She smiled, too, and hers was as forced as his. “You don’t have to stay in limbo. People do settle down here, you know.”
“I know, but it’s time for me to go back.” His gaze drifted until snagged by some invisible spot on the far wall. He drew in a deep breath, but instead of meeting her eyes, he frowned down at Brinks. “I don’t know what to do with him. He mopes around all night long. I think he misses staying here.”
Her gaze followed his to the big black head still resting in her lap. Brinks’s dark eyes held sadness, maybe even pleading. Another wave of tears surged forward, and she shored up her defenses, trying to hold off the flood that threatened. Two droplets escaped anyway, trailing twin paths downward. The dam was weakening.
Blake repositioned himself on the sofa to turn toward her. He cupped her face and brushed his thumb across her cheek, smearing the moisture there.
“I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. But it’s best that I go.”
“Why?” She wasn’t going to beg him to stay. But she wouldn’t let him walk away without an explanation.
“Because if I don’t leave Cedar Key, I won’t be able to stay away from you.”
“What if I don’t want you to stay away?”
He pushed himself to his feet and stood facing her, leaning on his cane. “Look at me, Allison.”
Her gaze swept over him, and the love that swelled in her heart sent pain shooting through her chest. Love wasn’t supposed to hurt. But too often, it did. She stood and put both hands on his shoulders. “So you can’t do everything you used to do. That doesn’t matter to me.”
“Maybe not now, but someday it will.”
Anger flashed through the pain. “Who are you to say how I’m going to feel?”
“In this case, I’m more qualified than you are. Been there, done that.” He spun on his good leg and limped toward the front door.
“I’m not your ex-fiancée!” She shouted the words at his retreating back.
He ignored her argument. “Come on, Brinks.”
Instead of following, the dog pressed himself against her leg.
Blake called him again, with no more success than the first time. When he reached the foyer, he looked back at Brinks and heaved a sigh. “He loves me, but he adores you. If I take him, he’s going to be miserable.”
Her eyes sought out his. “You’re thinking about leaving him here?”
“He would be happier. But only if you want him.”
Brinks squeezed even closer, as if he understood the discussion and was making his choice known. She reached down to pet him. She had gotten attached to him over the past few weeks. But so had Blake. She could see it in his eyes. If she kept Brinks, Blake would be alone.
She squared her shoulders. He was the one who was choosing to leave, not her. And Brinks wanted to stay. She could make it work. A neighbor could take him out if she was tied up on a charter. Besides, as long as she had Blake’s dog, there was that small sliver of hope that he might come back.
“He can stay.”
Blake gave the briefest nod and opened the front door. Then he hesitated, jaw tight. Tension rolled off him, proof of the battle going on inside.
She rested a hand on his forearm. “Is this what you really want?”
He pulled away and stepped onto the porch. “No, it’s not what I want. But it’s best.”
“What about what I want? Doesn’t that matter?”
“What you think you want right now won’t last. I don’t want to be here the day you realize you made a mistake and want someone whole.”
She shook her head, her heart twisting in her chest. “If you think I’m anything like her, you don’t know me at all.”
He opened his mouth, as if he had something else to say, then snapped it shut and turned away. Did he hurt as badly as she did? No. If he did, he wouldn’t be leaving.
“I’m sorry, Allison.” He spoke the words without turning around.
She watched him limp down the steps, make his way to the sidewalk and turn in the direction of Cedar Cove. She should offer to give him a ride back. But she couldn’t. The dam was cracking, threatening to collapse. She was moments away from a total breakdown.
She stared several more moments at his retreating figure, knowing she would probably never see him again. Brinks let out a soft whimper and pressed his face against her hand. She drew in a shaky breath and backed into the foyer. The door closed with the softest thud.
And the dam broke.
FOURTEEN
Blake stepped gingerly around his boat, ready to cast off. Four days had passed since he’d trashed his knee. He had a bottle of pain pills, a cane and an official diagnosis— instability of ligaments due to damage. He also had a brace, something he would have to wear long-term, maybe indefinitely.
He released a sigh and let his gaze drift to the slip that Tranquility often occupied. It was empty. He knew it would be. Allison had a charter this morning. He was glad. Leaving would be easier.
Saying goodbye was the hardest thing he had ever done. Seeing the hurt in her eyes almost shredded his heart. But she was strong. In time, she would be all right.
He turned the key in the ignition, and the inboard hummed to life. When he rose to untie the dock line, Hunter was making his way toward him. He was out of uniform, apparently not on duty. He stopped next to the boat and crossed his arms.
“Where are you going?”
“Back to Dallas.”
“That’s what Allison tells me. Are you coming back?”
“Probably not.”
“Why not?”
What, was he being interrogated? His annoyance came out in his tone. “Dallas is my home. My doctors are there.”
“Uh-huh.” Hunter wasn’t buying it. Allison hadn’t, either. “So how often are you having to see these doctors? Seems like the work’s mostly done.”
