by R. C. Martin
“Shit,” she sighs as her head falls back, her fingers inching their way up my neck and into my hair. “Judah.”
The sound of my name on her lips, whispered as if in reverence, is sexy as fuck. As I kiss my way down her neck, I can’t stop myself from grazing my teeth across her skin. I pinch a little bit between my teeth, biting her gently, and she moans.
“Fucking hell, Teddy—” I grumble, twisting us around so that her back is on the bed and I’m planted perfectly between her legs. Everything inside of me is begging for me to rub my hard-on against her panty-clad pussy, but I know she’d stop me, and I’m not ready for this to end. Alternatively, I close my mouth around hers and kiss her fiercely. She matches my ferocity with her own, hooking one of her legs around mine as she frees a hum between my lips.
I don’t know how long we stay like this, each of us memorizing the other’s mouth. What it tastes like. What it feels like. All I know is that I have never made-out with a woman for this long before, certainly not with so many clothes between us. Furthermore, I never imagined it was possible for me to enjoy it this much.
“Jude,” she whispers between kisses. “Jude—wait.”
Reluctantly, I pull away, just enough to see into her eyes.
“My lips are going numb.”
I smirk down at her before I slide my arm from beneath her to take a look at my wrist watch. My eyebrows shoot up in surprise when I read the time. “Miss Fitzpatrick,” I begin to say, grinning down at her. “You’re quite the distraction. It’s late. I should be going.”
“What time is it?”
“Ten.” Her eyes grow wide and her cheeks grow rosy as she curls her lips into her mouth. It’s so fucking cute, I can’t contain the chuckle that rises out of me. “I have an early morning,” I say as I stand. I straighten out my wrinkled clothing the best I can before I adjust myself in my pants.
I’ll have to deal with that when I get home.
She sits up and clears her throat, sweeping a few loose curls behind her ears. “Sorry to have kept you so late.”
I reach for her chin, tipping her face up until her eyes lock with mine. “Don’t be sorry. I’m not. But I do have to go.”
She nods and stands, following me into the next room where I slide into my jacket. She then walks me to the door. I’m just getting ready to turn around to say goodbye when she stops me, grabbing my hand as I step outside.
“Jude?”
“Teddy?”
“I had a really great time today. Thank you.”
I can see the sincerity of her gratitude in her eyes, and it stirs something inside of me. I realize, as I look to her swollen lips, that I’ve enjoyed every damn minute with her, too.
“You’re welcome,” I assure her, leaning down for one more kiss. “Goodnight, Teddy.”
“Goodnight.”
Monday blows in with the wind. Literally. It’s so windy outside, I contemplate skipping out on a lunch run entirely. Fortunately for me, Geoffrey walks in after his break with a doggy bag that I don’t even have to beg for. One pleading look in his direction, and his half-eaten Mediterranean bowl is mine.
“And where do you think you’re going?” he asks as I grab my chair and begin wheeling it to the supply room.
“I’m going to hide out while I eat, today. I’m hoping to get Harper on the phone.”
“Ahh,” he hums, wiggling his eyebrows. “You’re going to tell her about last night, aren’t you?”
“You know I am,” I reply, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. My smile, on the other hand, wouldn’t stay hidden even if I tried. “I haven’t really told her anything. She’ll kill me if she learns from Ben that I’m dating her boyfriend’s brother.”
“So they made it official?” he asks, lifting a single brow.
I nod, remembering the voicemail she left me a little over a week ago. She’s so into Ben, I feel like he’s almost all we ever talk about anymore—that is, when we can get a hold of each other. I’m not complaining, of course. I’m thrilled for her. Ben is a really great guy, and if she didn’t gush about him as much as she does, I’d only be begging for the details. But now I have someone to gush about, too.
Holy shit. I have someone to gush about…
“Well, go on, get out of here. I don’t need her bitching me out, either. You know how she gets when I know more than her,” he says with a sly grin.
