by R. C. Martin
“First—let’s think logically, shall we? You’re right about one thing. Jude has a hot bod. That’s, like, fact. What you also need to consider is, that hot bod can get any woman he wants—and he wants you. I think that makes you pretty badass, babe. And this is me thinking logically, not like the loving sister that I am.”
“Eh,” I hum, not convinced. “Go on.”
“Okay, second—nerves are normal. The first time Ben and I had sex, I was totally nervous. I have cellulite on my ass, for crying out loud. I was terrified. But Ben was wonderful. He made me feel beautiful, which is only fitting, because I’m fabulous. And so are you, Teddy Bear. Judah knows that. Which brings me to point number three. He’s not going to dump you.”
“You don’t know that,” I argue.
“Theodora—what the fuck?” she scoffs, her patience clearly growing thin. “Did something happen that you’re not telling me about? Because, last I checked, that man adores you.”
I reach up and pinch my lip between my fingers, saying nothing in hopes that she’ll continue. Her reassuring words are like a soothing balm, easing the anxiety in my chest, and I need more.
“He chased after you like you were the last woman on earth. He gave up all other women for you, even before he was ready to make your relationship official. He spoiled you rotten for your birthday. And he’s spent the last couple weeks by your side as you’ve dealt with all that STI shit. If that doesn’t scream commitment, I don’t know what does.”
The nerves in my stomach die down a bit, making room for the butterflies that fill it when I think of Judah and how wonderful he’s been. Harper doesn’t even know the half of it. He’s sweeter than he appears; sweeter than he’ll admit, even—but sweet, just the same. It’s one of the things that I love about him, and there are so many things that I love about him.
Love.
“Oh, my god,” I breathe, a new awareness washing over me.
“What? What happened? What’d I miss now?”
“I think…” I stop, knowing that if I say the words out loud, I won’t be able to take them back. Instead, I think the words—trying them on for size.
I love him.
I’m in love with him.
I—Theodora Rose Fitzpatrick—am in love with Judah D. St. Michaels.
I suck in a breath, amazed by the way my heart settles into the idea. I make yet another mental note to find out what his middle name is, hoping I won’t forget again, and then I repeat the words one last time. As I do, my anxiety dissipates even more. Now, instead of fear, I feel longing. My nerves are certainly still present, but I’m no longer afraid of the unknown. Rather, I’m certain that if nothing else, I will have surrendered my body to the man that I love.
“Teddy? Are you still there?”
“Yeah…” I sigh, combating my grin. “I’m here.”
“What are you thinking over there?”
I open my mouth to tell her exactly what’s on my mind, but then I stop. In this moment, I decide that the first person I want to tell about my love is the man who holds my heart. I’m not sure that I’m brave enough to tell him today, but I want to hold onto the words just the same. They are for him. For us. Just like tonight will be for us.
“I’m okay now. I’m ready.”
“You’ve been ready, babe—since the moment you made that first doctor’s appointment, you’ve been ready. I hope with all my heart that he makes it as special as you are. You deserve it.”
“Thanks, Harper.”
“Call me tomorrow?”
“I will. I promise.”
“Love you.”
I smile, thinking of Jude.
“Love you, too, Harp.”
We both hang up and I rest my phone against my chest, closing my eyes as I let images of my man fill my head.
I love him.
Holy shit—I love him.
Judah picks me up promptly at seven before whisking me off to dinner. When we arrive at Aussie’s Steakhouse, I can’t help but laugh. As I walk in on his arm, I think back to the last time we were here, when I couldn’t get away from him fast enough. I remember how much of an asshole I thought he was; but I also remember how terrified I was of the desire I felt at his touch. Now, I can’t get close enough.
As always, he’s the perfect gentleman throughout the whole evening. He’s so calm and collected, carrying himself in such a way that reminds me that he’s not nervous like I am about what will happen when we head back to his place. I try not to think of all the women he’s been with before me. Instead, I remind myself that he’s chosen me. Everyday, for the last several weeks, he’s chosen me—he’s kissed me—he’s held me—he’s spoiled me—which is how I fell in love with him.
