Coffee, Love, and Other Stimulants

by Roselyn Jewell

  She glances around. “Don’t know. He’s a workaholic but I can’t see him missing your birthday celebration.”

  I pick out one of the roses. “I’ve always dreamed of being with a guy who sent me roses.” A door swings open and Todd walks back into the room.

  “Where did you go?” Cindy asks.

  “To my office.” He turns to me. “Kate, have you thought about what you’re going to do once you graduate?” Before I can answer he blurts out,

  “What do you think about working here as my pharmacist partner?”

  For a second I sit where I am and stare at him. I blink. Twice. “Really?” I swallow hard. “I would love that.” I have been worried my future and any future with Adam if I get a job in another town. Now I don’t have to move away from him.

  Todd hands me a folded piece of paper. “Here’s the formalized offer.”

  Everyone rushes to congratulate me. I get lost in the sea of hands clapping my back, hugs, and words of praise. After a few minutes, Sam and Ahanna leave for their own jobs, Linda goes home, and Cindy hurries to the counter to fill prescriptions before customers come in. I gather up my presents and Todd takes care of the garbage left from the cake.

  Glancing at his back, I tell him, “I was beginning to think you weren’t going to offer me the job.”

  He hesitates, straightens and turns to face me. “I…didn’t want it to be awkward for you because of our history. But since you have a boyfriend, and it seems pretty serious, our history doesn’t seem like it’s going to be a problem.”

  I nod. “It won’t be.” And I vow to make that true.

  Todd glances at the trash bag in his hand. “Is he at least better than your last boyfriend?”

  “He’s amazing.”

  “Good.” He looks at me. “You deserve someone amazing.”

  I have to look away so I stare at the rose in my hand. Todd goes through the back exit to the dumpsters are. Some of my happiness seems to leave with him, but I ignore the sudden loss. I am going to make very sure I can at least work with Todd.

  ●

  A couple of days later Adam invites me to his apartment to have our own birthday celebration. He opens the door and gives me a sheepish grin.

  “I’m sorry the apartment isn’t much, but it’s what I can afford.”

  “It’s great.” I gaze around the apartment. It is relatively sparse but it hardly seems cheap. He has a flat screen TV and a pool table. I sit on his brown, microfiber couch—one of the few things that makes me think college budget. “It actually seems really nice.”

  He glances around the apartment, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, I’ve found some good deals. It’s the business side of me.” He gestures to the kitchenette. “I’m not the best cook,” he confesses. “But I made the most complicated dish I know.”

  I walk into the kitchen. A white cloth covers a table. A bright flame flickers from a single candle that is tucked into a blue beer bottle. The light bounces off two glasses of red wine. A bowl of spaghetti and a plate of garlic bread weave their aromas into the room.

  I wrap my arms around his waist and kiss his cheek. “It’s perfect.”

  He smiles and kisses the top of my head. We sit down across from each other. He serves me a plate full of food. All I can think of is how lucky I am and how my whole life is finally coming together. “I have some really great news,” I say as we begin to eat.

  “Oh?” He twirls spaghetti noodles around his fork.

  “I was offered a job as a staff pharmacist at Davidson Pharmacy. “I’ll be an official drug dealer.”

  I expect him to grin and hug me. At the very least, I expect him to congratulate me. He doesn’t. His stare drops to his food and he mashes his spaghetti against his plate.

  Confused, I want to reach out and take his hand, but I sit still my spaghetti going cold. “This is good. It means my career is moving forward and I don’t need to leave the area.”

  He glances up at me. “I’m sorry. I’m just surprised. I thought you were moving after graduation.”

  “I don’t understand why you would think that.” I grit my teeth, trying to conceal my hurt. “Did you want to stop dating?”

  “No, I didn’t mean…” He puts his hand over mine and squeezes it, smiling. “I just had thoughts of leaving after I graduate and I assumed we were on the same path. I’m sorry. You caught me off guard. I am very proud of you. We should celebrate with something better than spaghetti.”

  I pick up my wine. “This is fine.”

  “My amazing, beautiful, drug-dealing girlfriend deserves the best. Are you free Saturday?”