I wink at him because he’s right, and because he’s sure to know more about Jude than I plan on telling my sister. There are just some details I think she doesn’t need to hear. All she needs to know is that I like him. A lot. And when he’s not busy being an ass—he’s actually really wonderful.
After closing myself into the supply room, I kick off my heels and sit cross-legged in the chair, resting my lunch in my lap. I dial Harper and then stare up to the ceiling, sending up a silent prayer that she’ll answer. When she does, I pump my fist in the air, a huge grin spreading across my face.
“Hey, Teddy! Could you hold on for a second?”
“Yeah, sure,” I tell her, putting the call on speaker before resting my phone on my knee.
I hear her murmur what sounds like a goodbye, then there’s a pause of silence followed by a giggle. I stare down at my screen with a raised eyebrow, wondering exactly what I interrupted. A few seconds later, she’s back.
“Sorry. Just finished lunching with Ben. I’m here now.”
“Lunching?” I ask with a laugh. “Why, don’t you sound special.”
“Shut up,” she says, joining in on my laughter. “He’s a very busy guy. You have no idea how fucking special I am that he squeezed me into his schedule today.”
“Pshhh,” I hiss. “Whatever. I know exactly how special you are. I met you first. I’ve known you longer. He’s got nothing on me.”
“I don’t know—he does this thing with his tongue—”
“Okay! Here’s where I interrupt you. I actually called for a reason,” I confess, pushing around the food in my bowl.
“Oh, yeah? Let’s hear it. I’m all ears.”
I draw in a deep breath and let it out slowly, wondering exactly how this will go. The last time we talked about Jude, he was the bad cop. So much has happened since then. Now, we’re dating—exclusively, according to him. I know that Harper was all for the idea of us before, but I wonder if this will actually be weird—her younger sister dating her boyfriend’s older brother.
“Teddy? Are you there?”
“I’m dating Judah.” The words tumble out of my mouth without the slightest bit of finesse. And once I start—I can’t stop. “It sort of just…happened. It would take way too long to tell you the whole story, but we went out on our first date last night and it was—Harper—gosh—I can’t even tell you how amazing it was. He took me to the ballet, and then dinner, and then we made-out for, like, ever. You think Ben is a good kisser? I can’t imagine that anyone is better than Jude. I swear. And I know after your visit, I told you I wasn’t into him, but I am. I really am and—”
“Teddy! Goddamn! Take a breath. Let me catch up. Shit!”
I stop, my hand reaching for my bottom lip before I pinch it between my fingers. “Sorry,” I mumble.
“First of all, why didn’t you tell me before that this was going on?”
I shrug, even though she can’t see me, before I explain. “There wasn’t really much to tell before this weekend. Up until last night, it was mostly just flower deliveries, a couple really great kisses, and promises of a date that almost didn’t happen.”
“This is a big deal, Teddy Bear. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. You haven’t dated a guy in years.”
“I know,” I sigh, suddenly feeling guilty for not telling her sooner. “I’ve been in my head about it a lot. Sometimes, I’m still not sure if this is a great idea. But I like him. I like the way he makes me feel. I can’t say for sure where we’ll end up, but—”
“Hey—you don’t have to explain it to me. I’m so proud of you. Seriously, Teddy.”
She sighs, and I imagine her running her fingers through her hair like she does when she’s trying to process big news. “You deserve to be happy. You deserve a guy who makes you feel good inside. It’s what I want for you. And if Jude makes your heart race, then I’m glad you’re giving him a chance.”
“Really? It’s not weird? I mean, after that night—”
“I heard it in your voice; I could tell how he effected you before we knew that he was Ben’s brother. It’s not weird that you’re opening yourself up for once. Now—I need a hell of a lot more details, and I need them now. You better talk fast, bitch, because I’m not hanging up until you’ve told me everything.”
I roll my eyes, wishing she wouldn’t call me that, but more than happy to tell her all about Jude. Well—the good parts, at least.
