‘But am I forgiven?’
‘Yes of course, miss. Now I’ll have to get on with lunch. Excuse me, madam.’
And off she went. I was feeling bit sick. I knew I’d made a big mistake with the exorcism, that I’d betrayed Eloise by believing that she was possessing me, by trying to banish her, but that was all I regretted. There was still a huge and dangerous problem out there, a direct threat to Ellie’s daughters. But I had to be nice as pie to Juliana. I needed to know how to contact Jack, Ellie’s childhood sweetheart.
I turned the conversation to Arthur. I mentioned how charming he was. Juliana was gratified, and giggled. ‘He is, isn’t he? But I’ll tell you who he’s really charmed by. I do believe he’s a bit sweet on your daughter.’
‘I think the feeling’s mutual. How long is he staying over here?’
‘Quite a while, I think. He’s thinking of enrolling in sixth-form college here, and maybe even going to university here. Eloise left him quite a bit of money, so he has the freedom to do what he wants.’
‘So he knows she’s his grandmother, then?’
‘Yes, but he’s finding it hard to get used to. Isabella, his mother, took it all rather badly when she found out Eloise was her birth mother. She had no idea she was adopted, and was very close to the woman who brought her up: Jack’s mother, who died a year ago. So obviously the solicitor’s letter telling Arthur he stood to inherit was a shock. Isabella asked her father about it, and he told her that she was adopted at birth in Cornwall, and then brought out to Australia. Obviously Isabella was very upset when her father told her about Eloise. She said she felt betrayed, that she’d been living a lie.’
‘When you say Isabella asked her father about Ellie, do you mean Jack?’
‘Oh, good heavens, no! She asked the man she believed to be her real father, her mother’s husband, the man who brought her up.’
‘So did he tell her that Jack is her father?’
‘Not at first. He thought that she had had enough of a shock knowing her birth mother was a complete stranger. He couldn’t bear to tell her that the big brother she’d grown up with was in fact her daddy. But then he talked to Jack, and Jack decided to tell Isabella the whole story. He thought that she’d feel better knowing that her adoptive parents were actually her grandparents, so they did share a direct bloodline. And of course Jack was her father, so she wasn’t an orphan after all.’
‘How did Isabella take it?’
‘She was horrified at first. Imagine finding out that your big brother is in fact your father? But Jack was very gentle with her, and they’d always had a very close relationship. She hero-worshipped him, really. So she gradually accepted everything. And Jack was right. She was very relieved that the couple who brought her up were not complete strangers but her own grandparents. So she had always been surrounded by her own blood relatives.’
‘Does Arthur know Jack is his grandfather?’
‘No. He still thinks Jack’s his beloved uncle.’ Juliana sighed. ‘ “Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive,” eh? But I think it’s for the best. Isabella has had a terrific shock, and at the moment she doesn’t want Arthur to know the full truth. She thinks she’s protecting him, a natural mother’s instinct, but Jack thinks she’ll come round in time.’
‘What about Isabella? Has she inherited anything?’
‘Oh yes, of course. Quite a lot. But at the moment she’s very confused. She doesn’t know if she wants the money or not.’
‘But she was happy for Arthur to come all the way to Cornwall on his own?’
‘No, she wasn’t. But Jack told her she couldn’t stand in Arthur’s way, and so she reluctantly let him come. They speak a lot on the telephone.’
‘Have you spoken to her?’
‘No, not yet.’ Juliana sighed. ‘I’d love to, but she doesn’t want to talk to me at the moment. Maybe sometime soon … ’
I looked at her sad face and wondered what it must feel like to be rejected by her granddaughter, the child of her own beloved only daughter, now lying cold in her grave. But then she brightened.
‘But the wonderful thing for me is that at least Arthur knows I’m his great-grandmother, and we get on really well. He even wants to finish his education here, as I said, if Isabella will let him. And Jack says he thinks she will. Arthur loves Cornwall; he says he feels he belongs here. And for me, just when I thought I had lost everything, that’s marvellous.’ She gave me a radiant smile.