Being with him now only solidifies what my heart keeps whispering over and over. I am in love with Judah. He makes me happy in ways that I never anticipated. He touches me like no one ever has before, making me feel more alive than I’ve ever felt. When he looks at me, I get lost in those grey eyes, and all I want is the man who hides behind them. And he is all man; so much so that he practically embodies the definition. He makes me feel safe and protected—like he’d never let anything bad happen to me.
I trust him. I know that we haven’t known each other for that long, and I’m fully aware that the last man I loved had claimed he cared for me for much longer. But Judah is different. In every way, he’s different. He’s pulled me from my darkest places more than once, his strength demonstrated in his ability to be gentle and yet firm. I know that tonight, he will be good to me. He won’t hurt me. Not physically, anyway. I just hope that I can be everything that he wants, like he is everything that I want. I hope I can make him happy, that he’ll give me the chance to try. I know that it would break my heart if he didn’t—but I’m willing to take that risk. For him, I’ll give everything I’ve got to prove that I chose him.
The car ride back to his house is a silent one, and I’m grateful that he doesn’t live far away. When he pulls the Porsche into his garage, I’m so nervous, I’m trembling. If I’ve ever felt ridiculously young in comparison to him, it’s right now. I know that if I don’t do something to help lighten the mood, I’ll panic—and that’s the absolute last thing I want.
“Judah?” I murmur, wringing my hands in my lap.
“Teddy,” he responds, his deep voice making me ache with anticipation.
“Let’s play a game,” I blurt out. I’m not really sure what I’m doing at this point, but I decide to run with it.
“A game?”
“Mmmhmm,” I hum with a nod.
“Theodora, I don’t want to play a game.”
“Well—what if, at the end of this game, I’m naked?”
He chuckles, the smile that crosses his face making my panties damp.
“I’m listening.”
I try and think fast to come up with a game that will give me a moment to collect myself. Then, I get an idea. “Count to twenty before you come inside,” I instruct. “When you find me, you can have me.”
I watch as he runs his tongue across his bottom lip, waiting for him to respond. I suck in a breath when he reaches for my chin, holding my face still as he leans over and presses his lips against mine in a solid kiss.
“One. Two. Three,” he begins to count, his lips still millimeters away from mine.
I giggle, pulling away from his grasp before I hurry out of his car and inside of the house. I run to the end of the narrow hallway, leading me into the entryway of his home, abandoning my oversized bag before I head for the stairs. There, I slip off my heels, placing one on one step, and the other a few steps higher. I look around the large open space of his second level as I reach for the zipper of my dress. I’m just stepping out of the material when I hear the garage door open and close. I gasp, hurrying for the spiral, metal staircase, draping my garment over the railing before I race my way back to the sitting area, crouching behind one of his armchairs.
“Ready or not, here I come,” he calls out, maki
ng me grin.
I bite my lip, stifling my giggle, feeling more carefree in this moment than I have all night. He’s playing with me, and I love it. As he begins to come up the stairs, his dress shoes against the metal steps announcing his ascent, I do my best to remain perfectly still. I listen carefully, sure that I only have a matter of seconds to run out of the room before he catches me. I get on my hands and knees, staying low behind his furniture, easing my way for the main staircase as he walks toward where I abandoned my dress.
When I decide to make a break for it, I don’t second guess myself. I stand and sprint my way out of the room, covered in only my new, sheer, teal underwear set. I know I didn’t go undetected when I hear his footfalls, more certain than before, as he follows after me. I decide to unfasten my bra, hanging it on the handle of his office door before scurrying across the hall to his bedroom—hoping to throw off his scent.
The room is dark, save the light from the moon and the faint traces of a nearby street lamp shining into his backyard. I crawl onto his bed, crossing my legs as I sit with my back to the door. Now, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, anxious for him to find me—aching for him to touch me. But first, I want him to see me. I want him to see all of me. I sweep my long hair over one shoulder and down my chest, leaving my back fully exposed.
