by Emma Davies
The journey back into town passed in a blur of wild ideas and Willow had parked the car before she realised that she couldn’t even remember turning into the High Street. She was desperate to get back home and speak to Peter but she needed to stop and get some extra cash out for him. It was payday at the end of the week, but he had put in so many extra hours of late that a little bonus was the least she could do.
Willow snatched up her bag from the passenger side and was only about fifty metres or so from the bank when she realised that Jude was standing on the pavement outside, and he wasn’t alone. He shook Henry’s hand, his left arm reaching out to grip his shoulder in the classic configuration of a deal just sealed. She would have waved, had her ears not been filled with a sudden roaring, and for a moment she was completely disorientated.
Somehow she made it back to the car, where she sat for a little while, shaking, before starting the engine and drawing away as slowly as she could. She needed time to think and had no desire to be seen by anyone she knew, least of all her husband. She drove at a snail’s pace along the back road and eventually stopped the car just over the bridge into their village, throwing open the door and drawing in lungs full of fresh air. She breathed deeply for a few minutes, trying to calm the voices in her head. Voices that mocked and derided her. How could she have been so stupid, so complacent? So very wrong.
After a few minutes she drove off again, more purposeful this time, heat gathering at the back of her neck, and a burning anger swelling inside her. In the past her dreams had been little more than pointers, a heightened sense of intuition perhaps, but always clear in their meaning. They had never sought to mislead her or caused her any real anxiety, but these past few weeks had been so different. The visions had been vivid, powerful even, consuming her senses for several minutes at a time, and in the last couple of days not confined to night time either, when her perception was surely at its greatest. But still she had missed something, perhaps the most vital thing of all. She had seen a glimpse into a future, of that she was sure, but until today, she had mistakenly believed Andrew to be at the root of it all. It had never crossed her mind that it might be someone else… She needed to see more, had to know if what she’d seen today was the truth, and there was only one place she could do it: by the very fields that were the source of her vision.
The driveway was empty as she turned up to the house, and she abandoned the car at an angle, keys still in the ignition. In a matter of minutes she had reached her destination and she stood in front of the five-bar gate that lead onto the track and the open land beyond.
It was here that she had first seen the horrific sight of their fields torn asunder to make way for row upon row of houses. The meadow-land with its wild flowers and grasses, home to so many, all gone; ripped away to make homes of a different kind. She put her hands on the gate, dropped her head and closed her eyes.
She had expected the vision to come to her straight away. Sometimes at night now it clamoured for her attention so much she had to fight to push it away, but now all she felt was a deep and languid peace, quite the opposite from what she had been expecting. It confused her even more. Here, in the very place she had seen in her dream, the images should be stronger than ever, but even as she sought to empty her mind of chatter all she could see were the tall heads of the grasses gently swaying in the breeze, livestock nibbling at the fresh green shoots of spring and the march hares leaping in their ritual dance. There was nothing of the carnage that had filled her head so recently. She felt her breathing begin to ease until all that filled her head was the rushing of the wind in the trees.
A light touch on her arm made her jump.
‘Willow?’
She opened her eyes to find Delilah looking at her anxiously, her voice gentle. She had the feeling it wasn’t the first time she had spoken to her. The two dogs milled around her as she stood, a nervous smile on her face.
‘Are you okay?’ Delilah asked. ‘You look like you’re away with the faeries.’
Willow swallowed hard, looking backwards and forwards between the gate and the face in front of her. Maybe Delilah was right. Maybe that’s exactly where she was. In the land of the faeries, being deluded by visions and a certainty that what they showed her was the truth. Too busy chasing dreams instead of dealing with the reality that was under her nose. And now she was more confused than ever. She had believed that what she was trying to achieve was the right thing for her and her family, for the way in which they lived their lives. To help Jude turn away from a downward spiral into money-grabbing materialism, towards living a simpler, more nurturing and sustainable way of life. In doing so she had reached out for help to someone she had thought to be a friend. She never imagined for one minute that Henry would be the one to betray her.
Warm fur brushed against Willow’s legs and she became aware of Delilah’s anxious face still studying her. She needed to be anywhere but here.
‘Sorry,’ she started. ‘I came over a bit faint there for a minute. I’m okay now though.’
Delilah regarded her suspiciously. ‘Are you sure, ’cause you still look a bit peaky to me.’
Willow waved an airy hand. ‘Honestly, I’ll be fine. I didn’t have much for lunch and I think the heat got to me a bit.’
‘You could come inside and have some water,’ added Delilah. ‘Sit down for a minute.’
The dogs were still milling aimlessly.
‘No, don’t worry. You go and enjoy your walk. I’ll just wander home and have a glass of something cool.’ She smiled as reassuringly as she could, beginning to back away down the lane. ‘I’ll catch you later,’ she added. ‘I haven’t forgotten about my offer of dinner. We should fix something up.’ She gave the dogs a final pat and turned away.
Delilah watched her walk a little way before turning to walk the lane in the other direction. She pulled her mobile from the pocket of her shorts and dialled Henry’s number. He answered almost straight away.
‘Are you still with Jude?’ she asked urgently.
