“I appreciate you bringing the sword, so I can admire the work we did together. I wish your uncle had not worked so hard. I didn’t want to see the work take his life.”
“You do not understand, Nathan-san. The work didn’t take his life. He gave his life to the work. He knew he would not live past its completion.”
Pondering for a moment, I grew quiet. I drew the katana from its sheath. It is magnificent. It gleamed in the light. It gave me a sense of pride to know not only did I have a hand in its forging, but a part of me, the blood spilled into it, would be forever a part of it. After returning the sword to its resting place in the scabbard, I tried to hand it back to Asahara as he presented it to me with both hands and the spine of the blade facing him. “Thank you. I will remember that sight for the rest of my life.”
Asahara lifted his right palm facing me, shaking his head no,” his palm shows the same tattoo his uncle had. It wasn’t there before. “You do not understand again. The katana is yours. It is yours to wield. It is yours to name.”
Stunned for a moment, then I said, “I can’t accept this work of art.” I once again held it up to Asahara. He refused.
“My uncle had been waiting his whole life to make this sword. Three generations passed without the making calling out to my family. Only two other blades in the memory of my family have been so made. One sits in the private museum of the Emperor. The other was lost in battle to the darkness.” He paused for a moment and closed his eyes. He must have been praying. “Nathan-san, as my uncle gave up his life to the sword, so too will the sword give its life to its wielder. You are its hand. Use it wisely and with honor.” Asahara bowed very deeply this time as did his apprentice and they left my home.
After I closed the door behind them, I looked at the sword in my hand. It felt lighter than I thought it would, and holding it is comforting somehow.
“Nathan, what did those gentlemen want?” Charlene asked as she came out into the living room with her book.
“They are the men I worked with a couple of weeks ago. They gave me this,” Presenting the sword to Charlene. I slowly drew the blade from its resting place. As before, it gleamed in the light.
“Is that what you were working on? It’s pretty, but not practical,” Char said dismissively.
“When is art ever practical?”
“Fine cooking is art and practical too.”
Grudgingly I said, “Point taken.” Looking around the room, I asked, “Where do you think we should display it?”
“Valiant try, Nathan, but we are not putting that thing up in my living room.”
The living room is mine too, but with tensions being what they are right now, I decided to let it slide for now. I placed it in a corner until the time is right to revisit this discussion.
Moiraine walked into the room and looked at us. She didn’t say a word. She looked dead behind her eyes. The drug is taking her away from us. “Moiraine, Honey I have some sad news.” Char dropped her book down and looked at me.
“What is it, Daddy?”
“You remember the kindly man who showed you how to make the cranes. He died, Moiraine.”
In a deadpan, she said, “Okay. Can I draw?”
What is happening to her? The news should have gotten some emotional reaction out of her. The drugs are harder on her than I first thought. “Sure, Honey.” Mo went into her room and brought out her coloring supplies, sat at the table, and began drawing.
“Nathan, I wish you hadn’t told her. She has had enough to deal with as it is.”
“What dealing with? She’s not dealing with anything. Those pills you are making her take are killing the happy little girl inside. You need to stop giving them to her.”
“No,” Char announced as she snapped closed her book and started to stand from the couch.
Also standing, I blocked her exit from the room. “This discussion is not over. I will be heard. I have a right to decide our course of action too.”
“I’m her mother. She came out of my body. Your role was over after a split second. I carried her for nine months. I almost died bring her into this world. I have greater authority. Now, let me by,” she reached out and started to push me out of the way.
Without either of us realizing it, Moiraine had crept upon us and is standing there looking at us. In a flat tone, Moiraine said, “Don’t fight. It makes me sad.”
Charlene put her book down and squatted down to be with Mo. “Oh, Moiraine. Mommy and daddy aren’t fighting. We are only talking loudly. We will talk softer.”
