"Uncertain!" Riff leaped to his feet. "Giga! This is kind of important to know."
She smiled at him and bowed her head. "Captain, I've calculated an accurate course to the landing pad. But we need some fuel to slow our descent and engage our landing gear."
"God damn hunk of junk," Nova muttered. Riff wasn't sure if she was referring to the ship, to Giga, or both.
The asteroid was getting a lot closer now. Riff could no longer see space around it, just a massive city on a massive rock, getting closer and closer.
He cursed and hit the communicator he kept strapped across his wrist. "Piston! You hear me down there?"
The gruffle's voice rose through the speakers. "Aye, Captain. We're out of fuel, Captain!"
"I know!" Riff winced seeing the asteroid approach. "Can you slow our flight and get out our landing gear?"
"Aye, Captain," Piston said. "I can reroute battery power to the side thrusters, and I can hack through to the landing gear. Shouldn't take more than an hour, sir."
Riff cursed and turned to Giga. "Get us out of here! Fly away from this damn rock. Give Piston time to work."
The android smiled sweetly. "Cannot compute. No fuel left to change course."
Riff let out an enraged groan and spoke back into his communicator. "Piston, you have thirty seconds." He hung up and turned toward Steel and Nova. "Put your seatbelts on."
"There are none!" Steel said, gripping his armrests.
Nova leaped right onto the knight's lap. She began to tie her whip around them.
"What! Nova!" The knight blustered. "Stop that, this is not the place nor the time for—"
"Shut up!" she shouted. "I'm saving your life!"
"What about me?" Riff cried as the asteroid zoomed up toward them.
"You can fly through the windshield!" Nova shouted back. "Maybe it'll knock some sense into your head."
"Cannot compute 'windshield.'" Giga tilted her head. "There is no wind in space. Did you mean front fused silica viewport panes?"
"I meant windshields!" Nova shouted. "That's what I call them. I—whoa!"
The ship jerked madly. Steam blasted out into space. They veered through the vacuum. The lights of Pyrite City streamed below upon the rock.
"Captain!" rose Piston's voice from the communicator. "Captain, I had to blast air out from the attic! Might want to avoid stepping up there, unless you enjoy time in a vacuum. I have a clever way to bring out the landing gear too, sir. I just got to divert the cooling vapor into—"
"Stop explaining, just do it!" Riff shouted.
He could see the landing field ahead. A hundred other starships stood there, clinging to the asteroid's microgravity. Riff gritted his teeth and clung to his seat. At his side, Steel tightened his arms around Nova, who sat in his lap; her whip wrapped around them both. Only Giga seem unperturbed, standing in the open. Riff reached out and grabbed the android's hand.
"Hold onto me, Gig," he said. "This might get bumpy."
"Happy to comply!" Her hand tightened around his.
For another two seconds, they streamed through space.
Then the universe seemed to shatter.
Sparks flew in a great shower, covering the windshield.
The impact bolted Riff out of his seat. He clung to Giga with one hand, to his chair with the other. From deep in the ship, he could hear Romy cry out in terror. Smoke blasted out. Bolts rattled. The hula dancer bobblehead fell off the dashboard. The ship jerked again, pushing Riff deep into his seat. Giga fell right onto his lap, and he clung to her.
With a great screech, the HMS Dragon Huntress ground to a halt on the landing pad.
"Yeah!" Nova shouted, a huge grin on her face. "That was fun. I like this ship."
Steel's face looked green. "I miss my horse."
Romy's voice rose from deep within the ship, sounding miserable. "I fell on my bum again."
Riff had to sit for long, quiet moments, holding Giga on his lap. He spat out a strand of her hair.
"Are we landed?" he whispered.
Giga nodded. "Aye, sir."
"Good. Good." Riff gulped. "Giga, do we carry any spare underwear on the ship?"
"Aye, sir."
"Fantastic." He wiped his brow. "Wonderful thing to keep stocked, fresh underwear. Useful when you have a bunch of morons flying your ship."
He groaned and rose to his feet. His head spun. Outside the windshield, he saw the runway, several other parked ships, and beyond them the bright glass buildings of the city. No sirens. No enraged police. If anyone in Pyrite City had noticed the near-crash, it seemed they had shrugged it off.