When I walk into the Pub, it’s a quarter after seven. I head straight for the bar and order a scotch. With my suit jacket in the car, I have the freedom to roll up my shirt cuffs, pushing my sleeves to my elbows before I loosen my tie. It’s been a long day, and I have to make the drive back to Fort Collins in a couple hours. I’m hoping a drink, a little baseball, and dinner with my brother will help me relax before I get on the road.
Benjamin is more of a basketball fan than a baseball fan, but this particular sports pub has always suited both of our tastes just fine. I expect he’ll be here any minute. I sip at my drink, my eyes bouncing back and forth between two separate games on the screens above the bar. I’m pulled from my thoughtless daze only when I feel a hand clap on my shoulder. I turn to see Ben as he occupies the seat next to me, lifting a finger to signal the bartender.
“Hey, glad you could make it.”
“Yeah, me too,” he says, draping his jacket over the back of his chair. “What were you doing down here, again?”
“Work bullshit,” I mutter, shaking my head to emphasize my dislike of the topic.
“Uh-oh. It’s not often you talk bad about the job. What happened?”
“Dealing with someone else’s fuck-up. It’s not the end of the world—just had to do some clean up. You know I’d rather be designing than worrying about that kind of shit. Guess it comes with the territory.”
“That’s why they pay you the big bucks, right?” he says with a lopsided grin.
“Yeah. Something like that.” I take another swig of my drink and he orders one for himself before I ask, “What about you? You good?”
“Man—I’m busy,” he says with a sigh, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair. He shrugs before he continues. “Can’t complain, though. Great job. Great girl—what do I have to gripe about?”
“You and Harper?”
“Yup,” he says, grabbing his beer as he turns to face me. “Interesting that you actually remember her name.”
“Why wouldn’t I remember? It’s only been a couple weeks since I’ve seen you last,” I point out, scrunching my brow at him.
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he says, shaking his head. “What exactly are you doing with Harper’s sister?”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t fuck with me, Jude,” he says, pointing his beer at me. “I like Harper a lot, and I don’t need you screwing things up for me by messing with Teddy.”
I angle my body toward his, mirroring his stance as I frown at him. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you said she was fair game.”
“For the night! She was fair game for that one night. Which, by the way, care to explain how the girl who practically ran away from you wants anything to do with you now?” I offer him a knowing smirk, surprised that he would even ask such a thing. “You are such a dick,” he says, trying and failing to fight a smile.
“I’m pretty good with it, too.”
“God, I want to strangle you right now,” he says with a laugh. “I’m serious, though. What’s going on with you two?”
The fact that we’re even having this conversation is proof that Teddy has been talking to Harper, and Harper has been talking to Benjamin. Exactly what information has been passed along from one contact to another is what gives me pause. I know the Fitzpatrick sisters are close, but how much does Harper know? And how much of what she knows would she share with my brother, when what she was told was done so in sisterly-confidence?
I decide to keep my answers simple, divulging little to no details.
“We’re dating,” I finally reply.
Benjamin gapes at me, speechless for a moment.
“What do you mean—you’re dating?”
“I’m sure you don’t need me to define the term, Ben.”
“I’m surprised you even know what it means, Jude.”
“Just because I don’t make a habit of the act doesn’t mean I don’t know how to do it.”
“But why Teddy?”
“Why not Teddy?”
He studies me for a minute, his eyes still staring me down as he takes a long pull from his beer. “If you hurt her and it fucks up my relationship, I’ll beat the crap out of you.”
“First of all, I’d like to see you try, kid,” I say with a chuckle. “Second, I sure as hell hope that Harper and Teddy are capable of making decisions independently. My relationship with Teddy has no bearing on your relationship with Harper. At the very least, I hope we’re all grown up enough to realize that.”
“Your relationship with Teddy? Who are you? What have you done with my brother?”
“Still me, Ben.”
