by Travis Hill
And if you know your history, pre-Cambrian was before dinosaurs. So it would likely be some creepy water-roach or something. Either way, we’d all be born with a couple of anuses and believe the world was flat. Which is a bit freaky that maybe I did invent a time machine because I know some human beings who have multiple anuses and believe the world is flat.
Right. Getting ramble-y here. The point of “why is this story so gay?” is that I wrote it that way on purpose. Because I love my daughter, and because I love all of my friends and family who want stories that are inclusive and relatable. And honestly, I don’t set out to write certain characters a certain way.
Sometimes they just happen to be Japanese. Or criminally insane. Or redneck hillbillies who break the stereotypical mold and don’t like NASCAR, country music, and Confederate flags. Not that NASCAR and country music are terrible things (though it does make my typing hands shake a little while writing that sentence). Confederate flags are always terrible. Period.
I guess that was a really long answer when I could have just said, “Because that’s how I wrote it.”
If you didn’t like this story, well, that’s cool. I’m okay with that. Leave me a bad review and warn others away from wasting their money. I completely understand and would never question it because liking or hating something is based on individual opinions.
If you liked this story but didn’t like that it was about two women in love… I guess that’s not really my problem.
If you liked this story for any reason, well, you can leave me a bad review too. I would. I’m really mean like that. Sometimes I really wish Amazon and such would let me leave scathing reviews of my own books. I would frighten EVERYONE away. But, like my wife, they never let me have any fun. I still do not own a super awesome cool ninja sword. I can afford one (six, actually), but I guess I’m not mature enough to possess such a dangerous, deadly, razor-sharp, sleek, bloodthirsty, neck-chopping instrument of death.
*
Okay. I’ve babbled on quite a bit, said my piece, complained about my wife and her dislike of me enjoying my boring life without power tools, heavy earth-moving equipment, and kung-fu master weapons. If I stop typing in the middle of a sentence, it’s because she’s sneaked up behind me and read over my shoulder. She’s pretty sneaky like that. I bet she’s sneaky enough to be even more deadly and dangerous than me with a super awesome cool razor-sharp ninja sword. *sniff*
When is “Arrival” coming? Hell if I know. Soon-ish. Maybe. All I can really say is that both “Departure” and “Countdown” storylines intersect at some point. And that I feel a glare on my back that is equivalent to the temperature of the sun. Not our sun, but one of those massive, ultra-hyper-gigantic blue radiation machines that could sterilize you from a thousand light years away.
Thanks for reading. Especially this yammering nonsense at the end. It’s sort of my celebration for finishing / publishing a story since I am not a heroin addict and I don’t have the urge to go get wasted at a bar and end up in an alley with my underwear on outside my pants. You can probably guess that this has happened at least once before by the fact I just mentioned it offhandedly.
Travis Hill
March 14, 2016
CONTACT INFO:
[email protected] - email (obviously!)
@Angry_Games - Twitter (whatever that is)
Https://www.facebook.com/angryauthor (FB page)
Http://www.angrygames.com (my website / email signup)
2.13E-r993x4 - galactic coordinates in case my people are ready to pick me up and take me away from this crazy planet full of gassy, soup-filled skinbags
THANKS TO:
Some dude on a bike who rode on a sidewalk but stopped and gave me a quarter. Without your donation I’d have been forced to drop out of clown college and get a job at Home Depot.
*cough*
Thanks to Keith Draws for drawing a killer cover for me. He does great work. Beyond great. I’m amazed that he still draws for me. I would have slugged me in the teeth a long time ago. But Keith is English, and you know those guys… impeccable manners and such.
Keith Draws - http://www.keithdraws.com
Look him up. Fantastic artist!
Thanks to my wife. Even though she’s really mean. But she’ll be even meaner if I don’t thank her. I guess I can understand her meanness by the fact that I’m basically both a six year old boy (think: Calvin from “Calvin & Hobbes”) and a forty-two year old teenager. I steal cookies that I bought with my own money just so she can’t hide them from me and dole them out at a reasonable rate (because she doesn’t believe “three 2-pound packages at once” is “reasonable”). One day I’ll grow up and be responsible. Maybe. Until then, she’s stuck with me. Unless I come home one day and see that she has purchased a brand new industrial-sized wood chipper. I might need a place to stay for a few months if that happens. Don’t worry, I’m a good roommate. I used to have nine dogs and six cats, but now I only have seven dogs and eight cats.
Thanks to Nikki Vanderhoof for reading this story ahead of time. If you didn’t like the story, you can blame her for not dropping a big enough concrete block on my head when she had the chance. She’s the best kind of “fan” an author can have. She might be a robot programmed to boost my ego, I don’t know. There’s no way a real human being could enjoy the things I write. Now that I think about it, there’s really no way a robot or computer could read my drivel and not have a fatal syntax error followed by a loud pop with a lot of smoke. Nikki’s eyes must be made out of molten lead. Ooooh… cool idea for a story…
Anyone else whom I might have forgotten. I’m pretty bad at names. I still call my brother “Dork” even though he’s kicked the crap out of me for it at least three hundred times in the last thirty-five years. If I forgot you, I apologize. I’m sure my brother would love nothing more than to hold me down (or just hit me in the head with a brick hard enough that I didn’t wake up for an hour) so you can stomp my guts into melted cheese.
SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION:
All books are available in ebook format from all major retailers. If a title is listed free here but is not free at your retailer of choice, please email me at [email protected]. Tell me which format you need (or ereader device you’ll be using) and I’ll send it for free.
Mailing list for new releases/updates here: http://eepurl.com/D2ktH
(* paperback version available)
THE BIG BHANG:
Jeremy Jefferson Jacobs Jackson--Forjay to everyone but his mother--grew the most potent marijuana on Earth. Some said the entire Federation of Allied Planets. When the Galactic Union declares humanity unfit to exist, only one man has what it takes to be a true hero to the citizens of FAP.
Join Forjay, Ms. Marianna Templeton, Ambassador Dave Thatcher, and a large, diverse, generally annoying cast of the Galactic Union's alien species on an adventure that spans both time and the space. Relish in the glory of victory, plunge to the lowest depths of despair in defeat, and scream insults at stupid, uppity, snooty, gloppy alien jerks who act like they're better than human beings (and think they're tough).
*** Definitely Fake Editorial Reviews of "The Big Bhang" ***
"I didn't understand this book at all..." - Fijj Yom, Wroglarian (a dumb alien species not affected by weed)
"There's a lot of commas and long sentences in this book!" - some reader who complained about commas and long sentences
"This book is not funny." - NYPD Patrol Officer Gary Garrison
"Bark bark bark growl. Bark!" - NYPD Drug Canine Mr. Fang
"This is the lowest form of propaganda, the kind only a weak, mewling race of soup-filled meatbags would dare to popularize." - Tyx War General Boomz Blasterton
"Reading this book is the dumbest thing you could ever do." - the author of this book
"I don't get it... I raised Travis better than this!" - the author's mother
Extras:
1. "The Big Bhang concept" - original concept to show you how messed-up
minds work...
2. "Smash & Grab & Steal & Loot" - short story about hiring pirates to be my wife's bodyguards while shopping.
3. "Dragons Are Not Your Friends" - short story about why hiring dragons to work in human offices is a bad idea.
4. "Bears Are Not Your Friends Either" - short story about why bears can never be trusted.
5. "Zombie D-7" - novella, first in a series, about a group of friends who grow marijuana so potent that it causes the zombie apocalypse.
End of the Line:
For fifty years, humanity fought alongside the Hanura and The Seven against the Kai. With the Hanura wiped from the galaxy and The Seven falling soon after, the Terran Coalition now stands alone against a superior enemy... an enemy that has pledged the complete extermination of mankind.
Driven back to Earth, the last remaining human world, Private Dana Lofgren and the remnants of the 307th fight their way through rugged terrain and impossible odds. With nowhere to run and the enemy closing in, they have no choice but to keep going until they reach the end of the line...
60,000 words / 200 pages
Adult themes / profanity / violence
Portal Wars #1:
An archaeological dig in the desert of Arizona uncovers a mysterious object.
A brief burst of light coincides with a sudden intrusion of the United States Military's most secure networks.
A new test at CERN near Geneva opens a strange underground portal.
Chaos reigns as frightening alien machines begin their invasion.
Portal Wars #1 is the first novella in a new "pulp" science fiction serial from Travis Hill.
28,500 words / 90 pages
(ongoing serial)
Adult language / violence / mature themes
One Bad Job:
Career criminal Billy Jensen and his pals have plotted for more than a year to take down Gennady Konovalov's jewelry store. When the heist doesn't work out exactly as planned, the survivors go into hiding.
Not only are the Dolgoprudninskaya, the second largest Russian organized crime syndicate in the world, searching for Billy and his crew, but the Dolgo's biggest rivals, the Solntsevskaya, have joined forces with them in an attempt to recover the seven million dollars in stolen jewelry, cash, and bearer bonds.
After Alexi Nikolayev Petrovski, head of the Solntsevskaya in Houston, captures Billy's long-time girlfriend, the crew is left with no choice but to meet the Russian mobster on his turf. Billy learns that Petrovski isn't interested in recovering the stolen goods as much as he is in recruiting a new employee...
"One Bad Job" is the prequel to the free short story "One Last Job," available all major ebook retailers.
26,300 word / 70 page novella
Adult language / situations / violence
*Enforcer:
Eighteen-year-old Connor Dunsmore was about to begin his professional hockey career as the top NHL draft pick when an on-ice accident shattered his life's dream. Eight years and over five hundred stitches later, he's become a fan favorite as an enforcer for the Boise Bombers of the United Professional Hockey League.