The door to the bridge opened. Piston and Twig entered, badges with the words "Alien Hunters" pinned to their chests. Piston held out several more badges in his massive palms.
"We have to wear badges?" Steel asked, frowning. He placed his hand over his heart. His breastplate was still scratched there; it was the place that had once displayed the sigil of the Knights of Sol, a sigil he had been forced to efface.
"Aye, laddie." Piston nodded. "It'll snap right onto your armor. Got to be professional when dealing with the clients, you know."
"Is that why there's mustard on your clothes?" little Twig asked, poking a stain on Piston's leather-clad gut.
The gruffle raised his hammer; its metal head was nearly larger than Twig. "Hush you!"
Twig thrust out her chin at him and smoothed her own clothes—cargo pants and a white shirt—obviously rather proud of how clean they were. Her collection of wrenches, her pride and joy, hung from her tool belt.
Riff was still wearing the jeans and T-shirt he had worn in the Blue Strings. He chose an Alien Hunters badge from the pile and pinned it to his chest. At his side, Nova snapped a badge onto her catsuit. Steel snapped a badge onto his breastplate, hiding the old sigil that had once shone there.
"Great," Riff said. "Ready to hunt a tardigrade and make some bucks?"
And look for Dad, he added silently.
They all nodded.
Before they could leave the bridge, Romy darted in through the doorway. She had finally changed out of her pajamas. She now wore jeans shorts and a T-shirt with a purple dinosaur on the chest. Holes were cut into the clothes for her tail and wings. An Alien Hunters badge proudly shone upon her breast. She held a red pitchfork in one hand, her teddy bear in the other.
"Oh hai, everyone!" The demon wagged her tail. "I'm ready."
Piston glared at her. "Not you! You stay on the ship, you clod."
Romy's tail hung low between her legs. Her hair of living fire drooped. "I thought you wanted me off the ship."
"I do!" Piston said. "Oh gods of stone and metal, I do. But I don't want you roaming loose in Pyrite City neither. You're likely to blast the whole asteroid to bits. Get into your attic!"
"I can't!" Romy stamped her feet. "You took all the air out, and it's a vacuum in there now, and my hair needs air to live." She pointed at the fire on her head. "If you haven't noticed, it's made of fire. And fire needs oxygen." She raised her nose. "So I have to come with you. I have to or I'll die."
"No." Piston crossed his arms.
Romy pouted. She turned toward Riff. "Please, Captain! Oh please. I'll be ever so good. Piston never lets me go anywhere. He keeps me cooped up in this ship all day long, and I never get to hunt aliens. Please let me come along! I promise I'll catch the tardigrade for you. I'm good at hunting tardigrades. Back in Hell, when I was only a little demon, I always used to hunt them."
"There's no such thing as Hell," Riff said. "That's just a myth."
She snorted. "Well, how do you explain a demon? I ain't no alien. I hunt aliens!" She growled and brandished her pitchfork.
Riff rolled his eyes. "Fine! If I leave you here, you're likely to eat the furniture." He turned toward Giga next; the android had not pinned a badge to her kimono. Riff's voice softened. "Aren't you coming with us, Giga?"
Romy snorted. "She can't!"
Riff frowned and stepped closer to the android. He he
ld her hands. "You can't come with us, Giga?"
For the first time since he'd known her, the android did not smile. She lowered her head, her eyes sad. "I am a Human Interface, Captain. I'm part of this ship. I cannot ever leave it, no more than a brain can leave a body." The android turned to stare out the windshield, her expression almost wistful. "For many years, I've dreamed of stepping out there, of seeing the wondrous worlds of the galaxy. Yet should I leave this ship, my positronic network will lose its connection. I would die."
Riff squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry, Giga. I didn't know. How about I buy you a gift out there—bring a bit of that outside world inside the ship? What would you like?"
The android's face brightened. "A bobblehead." She pointed at the hula dancer who swayed on the dashboard. "Our old captain bought me that once, when I was only a new android, still fresh from my packaging. I would quite like another one."
"If I can find one, I'll buy one." Riff nodded. "That's a promise." He turned to the others. "Now let's go! While the cosmos is young."
Leaving Giga on the bridge, the others stepped through the main deck, opened the airlock, and climbed outside to hunt an alien.