He shrugged. “I have to go through more physical therapy.”
“And there aren’t good physical therapists in Florida? I happen to have a friend who’s an awesome physical therapist at Nature Coast Rehabilitation, right over in Chiefland.”
“Well, good for your friend.”
Regret nudged him before the words were all the way out of his mouth. But everyone was beating him up. First it had been his mom. She had even gone so far as to tell him that she didn’t want him coming back unless he had Allison with him. Now Hunter was here trying to keep him from leaving. Didn’t anyone think he could manage his own affairs without interference?
He untied the first dock line and began to coil it, but before he could proceed further, Hunter stepped onto his boat. Indignation surged through him. No man stepped onto another man’s boat without being invited.
“What are you doing?”
Hunter didn’t respond, just moved to the console, turned the motor off and snatched the key from the ignition.
Blake asked the question again, with even more indignation than the first time. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Trying to keep two good friends from making the biggest mistake of their lives.” He slipped the key into his pocket.
Blake took a step toward him, his stance threatening. “Unless you have a valid reason for detaining me, I’d suggest you give me back my keys.”
“Not until you hear me out.”
Short of challenging him to a physical duel, Blake was left with no choice. He crossed his arms and scowled at Hunter. “All right. Talk.”
“I don’t know Allison’s entire past, but I know she’s been hurt. And it’s kept her from getting involved with anyone. Until now. She loves you, Blake.”
“Look at me. I can’t run, I can’t do sports, I can’t even walk without limping.”
“Do you think she cares about that?”
“She deserves better than me.”
“What she deserves is someone who’ll cherish her. Someone who’ll stay by her side and never leave her. Someone who loves her.”
Yes, she deserved all of that. And more. More than he was able to give.
Hunter persisted. “Do you love her?”
“What I feel doesn’t matter.”
“Do you love her?”
“For someone like Allison, being tied to a cripple would get really old.”
Hunter asked the question a third time, emphasizing each word, voice raised. “Do you love her?”
“Yes.” His volume matched Hunter’s. “Yes, I love her.”
“Then I’d suggest you end your pity party right now and go fix things before you totally blow it.”
Pity party? Was that what Hunter thought this was about?
Hunter pulled the key from his pocket and laid it on the seat. “Think about it. You’ve got a good woman who loves you just the way you are. Accept that. Don’t make a decision you’ll regret the rest of your life.”
Then he stepped from the boat, walked up the dock and disappeared around the side of the Cedar Cove Beach and Yacht Club. And for several minutes, Blake just stood there, Hunter’s words circling through his mind—I’d suggest you end your pity party right now.
Hunter didn’t know what he was talking about. All his life, whatever had come his way, he had handled it. He had never felt sorry for himself.
Or had he?
Was he feeling sorry for himself now, and that was why he was pushing Allison away?
No. This wasn’t about him. It was about her. Her life. Her future. Her happiness.
He stepped from the boat and began to pace, limping up and down the dock, the cane making little thuds against the weathered boards. In light of Hunter’s wisdom, his arguments no longer sounded convincing.
No, it wasn’t about Allison. It was all about him. He couldn’t believe she would accept him, because he couldn’t accept himself. She had freely offered him her heart. And he had thrown it back at her.
He spun on his good leg and limped to his boat, determination strengthening his steps.
Dear God, please help me fix the mess I’ve made.
* * *
Allison closed her eyes and drew in a clean, salt-scented breath, determined to lift her spirits. The sun was halfway through its ascent into a cloudless blue sky, and the temperature was a perfect seventy-five degrees. It was another beautiful fall day. She was healthy, active and doing what she loved.
And she was alive. She had a lot to be thankful for.
She opened her eyes and let her gaze fall across her passengers—towheaded children in their little orange life jackets, two sitting with Dad and one with Mom. She had brought them out the main channel then had taken a northerly heading, past Seahorse and North Keys. Soon she would cross the Northwest Channel. That was the route Blake would take, headed back toward Texas.
Thank goodness she had a family today. If she had to deal with a couple of honeymooners all snuggled up making goo-goo eyes at each other, she’d burst into tears. Actually, she had shed so many last night that there probably weren’t any left.
And after the tears had come the anger. He had broken down the walls around her heart, gained her trust and won her love. And all the while, he had no intention of staying. His talk about friends and family visiting them in Cedar Key had meant nothing.
She sucked in another deep breath, trying to expel Blake from her thoughts. But as she passed the mouth of the channel, she couldn’t help glancing that direction. Had he left yet? Was he already well on his way?
A powerboat moved toward her, too far away to identify. At that distance, it could be anybody. She turned her attention ahead. After passing the channel, she took one look back. The boat had closed the gap, its speed more than double hers, even in the channel. And there was no doubt. It was Blake. She clenched her jaw and swallowed hard. Losing him was bad enough without having to watch him leave.
