture you in the first place?” I asked then, bringing up a question that had been nagging at me for a long while.
“I was scouting. Searching for the Ak-hal so they couldn’t surprise us. They captured me and held me captive for many moons. They have grown stronger without us being aware.”
That much I had noticed. And I was also beginning to see that perhaps Atik had personal reasons for wanting to return to the Ak-hal base. Though the Kamani were a peaceful people, it didn’t mean that they were entirely without ulterior motives. He may not be driven to hurt the Ak-hal, but to personally see that their plans were undone—that was something that might very much be important to him right now.
I could understand that. I wanted just as badly to do something about the women. If I were stronger, if I were braver, if I were someone else then perhaps I could face Kypher and the others the way that Shay had. But I was just Clara. I couldn’t do the sort of things that she had. Could I? That simple thought was enough to make me laugh. The idea of me doing anything like her was ridiculous. And yet, I felt an urge to do something right at that moment. To protect Atik, to save the women who were my friends and equals—if there were anything that I could have done I would gladly have done it. But I knew that I was too weak to really stand up against the Ak-hal. I wasn’t smart enough to carry out any sort of master plan. I didn’t have anything on my side.
With a sigh, I slid my arms back around Atik and simply let myself rest against him. This had to be enough, I supposed—this moment in time. I had to embrace what was, and hope that maybe, just maybe we could have a future where I could allow myself to admit what I felt for him. If he came back to me, then perhaps there would be time for me to fully and freely embrace my feelings. Now, though, there was too much against us for me to allow myself to be with him the way I wanted to be.
But that wouldn’t stop Atik from admitting his feelings for me.
“I have wanted a mate for a long time, Clara,” he said. “And I couldn’t imagine a woman better than you.” His fingers tangled through my hair and he leaned down, closing his lips on mine so that I could feel their heat. The taste of him was sweeter than honey and richer than wine.
Then he took me by the hand and led me across the ice-covered plains. I followed without speaking, wanting nothing more than to be with him in that moment. I watched him, my eyes taking in every movement of his muscles as the golden sun kissed their rippling curves. I made my way after him all the way to the chamber that I knew must have been his rooms, and then we slipped inside. All at once, I felt anxiety rising up in my body in knowing that we were alone together, and what was to come of us in this moment.
“Atik,” I murmured as he turned around to face me again, placing his hands on my waist and leaning down again,
nuzzling my neck with his lips. And when he touched me, all the thoughts rushing through my head seemed to disappear into nothing, and all that was left were thoughts of him—an urge for him that needed to be sated.
“You are so soft. So beautiful,” he said as he traced his fingers along the nape of my neck, undoing the strings that held my jumpsuit in place. I shivered at his words, amazed that they could have such an effect on me so quickly. Already I could feel my body reacting, and he had done so little. Atik was a force of nature, and I felt overpowered by him.
Pulling down my jumpsuit, he revealed my shoulders, and then leaned down, tracing his lips along my bare skin as I shivered at this new caress. It was incredible to think that this powerful warrior, this Kamani with a beast inside him, could treat me with such tenderness. Even more than that, it was incredible to think that I was the target of this care—that this brave warrior would take me into his arms with such consideration. Slowly, he removed my clothes, until my top was bare before him in the cool breeze of the room, goosebumps standing up along my skin.
I shivered, but it wasn’t the air that had brought out this reaction in me. It was the man who stood before me—now removing his own clothing as I watched, taking in every taut muscle along his lean back and down to his round buttocks and firm thighs. The sight was enough to send a fire burning through my midsection and straight to the juncture between my thighs. There was just enough Victorian purity left in me to make my face burn with embarrassment at the thought of what I was doing here with him, but I wasn’t about to turn away from this experience… not when I had finally allowed myself to come so close to Atik after pushing him away for so long.
However, I did know that after this, there was no turning back from the fact that we would be forever mated. Yes, it was still a frightening thought, one that coursed through my mind right at this very moment, even as I flooded with desire. But it was impossible for me to deny my desires for this man any longer. We still barely knew each other, and yet I was sure of the fact that he was the one who I had been meant to find all along. From my time back on Earth, to my time among the Ak-hal, destiny had finally flung me into the grasp of the Kamani warrior who was meant to be my mate, and I wouldn’t deny fate any longer.
I was unclothed now, and so was Atik, and he turned to me, pulling me close. The feeling of his skin on mine was a new sensation completely, and something that I didn’t even have any words for in my expansive vocabulary. All I could think was, wow, as that same heat burned its way from the tips of my toes and all the way through the entirety of my body. I could feel all of him… I could even feel that most private part of him, now hard and pressing up against my stomach.
“You feel amazing, Clara,” he said as he ran his hands down my back, touching me, touching every part of me as he pulled me with him to the furred bedding at the back of the room.
I murmured his name, over and over again as he did so, until finally, I was pulled down with him and lying at his side, staring into those golden eyes and breathing in unison with Atik, feeling my heart about to beat its way out of my chest. This was the most amazing experience of my life. This was the happiest and most beautiful moment of my life and I never wanted it to end.
Sliding my hand to his chest, I let it trail down his hard stomach and then, surprising myself, around his back and to his bottom, feeling the rounded muscles I had been looking at only a little while earlier. Atik chuckled at my bravery, as well as the sudden shy look on my face as I realized what I was doing and glanced away.
“I like touching you too,” he said, reaching down to cup my breast in his hand, rubbing a thumb over a hard nipple. “Is it okay?”
