She swallowed hard but no more words would form through the pain in her throat.
‘Attractive though that option might sound, I have an alternative suggestion. I have a spare phone and a number of spare bedrooms which you are welcome to use any time you like. And I still owe you dessert. If you are available?’
‘Available? Oh, yes, I am available. I’m always ready to step in at a moment’s notice when they can’t find anyone else. Why not? After all, I don’t have a life.’
‘Don’t say that. You know it isn’t true.’
‘Do I? Then why is it that I choose to live through other people’s experiences of a happy family life, and other women’s children? No, Mark, I do it because I want to forget for just those few days that I am never going to have children of my own. But it’s crushing me. It is totally crushing me.’
And then lovely Lexi, totally in control as ever, burst into hysterical tears.
CHAPTER NINE
LEXI sat back on the sofa with her eyes closed. The patio doors were wide open and a gentle breeze cooled the hot air. It was evening now, and the only sounds were the soft hum of the air-conditioning unit on the wall, the cicadas in the olive grove and somewhere in the village some chickens being put away for the night.
The gentle glug of wine being poured into a crystal goblet filtered through Lexi’s hazed senses, and she opened her eyes just in time to see Mark smiling at her.
‘Feeling better now?’
She nodded. ‘Almost human.’
And she meant it. She’d enjoyed a luxurious bath, with some amazingly expensive products Mark’s sister had left behind from her last visit, and was now being cosseted and pampered by a handsome man.
The day was turning out a lot better than she had expected.
‘I’m sorry about what happened at the harbour earlier, Mark. I don’t usually burst into tears. But do you remember we’d been talking about how your mum had given up her career for a few years when you were small? So that she could take you to school in the morning and take you to see your friends and make cakes for your birthday parties?’
‘Yes, of course. We loved it.’
‘Well, sitting on that harbour this afternoon it hit me out of the blue that somewhere deep inside my head I know I’m never going to have that life—and like a fool I’ve been living through other people’s stories.’
‘What do you mean other people? You have a perfectly good life of your own.’
‘Do I? All those celebrities I work with? I’ve been making a life for myself through their love affairs, their pregnancies, their children, their families—the good and bad and all the joy that comes with being a parent. That’s what hurts. I’ve been using their lives as some sort of replacement for the family I’ll never have—for the children I’ll never meet. And that’s not just sad, it’s pathetic. Wake-up call. Huge. Cue tears.’
Her voice faded away and she tried to give Mark a smile as he kissed her on the forehead and pressed his chin into her hair.
‘I think you would make a wonderful mother.’
Lexi squeezed her lips together and shrugged her shoulder. ‘That’s not going to happen Mark. That illness I was telling you about? I was diagnosed with leukaemia two months after my tenth birthday.’
Mark inhaled sharply, and his body seemed to freeze into position next to her on the sofa but he said nothing.
‘I know. Not good. But I was lucky. I lived in central London and had a very quick diagnosis and treatment at one of the best children’s hospitals in the world. I was in hospital for what seemed like forever. It was … painful and difficult to endure. My mum was there every day, and my dad phoned me now and then, but I knew he would never come.’
Her head dropped onto her chest and she twiddled the ring on her right hand. She paused and took a moment to compose herself before going on, and to his credit, Mark didn’t interrupt her but gently stroked the back of her hand, as if reassuring her that he was there and ready to listen to anything she had to tell him.
‘The day I was due to be discharged from hospital I remember being so excited. I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to see my own home again, and my own room with all my things in it. Best of all, my dad was there. Waiting at the front door. With his suitcases. For a few precious moments I thought we were going on holiday somewhere warm, so I could get better. And then he closed the door, and he wouldn’t let me hug him or kiss him because he said I was still getting better and he had a cold. Then he turned to my mother and told her that he had met someone on location in Mexico and had decided to make a fresh start with this girl and her daughter. He picked up his suitcases, opened the door, walked down the path to a huge black limousine and jumped inside.’
Her brows twisted and she had difficulty continuing. ‘I couldn’t walk very fast, and my mother … She was running after the limo, screaming his name over and over. Telling him to stop, begging him to come back. But the car didn’t stop. It went faster and faster. When I caught up with her she was kneeling in the road, watching the car speed round the corner, taking my dad away from us.’
Bitter hot tears pricked the corners of her eyes and Lexi blinked them away.
Mark sat next to her on the sofa and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. ‘You don’t have to talk about it.’
‘Yes, I do,’ she answered. ‘Because the past never goes away. There’s always something there to remind you, and just when you think you’re on a happy track and can forget about it and move on—smack! There it is again. Staring you in the face.’
‘How did you ever get over that betrayal?’
‘Oh, Mark. You never get over it. My mother taught me to focus on the best memories we had as a family. But she never really understood why I felt so guilty, and that guilt consumed me for years. Until I saw what he was really like.’
‘You felt guilty? I don’t understand why the ten-year-old Lexi would feel guilty about her father leaving.’