‘No, I’ve just left, why?’
‘It’s almost as if Willow knows,’ whispered Delilah, ‘but I thought Jude wasn’t going to say anything to her just yet. Has he changed his mind?’
‘No,’ replied Henry. ‘The only people that know are us and Jude, I’m sure of it. Beside there’s no way Jude would say anything until the deal goes through, he wants it to be a surprise.’
There was silence on the line for a moment.
‘Is everything all right?’ Jude prompted.
‘I don’t know… it’s weird. I’ve just met Willow in the lane by the gate. She was staring right at the fields, and the look on her face was… I dunno, but she didn’t look happy. She gave me some story about feeling faint, but she didn’t want any help.’
‘That does seem a bit odd,’ agreed Henry. ‘Jude is sure she’ll be over the moon when she finds out… are you still okay though?’
Delilah couldn’t help herself and gave an excited skip. ‘Lover, I’m blinkin’ ecstatic!’ she gushed.
She could hear Henry’s smile as he replied. ‘Well then we’ll just have to wait and see. And that won’t be long; Jude said he could get the call from his bank as early as tomorrow. I’m still sure Willow doesn’t know anything about it, and when she does find out, I’m pretty certain she’ll be as excited as we are. Perhaps it’s like she said and she just felt hot that’s all.’
‘I’m sure you’re right,’ answered Delilah. ‘After all, it can’t really be anything else can it?’
Chapter 12
It felt to Willow as if she had been sitting in the same spot since yesterday. There seemed little point in doing much else.
The door to her potions room as Peter had once called it, remained firmly closed. She had gone in there early this morning to retrieve grandma Gilly’s notebook, but apart from that she had no intention of stepping inside. The last batch of elderflowers would wither and turn brown during the day if they were left unprocessed, but Willow did
n’t care if they were unusable. It seemed fitting somehow that the fragrant frothy white heads would lose their strength and wither and die. It was much how she felt herself.
Jude had been his usual loving and attentive self last night, playing with the girls after tea, a quiet game, mindful of Beth’s arm which was still quite sore. He had them in fits of giggles as he read their bedtime story with his repertoire of silly voices which they loved. It had been easy to pretend that everything was fine during the early evening when there were things to be done and Willow could keep busy but, as soon as the girls were in bed, he had come straight to her side. She looked tired he had said, working too hard, and had offered to run her a soothing bath. Willow had never known Jude to behave in any other way, but now she caught herself watching him, questioning his motives. Was it attentiveness, or guilt at his betrayal? Keeping her sweet until the time when he would have to tell her what he had done.
Eventually, after she feigned a migraine and her replies became ever more monosyllabic with each question, Jude had left her to the quiet solitude she had wished for. He had slept curled around her back though, just as he always did, but instead of welcoming the warmth and comfort his arms provided like she would normally do, he had felt heavy, and confining, pinning her to the bed, and she longed for some space to think and to breathe. She hated the way it made her feel.
This morning her tiredness had been real, her face pale and drawn, and even though Jude needed to get to his office early, he promised to look in on her at lunchtime. It was now nearly eleven o’clock and she had not moved for some time. Another message from Merry flashed up on the screen of her mobile, at least the fifth since yesterday. She picked up her phone to tap out a reply.
Hi, sorry not to reply earlier but Amy is really poorly bless her, and I can’t leave her today. I’ll ring you later so we can fix up when to meet, hope that’s okay? Still madly excited! xx
Pressing send, she tossed her phone back onto the table with a sigh. She had bought herself time with her lies, that was all, but sometime fairly soon she would have to make a decision. In all the years she had been married to Jude, they had never even argued, and she certainly had never had cause to doubt their relationship, it was simply not on her radar. Now though, with one fell swoop, everything she believed about their life together had been called into question. It wasn’t only Jude’s duplicity that she was struggling to deal with, but her own, for wasn’t she just as bad? She had kept secrets too, convincing herself that what she was doing was right without even discussing it with Jude, not once. In all honesty Jude probably thought he was doing the right thing for his family, just as she did herself, so which of them was right? They were both as bad as one another, she thought bitterly.
She’d been such a fool to think that her stupid business venture would be the thing to make the difference to their lives. So blinded was she by her ego and fanciful dreams that she had forgotten how to share, to talk, and to love. She could never agree with what Jude had done, but how would he feel when he found out how she had been planning to ambush his plans too. To discount them out of hand by thrusting her own, better idea under his nose. She loved Jude so much, always had, and a life without him was unthinkable, but for the first time in her marriage she was worried for their future. A single tear, the first she had shed, made its way down her cheek, and as it dripped from the end of her chin, a bout of crying gripped her so fiercely she could scarcely breathe. She lowered her head to the table and howled like a wounded animal.
Sometime later she awoke, much to her surprise, to find she was lying beneath the cool sheets of her bed. She vaguely remembered Jude talking to her, when she was still slumped at the table. The tears had dried up by then, but she was listless and unresponsive and he had led her to bed without protest. He had brought cool flannels for her forehead and sweet drinks in the dimmed room, and then left her to the effortless escape of sleep.