“Yeah,” he mutters, eyeing me suspiciously. “That’s what worries me.” We’re both silent for a beat, each of us taking another sip of our drinks. I’m not at all surprised when Ben starts in again. “She’s nine years younger than you, man.”
“I fail to grasp the relevance of your observation?”
He sighs and shakes his head once more. “Just be careful with her. We’re not all as hard as you. Don’t string her along only to cut her loose when you’ve had your fun.”
My mind wanders to the vision of Teddy that’s been playing on repeat in my head all day. I remember the look in her eyes when she thanked me at the end of the night. In this moment, I hear Ben—I legitimately hear him—and I know that he’s right. Teddy is not like any other woman I’ve ever chased after before. The thought of hurting someone as delicate, shy, and genuine as her seems cruel.
“I’m not a monster,” I argue in my defense.
“No, you’re a player.”
“Perhaps,” I admit. “But I always play fair.”
It’s true. I don’t lie to women. I don’t lure them in with false pretenses. I’m honest and upfront about what it is that I want. It’s not my fault if they get it twisted, or succumb to the illusion that they can somehow change me—as if their pussies are magic. They’re not.
I confess to myself that I did break the rules, once. With Logan, I entertained the idea of crossing boundaries, regardless of the fact that she was spoken for. But that was just a stupid infatuation, and my distaste for being told no. It’s not like that with Teddy. I might be bending my rules by playing by hers, but I’m not fool enough to fall for her; and I’m not afraid of her falling for me. Not permanently, anyway. She chooses me today, but she won’t choose me always. The same applies for me to her.
But for now—for now, I see no reason in denying us what we both want. My shy girl may not be ready to admit it yet, but her body craves mine as much as mine craves hers. We’re both seeking pleasure, and we shall indulge, in time—and for the right amount of time. I’ve been counting down the days since the moment I laid eyes on her.
“Just…remember what I said. Don’t hurt her.”
“I hear you, brother,” I reply with a nod.
He offers me a nod in reply and then reaches for a menu.
“Let’s eat. I’m starving.”
The first couple weeks of August have been nothing short of amazing. The weather has been gorgeous, work has been steady, and Judah has been the perfect gentleman. In all honesty, I’m impressed and surprised with how well
things are going between the two of us. Granted, I knew he was capable of being kind and attentive, but he’s also proven to be patient and honest. I trust that he’s been faithful to our arrangement and that he’s not seen any other women since he promised me he wouldn’t. He’s taken me out almost a half a dozen times now, and I’ve enjoyed every moment.
I’m learning more and more about him with every passing day, in spite of his mysterious nature. He’s guarded, that much I know for sure. Sometimes I feel like any detail he shares with me about himself is some sort of calculated confession. It doesn’t bother me, though. I understand why he does it—why anyone would act just the same. He’s been hurt, and he doesn’t want to experience that kind of pain again. Of course he hasn’t said as much, but I would have to be blind not to figure it out. Besides, it’s something we have in common.
He’s running from love, a truth he admitted to me in so many words the night we went out with our siblings. For a long time, I was too. Only, while his tactics involve indulging his body’s desire for pleasure, mine were the exact opposite, leaving me isolated. Now, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that either of us are actively looking for love. It’s possible that neither of us are ready for that. In fact, I can’t say for sure where our relationship is going at all, but I’ve decided that I don’t care.
I like him. I like him very much. He spoils me, and I’ve never had that before. It feels good to be wanted. And while I know he wants a lot more from me physically, he hasn’t forced me or pressured me into more than I’m ready for. He was telling the truth when he told me he wouldn’t manipulate or coerce me into his bed, and I respect that about him. I know he’s still confident I’ll make the decision to surrender myself to him on my own—and I’m brave enough to admit that I don’t trust myself enough to swear that he’s wrong—but his choice to forsake all other women for a chance with me? Judah? The most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on? A man who could, and probably has, had any woman he wants? It makes me feel extraordinary. How could I not like him?
