Bastard! There was no way he was going to have contact with Sophie. Not while Justin still had breath in his body would he allow someone like that anywhere near her.
Curtailing his temper, Justin sucked in a breath and pushed his way through the revolving doors at the front of the building. Checking the list in the foyer, he ascertained the location of the company, nodded a greeting at the security guard and bypassed the lift, preferring to take the stairs up to the third floor. Counting the steady rhythm of his footfall against the stone steps did little to calm him.
Reasonably composed, he walked into the reception area and waited for the girl behind the desk to finish her call. ‘Paul Radley?’ he enquired pleasantly, when she acknowledged him.
‘He’s in a meeting,’ the girl said, with a bright smile. ‘Do you have an appointment, Mr…?’
‘Cole. Dr Cole. I need to speak to him urgently,’ Justin said. ‘Is his meeting here, on the premises?’
‘In the conference room.’ The girl pointed behind her, her forehead creased in obvious concern that a doctor was calling. ‘If you take a seat, I’ll ring through and get someone to let him know you’re here.’
‘No need. I’ll go straight through. He needs urgent medical attention,’ Justin said, his tone serious, his gaze on the conference room doors at the end of the corridor. Or he soon fucking well will.
‘Excuse me…’ The girl twirled in her chair as he walked purposely around her. ‘Excuse me! Dr Cole? You can’t go in there.’
Clamping his jaw tight, Justin walked on, shoving the double conference room doors open and walking straight across to where Radley had obviously been heading up the meeting. Plainly, he was some company bigshot, and Justin was about to bring the bastard right down to size.
His gaze shooting towards him, clearly registering who he was, Radley stopped mid-sentence, a startled look on his face in place of the smug expression Justin had seen what seemed like a lifetime ago. ‘What do you want?’ he said, taking a step back. ‘You can’t just walk in—’
‘To break your neck,’ Justin cut across him. ‘But I’ll settle for an arm or a leg. Maybe two.’
Radley was scared, he noted, stopping in front of him. He searched his eyes – rich chestnut-brown, deceitful, dark eyes. Nothing like his daughter’s.
‘Look, I have no idea what this is about, but I’m sure we can sit down and discuss it civilly.’ Loosening his tie, Radley glanced around him, presumably wondering whether he could get past. Not a chance, sunshine.
‘You threatened my wife.’
‘Threatened?’ Radley laughed nervously. ‘Don’t be preposterous. I rang her to ask if we could meet to discuss things going forward, that was all. I have no idea where you would get the idea that I—’
‘Do your colleagues realise what a slimy piece of shit you are, Radley?’ Justin cut him short. The ‘things going forward’ business-speak really hadn’t helped the man’s case. He was talking about his wife, his daughter, his fucking life!
‘This is ridiculous,’ Radley snapped irritably. ‘Rachel, call security,’ he instructed one of the employees Justin could sense hovering uncertainly behind him.
Justin’s mouth curved into a scornful smile. ‘Good idea, Rachel,’ he said, his gaze never leaving Radley’s. ‘Why don’t you call the police while you’re at it? Mr Radley and I can have a nice cosy conversation with them down at the station about why he’s stalking my wife.’
‘Mr Radley?’ the girl asked uncertainly.
Popping the top button of his shirt, Radley shook his head. ‘It’s fine, Rachel,’ he said, coughing nervously.
‘Tell them to leave,’ Justin said, working to hold on to his temper now he’d established the man was a spineless prick. He was as tall as him, and looked pretty fit, but he was shaking in his designer shoes.
Radley paled. ‘What?’
‘I’m not asking you twice, you bastard,’ Justin bellowed. ‘Tell them to leave!’
Perspiration wetting his forehead, Radley swallowed, and then glanced at the audience behind them. ‘Can we have the room, please?’ He smiled shakily. ‘Dr Cole and I have some things to discuss.’
Justin waited while people filed out.
‘Satisfied?’ Radley asked, as the doors closed.