I was so happy for her. It was the best possible news. To have young life in her house would transform her future. And she was healthy and energetic, and she had lots of help, even though some of it was a bit doddery. I felt gladder than ever that I had made things up with her. But I was curious.
‘How do you know all this, Juliana, if Isabella won’t speak to you and Arthur doesn’t know the whole truth?’
‘Oh, from Jack. We talk on the phone every week, ever since I wrote to him after Eloise … died.’
Tears sprang into her eyes. I felt mean for asking her so many questions when her grief was still so raw, but I had a mission.
‘Is he still in Australia?’
‘Yes, that’s where he lives. But actually he’s coming over here.’
My ears pricked up. ‘To England?’
‘To Cornwall. He was upset to hear about Eloise, and now that Arthur’s here I think he wants to keep an eye on him for a bit, especially as Isabella doesn’t want anything to do with her Cornish heritage at the moment, and she isn’t too pleased that Arthur wants to stay. I told you she said she won’t stand in his way, but she’s not prepared to come here herself. So Jack’s coming to give Arthur some family support.’ Juliana sighed. ‘It’s such a shame that Isabella doesn’t want to know me. Can you imagine how wonderful it would be if Ellie’s daughter were to stay here? But I mustn’t be greedy. Arthur himself is a blessing I never dreamed I’d have. Jack arrives this week, in fact – I’ll ring you when he gets here, because you really must meet him. Eloise would have wanted you to.’
I was elated. What incredible news. Jack was coming to Cornwall. The dream Eloise had sent me last night was surely a prophecy. I had to meet him, as soon as I could. He was the missing link, the key to Eloise’s fears. My good mood this morning had not been misplaced.
There was one thing, though, that I had to raise with Juliana. Ted. I had to be tactful after last night. I tried to think of the best way to raise my anxieties.
‘I’m thrilled for you that Arthur’s going to live here. It’s the best news. But you know, Juliana, you really haven’t lost everything, even without Arthur. You have two beautiful granddaughters. Surely they will always be a comfort to you?’
Her face fell. ‘Cathy, I know you mean well. But I told you before that Ted won’t let me play much of a part in Rose and Violet’s lives. He hates me. And now he knows Eloise has left him hardly anything in her will, he’ll keep them away from me out of spite.’
Then why, I wanted to shout, did you bring him to my house last night? Why did you enlist him as support against me? But I knew the answer. Juliana had been terrified. She’d thought I was planning to do something dreadful to her daughter’s memory. She’d needed all the friends she could get. And by my actions I had alienated her, and driven her towards the son-in-law she disliked and distrusted.
‘I will, of course, try my best to keep friends with him. I have to, if I’m to have any contact with the girls at all. Eloise would have been devastated if she’d known how he would separate them from me.’
But Eloise knew, I thought, exactly what was going to happen. She was trying to take steps to prevent him isolating the twins when she died. Prematurely. She didn’t have the time she needed to sort everything out. And that was why she had come to me.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Outside Juliana’s I found Sam aimlessly kicking a football about. He took me back home to Talland and I had my heart in my mouth when we went down the drive, scared that Chris mig
ht have come back. But his black Jaguar was nowhere to be seen, so I still had a bit of quiet time left.
I knew that when Chris did arrive, I would have to be on my mettle. I was absolutely sure now that Eloise’s desperate demands were real, and that her urgent commands to me to help her children were genuine. I’d stopped caring if the world thought I was mad. Or even if my own husband did not trust a word I said. I was off on my own adventure and my determination to solve the horrible mystery my mind had imposed on me, months earlier after Eloise’s death, and her subsequent invasion of my dreams, was absolute.
So, at last, I felt in charge of my own fate. But I had lost a lot of my naïvety. I would dissemble if I had to. I would lie to Chris. I would follow my heart, and maybe, if I saved Ellie’s children, I could save myself.
Three hours after Sam and I got back from Juliana’s, while Sam, thank God, was down at the beach, Chris’s car pulled in by the front lawn.