‘Can’t you see? I was the one who got the cancer. I was the one who forced my dad to have an affair with a beautiful actress on a movie set because it was too upsetting and painful for him to come back and deal with my illness and pain. I was the one who drove him to find another daughter who was prettier than me and healthier and cleverer and more talented and …’
Her voice gave way, unable to sustain the emotion any more.
‘Parents aren’t supposed to abandon their children,’ Mark whispered. ‘Sometimes I regret going to university in America. I loved being with my friends in a wonderful country where the world seemed open and full of opportunities to explore and to do business. I just forgot that my family needed me back in England. I could never have imagined that one day my mother wouldn’t be there at the airport to take me home. We missed so many weekends and holidays together.’
‘Young people leave home and follow their hearts and careers. Your mother knew that. Her little boy had grown up, with his own life to lead. She must have been so proud of you and what you’ve achieved.’ Her voice faltered and she stroked his face with her fingertip as she went on. ‘We’re so very similar in many ways. We’re both survivors. I came through cancer. I watched my mother going through torment as my father cheated on us both, then struggle to balance life as a single working mother with a sickly child.’
‘Is she happy now?’
Lexi nodded. ‘Very. She’s taking a chance and getting married again. Brave woman!’ She grinned at Mark. ‘I think that’s why finding out Adam cheated on me was so hard. In the past I could have laughed it off. Joked that it was his loss. But somehow this time it really did feel as though I was the one who’d lost out. He didn’t have the courage to tell me what the real problem was. Apparently he wanted children after all.’
‘Had you spoken to him about children?’
‘Of course. That was why I was in the hospital. Having tests to find out if there was anything I could do to improve my chances. I do have more options than I ever thought possible, but they made it
clear that the treatments are very gruelling and there’s no guarantee of success.’
‘So it didn’t bother him that you couldn’t have his children?’
Lexi turned and looked at Mark. There had been a touch of coldness in his voice.
‘He said he would be happy to adopt at some point, but it was never going to happen. Adam was doing loads of location work, and I was travelling more and more. These past few months we hardly saw each other.’
‘I’m sorry that it didn’t work out. It’s hard on you. So very hard.’
‘Perhaps that’s why I want to write children’s stories—I can make up a happy ending and send a child to sleep knowing that all is well with the world and they are safe and happy, with loving parents who care for them. Maybe all of the love I have will filter through to those children I’ll never get to meet or hug through my words on the page.’
Lexi swallowed down her anguish and looked into his eyes.
Fatal mistake.
It meant she was powerless to resist when Mark shifted closer to her and reached up to hold her face in his hands, gently caressing her skin, his eyes locked on to hers.
And then he tilted his head to kiss her.
His full mouth moved in delicious slow curves against hers, and she closed her eyes to luxuriate in the tender kiss of this warm, gentle man she’d soon have to say goodbye to.
She put her arms around his neck and kissed him back, pressing hotter and deeper against his mouth, the pace of her breathing almost matching his. It was a physical wrench when his lips left hers and she gasped a breath of air to cool the heat that threatened to overwhelm her.
‘I was hoping there was another very good reason why you might want to stay on Paxos instead of heading back to London so soon,’ he whispered in her ear, before his lips started moving down towards her throat, nuzzling the little space under her ear.
At which point the sensible part of her brain admitted defeat and decided to have some fun, instead.
‘You mean apart from the excellent accommodation and room service?’ She batted her eyelashes.
‘Absolutely,’ he replied with a grin. ‘I’m talking about the full package of optional extras here.’ He tapped her twice on the end of her nose and lowered his voice. ‘I don’t have to go back for a few days. And there’s nowhere else I would rather be than right here with you. Take a chance, Lexi. Stay. Let me get to know you better. Who knows? You might like me back.’
He shifted slightly and looked away. ‘Besides, the cats would miss you terribly if you left now. They’re waiting to—’
Lexi silenced him with one fingertip pressed against his lips.
‘It’s okay. You had me at the word cats.’
Lexi turned over and tried to find a comfy position. Only something solid and man-shaped was in the way. She cracked one eye open, then smiled with deep satisfaction.
Warm morning sunlight was flooding into the living room and reflecting back from the cream-coloured walls in a golden glow that made everything seem light and fresh.
It had not been a dream.
She really had just spent the night on the sofa with Mark Belmont.
At some point Mark had suggested going into the bedroom, but that would have destroyed this precious connection, which was so special and unique. She didn’t need to take her clothes off and jump on him to show how much she cared.
Lexi snuggled into the warmth of his chest, and Mark’s arm wrapped around her shoulders and drew her closer into his body.
Lexi’s hand pressed against the long tantalising strip of bare chest she’d created by unbuttoning his shirt in the night. She closed her eyes and moved her forehead against the soft fabric of the shirt, inhaling its fragrance. It was musky, deep and sensuous, and totally, totally unique to this remarkable man.
‘I have a question,’ she murmured, her eyes closed.
A deep chuckle came from inside Mark’s chest, and Lexi could feel the vibrations of his voice under her fingertips. It was weird that such a simple sensation made her heart sing with delight at the fact that she could be here, in this moment, enjoying this connection. No matter how fleeting or temporary it might be this was very special, and she knew that Mark felt the same.
