Forcing her tears back, she prayed silently that God would find it within his mercy to bring his daughter back to him. Then almost shot out of her skin as Justin said, ‘Tell her I’m sorry.’
‘What?’ Getting unsteadily to her feet, Alicia searched his face.
‘Sophie, tell her, will you? I—’ Justin coughed and then squeezed her hand hard.
Alicia wasted no time, jabbing buttons and calling for help, and when it came, even while they were checking monitors and tubes, Justin didn’t let go of her hand.
Finally, his pain medication adjusted and as comfortable as he could be, he dozed. It was a fitful sleep. He would jolt painfully awake, perspiration beading his brow and confusion in his eyes. He spoke occasionally – incoherently, mostly. ‘Where’s Sophie?’ he’d asked several times. He’d asked where Luke was, too, which broke Alicia’s heart all over again, for Justin. The nurse had confirmed that the morphine was feeding his confusion, but still Alicia worried. Justin needed help. Whatever kind of counselling he needed, she would support him, if he would let her. Whatever he wanted, she wouldn’t fight him. She might not deserve to survive, but he did.
Alicia checked again. He was still sleeping. Knowing it might be the last time she would spend a night by his side, she brushed his damp hair from his forehead, pressed her lips lightly against it, and then settled back down to watch him. She wouldn’t go, even if he didn’t want her there, until he was out of danger.
Sixty
JUSTIN
Drifting in and out of sleep, Justin opened his eyes as he heard a tap on the door.
‘Only me,’ Jessica said, giving him a bright smile as she poked her head around it. ‘Bit of a drastic way to get out of our date, isn’t it, Justin?’
Easing himself up in the bed, Justin smiled.
‘I thought I’d bring you a few things.’ Jessica came on in, rattling a carrier bag and walking across to him. Or rather, clip-clopping across to him on heels that could definitely be described as vertiginous. She was a little overdressed, surely, for office or hospital visits. Noting the tight skirt and top, Justin made sure not to let his gaze linger.
‘Cheers.’ He smiled. ‘You really shouldn’t have bothered. I intend to be gone as soon as I can.’
‘Not too soon?’ Jessica looked at him, alarmed. ‘I mean, I know you’re a doctor, but you’re not infallible. You should be resting, Justin, building up your strength. You’re exhausted – emotionally traumatised, to say little of being severely physically injured.’ Her expression was almost tearful as she looked him worriedly over.
‘Honestly, I could just shake Alicia sometimes,’ she went on, with a despairing sigh. ‘She’s upset, too, of course she is. Devastated, poor soul,’ she added, her tone switching to sympathetic, which didn’t ring quite true any more in Justin’s mind. ‘But I do wonder why she couldn’t just have been honest with you from the outset.’
‘It is what it is,’ Justin said, watching her warily. ‘She wasn’t, for whatever reason. I suppose I’m just going to have to learn to deal with it.’
‘A mess is what it is,’ Jess said, delving into her bag and producing juice, fruit and tissues. ‘You two splitting up, poor Sophie missing, little Lucas… Not that I’m saying what happened to Lucas was Alicia’s fault. Just so you know, I’m here, Justin. If you need someone to talk to, any time, just call me.’
Justin nodded, glancing down at the hand she’d placed on his arm. ‘Have we?’ he asked, looking back at her. ‘Split up?’
Jessica looked taken aback.
‘Did Alicia say we’d split?’ Justin pushed it.
‘Well, not in so many words.’ Jessica busied herself with her bag, producing biscuits and a book.
‘What words?’ Justin asked. ‘What did she say exactly?’
‘I haven’t brought any grapes, you’ll be pleased to know,’ Jessica answered evasively.
Justin kept his attention on her. ‘Jessica?’
‘She didn’t say exactly.’ Jessica arranged the things she’d bought on top of the locker. Stuff he didn’t need, because there was no way he was staying. He’d haemorrhaged badly, but there was no major damage to vital organs. He would live. What he wanted to do was establish whether he had a life worth living. To find his daughter and get to the root of why he’d been lied to.
‘She mentioned the house.’ Jessica’s eyes flicked in his direction, after a pause, and then away again. ‘Something about needing to find somewhere to live. I—’
‘On her own?’ Justin cut in.