I stood up, and took several deep breaths. I had to be calm, confident and welcoming. I was prepared for a major row, but I also had to try and show him that I had changed; that my feelings about Eloise were no longer apocalyptic. In other words, that I had seen the error of my ways. And I had to make him believe me.
Chris opened the door with a masculine sigh. The sound meant to imply to us feckless women, who’d been at home all day, that their man had spent many hours on the road, hunting and gathering, and now needed to be praised and cosseted for their virile efforts.
I knew that sound. I also knew that if I let myself respond to it, there would be the most almighty fight. And I really couldn’t deal with that. So I smiled, moved towards him, and held my face up for a kiss.
I didn’t get one. He glared down at me stonily from his great height.
‘Where’s Sam?’ he asked, with a total disregard for me.
‘At the beach,’ I replied.
‘I’ll go and fetch him.’
‘Why? He’s not a child. He’ll come back when he wants to.’
‘I need to talk to him,’ Chris said curtly.
‘Don’t you mean you need to talk to me?’
He just stared at me, then turned back to the kitchen door.
‘Oh Chris, can’t we just sit down and talk things through before Sam gets back? Please, darling. I know I’ve behaved very stupidly. I’m sure Sam’s told you that last night was a disaster. You were right. I should never have got involved with Father Pete.’
I could see him wrestling with his pride. He was gratified that I’d told him he was right, but I could tell he didn’t think my apology had gone far enough. I swallowed. Although I had fully intended to appease him, I could feel my temper stirring. I mean, he had drugged me when I was at my most vulnerable, and I didn’t remember him apologizing for that. Oh God, at this rate he’d be leaving again not five minutes after he arrived. I took a deep breath. I would have to abase myself selflessly, however furious I felt. I needed his help as well as Juliana’s. If I had to humiliate myself to get it, so be it.
‘Chris, love, please sit down. You must be exhausted after that drive. Let me get you a drink.’
Slowly and reluctantly, he sat down in an armchair. Presumably, since we normally sat together on the sofa, to prove that, so far, he wanted to be alone. I poured him a glass of wine. He took it in an ungracious way, and I took my usual place on the sofa.
‘What did Sam tell you about last night?’ I asked.
He was silent. He was going to sulk. I felt like kicking him. But I had to get him on my side. At last, he stared into the distance, avoiding my eyes, and said in a cold and distant voice, ‘He told me you fainted, and then came up with a cock-and-bull story about the sea rising up over the house. Oh, and then he said you told everyone Eloise had spoken to you, telling you her kids were in danger. He also told me everyone was incredibly embarrassed at the way you behaved, even Father Pete.’ Now he did look at me. ‘I can’t believe you put our son in that position. You made him ashamed of his own mother in public. You’re a disgrace, Cathy, you really are.’
I gulped. My eyes filled, though whether they were tears of shame or anger I couldn’t tell. Quietly I said, ‘I’m sure Sam didn’t say he was ashamed of me.’
‘He bloody well was, and so am I!’ Then the anger really exploded. ‘I can’t tell you what an embarrassment, what a burden you’ve become to the children and me. Your breakdown was bad enough, with the kids seeing you comatose in bed all day. And I can’t tell you how much my colleagues pitied me.’
Ah, yes, of course. Chris had been embarrassed by his failure to prevent his wife becoming neurotic. He thought his fellow psychiatrists, sympathetic to his face, were much more critical about him behind his back. And that, of course, affected his self-esteem, and men don’t take kindly to that. Pathetic!
‘And then,’ he stormed on, ‘just when I thought our marriage had a chance of getting back to normal again, you start seeing bloody ghosts. It beggars belief, and I’ve had enough. I made an appointment with a solicitor yesterday, and I’m seeing him next week.’
This was awful. Even worse than I’d expected. And I couldn’t control my tears now.
‘Chris, please give me another chance. I know I’ve been a burden to you. I know you’ve made sacrifices for me, your research, writing your book. But I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I know I’ve been delusional, but last night gave me a terrible shock. It made me realise how close to madness I’ve become. I really want to get better, I swear. I won’t talk about Eloise again. Please, please, help me.’