Mo turned and faced me, “I drew a picture.” She handed it to me. My heart screamed in agony as I looked upon her woe. It is a self-portrait. She had drawn herself in a cage. Her mouth was opened wide as if wailing. Out of her eyes were streams of tears. In the background of her portrait, a big bellowing mass stood. It has red eyes and a mouth with a shape which somehow conveyed laughter. In its maw are large yellow teeth dripping with blood. After a moment to mourn for my daughter’s sanity, I gave the picture to Charlene.
“Do you like my drawing, Daddy?” Moiraine asked with no emotion.
Her question hung in the air unanswered as I watched my wife go through the same torment as I had felt. Tears began running down her face. “Oh God, Nathan, her pain, I can’t take it.” Char put a hand to her chest.
“Drugs aren’t going to help her. Tonight, I AM going into her dreams again, no matter what you say. I want your blessing, but if I have to, I will do it even if you curse me.” Squatting down, I wrapped my arms around Moiraine and held her. She put her arms around me. It was robotic as if she was programmed to do it. Char wrapped her arms around Moiraine as well. We all hugged each other for a time.
That monster is beginning to cheese me off. I am going to end it. If the cost is my life, so be it. Hell, in my visions, I die anyway, so if I take him out along with me, I’m good.
It is time for dinner. No one feels like cooking tonight, so we went out to a local restaurant. It is more like a diner. There is no fancy food with strange names, only hardy eats. Moiraine didn’t voice any choice for dinner, so we ordered her favorite Cinnamon Roll French Toast. Charlene had a Chef Salad with the dressing on the side. She dips the fork in the dressing, then a forkful of salad. She always eats her salads that way. She claims it saves calories. I had a Patty Melt and fries.
When we returned home, Char helped Mo make ready for bed. Charlene began to give Moiraine the medication. “No. We are not doing it tonight,” I announced.
“Nathan, the doctor said this is what she needs to sleep until her therapy sessions.”
“Doctors don’t know everything. They told me you died, and your body didn’t know it yet,” I said it harsh and cruelly. Taking a breath and blowing it out. “I’m sorry.” With my wife’s hand in mine and with a catch in my throat, I spoke, “I trusted the doctors and brought you home to die. I gave up. Your father gave up. I even said my goodbyes to you.”
Charlene reached up and put her hand upon my cheek, “I know. I heard it, Nathan.” A tear ran down her face.
I brought Char’s hand to my lips, and tenderly kissed it. Pleading, I said, “This little girl, our Moiraine, didn’t give up on you. Don’t give up on her.”
Char turned to look at Moiraine, who is standing there waiting and said, “Moiraine, no medicine tonight. Let’s get you to bed.” Char took Moiraine into her bedroom. In silence, I watched from the doorway as Charlene tucked our daughter into bed. Moiraine closed her eyes and started to drift off. Charlene closed Mo’s bedroom door. She clasped my hand and led me to our bed.
As I was clearing my mind and getting ready to rescue my daughter’s sanity, a bolt hit me, and I sat up in bed. Throwing off the covers, I moved quickly to Mo’s side. Charlene was close behind me. Char said in a panic, “What’s wrong?”
“She doesn’t have the guys in bed with her.” I gathered up all her bedtime friends and placed them all around her as she slept. The teddy bear she received that terrible day, I placed
it closest to her head. “Right now, we need all the help we can get if we are to save her.” We started to leave my daughter’s room when I turned and spoke in a whisper, “Protect her well this night, guys.”
Char and I returned to our bed. We cuddled for a time. It is heart-warming. Maybe things will return to a more normal state in our marriage once our daughter is better. I prepared myself once again by quieting my mind, closing my eyes. I lifted myself out of my body
Wasting no time reveling in the wonder of my dream world, I rushed to my daughter. “Moiraine, I need you to enter this dream world.” Mo lifted out of her body as before, but there is no glee in her mood. She is as robotic and unemotional as in the waking world.
“What do you want, Daddy?”
“You need to take me into your dreams as we did before. Do you remember?”
“I don’t know how, Daddy.”
“Okay. Let me try.” Holding her hand, I willed us into her dreams. There is the sensation of us moving for a moment, then we are in her dreams. It is colorless. Everything in here is different shades of grey. Her dream had us in her room, but it is clean and sterile. It scared me seeing her room this neat. It is wrong, somehow. “Moiraine, is there anything you want me to see here in your dreams?”