This is me, fully on display for his eyes only—and I am his.
When I see her flee from the room, a streak of red hair following in her wake, that’s all it takes. My cock is hard as shit, the promise of her body making my heart race and my dick throb. I’m right behind her, my hand reaching up to loosen my tie as I descend the stairs. I see her bra hanging from my office door, and it’s all I can do not to growl. I swing open the door, turning on the light in search of my hiding girl. It doesn’t take me long to discover that she’s not here, so I abandon the room and head for the next.
I flick on the light in my bedroom, and there she is. Her back is to me, and what I see has me frozen in my tracks. She’s covered in ink, and it’s stunningly beautiful. The piece extends from just above her ass, all the way up to the center of her back—stretching from her right side to her left side. It looks like part of a tree, the thin branches scattered and naturally wild. There are no leaves, but a few of the branches have little buds on the ends, as if promising that the tree is not dead.
Just above the branches, to the right of her spine, there are little birds flying toward her shoulder. I can’t take my eyes off of her. The woman I met in that art gallery—she wasn’t this woman. This woman is haunted, covered in tattoos that tell her story; and yet, there is an innocence about her that makes her undeniably endearing. My chest aches with longing, and my hands twitch at the chance to explore every inch of her delicate body.
“Jude?” she whispers, turning her head just enough for me to see the profile of her face.
The sound of her voice breaks me from my trance. I cross the room in thee long strides, shedding my jacket onto the floor before toeing my way out of my shoes. I kneel on the bed behind her, sliding my hands around her waist as I bend down to brush my lips across her inked-on birds in flight. I feel it when she sighs, and I slip my hands around to the smooth, soft skin on her stomach before easing them up and around her perky breasts. Her nipples harden in my palms and the rise and fall of her chest grows more labored.
“God, you’re beautiful, Teddy,” I mumble, my lips now at her shoulder. “Every part of you.” She tilts her head to the side as I taste my way up her neck, my patience stemming from my need to savor this moment. Everything I’ve done has been for this. Right here. Right now.
When I’ve kissed my way to her jaw, she turns her head, then shifts her body, seeking out my lips. I close my mouth around hers, and she kisses me tenderly, pushing herself up onto her knees as she wraps her arms around my neck. I pull her flush against me, burying one hand in her hair as I grip the back of her neck, my other cupping her ass.
She moans, her kiss growing more earnest as her hands slide over my shoulders and down my chest. Her fingers start to unfasten the buttons on my shirt, and I notice that she’s shaking. I sever our kiss, and she averts her eyes, looking down at her hands. I cover them with one of my own, tilting her chin up until she’s looking at me.
“You’re trembling.”
“I’m really nervous,” she admits, her voice barely above a whisper, her cheeks rosy with a blush.
“I won’t hurt you, Teddy.”
She nods, her fingers gripping my shirt as she assures me, “I know—I know you won’t.”
“You’ll never know pleasure like the pleasure I will give to you, sweetheart,” I tell her, letting her go as I begin to help her undress me. “I will satisfy you in ways you never knew you could be—in ways you never knew you wanted.” I shrug out of my shirt, and she’s quick to push my tank up my chest and over my head.
“Jude,” she breathes, wrapping her arms around me once more, pressing her bare tits against my chest.
I free a grunt, her warm skin against mine making me even harder. I have to get the hell out of these pants. I have to be inside of her. I have to take her, claim her, fucking own her.
“Lay back, sweetheart.”
She does as I say, letting me go before stretching out across the bed. I stand once more, making quick work of my belt—my eyes captivated by hers as I drop my pants and then my briefs. My dick is nothing she hasn’t seen before, but her eyes grow wide and her lips part with a soft gasp as she peruses my naked body. Looking at her now, I’m reminded that she’s so pure—untouched and fucking gorgeous.
Her breath hitches in her throat when I settle myself between her legs, and a smirk tugs at the corner of my mouth. I press a single kiss to her lips before I move to whisper in her ear. “I’m going to ruin you,” I promise, reaching down to cup my hand around her panty-clad pussy. “No man will even come close to what I will give you.”