She lifted her head weakly to look at the clock beside her bed, astonished to discover it was early evening. Panic lurched in her stomach at the thought of the girls worried and alone after school, but a burble of laughter reached her from along the hallway, and she realised that they were having their evening bath. It had always been the same, she remembered. Any time she had been unwell, or simply exhausted with the twins’ demands when they were tiny, Jude had been there, without a second thought, caring for the girls, and for her. He worked so hard himself and yet any free time he had he devoted to them, never to himself. He’d been the best father and the best husband she could wish for. A lump rose in her throat.
A cool breeze ruffled the curtains at the window and she let the air play over her skin. She closed her eyes again, pressing her head deeper into the pillow. She would have to deal with all of this soon, she knew that, but not today. She was so tired and all she craved now was to be released from pain. She slept.
There was no lightning this time to illuminate the scene, no pouring rain, but instead a blazing sun shone down, bouncing off the stark pale streets intersected by rows and rows of houses. Tired gardens drooped in the heat and a haze shimmered from the cars as they passed. A young mother wheeled a pushchair, sweat collecting on her back as she bent to the child inside who was hot and fretful. There was no shade anywhere.
And then she saw it. The huge oak tree that had always guarded the entrance to the fields. A tree under which she had played with the girls, collecting wildflowers, having tea parties with their dolls, making daisy chains and lying on their backs staring up at the sky, making shapes from the clouds that floated past. The same tree was now fenced off, contained, unreachable, and undesirable. Willow woke, heart pounding, her own sweat glueing her nightdress to her body. The vision was just as clear as before and she tried to slow her breathing.
As her eyes adjusted to the darkness in the room, she became aware of movement beside her, and ragged breathing that was not her own. A sliver of moonlight lay across Jude’s body and without thinking Willow slipped her hand into its light, feeling the comfort it brought. She crept soundlessly from the bed and pulled back the curtains, letting the silvery rays flood the room. It was a full moon; how could she have forgotten?
She climbed back into bed, moving closer to Jude, seeing the sheen of perspiration on his face as he dreamed. His eyelids fluttered, his mouth parted as he fought against the images in his mind. His fingers opened and closed on the sheet beside her, seeking solace, seeking comfort from her, and as she slid her fingers into his, she gasped as his terror filled her too.
Willow stared at her husband, a man she had loved for most of her life, and for the second time that day wondered how she had been so foolish, how she could have got it so completely wrong? Her dreams had plagued her for weeks, visions that were so real, they had haunted her, waking in her a terror of what they could mean; but as she looked at Jude’s face, struggling and in pain, she realised that the fear had never been hers to begin with, and neither were the dreams. They were Jude’s.
Chapter 13
A missing PE kit had cut a huge swathe through Willow’s available time this morning and she barely had time to talk to Jude beyond vehement assurances that she was now fine and that he was not to worry about her. He rushed out of the house as soon as he could, claiming he needed an early start.
They had slept entwined together, just like they had in the early days of their relationship when they could scarcely bear to be apart for more than a few minutes. Jude’s breathing had eased in time during the night as his dream passed, and Willow held him close, stroking his cheek and gazing at the face of the man too scared to share his fears with her for dread of seeming weak, a failure in her eyes, just like he had been in his father’s his whole life. All he had ever wanted was to be loved, and although hate was not an emotion that Willow agreed with, in that moment she had never loathed Andrew more.
She knew now that the business deal that Jude was on the verge of was not one to sell their land, but somehow to save it. She had no idea why or
how this had come about, or indeed where Henry came into it, but, given the urgency she now sensed in Jude, she realised the axe was about to fall one way or another. Whatever happened Willow would not let another day pass without speaking to Jude and discovering the truth. Yesterday she had convinced herself that her fledgling business was sheer folly, an exercise in flattering her ego and nothing more, but now she wondered whether her original thoughts had been right; that Willowberries might possibly be a viable alternative for their future.
The room at the end of the hallway beckoned to her once more and, scooping up a pile of letters from the doormat, she slowly walked its length, savouring the moment before she pushed open the door and breathed in the sweet smell of summer. Once inside she tossed the letters onto the table and smiled broadly as if greeting an old friend. It was time to get down to business.
One of the first things she needed to do was find Peter. She had shamefully left him to his own devices over the last day or so and she couldn’t blame him for keeping out of her way. Yesterday she had told him she had a migraine and, whether or not he believed her, she had probably been quite short with him. He hadn’t appeared at all yet this morning. She had an apology to make, but she also needed to ask him something very important. She gathered up the crate of elderflowers that had indeed withered the day before and carried them out of the back door. Dead things had no place inside a house for the living. This afternoon she would replace them, and another batch of cordial would be underway.
She collected a stray mug from the table and picked up the letters again, scanning the envelopes for anything more exciting than the electricity bill. She was still staring open mouthed in shock at the letter in her hand when Jude came flying through the back door, her shouted name on his lips.
There was a moment’s hesitation as he grinned at her before scooping her up and whirling her around. A stray splash of coffee flew from the cup and splattered against the wall, but neither of them saw it.