Moiraine turned to look and pointed in a direction behind me. Turning around, I saw the scene of the shooting. Her mom is on the ground with blood everywhere. The creature and I are in a battle for his gun. Moiraine is not by her mother’s side as it happened. She is off to the side about ten yards away. She is in a cage with her hands on the bars. She is crying and shaking the bars trying to break free. There is no sound, except the struggle between me and the creature. It is like someone had hit the mute button on Mo. The scene looped back to the beginning. Moiraine’s mother is standing there with her when a shot rang out. It is deafening loud, and the sound is drawn out like it is in slow-motion somehow. As Moiraine started to cry, a cage appeared around her. Slowly the cage started to move further and further away. The distance is increasing between her and Charlene. When the scene ended, it looped back to the beginning again.
“Oh, no. Not again.” In the dream, I rushed to the cage. With my hands on the bars, I tried to break them. My whole being needed to free my daughter. I strained and strained, but the bars would not budge. My thoughts willed a crowbar to appear in my hands, and with it, I tried to force the bars apart. They held fast. A whole clone army of myself assembled when I willed it. We put our collective hands every place they would fit on the cage. It is no better than before. My beautiful katana came to mind, and a dream version is on my back. I drew the sword. It gleamed in a light brighter than my daughter’s smile. I put my will to it and tried to slice open the cage. The blade bounced off. Again, and again I swung at the cage which holds Moiraine. My efforts are futile. Not a scratch is on this prison of my daughter’s own creation. Maybe I need images Mo understands. She needs images which have strength in her mind. The guys began to appear one by one. First was Winnie the Pooh, then Eeyore. Next to appear was Piglet, Tigger, and Buzz Lightyear. The instant they came into being, they animated and rushed to the bars and began their efforts. Even this cadre had no effect on the bars. Wait, someone is missing. The teddy bear. I dreamed the bear into the struggle. He arrived twice the size of the other guys. He joined the fray. She is still trapped. Nothing is working.
I left Mo’s dream and returned to my body. Instantly I was ravenous as I sat up in bed. My nightclothes are soaked. My body is shaking, but not from the cold. All I could think about is food. My body didn’t obey my commands. I tried to make it to the kitchen, but I couldn’t even get out of bed. I gasped out, “Char, I need food. Bring me anything.” She did not hesitate. She didn’t even bother to make me anything. She brought a jar of peanut butter, a spoon, and a carton of milk. With a passion, I dug into the peanut butter. Straight out of the carton, I chugged the milk down. In-between bites and swallows, I said, “Sorry, about all this mannerless eating.”
Char said, “I don’t care. You scared me the way you sounded and looked. Do you need any more? Did it work? Is she better? What do you think?”
My eating is done. The gnawing hunger is gone, and the shaking subsided. “No, I’m fine thanks,” I took a breath. “It didn’t do a damn bit of good. She is trapped in her nightmare, and in this dream, she seems to be getting further away from herself. Our little girl is disappearing. Give me a minute, and then I will go back in there and try again.” Taking my wife’s hand for reassurance, I squeezed it and laid back down, closed my eyes, and said, “Have strength. We’ll get through this.”
In the blink of an eye, I am in the dream world. Standing beside me is Charlene. “How did you get here? I didn’t lift you up.”
“How do you know I didn’t lift myself up?” She smirked a bit then she showed me we are holding hands. “Put me back so I can watch over you and Moiraine.”
“Why don’t we enter Mo’s dream together?”
“I don’t know, Nathan. What if something goes wrong?”
“We can’t let fear rule us. Besides, you may see something in Mo’s dream, which I don’t. Your insight might be enough to tip the balance in her favor. Together we can do this for our girl. You’re her mother. Now, man up, and let’s do this.”
“Man up, Nathan. Really?” She said with a cockeyed look.