  I fiddle with my napkin, blushing. “I’m your girlfriend?”

  He leans over the table and kisses me. I smile as I taste his commitment against my lips. Leaning back, he says, “Of course.”

  “I’m busy on Saturday.” He opens his mouth, but I raise my finger to silence him. “I have plans with my amazing, business-crook boyfriend.”

  He grins. We share another kiss. The candlelight casts half of his face in light and the other half in shadow.

  ●

  In celebration of my new job, Adam takes me on a dinner cruise. I wear a white cocktail dress that gets his attention, although he tries to avoid staring at the hemline that rises halfway up my thighs. We get onto a luxury yacht at six and it sets sail taking us around the beauty of Grand Lake. The cold wind whips my hair and stings my face. Adam’s arm around my waist makes me feel incredibly vulnerable and powerful at the same time.

  We’re served dinner at the center of the yacht. We share a shrimp cocktail appetizer. For the main meal, Adam has sirloin steak while I have pork tenderloin. For dessert, we share a chocolate mousse and a strawberry crepe. I know this has to be almost impossible for him to pay for, so I decide he was telling the truth when he said he was just surprised I am staying in Drexton.

  When the yacht is pulling back to the pier, fireworks burst over the lake. I rest my head on Adam’s shoulder as we watch them.

  “So what did you think?” he asks.

  “I think you’re the best boyfriend ever.” I kiss him, taking my time to explore his lips, his mouth. When I’m out of breath, I pull back. The fireworks light up his face.

  He runs his fingers through my hair. I shiver from his touch. He rubs his hands over my arms. “Are you cold? We should get in the car. It’s pretty late.”

  I nod even though heat rushes under my skin. He drives me back to my apartment. When he parks, I have the overwhelming feeling I already miss him but he’s still beside me. I unlatch his seatbelt.

  He grabs my hand. “What are you doing?”

  “I want you to come inside and keep me warm.”

  I lead him up to my apartment, our hands clasped together the whole time. As soon as we reach my bedroom, I close the door behind me. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him with more confidence than I have ever had in my life. His hands move from my ribcage to my hips. We undress each other slowly, letting our clothes drop to the floor. Excitement builds inside me as bright as those fireworks were, bursting just like they did against the night sky. I slide onto the bed the sheets cool against my skin. Todd and I had sex here too. I suddenly see his eyes and his smile. For an instant, my heart tightens. I shake my head, trying to make the feeling, and Todd’s face, vanish.

  “No?” Adam asks. I thought him slender. Now he’s naked I see the sinewy shape of his body. He’s not as muscular as Taylor or Todd, but his body is toned and gives off a sense of power.

  “I’m not shaking my head to say no,” I tell him. “I’m shaking my head because I can’t believe I’m here with you now.”

  He grins. “I know exactly how you feel.”

  He rolls on a condom and lies over me. I can still smell lake air on his skin and it’s intoxicating. I put my hands on his waist as he maneuvers his body over mine, our legs tangling and our skin rubbing. I watch his emerald eyes darken as he pushes into me. His hips thrust so quickly that I los
e my grip on him. He kisses me without losing his rhythm. I lock my fingers around his neck and kiss him back with all the passion swirling in my chest. He groans and I feel him twitch inside me. After he reaches his peak, he collapses beside me, his breathing labored. I lie on my side and watch his chest rise and fall.

  “I love you,” I say.

  He glances over at me and kisses my cheek. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” he whispers.

  Nestling closer to him I fall into a deep sleep.

  ●

  Ahanna invites Sam and me to visit her for Easter break. I call Adam and he seems happy I am having a girls’ week. For the first few days we go for drinks every evening and hang out on the beach next to Ahanna's university every day. Some men flirt with me, but it only makes me miss Adam.

  I don’t get any calls from him. When I call him, his phone doesn’t ring or even go to voicemail. It must be shut off. I send him a text to tell him I’m doing well.

  By the time Sam, Ahanna, and I are having dinner together on the fourth day of break, Adam still hasn’t called me back. I try to not let it bother me because I know he’s under stress at work.