‘Not quite.’ Justin looked him contemptuously over. ‘Do those windows open?’ He nodded behind him towards the long picture windows that gave a scenic view over the city.
‘What?’ Radley glanced confusedly in that direction. ‘No!’ he said, his expression now petrified.
‘That’s a pity,’ Justin said, stepping towards him. ‘Means I’m just going to have to put you through one, doesn’t it?’
Radley swallowed. ‘Look, I realise you’re upset,’ he said, holding his hands defensively up in front of him, ‘I don’t blame you. You should know, though, that I don’t go around having random affairs with married women. Alicia was lonely, upset. She approached me, truth be known.’
Justin narrowed his eyes.
‘She contacted me when I got back from Dubai,’ Radley babbled on, spouting crap, his eyes all the while flicking nervously towards the window. ‘I tried to put her off, I swear I did. Obviously, now I can see how distressing this all is for you, I’ll avoid any future contact. As for Sophie, I’m happy to back off. I’m not an unreasonable—’
His fury unleashing inside him, Justin seized Radley by the throat, shoving him back towards the window before he could blink.
‘Don’t!’ Radley screamed as he rammed him hard against it. ‘I’m terrified of heights. ‘Please. God… Don’t.’
Justin stared hard at him, his emotions swinging wildly as he realised, with a jolt, that he didn’t actually care if the man went through it.
Twisting his collar tighter, Justin eyeballed him meaningfully. ‘Do not even breathe my daughter’s name,’ he warned him. ‘And do not ever attempt to contact my wife again. If you do, I will kill you. Am I making myself clear?’
His eyes wide with fear, Radley nodded quickly.
‘I didn’t fucking hear you!’ Justin lifted the man off his feet.
‘Yes,’ Radley rasped; his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.
Justin breathed in hard. ‘Good,’ he said, more quietly, and then, counting silently backwards, he gained a tenuous grip on his emotions and relaxed his hold.
Crumpling with relief, Radley almost slithered down the window. ‘Rachel!’ he shouted croakily, as Justin turned away. ‘The police!’
Bad move. Justin turned back. ‘You’ll want something more substantial than threats to report,’ he suggested, bringing his fist back, getting little satisfaction as he heard bone and sinew crack. ‘You’re scum, Radley,’ he spat, turning to walk away as the man dropped to his knees.
Forty-Three
ALICIA
Recognising his ringtone, Alicia grabbed her phone.
‘Hi,’ Justin said, as soon as she picked up. ‘I just wanted to check you were okay.’
‘Yes,’ Alicia assured him, amazed he cared enough to even ask after the news she’d given him. ‘Why?
‘No reason. I just thought I’d check.’ There was a pause on the line, then, ‘Radley,’ he said, almost spitting the word out. ‘If he gets in touch, will you let me know? Regarding Sophie, I mean.’
‘Obviously I will,’ Alicia said, wondering why he’d think she wouldn’t. Then she thought of the paternity test, her heart aching for him as she imagined what his line of thinking might be: that she might decide her future was with Sophie’s father.
‘And you’ll let me know if he bothers you? Assuming you don’t want him to contact you unnecessarily, that is,’ Justin went on, sounding awkward now, uncertain.
‘Justin…’ Alicia paused. It would be so easy to just say it, to blurt it out. But then what? The endless questions, the disbelief. Him thinking she was incapable of doing anything but lying. Things were so clouded and confused in her mind now, she couldn’t even be sure she wasn’t lying to her
self. She couldn’t bear that Justin might think she had ever wanted to be with anyone but him. That she would entertain the thought of talking to Paul Radley now, unless through a solicitor. God forbid he should ever go down that route, but he well might now that he’d had the paternity test, meaning she would receive some cold, official letter in the post. ‘I don’t want any contact with him. Not ever,’ she said.
She wished she could be with Justin now. Hold him. She wished there was something she could do to prove how very much she’d always loved and cared for him, even when she’d done the most careless thing in the world.
‘Okay,’ he said, drawing in a tight breath. ‘I needed to check, for my own peace of mind.’