“Okay. Woman up.” I wasted no more time because our daughter’s mind is at stake. I willed us straight into her dream. We both stood at the crosswalk of our grief. The loop had reset. Char is on the ground in a puddle of blood, and I am fighting an increasingly terrifying Mark Galos. Watching in a catatonic state is a Moiraine. The cage holding my true daughter is almost out of sight. It is no more than a speck on the horizon of her mind.
“Nathan, is this how it looked?” Char cried out.
“Pretty close. There wasn’t that much blood on the ground, and I did a little better against the monster,” I said. “We have no time to ponder. We must get to Mo. Follow me,” I commanded. We ran toward the speck. It grew as we drew closer. The guys are still working at the cage. Taking up the bars in my hands, I tried to bend them. Charlene followed suit. All of us together are not budging it. It isn’t working, so we paused a moment.
Char spoke to the caged and the crying Moiraine, “Hush, hush, hush. Mommy is here. Everything will be alright.” Charlene tried to reach through the bars. She could not touch our daughter. Char looked at me with anguish on her face, “Nathan, I can’t touch her,” and her face turned from anguish to determination. Charlene once again took hold of the bars and strained against them. I took hold of them again, as well. The guys had never stopped. We all strained together.
The bars are bending, but not enough to free our daughter. The scene reset, and the cage holding our baby traveled away from us and further from the nightmare. “We almost had it. I have an idea. We need another set of hands. Stay with her. I will be right back.” I willed myself to the core of Moiraine’s nightmare. With my face in front of Mo’s face to force her to look into my eyes, I said, “Daddy needs your help, Honey. Come with me.”
Her eyes are lifeless. Forcefully, I said, “Moiraine, you need to come with me.” Her eyes betrayed no change. “Mommy and I need your help.” Her eyes began to focus on me.
“Okay. What do you need, Daddy?” Grasping my daughter’s hand, I felt an almost unperceivable return of my grip. I willed us back to the caged version of Moiraine. I began to help the crowd of toys, and my wife try to free our daughter. We bent the bars a bit, but it wasn’t enough.
Pleading with my daughter, “Mo, help us!”
Charlene chimed in with, “Moiraine, Mommy, and Daddy need your help!” We continued to urge Mo to help us. Slowly she walked to the cage and put her hands on the bars.
“Now, everybody together!” I strained. Char strained. Moiraine started to strain at the bars as well. “Break!” I threw all my will into it.
The cage shattered into a thousand shards which fle
w in all directions. The air filled with my daughter’s lament. The Mo which tipped the balance faded away. Char picked up our baby girl and comforted her. I threw my arms around them both and added my comforting to Char’s. All the guys cheered and slowly faded away as they are no longer needed.
“Mommy, Daddy, I am so scared. That man is so mean. I thought he was going hurt me, too,” Mo said haltingly in between her sobs.
“We won’t let anyone hurt you,” Charlene announced.
“No, we won’t. We will protect you,” I squeezed them both a little harder. “I think we are better now.” We traveled out of the dream. My hunger wasn’t even in the same neighborhood as before. I am shaking uncontrollably. I am sweating buckets and looking through a tunnel. “Char help. I think …” I knew what I wanted to say, but it is coming out all mumbled. The next thing I knew, I could hear Charlene encouraging me to drink. There is a cup at my lips and liquid in my mouth. Orange juice, I think. Swallowing seemed to be an impossible task. I had to use all my concentration to accomplish it. Slowly the fuzziness sharpened, and I was back.
Moiraine climbed into bed with us. “Daddy, I made you a crane to feel better,” she said as she handed it to me.
My daughter is showing emotion again. My heart is soaring. “Thank you, Honey. I will treasure it always.”
Mo giggled and said, “It’s only folded paper, Daddy. You are so silly.” I pulled my daughter in for a big hug.
“Nathan, do you need more OJ?” I shook my head. “I don’t understand this. It’s like you have diabetes, and your glucose levels are way too low.”
“Me neither. Maybe when I travel in someone’s dreams, it requires a lot of energy, and when I take someone with me, the amount goes up geometrically. It might be a prudent measure to put on a few pounds for safety.”
The Forging Page 33