‘Yes. A studio apartment, I think she said. She saw some somewhere. And with everything that’s happened, I was assuming you wouldn’t be rushing to get back with her.’
‘Where?’ Justin said. ‘The apartments, where was it she saw them?’
Jessica looked flustered. ‘I don’t know. I can’t remember. The Moseley area somewhere, I think. I’ve had a lot on my mind, too, Justin. Luke was my nephew. Sophie’s my niece. I’m just trying to make sure you’re both all right. I’m not quite sure why I’m suddenly under interrogation.’
Justin kneaded his forehead. ‘You’re not. I’m sorry.’ He offered her a small smile. ‘I’m just a bit confused, that’s all. Emotional, I guess.’
Jessica looked him over uncertainly. ‘You’re bound to be,’ she said, her tone back to sympathetic, her voice full of concern as she reached to fluff up his pillows. He didn’t need his pillows fluffing. He needed to know what the hell was going on.
‘Thanks.’ He forced a smile anyway. ‘Can I ask you something else, Jess? If you don’t mind, that is?’
‘Of course you can,’ she said, seating herself on the edge of his bed.
‘She said she’d been drinking,’ Justin started cautiously. He didn’t want to go in heavily. He simply needed to know how far Jessica was willing to go.
Jessica drew in a breath. Was that expression judgemental? Shouldn’t it be guarded, for her sister’s sake? ‘That’s right,’ she said. ‘She’s drinking quite a bit now, actually. Regularly, sadly. It’s understandable, I suppose, under the circumstances, but it’s a worry, as you can imagine.’
Alicia wasn’t teetotal. They’d both drunk more than was healthy on the odd occasion, but Alicia had never drunk regularly.
‘How much? How much had she drunk, Jess?’ he asked, running a hand across his neck. He didn’t need to work at looking like a troubled man. ‘Was she drinking a lot back then?’
Jessica looked hesitant, then, ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘unfortunately.’
‘So she could have been paralytic then?’
Again, Jessica hesitated. ‘Not too paralytic to make her way to his room.’ Her expression was definitely disapproving as she glanced briefly away and back again.
‘No, I suppose not.’ Justin heaved out a sigh.
He looked away then, appearing to ponder. ‘There’s something else,’ he said, looking back at her.
Smiling caringly, Jessica took hold of his hand. Justin couldn’t quite believe it. ‘Why didn’t you tell her about the forensic search?’
Jessica looked confused.
‘Was it because you hoped we wouldn’t be able to talk with police officers poking around?’ Justin asked her point-blank.
‘No.’ Jessica snatched her hand away from his. ‘Why on earth would I do that?’
‘The photographs I asked about,’ Justin went on. ‘Why did you tell me Alicia had them?’
Jessica paled, considerably. ‘I didn’t. I just assumed, because of what you said.’
Justin nodded slowly. ‘Making a lot of assumptions, aren’t you, Jess?’ he said, studying her carefully. ‘Tell me, how much bullshit have you been feeding me, precisely?’
Dropping her gaze fast, Jessica got to her feet, her cheeks flushing furiously as she collected up her bag.
‘It never was a date, Jessica,’ Justin said quietly, as she walked to the door. All of this without once making eye contact with him.
Watching her leave, Justin cursed
his naive stupidity. He really must be completely blind not to have seen what was right under his nose, he thought angrily, heaving his legs over the bed and pulling the tube from his arm. He didn’t know how many lies he was being told, but one thing he did know for certain was that Alicia wasn’t a closet alcoholic, as implied by her sister. If her propensity was to hit the bottle in a crisis, wouldn’t she have done that when Luke died? Would she have been capable of coherent, albeit emotional, conversation every day since?
He also knew that photographs didn’t lie.
She’d said she wasn’t well. The photos he had of her at that wedding told him there was a hell of a lot more to this than met the eye. Alicia was holding something back. And Justin intended to find out what. Why she would hold anything back now, he wasn’t sure. But he intended to get to the truth, one way or another.
Sixty-One
ALICIA
Rounding the corner of the corridor Justin was on, Alicia was surprised to see Jessica coming towards her. Shouldn’t she be at work? Concentrating on her phone as she walked towards her, Jessica didn’t appear to notice her.