  Glancing around the restaurant, Sam says to Ahanna, “I can’t believe you got reservations here.”

  “I have a friend who has a friend who has a brother who’s a chef,” she says.

  Sam laughs and gives her a quick kiss. “I love you,” she says.

  I fold and unfold the cotton napkin, trying to keep my mind busy.

  “I love you too,” Ahanna says. My phone vibrates and Adam’s name glows on the screen. I open the text.

  Sorry. Been crazy busy at work. Glad you’re having fun. ttyl

  I type back to him, It’s ok. Don’t work too hard. Love U.

  The waitress comes by and Ahanna orders a bottle of merlot for us.

  “You’re normally not a wine drinker,” Sam says.

  Ahanna sways in her seat, bumping her shoulder against Sam with a child-like smile on her face. “I like to surprise you.” I check my phone but Adam hasn’t replied. Ahanna sets her hand on it. “Kate, as a woman in a long distance relationship, I can tell you to not revolve your life around your significant other’s calls. As long as you know he loves you, nothing else matters.”

  “He loves me,” I say, but it comes out sounding like I’m trying to convince everyone. Including myself. Has Adam ever really said the words?

  The waitress returns and pours the merlot into the glasses. After the waitress walks away, Ahanna raises her glass. “I’d like to toast to love, in all of its forms.” We clink glasses and take sips from the merlot. Ahanna makes a face. “Ugh.”

  Sam laughs and rolls her eyes. “I told you that you didn’t like wine!”

  By the time we finish our dinners—terrific seafood for all of us—and we’re all groaning about how full we are, Adam still hasn’t replied to my text. The waitress appears with a large slice of chocolate cake and sets it on the table.

  “Oh, my God,” Sam says. “She knows my weakness, but if I have another bite, I’ll die.”

  “You have enough room for a couple bites.” Ahanna hands her a fork.

  Sam raises her eyebrow. “Are you trying to kill me? Death by chocolate. Or trying to get me drunk with wine and then kill me by stuffing me until I explode?”

  “Try it,” Ahanna pleads, sticking out her bottom lip.

  Sam sighs and takes the fork. “You know that puppy look always works with me.” She stabs the fork into the cake but it gets stuck. Sam wrinkles her forehead and digs her fork into the cake. A velvet red box pops out of the cake slice. Sam’s mouth forms an “O” and she glances up at Ahanna. Ahanna nods and waves for her to keep going. With a gasp, Sam picks up the box and opens it. Inside a white gold band with a blue topaz gemstone is tucked into white velvet. Sam gapes at the ring.

  Ahanna drops to one knee in front of Sam. “Samantha Anne Cuthbert, will you marry me?”

  “Holy…Oh, my…of course!” Sam shouts. Ahanna stands and Sam nearly tackles her in a hug. They kiss hard, a messy kiss that still managed to be sweet. The entire restaurant claps. Ahanna pulls away from Sam to wave me over to them.

  Biting my lower lip, I shake my head. “I don’t want to ruin your guy’s big moment You shouldn’t have invited me if you were going to—“

  “Kate,” Ahanna interrupts. “I know that you think that you’re a third wheel, but that’s not what you are. You’re a good friend to both of us. You’ve helped us through the bumpy parts of our relationship. You’ve celebrated every happy moment with us. This moment wouldn’t be complete without you.”

  I move into her and Sam’s arms and we all hug.

  “Thank you,” I tell Ahanna. “I can’t imagine a better wife for my roommate.”

  We drink another glass of wine—Ahanna grimacing over every sip and Sam beaming. They argue over who gets to have me as a maid of honor or best man and Sam uses her roommate status as her trump card. As we leave the restaurant, I call Adam to tell him the good news, but it goes straight to his voicemail.

  It’s not until I snuggle into Ahanna’s couch that I receive a text back from him. Great to hear. So tired. Going to bed.

  I set my phone down on the side table. The light from the screen shines up onto the ceiling for a few seconds before I’m overcome by darkness. I start to wonder if I’ve made a mistake in going to bed with Adam. Was that all he wanted from me? Or am I just making too much out of too little? My head aches from the wine or maybe from too much worry.