I was lying through my teeth, but I still felt real despair. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing Chris. I remembered his softness, his affection, his sheer strength in better times, and how much I needed him.
I had thought I could manipulate our relationship by playing the contrite little woman. That I could get him back on my side by pretending that what had happened to me wasn’t real. If I lied about Eloise, denied her in fact, he would come back to me and we would be as close and happy as we were before my mind started playing tricks. But still, despite my love for Chris, my enduring priority was Eloise. She needed me. She had told me I was her last hope in a desperate race to save her children. And even the threat of losing my husband could not deter me from doing what was right.
I suppose that’s when it all became clear. I had known since I woke up that morning what I was going to do. I had managed to appease Juliana, and that gave me the optimistic hope that I could do the same with Chris. But as I watched him, I began to realise that wasn’t to be.
It was extraordinary that a couple with so much love for each other, such a strong family bond, could come unstuck through a supernatural experience. But what if my breakdown, my mental instability was somehow fated? What if I was always destined to reach this crisis in my life? What if my ‘madness’ had allowed Eloise to create a window in my brain through which she could reach my heart and urge me to avenge her death and save her children? Before the exorcism I had resented Ellie’s intrusion into my life, the unhappiness she had caused me with my husband. But now I felt quite sure I was involved in something very dangerous indeed. I had spent so much time trying to ignore her; but no longer. This time I was not Chris’s, but Ellie’s.
Sam came back.
‘Hello, Dad,’ he said awkwardly. ‘Did you have a good drive down?’
Chris, to his credit, tried to defuse the obvious tension in the room. In a tremendously cheerful voice he painted his journey from London in an improbably fabulous light.
‘Fantastic, Sam. Did it in under four hours. Best time this year so far. Do you fancy some supper?’ He turned to me, his face strained, including me in the invitation for Sam’s sake.
But I demurred. I was too sick and upset to even think about food. Besides, I was sure Chris wanted to talk to Sam about me. I said I had no food in the house and suggested the two of them went out to eat, and so my husband and son drove into Polperro to find a pizza.
I’d already decided
that Chris wouldn’t want to sleep in our bedroom, so I made up the bed in my little writing cabin, at the top of the garden. It was really just a glorified shed, a sanctuary for me to escape to when I was writing my magazine articles, and I hadn’t used it for many months now. But it had a single bed, electricity, running water, even a little bathroom. And a tiny TV.
When Chris and Sam came back from the village, I told Chris he could sleep in the cabin. Sensing the wave of fury from his dad, Sam disappeared to his bedroom downstairs.
‘I will not sleep in your fucking cabin, Cathy,’ Chris said savagely. ‘What do you think I am? A disgraced husband to be banished from our bed? You can sleep in the bloody cabin. I’m going to sleep in my own bed. And the only reason I’m staying is because I’m so knackered after driving down from London. I’ve cancelled patients for the rest of the week, and Tom and Evie are getting the train down on Friday. So, I’m taking possession of my own home, Cath. The cottage I paid for, do you remember? While you were fiddling around with your farty little articles that paid zilch? Oh, and I paid for the London house too. So I really don’t think you have any right to tell me where to sleep. In fact, I’d say you need a solicitor, pronto.’
And with that, he stormed off to bed.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I lay awake in the narrow bed of my little writing house. There was a full moon, and I left the curtains open to watch it. The soft silver light was so beautiful, illuminating my little desk by the window, reminding me, but gently, of the dreams I had had of writing novels, and the hours I’d spent with Eloise talking about Daphne du Maurier. The wind was up again, but it didn’t sound threatening like last night. It sang a lullaby to which I gradually succumbed.
‘Aah, you remember those times, don’t you, Cathy? When we would sit here, just the two of us, drinking wine, talking about our favourite books, and how we both longed to write a novel? Well, you will, Cath. When all of this is over, you will.’
Eloise Page 17