‘Jess?’ Alicia said, eyeing her curiously. Typing out a text, she still hadn’t seen her.
Jessica’s head snapped up. ‘Alicia!’ She looked surprised. ‘I didn’t think you were coming until later.’
‘I had a few things I wanted to get for Justin, and then I had my doctor’s appointment, but, to be honest, I couldn’t face it. You know, having to go over why I’m not sleeping well.’
‘Ah.’ Jessica nodded, and pushed her mobile into her bag.
‘I take it you came to see Justin?’ Alicia asked, when Jessica didn’t add anything else.
‘I thought I would pay him a visit,’ Jessica said, glancing down at her shoes. They must be killing her, Alicia thought. They were a least six inches high, and definite toe-pinchers. Not the sort of shoes she’d want to wear to troop along hospital corridors. ‘He was a bit tired though, so I didn’t stay long. I left him a few bits and bobs.’
‘Well, I’m sure he appreciated the visit, and the bits and bobs.’ Alicia smiled. ‘But shouldn’t you be at work?’
‘I had to deliver some papers to a client. I’ve wangled the rest of the day off,’ Jessica said quickly.
‘Oh right. Well, I’ll see you back at yours then.’ Leaning in to give her a hug, Alicia noticed the troubled look in her eyes. ‘Jessica? Is everything all right?’
‘Yes.’ Jessica said, her gaze flicking down and back. ‘It’s probably nothing, but…’
‘But?’ Her antennae on red alert for the next bad thing to happen, Alicia urged her on.
‘Justin seems a bit… confused,’ Jessica said, her expression now a mixture of sympathetic and guarded. ‘Mixed up,’ she elaborated, as Alicia looked at her worriedly.
‘Mixed up how?’ she asked apprehensively, praying that he wasn’t heading back to the pit of despair he’d been in once before.
‘It’s probably just the stress of everything catching up with him,’ Jessica said. ‘He seems to think I’ve said things which I haven’t, that you’ve told him things. He’ll be fine after a good rest. Don’t worry, Ali.’
But Alicia was worried. ‘What kind of things?’ She felt her eyes filling up all over again.
‘Little things,’ Jessica said, seeming reluctant. ‘The missing photographs, for instance. He seems convinced that I told him you had them, and I distinctly remember I didn’t. I mean, why would I when you don’t? Like I say, it’s nothing major. I thought I should warn you though.’ Jessica gave her arm a squeeze. ‘He’s just a bit muddled. He’ll be fine.’
Alicia nodded bewilderedly.
‘I’d better get back to work,’ Jessica said, kissing her cheek. ‘See you later, sweetheart.’
Watching her go, Alicia ferreted in her pocket for the loo roll she’d grabbed from the patients’ toilet, in the absence of tissue, and wiped her eyes. Earlier, she’d decided she would try again to talk to him. Not here, obviously, while he was so ill. She wasn’t sure whether she would be able to talk sensibly, feeling as confused as she was, consumed with guilt, her heart fit to burst in her chest. And she wasn’t sure whether he would ever be able to listen, but she knew she had to try. She’d even considered writing to him, because then she wouldn’t have to see his face, read the expression in his eyes.
That would have to wait now. He needed to get well. And if he needed her to keep her distance until he did, then she would do that. At least he had Jessica to visit him, who clearly cared for them both.
She was pondering what Jessica had meant by things she’d told him as she went into Justin’s room. Finding his bed empty, she frowned, puzzled. He was up and about but wasn’t supposed to be walking very far yet with his drip. Perhaps they’d taken him for some test or other? Walking across to his locker, Alicia deposited her bags, and her heart stopped dead. His drip was still there, the cannula he’d had in his hand pulled out and abandoned on the bed. Holding her breath, she checked his locker. His mobile was gone. His clothes…
Oh God, no. ‘Justin!’
Sixty-Two
ALICIA
Alicia ran back to her car, ringing Justin as she did, only to get his voicemail again, which only increased the knot of fear growing inside her. Where on earth was he? Why had he left? He’d pulled his drip out, for God’s sake, and not even discharged himself.