  ●

  I watch the seconds tick past the digital clock at work. Adam is picking me up at five for our first date in over a week. Every time I’ve spoken to him he sounds stressed from overwork, and even his calls have been few and short. I try to convince him he should work less, but he says he needs the money. It reminds me of my arguments with Taylor about how he hated me working so much, but this time I’m on the other side. I promise myself not to mention it again.

  Cindy wraps her arm around my shoulder. “I am so proud of you. And insanely happy we aren’t getting a pharmacist from the outside.”

  I turn and stare at her. “Cindy, I’ve never known you to be shy around strangers.”

  “I’m not. But you’ve never worked with pharmacists outside of this place. They tend to be cranky old men with bad body odor and no sense of humor.”

  “Were you just calling me a cranky old man with body odor?” Todd asks walking up to the counter.

  “Oh, yeah,” I tease. “You’re a stinky one.”

  “I see. Now that you’re going to be my partner you feel like you can speak freely.” “I am glad that you’re going to be my partner, Kate. I don’t think I could trust my pharmacy with anyone else.”

  “Thank you,” I say. Cindy walks away to help a customer.

  Todd cracks his knuckles, glancing away from me. “How’s, uhh, your boyfriend? Adam?”

  A crazy urge sweeps over me to tell Todd everything—every fear and every worry. I bite it back and force a smile. “He’s good. We’re doing good.”

  He nods. “That’s great.”

  He walks over to the woman Cindy is helping. He reaches out to touch her upper arm. I remember his fingers brushing down my waist and hips. I frown and try to focus on something else.

  My feelings for Todd and my feelings for Adam are totally different. Adam is intense and thrilling. Todd…well, being with him is like feeling I’ve just been allowed to breathe freely for the first time. Neither is better. They’re just different.

  That’s what I tell myself.

  Todd catches me watching him. How did my stare drift back to him? He smiles. I look away, focusing on the pills in front of me. How can I forget the biggest difference between these two men is that I’m in love with Adam and simply infatuated with Todd. One is real and the other is all imagination. For all I know, Todd is a terrible boyfriend and that’s why he’s been single for the last year.

  Adam taps his knuckles on the count
er making me jump and almost spill the pills I just counted out. “Hey, beautiful.”

  “Hey, Adam.” Biting my lower lip I screw the top onto the bottle and slip it into a bag. I set it into the sorter. I walk around the counter to him and hug him.

  He drops a kiss on my cheek. “I’m so sorry I’ve been MIA all week. I wasn’t feeling well on top of working and I didn’t want to ruin your girls’ weekend. Plus, I miss you so much when you’re gone that it’s hard to talk to you without being close to you.”

  I tighten my arm around him. “That’s so sweet.”

  “To make it up to you, I’m yours all weekend.”

  “Good.” I trail my fingers down his thigh. “I have some ideas on how to help you relax.”

  He wraps his arm around my waist and we walk toward the door. For some reason, Todd catches my eye. I turn my head to see him. His lips turn down at the corners and his brow is furrowed. His eyes—full of the world—almost appear glossy.

  I look away.

  As the automatic door slides open Adam asks, “Is everything okay?” “Everything’s awesome.” Something seems to lodge in my throat. I decide it must be allergies acting up. For me and maybe for Todd too.

  ●

  My hometown is Meadowlark, which is two hours away from my university. I’m usually too busy to visit, but my brother is receiving his high school scholar athlete award this weekend. I ask Todd for the day off, and his first question is odd—he asks if Adam is going with me. I have to tell him Adam’s working and he has a big exam coming up. Todd gives me the weekend off, but his attitude seems more and more strange. When I arrive home, my parents and brother seem delighted to see me. They know about Todd’s job offer, but not about Adam. I don’t want to upstage my brother, John’s, weekend, so I figure I’ll tell them right before I leave.

  John accepts his award with his usual cockiness. My father seems near tears while my mother jumps to her feet and claps louder than the whole auditorium. It feels so good to be home and see how everything remains the same, even if the details have changed.