CHAPTER TWELVE:
FOOL'S GOLD
Six Alien Hunters walked into Pyrite City, their badges on their chests, hefting their weapons.
Riff Starfire, his gun in his holster, his jeans torn but his head held high. Steel Starfire, clad in armor, a massive mustache covering his lip and a massive sword at his waist. Nova the ashai gladiator, swaying in her golden uniform, her electric whip crackling in her hand. Piston, gruff and burly, a hunk of muscle with a beard and a hammer large enough to shatter worlds. Twiggle Jauntyfoot, small and quick, a deadly electric wrench in her hand, the pockets of her cargo pants jangling with screws and bolts. Finally, struggling to keep up, Romy the demon, her hair a living torch, her fangs gleaming, her wings wide, a pitchfork and teddy bear in her hands.
Their badges all gleamed, displaying their name: Alien Hunters.
Has anyone in the galaxy, Riff wondered as they entered the city's main boulevard, ever seen a more useless bunch of misfits?
Pyrite City, true to its name, glittered like fool's gold. Halls of glass and metal rose upon the asteroid, clutching the great rock in a garish embrace. Within shone a thousand bars, clubs, brothels, and casinos. The miners who had first drilled here had grown rich. They had brought their families. They had attracted thousands of other businesses like a carcass attracts flies. Where money flowed from the rock, places to spend that money grew in a forest of light.
Riff and his crew now walked down the main boulevard which led from the spaceport deeper into the city. Above, through a glass ceiling, Riff could barely see the stars. Too much light shone from the buildings at his sides. Tourists played slot machines within glittering dens. Animatronic animals roared and reared as children squealed on their backs. Miner's wives shopped for jewels and gowns. Teenagers laughed as they played minigolf in a field of robotic dinosaurs.
As they walked deeper into the city, Steel's frown deepened too.
"What has happened to humanity?" the knight muttered. "We've replaced honor with idols of gold."
"Of pyrite," Riff said. "We no longer live in the dark ages, brother. Gold is useless. Pyrite holds the universe together. Can't enter hyperspace without it."
The knight snorted. "In the old days, they called it fool's gold. Fools are what I still see."
While the knight glowered, Romy looked around with huge eyes. Her jaw hung loose.
"Riff, Riff!" The demon ran up to him, tail wagging. "Can I go play minigolf? Please please please."
"No, Romy."
She whined and hopped around. "Can I go ride the elephant?" She pointed at a pink animatronic elephant with a top hat and swan wings. "Oh please!"
"Romy, no!" Riff grabbed her hand and dragged her along. "We've got no time or money for games. We have to catch a tardigrade."
The demon pouted. "But I want to ride the elephant!" Her voice rose almost as loud as an elephant's trumpeting. "I want to, I want to, I—"
"Romy, if you misbehave, I'm going to lock you up in the spaceship again."
She groaned and stamped her feet, but she shut her mouth and walked along with him. Her tail dragged between her legs.
As they walked deeper into the city, Riff moved to walk closer to Steel. He leaned over and spoke softly for only his brother's ears.
"Steel, keep both eyes open. I don't trust that Grotter's not still skulking about, or that he can't reach us even here. See any sign of something off? Anything you suspect?"
The knight looked around, eyes narrow. "I've seen evil here, but not the evil of the Cosmians." He met Riff's eyes. "If they arrive here, you have my sword. We fought them on Earth. We will fight them here if we must. I've got your back, brother. Always."
Riff turned to his left and saw Nova walking there. She moved closer to him. She held her whip with one hand, and she placed her other hand on his shoulder.
"And you have my whip, Riff." Her green eyes stared at him steadily.
He nodded. His throat suddenly felt too tight for words. The past week had turned his life upside down and shaken it more wildly than a crashing starship. He had killed men. He had lost his home, lost all that was dear to him. And now he was here, so far from Earth, poor, afraid, Cosmians behind him and an empire of predators ahead of him.
But I have Steel and Nova, he thought. I have my brother. I have the woman whom I love.
In a cosmos torn apart, they were his anchors. Forever at his sides.
A high-pitched voice rose from ahead. "Alien Hunters! Are you the Alien Hunters?"