What was he thinking? His emotions were raw – all of the stages of grief and more. Alicia couldn’t even imagine how he must be feeling. He’d been confused, Jessica had said. He’d already been bewildered and broken, stuffed full of pent-up anger. He’d snapped at her, but he hadn’t once lost his temper, though he had every right to. But he had attacked Paul Radley. Icy fingers ran the length of her spine. Aggressively, DI Taylor had said. Where had he gone now, disorientated and in pain? What would he do? He wasn’t capable of defending himself if there were a confrontation of some sort. Physically, he wouldn’t be able to, but that might not stop him provoking that confrontation.
She had to find him. Please, God, before he did anything reckless. He wasn’t well. Gulping back her mounting fear, banging the heel of her hand against the steering wheel and cursing the slow traffic, Alicia drove straight to the house, hoping she might find Justin there. Her heart plummeted another inch when she saw his car wasn’t on the drive. After Justin was attacked, DI Taylor had organised the collection of the vehicle from where it had been parked. One of his officers had driven it here and delivered Justin the keys, so that could only mean Justin was driving it now. Was he even capable of driving? There were no signs of life when she knocked on the door, no signs of him through the windows. He wasn’t here.
Justin, please, please answer your phone.
Driving straight to the house where he’d said he was renting a room – a single room, no bigger than a shoebox, with one tiny window and tobacco-stained walls, not fit for a dog – she found he hadn’t been back there either, and her heart sank without trace. She had no idea where else to look. He obviously wouldn’t be at work – the hospital he’d just escaped. Might he have gone back to trawling the streets, compelled to carry on searching?
Was he searching for Paul Radley? She didn’t imagine he would cross the line for her sake, but for Sophie he would. For Sophie, in his disturbed state of mind, he might do anything.
Alicia drove next to Jess’s, and sprinted to the house, almost falling through the door as she fumbled to open it. She was hoping and praying that Justin might have rung there, that there was some logical reason she hadn’t been able to get hold of him, like his phone wasn’t working, perhaps because he had dropped it. She was clutching at straws. Desperate.
‘Jess!’ she called, checking the answerphone and charging straight to the lounge, and then to the kitchen. ‘Jess?’
‘Up here,’ Jessica answered from the top of the stairs. ‘I’ve just been speaking to Justin.’
‘You’ve been talking to…?’ Noting the phone in her h
and, Alicia shook her head, confused. ‘Where is he? I’ve been trying to get hold of him. His phone kept going to voicemail.’
‘I’m not sure.’ Jessica came on down. ‘He obviously needed some space to think.’
‘I see.’ Despite the fact that he’d clearly been avoiding her calls, her heart settled clunkily back into its moorings. Alicia nodded, looking worriedly at her sister as she met her in the hall. ‘Did he call you?’
‘Yes. He said he’s been trying to get hold of you.’
Her phone had obviously gone to voicemail, too. Relieved, Alicia checked it, but found no message. Growing more confused, she scanned Jessica’s face. ‘Is he all right?’
Giving her a small nod, Jessica glanced at her warily. ‘As he can be,’ she said.
‘Are you?’ Alicia asked, looking her over with concern. She looked pale and tearful. ‘Jess?’
Jessica took a breath. ‘There’s something I need to mention, Ali,’ she said, seeming reluctant. ‘He asked me to meet him, before he was injured. I’m sure it was just to talk, but under the circumstances…’ She hesitated uncertainly. ‘I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea, when I saw him at the hospital. I thought you should know. I…’
Stopping, Jessica fixed her gaze on the floor, while Alicia inwardly reeled. Did Jess think…? No, surely Justin wouldn’t…? Unless to get back at her? But he wouldn’t do that. She knew him. He wasn’t vindictive. He wouldn’t do something out of spite. It wasn’t in his nature to… her thoughts ground to a halt as it occurred to her that Jessica might possibly be embroidering the truth. She noted her sister’s body language, the downcast eyes, the phone still in her hand. It was never far from her side. But why would she…
‘I didn’t want there to be any bad feeling between us, Ali.’ Jessica looked at her imploringly. ‘I didn’t want to mention it, but…’
‘It’s okay, Jess. I’m glad you did. He probably did need to talk. He obviously has endless questions going around in his head.’ Giving Jessica a brittle smile, Alicia pulled in a breath. The ‘why would she’, she realised, was becoming blindingly obvious.
The Affair_A gripping psychological thriller with a shocking twist Page 22