She whimpers, her hands finding their way into my hair. “I just want you. Only you, Judah.”
Her words make my chest swell, but I ignore it, focusing instead on my aching cock. I lower my head, my mouth seeking one of her nipples. When I close my lips around her, running my tongue over the hardened bud, she moans and arches her back, spurring me on. I nibble and suck until she’s panting, and then I show the same attention to her other breast.
Every sound she makes about kills me, but I stay in control of my urges and continue to take my time. I kiss my way down her stomach, stopping when I reach the waist of her sheer panties. I can smell her arousal, and it makes my mouth water. As I pull her panties down her legs, I bite at her milky skin all the way to her ankles. I then kiss her tatted thighs, spreading her legs before I’m where I want to be.
She’s trembling after a single swipe of my tongue up her slit. She tastes so damn good, and she’s so wet. I grow even more anxious to ram my dick so far up her cunt she can’t tell where I end and she begins. However, I know that I have to be gentle. I don’t want to scare her. Not tonight. Tonight, I will unravel her. I will ruin her, but I won’t break her—that will come later, when she’s ready; when she’s begging for it.
I thrust my tongue inside of her, and she frees a groan that all but eradicates my patience. I wrap my arms under and around her thighs, needing her closer, needing to taste every bit of her—desperate for her release.
“Teddy—I want you to come for me. Come all over my mouth, sweetheart.” I suck on her clit and she bucks her hips, making my dick jump. I flick my tongue in and out of her entrance, lapping up all she has to give. She curls her fingers in my hair, and I know she’s close. When I hum into her pussy, diving deeper into her core, she cries out as her insides flutter around me.
“Judah—oh, god, yes.”
As she trembles through the aftershock of her orgasm, I grab a condom, ripping it open before rolling it over myself. When I settle back between her legs, I rest my heavy dick between her folds. I glide back and forth, rubbing her clit as I lubricate myself with her arousal.
Then, just before I ease my way inside of her, I pause.
I don’t know why—I just do.
As I stare into her light brown eyes, I see everything that she’s feeling. She’s nervous, excited, turned on, and…something else—something else I can’t quite make out. Whatever it is, it makes my chest tighten.
When I can stand it no longer, I start to ease my way into the heat of her center. She gasps, her eyebrows creasing together as she grips hold of my arms, holding on with a ferocity I didn’t know she had in her. A moan crawls its way out of me as I push in a little more and she whimpers in pain. She’s so goddamn tight, and it takes every bit of self-control I have left to stay calm. I want so badly to forge all the way in, but I don’t want to hurt her.
“Relax, sweetheart. You’re okay. I’ve got you,” I promise, leaning down to kiss her lips. “Relax.” I sweep my tongue through her mouth as I slide in a little further. She moves her hands up and around my neck, pulling me closer.
“Just do it—please—just push all the way in,” she pleads.
I don’t second guess her before I bury myself completely in her tight, hot, wet, fucking perfect cunt.
She cries out, spreading her legs wider, gripping me tighter. I search her face—needing to know that she’s okay—that she’s with me. The look she gives in return guts me. I can’t move, momentarily crippled by the knife I feel I’ve shoved into my own back. As I stare at her, my eyes focused on hers, I realize that I’m fucking fucked!
She’s mine. She’s been mine—my shy girl. This is not news. But now, with our bodies locked together, with my dick finally filling her as mine—I can no longer hide from the truth. I can no longer deny the way that she makes me feel. I have become a fool, and she is my choice—my only choice.
She owns me.
My body. My heart. It’s hers. I belong to this woman. As I ease my cock out of her and slide back in, I know that I will never know another cunt like hers. I know that I will never want another body like I want hers. I chased her, I pursued her, I wooed her for this moment—and this moment will never be enough. Even after I’ve had her every way imaginable, I know, unequivocally, that I will need more—more of Teddy. My Theodora. My sweetheart.