His peace of mind? Alicia looked upwards, blinking hard… Would he ever have that again?
‘I’d better go,’ he said, after another awkward pause. ‘I have some places to check out.
‘Wait,’ she said urgently, wanting to at least check how he was. ‘Are you all right?’ she asked him, stupidly. She knew how he was: a jaded, broken man. He missed Sophie and Lucas as much as she did: every minute of every waking day, in her dreams and her waking nightmares, she thought of them. Yet they couldn’t reach out to each other, comfort each other. The void between them, where their children should be, was too vast.
‘Tired,’ he admitted. ‘I’ve moved rooms. Renting nearer the area I’m going to check out later tonight.’
‘Is it clean?’ she asked him, grieving for what they’d lost, for the ability to talk naturally that they’d once had. There was nothing between them now but stilted conversation.
‘Reasonable,’ he said, then, ‘What about you? You’re going to be staying with Jess for a while, I take it?’
‘Yes, for now,’ she said, not sure what else she could say. She couldn’t contemplate the thought of going back to a house where the ghosts of her family would haunt her. She hadn’t even broached the subject of the house with Justin, whether he would want her going back there, whether he would ever want to go back.
‘Jess is here now.’ She glanced towards her sister as she poked her head curiously around the kitchen door.
‘Justin?’ Jessica mouthed.
Alicia nodded.
Jessica nodded in turn, and then waggled her phone in Alicia’s direction, indicating she was going to make a call.
‘We’re just back from distributing leaflets at district train stations,’ Alicia went on. ‘We have lots of shops and supermarkets putting up posters, too,’ she said, as if her efforts amounted to anything compared to what he was doing.
‘Good. That’s good.’ Justin sounded relieved. ‘Tell Jess thanks.’
‘I will,’ Alicia said, and then wondered what else to say. There was no subject that was safe. There was no future they could discuss, as Justin had pointed out. No present. No past. Every memory they’d made together had been tarnished.
‘Right, I’ll get off,’ he said, when it was clear they’d exhausted all topics. ‘Talk tomorrow.’
‘Okay.’ Alicia’s heart fractured a little further. ‘Be careful, Justin.’
‘I will. You too,’ Justin said, and ended the call.
Alicia listened to the empty silence. There had been no coldness in his voice – he’d sounded like Justin – but it was as if he’d been talking to a sister or a friend, not his wife, not his lover. But then, she wasn’t either of those any more.
Going to the fridge to pour herself a large wine, Alicia swallowed hard on the thought that one day he would stop calling. That would be the day she would stop breathing.
Forty-Four
JUSTIN
Justin ended his call to Alicia. He’d been relieved to hear that Radley hadn’t been in touch. Fury driving him, he hadn’t been thinking clearly, hadn’t considered what the consequences for Alicia might be when he’d stormed into that office. He hadn’t been capable of anything beyond his fervent wish to do him permanent damage. He almost had.
Realising the man was a coward and likely to react in the way cowards did and pick on someone physically weaker than him, Justin had been worried he might retaliate and choose Alicia. He hadn’t wanted to admit to her he’d been aggressive. In the normal run of things, he considered himself level-headed, and hated violence or confrontation of any sort. It rarely solved anything. Knowing Radley had threatened Alicia, though, that he thought he had a hold over her and was continuing to contact her when it was clear she didn’t want him to, that had been beyond discussion of any sort. The man was pond scum, which begged the question again: what the bloody hell had she ever seen in him? He doubted he’d ever know the answer to that.
Pocketing his phone, he checked the time on the dashboard. Two weeks, he thought, his gaze flicking back to the windscreen. Fourteen days. He focussed, calculated the hours, the minutes, the seconds Sophie had been gone. The time he and Alicia had been apart. He tried to pinpoint the exact moment things had started to fall apart and he hadn’t noticed. Or had noticed – he dragged a hand hard over the back of his neck – but had chosen to ignore it.