‘Out with it,’ he growled, ‘but it had better be important to disturb my beauty sleep at this hour of the morning.’
‘Indeed,’ she replied, trying not to give him the satisfaction of a grin. But it was too hard to resist, and she slid out of his arms and propped herself up on her elbow to look at Mark’s face.
‘Do you know that you have two grey hairs on your chest?’ she asked in a semi-serious voice. ‘And one just here.’ Her forefinger stroked down the side of Mark’s chin against the soft stubble, then tapped very gently at the offending hair.
‘Are you offering a personal grooming service?’ He smiled.
‘Oh, if required a freelance writer should be ready to carry out any duties necessary to complete a task. No matter how odd or dangerous or icky the task.’
‘I had no idea,’ he said gravely, ‘of the horror you must face on a daily basis.’
‘Explorers going out into the unknown,’ Lexi replied, her left hand making a sweep of the room. ‘Armed only with a designer wardrobe and a make-up bag. Not for the faint-hearted. And that’s just the boys.’
She lowered her head and rubbed her nose against his. ‘It is, of course, essential that a writer should investigate local customs, which must be observed wherever possible,’ she whispered in a low, sensual voice as her lips made circles around his mouth. ‘So important. Don’t you think?’
‘Absolutely,’ he replied, his mouth moving down the side of her neck.
Lexi closed her eyes and lifted her chin so that he could fit more closely into her throat.
‘Were you thinking of any in particular?’
‘Actually, I was … Oh, that’s good.’ Lexi sucked in a breath as Mark nuzzled aside the neck of her stretchy T-shirt and started kissing along the length of her collarbone. ‘I was thinking about how people celebrate important dates in the year.’ Her words came out in a rush as her breath suddenly seemed to be much in demand. ‘Wedding anniversaries, Christmas, Easter and …’ She slid down a gulp of anxiety and uncertainty before she said the word which would either be a horrible mistake or a wonderful way to connect them even more.
‘And …?’ a low husky voice breathed into her ear.
Lexi opened her eyes. She wanted to see how Mark responded to what she was about to say.
‘Family birthdays,’ she replied gently, hardly daring to say the words in case they brought back bad as well as wonderful memories. ‘Like today, for example. Your mum’s birthday.’
Mark was silent for a moment, and then he smiled and lay back on the sofa cushions. He looked at her—really looked at her—his eyes scanning her face, looking for something. For a few terrible moments Lexi felt that she had made a terrible mistake. But the words were out and couldn’t be taken back.
‘Clever girl. Mum would have been sixty today.’
He stretched out the full length of the sofa with a sigh, his head on her lap and one of his arms flailing onto the floor, his eyes staring at the ceiling. Mark seemed so totally natural and relaxed in her presence that it made her heart sing.
‘Would she have hated turning sixty?’ she asked quietly. ‘Or would she have taken it in stride? Just another day?’
Mark was silent for a moment, before he looked up at her and gave a small shrug.
‘Hated it. With a passion. I remember her fiftieth birthday party in London. She went to the gym every day for six months. Facials, Botox, hairdressers galore. Trips to Paris for flattering outfits. The works. Just so she’d look amazing in the photographs on that one night. And it worked. I remember those photos appearing across the world in every newspaper and gossip magazine. Crystal Leighton looking ten years younger. Or was it twenty? She made headlines at that party. She even announced a new contract with a make-up company at
the same time. All part of the plan to revitalise her career and keep her name on the front page.’
He broke into a lopsided loving grin. ‘She loved being the centre of attention at big events. The adulation, the crowds, flashguns, photographers. Mum could sign autographs for an hour and not get bored with it. There was no way she’d ever allow herself to be anything less than spectacular.’ His grin faded. ‘But that was in public.’
He reached up and pushed a lock of her hair back behind the ear with two fingertips, as though he’d been doing it all his life, and she revelled in the simple touch of his skin against hers.
‘Crystal Leighton was totally professional in every way when she was at work. But her fans forgot that when she got home at night she took off her war paint and designer clothing and Crystal Leighton became Baroness Belmont. Wife and mother. And I don’t think anyone truly saw her for the remarkable woman that she was.’
‘Then tell them. Help them to understand.’
Mark started to sigh with exasperation, but Lexi pressed her hand hard against his chest and he stilled under her touch.
‘You and your family are the only people who knew who she truly was. And now you have the power to celebrate that wonderful woman who was your mother.’
‘I don’t—’
‘I know.’ Lexi smiled. ‘You don’t want to hurt your family by revealing how very unhappy she was at the end. That’s why I’m here. I’m helping you write a memoir. Not a dry list of dates and all the films she was in—anyone can get that from the internet. No. This is going to be a personal memoir.’
Lexi tapped a finger against his forehead. ‘I want to release all those wonderful stories and precious memories you have inside your head and make this a real memoir which only you and your family could write. That’s what is going to make this book so remarkable and real. And that’s how you’re going to give your mother the best birthday present she could ever have had. Because you know homemade presents are always the best.’
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