She turned her face forward, keeping her eyes on the horizon past the bow. A few minutes later, the distant roar of a motor rose over the sounds of the wind and waves. Probably Blake coming out of the channel. She wouldn’t look. It would only make it worse.
The roar grew closer. Someone was overtaking her. That was likely to be Blake, too. He would turn north and follow the coast all the way to Texas. Why hadn’t she sailed the other direction? She could have spared herself the grief altogether.
The roar grew louder until she could no longer ignore it. It sounded as if he was ready to climb over her transom. She turned in time to see him overtake her on the starboard side then cut back the throttle until he was doing little more than idling. He was matching her speed, their side rails less than ten feet apart. He also had the attention of her charter customers, adults and kids alike.
She glared at him. “Are you crazy? What are you doing?”
“We need to talk.”
“Out here?”
“I couldn’t wait until you got back. I love you, Allison.”
She ignored the way her stomach flipped. “So you’ve said. But it’s not stopping you from leaving. ”
“I’m staying in Cedar Key.”
“What?” She had to have heard him wrong.
He spoke louder. “I’m not going back to Texas. I’m staying in Cedar Key.”
She had heard him right the first time. He was staying. All the possibilities tumbled through her mind. But only one word would form. “Why?”
“Because of you, sweetheart. I can’t leave you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Her mouth fell open. “Are you proposing to me?”
“What if I am?”
The oxygen seemed to flee her brain, leaving her giddy. “Proposing on a boat is romantic. Proposing from one boat to another is just weird.”
“Then pull over.”
“What do you mean, ‘pull over’? This isn’t a highway.”
“Go back to Seahorse Key.”
She heaved an exasperated sigh. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m on a charter. These people have paid good money for me to take them sailing.”
The woman spoke up. “We’d love to go to Seahorse Key. We wanted to see the lighthouse and were disappointed we wouldn’t be able to fit it in. This is our opportunity.”
“Are you sure?”
“You need to talk with your man.”
“But this is your charter. I can talk to him later.”
The husband waved away her protest. “Don’t argue with her. You won’t win. She’s a counselor. Saving relationships is her job. There’s no way she’s going to let this go.”
She turned the wheel, and as the bow came around, her heart pounded with the knowledge that her whole life was about to change. Was she ready? She had thought she was. But now that the possibility of a marriage proposal was staring her in the face, she wasn’t so sure.
All the way back to Seahorse Key, her mind whirled. By the time she anchored, she was more confused than ever. She brought her customers to shore in two trips, and the kids took off running the moment their feet hit solid ground. Seahorse Key had been a good choice.
After motoring back to pick up Blake, she pulled the dinghy onto the beach, and they set out walking, staying near the water’s edge where the sand was more firmly packed. They moved slowly, Blake’s cane making deep circular indentations. A gentle sea breeze blew across the island, and a half dozen hopeful seagulls waited on the sand a few yards ahead of them. In the distance, the top of the lighthouse rose over the trees. Yes, a walk on Seahorse Key had been an excellent choice.
“I thought for sure you’d be well on your way to Texas by now. What changed your mind?”
“A solid chewi
ng out by Hunter.”
Hunter? She wasn’t sure whether to thank him or scold him for sticking his nose in her business.
Blake continued. “He gave me a good tongue-lashing, made me see some things that I was blind to before.”
“Like?”
“Like how you’re a special lady. And how big of a mistake I was making by walking away.” He took her hand in his. “I’m not going to lie to you. I can’t do the things I used to do. The way I am now, this is permanent. I don’t want to hold you back.”
She sighed in exasperation. “How is that going to hold me back? I’m not planning to take up mountain climbing. I sail, I go to church, I sing, I hang out around Cedar Key.”
“I think I can handle all those activities.” A slow smile climbed up his cheeks. “Except singing. But that has more to do with a lousy voice than a bad knee.”
She laughed, a wonderful sense of contentment sweeping over her. Up ahead, her charter customers rounded up their brood and turned down the path leading to the lighthouse. If they wanted more sailing time, she could give it to them. They were her only charter for the day. The evening she would reserve for Blake. She had a feeling she would be reserving a lot of evenings for him.
She looked back up at him. “Now that you’re staying, what are you going to do?” She couldn’t imagine him being content with stocking shelves the rest of his life.
“Look for a teaching job. My first call will be the College of Central Florida. I did some checking before, and they offer a law enforcement officer basic recruit training class. But I don’t know whether they offer it at the Chiefland campus.”
“I hope that works out.” It would be perfect for him, a way to use his police training without the physical demands.
“I’m also going to get my teaching certification for Florida. But if I teach kids, it’ll have to be middle school and up. I’m not sure I’d know what to do with rug rats.” He grinned, then again grew serious. “Unless they were my own.”
He pulled her to a stop, laid the cane on the sand and took both of her hands in his. Her heart stuttered, and her stomach did a series of backflips. This was it. He was going to ask her to marry him. She didn’t want to say no, but didn’t know if she could say yes.
Shattered Haven Page 19