Why hadn’t he quizzed her? Why had he ignored it and allowed her lie to perpetuate? His breathing suddenly shallow, indicating an imminent panic attack, Justin concentrated on the coping techniques he’d learned when he’d lost his family the first time around: breathing in to the count of four, holding for seven, breathing out for eight, repeating four times: re-oxygenating his body, attempting to get his anxiety back under control.
He’d conquered this once, found a way to get a grip on his emotions when the anger at their senseless murder; the guilt that he hadn’t been able to help them, threatened to assuage him.
He didn’t stand a chance this time. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get the images out of his mind: of Radley and Alicia together; of where Sophie might be, in some dirty, flea-bitten dive. On the streets. His fault. Whatever Alicia had done, he was the one who’d driven Sophie to run. He recalled the words he’d spat in anger when he’d found out. He’d played those words over and over ever since. And no matter how many times he did, what he’d said sounded exactly the way it would have to Sophie – that he no longer considered her to be his daughter. He would never forgive himself.
He should have done something when he’d suspected she might have overheard. He should have gone straight to see her. He wasn’t able to even begin to process the knowledge that the child he’d brought home from the hospital, loved with every fibre of his being since before she’d been born, might not be his; that his wife had had an affair with another man, had sex with another man.
He missed her. Missed what he thought they’d had.
Missed his children, so much his heart physically ached.
He might never have a chance to tell Sophie how much he loved her; that’s what hurt most of all. Whatever a paternity test might prove, she was his daughter. No one could take that away from him.
Apart from Sophie.
Justin swallowed hard on that thought. He would give his life to go back and undo the damage he’d caused the day he’d climbed into his car exhausted, distracted. But he couldn’t. All he could do now was pray. Pray and keep scouring the streets in the hope of unearthing some small piece of information that might lead him to her. He would keep searching. Had to. His past had been obliterated. He had no life now, no purpose, other than to keep searching. Without Sophie, without some knowledge she was safe, there was no future.
Forty-Five
JUSTIN
Heading towards the canal towpath, planning to cover a section of the main line out of Birmingham, Justin stopped at the doorway of a derelict shop to talk to a guy who was tucked into his sleeping bag.
‘Spare some change, mate?’ the guy asked as Justin approached him. His look wasn’t hopeful – more resigned. Any vitality he might have once had in his eyes had been dulled; by booze, Justin guessed, noting the several empty beer cans to his side.
Justin offered him a smile. ‘I’m looking for someone,’ he said. The
guy recoiled, shuffling further into the doorway, assuming he was something to do with the police. ‘My daughter,’ he elaborated, drawing Sophie’s photo from his inside pocket.
The guy looked warily up at him and then down to the photo. Looking at it for a second, he shook his head. Justin sighed. Even if alcohol hadn’t addled his brain, the chances were the guy wouldn’t remember anyway.
Sighing, he nodded his thanks and reached into his pocket again, this time for money, though it went against the grain. Maybe the guy would buy food; maybe he’d spend it on booze. The dog would get fed, though. Justin was certain of that. Checking his watch, he bent down to pat the animal, then headed for the towpath, hoping that this time he might get lucky.
The wind was bitter, channelled by abandoned factory buildings, converted warehouses and high embankments. It stung his face and sliced through his clothes. Pulling his collar high, chilled to the bone, he thought about Sophie, and the clothes she’d been wearing, which would do nothing to warm her. He walked on, speaking to homeless people as he went. Receiving nothing but negative answers to his questions, some incoherent mumblings, he searched all the likely places: benches located within walking distance of one-stop shops and garages, bridges that provided sparse protection from the elements, counting them off as he went.
He’d gone a fair distance when his phone buzzed. Pulling it from his pocket, Justin checked the caller display, and then furrowed his brow and took the call. ‘Jessica?’
‘Justin, I have to be quick. Alicia doesn’t know I’m calling you.’ Jess’s voice was a hurried whisper, which immediately rang alarm bells.
‘And?’ Apprehensively, Justin urged her on.
‘I wouldn’t normally go behind her back, but I think she won’t want to tell you, so—’
The Affair_A gripping psychological thriller with a shocking twist Page 16