Riff looked forward to see a little, balding starling in a gray polyester suit rush toward them. Starlings were what most folk called "mostly human." Over thousands of years in the galaxy, a few humans had picked up some alien genes. Often the babes died, horribly deformed. Sometimes they survived and passed on the starling genes to future generations. The starling before Riff reminded him of a mole. The man had long whiskers, buck teeth, and very large, very dark eyes that made sucking sounds as they blinked.
"Alien Hunters, at your service," Riff said. It still felt strange to think of himself as having an actual job. Aside from his three days at age sixteen working at an egg whisk factory, this would be his first day doing real work.
I never had a real job, real money, a real life when I brought Nova to Earth. I'll show her that I can be the man she has always needed me to be.
Riff reached out his hand, and the starling shook it in his paw. The man had fingers that ended with small, hard claws like halved coins. Sweat dripped down his forehead.
"Thank goodness you're here. You're three months late!" The starling wiped his hand on a handkerchief. "I am Myron, chief of logistics here at Pyrite Mines, and it's been a disaster, an absolute disaster."
Riff nodded sympathetically. "I heard you have a tardigrade infestation. Cute little critters. Shouldn't be too hard to remove. Lead the way. We'll take care of it."
I'll step on the little bugger, then collect our thousand bucks and get off this rock, he thought. He wanted to leave quickly. The casinos, pubs, rides—none of it appealed to him. He needed to be back out in space. To blast off to Vega and find the pirilian woman . . . and maybe his father.
Myron led them through the city, his gait shuffling and nervous. The starling kept rubbing his hands together, mumbling of lost revenue, of pyrite shipments late to deliver, and of the ruin that would befall his little kingdom. He led them away from the bars and neon lights and to a platform overlooking a track. A tunnel drove deep into darkness.
"I'll take you to see the mines." Myron wrung his hands. "Oh, by the golden gods . . . it's tearing them apart."
The starling pressed a button, and lights flared in the tunnel. A yellow train emerged from the shadows, shrieking across the tracks, looking like a great caterpillar that moved on many legs. When Riff looked closer, he saw that it was a caterpill
ar—a massive, train-sized caterpillar that scuttled across the tracks. The great beast skidded to a stop at the platform.
"It's . . . a living train." Riff rubbed his eyes.
Myron frowned. "Well, we wouldn't kill it!" He gestured. "Come on, come on. Hurry up now."
He swung open a door on the caterpillar's body, revealing a hollowed out interior. Riff glanced at his fellow Alien Hunters. They seemed as shocked as he was.
"While we're young!" Myron said, stepping into the cabin.
Riff shrugged and stepped into the giant caterpillar. Clutching their weapons and glancing around, his companions followed. On the inside, the caterpillar was smooth and hard. Framed advertisements for lingerie, casinos, and Happy Cow's Shawarma hung on the walls. Once the door was closed, the great caterpillar burst into a run. Through windows, Riff saw the walls of the tunnel stream by.
Romy leaned closer to Riff and whispered, "This is even better than an elephant ride!"
The caterpillar kept scuttling down the tunnel, sloping downward into the asteroid. Lights streamed alongside. Smooth jazz played within the cabin from hidden speakers, officially known as the worst music in the universe. It made Riff more queasy than the swaying floor did.
Finally, blessedly, the living train slowed to a halt and the doors swung open. Myron led the way, and the Alien Hunters stepped outside to find themselves gazing upon the mines of Pyrite.
"Wow," Riff whispered.
"Wow," Nova agreed.
Piston tsked his tongue. "Amateurs, you humans are. Amateurs. Back on my planet, dogs dig better holes than this."
Riff had never been to Piston's planet, the great mining world of Gruffstone, but he was hard-pressed to imagine any mines more impressive than these.
Below the platform, a shaft sank deep into the asteroid. It seemed to plunge down for kilometers, lined with blinking lights. Hundreds of smaller tunnels branched off from it, leading in every direction. Metal tracks rose along the walls, and wagons moved up and down like elevators. When Riff tilted over the edge, he could see pyrite glistening below; flecks of the precious metal covered the walls. The shaft rose even higher than the platform, leading for another kilometer upward. Far above, Riff could see the stars; a shimmering force field kept the air inside.
Alien Hunters - Discover Sci-Fi Special Edition Page 9