All I could do was nod. He stroked me, and then his hands slid down, and down, until they were at the most sensitive part of me. I gasped as he explored me, pushing inside and teasing at the same time with expert precision. It was an incredible feeling that brought me to life in a way that I had never felt before. I gasped, I panted until suddenly, I cried out in ecstasy and fell back on the bedding. Then Atik came over me, moving down and kissing me gently.
“I will always take care of you, Clara,” he said. “This is my promise.” Then he reached down again, but this time he parted my thighs and moved over me. I knew that the true mating was about to begin.
Truly, a part of me thought that I should have been afraid at this point. But I wasn’t. There was no fear about what would happen with Atik now; I was certain he never would or could do anything to hurt me. This was a gentle soul, a kind soul, and I was certain of his intentions to keep me safe. So, as I lay back, and stared up at him, I was completely ready for him to take me.
I felt him press up against me, and I inhaled deeply as I felt him push inside. God, he was so big, I thought as he slid in—as I felt it stretching me. Then he was all the way in, and over me, and he began to thrust, gently at first, but then faster and faster until we moved together, in unison, a perfectly mated couple. This… this was everything that I had always wanted, from the very beginning. It was everything that I had been seeking from the moment I had made the mistake of agreeing to go with the Ak-hal back on Earth.
For now, I wouldn’t worry about what tomorrow may bring, I thought as I held on to Atik, as he brought me closer and closer to the edge. I would think only of this brave Kamani and everything that he meant to me. I would think of the two of us together and this point of connection between us. Holding close to him, feeling him embrace me and never wanting him to let me go, I would let him take me on into the night as if another day would never come.
Chapter 11
When I woke beside Atik, my mind was clear. I knew what I had to do. Though the thought terrified me, it was obvious to me that the only possible action I could take was to go to the Ak-hal base myself and do what I could to rescue the women. After all, I had been there. I knew how to find the base, and how to navigate it. Perhaps I would be taking on an impossible task, but I would be taking on that task for the Kamani that I loved. And as I looked over him, tracing his face with my eyes as he slept beside me, my resolve was firm in my mind. There was nothing that I wouldn’t do for him, even if it meant returning and possibly confronting Kypher as I attempted to do the impossible.
I didn’t even know if I would or could make it there, but I had to try. I had to do something if it meant protecting Atik, saving the women. I had been Clara the weak, Clara the doll, for so long that I needed to finally stand and take charge. With a sigh, I sat up beside Atik. He was my true mate—the one I had been fated to be with. And now, I was leaving him, potentially forever.
“How am I supposed to do this?” I murmured to myself, unable to believe that I was even thinking about going out into the ice and finding the Ak-hal base on my own. But I had to try. Wishing more than anything that I could simply sit back and enjoy my time with Atik, I remorsefully pulled away from him, finding my clothes and dressing before slipping out of his room and into the cool air.
It was night, and only a few Kamani stirred. Nobody paid too much attention to me as I made my way down around the compound and to my own rooms, which was a small blessing. If anybody had stopped to speak to me, then I probably would have changed my mind immediately… my thoughts were that uneasy in those long minutes as I walked along the lengthy trails.
I continued to think about what it was that I was doing as I gathered the things that I would need to travel across the ice, doing my best to quell the idea that this was ridiculous… impossible. After all, this was an act of love, and it was love that would propel me forward. I found a pack and filled it with a few necessities. And then I set out in the darkness, hoping against hope that I would—could—somehow make it despite the odds.
The first thing that struck me was the cold. Though I had become used to the icy wilderness in all my time spent on this barren planet, being alone the way that I was now, it was somehow more obvious to me than ever before, just how wild and untamed the frozen tundra beneath my feet was. This wasn’t a place m
ade for fragile humans like myself, and not for the first time, I wondered just how Maggie had made it on her own when she escaped the Ak-hal all those long years before. But now I somehow expected to make it all the way to the Ak-hal base on my own… was I really that foolish? Or was it just that I was really that much in love?
Perhaps, it was a little bit of both, I mused as I set out into the blazing snow that beat against me as I pushed forward out into the darkness. It was, after all, only the thought of ensuring that Atik didn’t go with the others into some Ak-hal trap that moved my feet forward as I walked alone out into the snowy wilds, trying to think of what I would do if and when I actually got there. I hadn’t even thought that far ahead… just making it would be difficult enough, but the idea of actually trying to free the women who had been captured was something else altogether.
This was absolute madness, but it was one I had to risk for my own peace of mind. My feet soon grew numb, even through my thick, furred boots as I moved as quick as I could through the snow. Even the tip of my nose seemed to grow frostbitten by the minute. The only sound was the wind whirling around me and the steady crunch of the ice beneath as I pressed forward, eyes fixed forward. Seconds turned to minutes, and soon I had been striding forward for more than an hour into the darkness and the cold of this ice planet. My home with the Kamani was nothing more than dotted lights on the horizon line behind me.
Remembering vaguely the direction in which the Ak-hal base had been, I made sure to never stray from that path, even as terrified as I was to possibly see Kypher again. Years and years spent with him suddenly swirled in my mind, no matter how much I tried to push them away. Thankfully, I had my night with Atik to think about instead, and as soon as I brought those images into my head, it was remarkably easy to picture his face, his body, his beautiful eyes and actually feel a moment of happiness instead of misery, as scared as I was to be headed to the home of the Ak-hal.
The Artistry of Love Page 28