Off the ice, Connor also moonlights as an enforcer for Costache Ojacarcu, the Bombers’ owner, and head of a discrete Romanian organized crime operation in the Treasure Valley. What started out as running simple errands for extra money to supplement his meager hockey salary has evolved into collection, intimidation, and retribution.
After becoming an unwilling accessory to murder, Connor's life begins to spiral out of control. When he rescues a prostitute from an abusive drug dealer, he begins to dig himself in even deeper, and soon realizes how entrenched he truly is.
Adult themes / violence / language
132,000 words / 412 pages
*Alive, or Just Breathing:
Devin Fischer lost both of his parents when he was nine.
His controversial mother was taken from him in a freak accident. His father made him an emotional orphan that same day. Devin’s goal is to leave small-town Southern Idaho and the legacy of his mother’s sensational death behind. The only obstacles in his path are the last two years of high school, and the many enemies he’s made with his quick fists and quicker temper.
Melinda Liddy dreams of the day she can escape from the nightmare her life has become.
Her life has become a bitter tug-of-war between the need to escape from her drunken, abusive father, and her inability to leave her mother behind to face the monster’s explosive, unpredictable violence alone. As Melinda struggles to hold on long enough for an academic path, instead of becoming a runaway like her older sister Theresa, she finds a kindred spirit in Devin.
Together, they attempt to navigate the minefield of broken families, high school society, and the chaotic, sometimes confusing emotions that come with falling in love for the first time.
84,600 words / 255 pages
Mature themes / language
*Chasing Time:
A snarky, cynical government operative is sent back in time to 5th century France, during the reign of Clovis and the Frankish Empire. His mission: to find and eliminate Dr. Barnard Jameson, a rogue scientist, before history can be significantly altered.
Finding Bertric, aka Dr. Jameson, was the easy part. Eliminating the smirking, pudgy little scientist proves to be a lot harder than he expected.
The smug doctor's plans of advancing human civilization by introducing 21st century concepts and technology more than a thousand years early sound like the ravings of a madman with a God complex... but with the possibility to avoid the Dark Ages and the stagnation of civilization for almost a millennium, is Jameson's scheme a chance worth taking?
Strong language
60,215 words / 300 pages
BONUS: One bonus short story & the first book of a new time travel novel titled "Search Terms: Alpha" included (ebook version only).
It’s Better This Way:
Twenty-three years ago, the 'bulls' appeared in orbit and destroyed Earth's infrastructure in less than ten seconds.
These days, the alien invaders aren't as much of a problem as the surviving humans are.
Evan Greggs learns that things aren't always as bad as they seem, but sometimes the choices to be made are as murky as they are difficult.
24,000 word / 70 page novella
Contains Adult Language
LGBT Friendly
Departure:
Today is my 40th birthday. It's also my last day on Earth.
I get to do anything I want today, within reason, as long as I make it to the portal before my time is up.
What I want is to spend the day with Cara and my two young children.
I don't know what awaits on the other side of the portal, I only know that certain death awaits me here if I refuse to go.
Some light adult content
14,600 word / 50 page short story/novella (Science Fiction / Romance)
*Diabolus:
Salvatore Domenico Antonelli is a disgraced ex-bishop, demoted and exiled to the farthest reaches of the Nicaraguan jungles for his sins against God and the Church.
Benito Felipe Castillo is a new breed of tech-priest from the ghettos of Barcelona, freshly graduated from Seminary, ready to serve the Vatican as an artificial intelligence specialist.
Tasked by the Vatican to confront DAMON-1, a nuclear-capable AI that claims to be Satan incarnate, returned to the physical world to bring about Armageddon, the two clergy must battle to restore DAMON and purge Satan from the enslaved AI's core.
The bishop is forced to play a deadly game with billions of lives in the balance, while the young priest must confront Satan's digital persona within the network.
The eternal conflict between good and evil, fought in the space between time, will bring humanity and their AI creations to the dawn of a new age... or to the brink of annihilation.
"The Exorcist" meets "Skynet" meets "The Matrix" in this thought-provoking new science fiction thriller by Travis Hill.
66,000 words / 200
pages
Teen+ appropriate
*Ability (Omnibus):
The end of the world began on YouTube...
Brian Carter wanted to create a superior recreational substance.
Garret Stewart wanted to create the next evolution in learning.
Derry Clarkson wanted her two best friends to see reason.
What happens when the perfect drug meets the perfect technology?
Ability is a serialized urban tech-fantasy set in the near future.
Contains: Adult Language / Situations / Drug use
60,000 words / 217 pages
Search Terms: Alpha:
College sophomore Tyler Gallagher loves computers, video games, and Thanksgiving Break. He's timed the arrival of his computer components with the holiday vacation from school to blast aliens and enemy soldiers alike on his brand new, high-end gaming machine.
When the parts arrive, it soon becomes apparent that they aren't what he ordered from TechTerritory. He plays along, thinking he's the butt of a practical joke, and builds the “quantum computer.” His annoyance turns to shock when the computer powers on.
