by R. C. Martin
I love you.
Tell me again tomorrow.
“My feelings run a little deeper than his,” I admit.
“How can you be sure?”
I reach up to pinch my bottom lip between my fingers as I prepare myself for her possible reaction to my reality. Carrie is one of my closest friends. Like Andy and Geoff, she knows how resistant I’ve been to romantic relationships. She’s also older and wiser than me, with a marriage that’s still thriving after fifteen years. However she responds to my truth, I know already that I’ll take it to heart.
“Carrie,” I begin, dropping my hand back down into my lap. “I’m dangerously in love with him.”
She smiles at me brightly, squeezing my knee once more. “Dangerously?”
“Yes,” I reply with an enthusiastic nod. “I’m without a doubt that he’s ruined me for anyone else. And I know it’s only been a couple months, but I can’t help it. I care more deeply for him than I even knew I was capable.”
When she chuckles, I can’t help but smile—both amused and confused by her reaction.
“You gave him the cookie, didn’t you?”
I blush as a giggle bubbles out of me. “Shit. Is it that obvious?”
“I remember what I was like with Andrew when we were younger. I remember how much I cared for him before we started having sex—and then the sex came and I was a goner. And it’s not because the sex was mind blowing. It wasn’t. That came with practice. But the intimacy of it all knocked me on my ass, and I haven’t stopped loving him for a single moment.
“They say that men are physical beings, that once they have that physical connection with you, then their feelings take root. And I’m not saying that’s not true, I just mean to say that women aren’t that different. We might be ready to give our hearts away before the intimacy, but sex ties two people together. So I understand how you’re feeling, I do. Have you told him how you feel?”
“Yes.”
“But he hasn’t said it in return?”
“No.”
“Does that bother you?”
I shrug, unsure of my answer. I’ve thought about it a lot over the last few days. “I know he would never say it if he didn’t mean it. I also know that he’s been hurt in the past, which has totally skewed his opinion of love. But I won’t lie and say that I don’t hope one day he’ll reciprocate my feelings.”
“You know what I think?” she asks after a moment of silence.
“What?”
“So long as he treats you well, I think a man who stays by your side and doesn’t go running for the hills when it becomes known that your feelings run so deep is a man worth waiting for.”
“Yeah?” I ask, feeling instantly encouraged.
“Absolutely. Regardless of what he isn’t saying, his commitment to your relationship still means something. He cares about you enough to not be afraid of how you feel.”
Tell me again tomorrow.
“You’re right,” I reply with a smile. “He isn’t afraid.”
“My advice? Enjoy the journey, Teddy. Happiness looks marvelous on you, and I know just by sitting next to you that your life is richer because of him. Wherever your relationship takes you, just enjoy it. There’s no rush. Honestly, no matter what anyone tells you, what you and Judah share is between you and Judah—you define it. You give life to it. Let it be and just enjoy one another. Whatever it is that the future has for the two of you, if it’s meant to pass, it will pass.”
“Thanks for saying that, Carrie. Your advice means a lot to me.”
“I’m here, you know? Always.”
“I know.” I lean over and wrap my arms around her, and she gives me a tight squeeze in return before we both let go.
“So what are you two up to this weekend?” she asks as she stands.
I follow her lead, and we both head for the front door.
“I’m not sure, yet. He’s usually got something up his sleeve, if he doesn’t have too much work to do.”
“Well, I hear the weather is supposed to be gorgeous. You two should get outside.”
“Yeah,” I reply, slipping my feet into my shoes before hooking my purse over my shoulder. “I’ll suggest it.”
“Thanks again for stepping in and watching Steven. I really needed tonight.”
“You’re welcome. I love that guy.”
“Me too,” she says with a wink.
We say our goodbyes and as I make my way to my car, I replay her words of advice in my head. The timing of our conversation couldn’t have been better. When I was out with Geoffrey the other night, I told him the same thing I told Carrie—while I want Judah to feel the same way about me that I feel about him, it’s okay that he doesn’t. For now, at least. And what Carrie said only makes me feel stronger in that conviction. The fact that Judah wants me to speak of my love, that means something. It’s a sign that how I feel matters to him. I matter to him.
I—Theodora Rose Fitzpatrick—mean something to him—Judah Danyl St. Michaels—and I refuse to take that for granted.
When I realize that I haven’t yet spoken those three larger-than-life words to him yet today, I’m filled with the urge to see him. It’s almost eleven o’clock at night, and I know I should go home and get some sleep, but I don’t care. I just want to see him—even if only for one moment. One kiss. I drive straight to his house, not even bothering to second guess myself, or even call him. When I pull into his driveway, I notice that it looks pretty dark inside, like maybe he’s already gone to sleep. I decide to call him instead of ringing the bell, just in case.
The phone rings four times, and just as disappointment begins to settle in my stomach, he answers.
“Hello?”
“Hi. Are you asleep?”
“No. Are you okay? It’s late.”
“I know. I just—could you come outside for a second?” I ask, opening my door and stepping out of my car.
“Are you here?”
“Yeah.”
He doesn’t say anything in response, and when I step up onto his porch, he opens the door. I lower my phone away from my ear at the sight of him. He’s in a pair of tan khakis, but he’s not wearing a shirt. I take him in, not at all surprised by the way my heart races just looking at him.
“What are you doing here, Teddy?” he asks, sounding a bit confused.
“I wanted to see you,” I murmur, taking a step toward him. “I’m not staying, I just—will you kiss me?”
He acts without pause, stepping outside and closing the gap between us before he grips the back of my neck, tilting my head up so that he might reach my lips. He kisses me firmly, but gently—lovingly—and I almost swoon. I slide my free hand around his waist and up his back, pressing my body against his as he massages my tongue with his own. He tastes like cookies and cream ice cream, and I swear, I would kiss him all night if I could.
When I can no longer ignore the ache between my legs, I pull my lips from his, sucking in a deep breath. I know that if he kisses me much longer, I’ll be too turned on to leave, and then neither of us will be able to get any sleep.
“I love you,” I breathe, gazing up into his dark grey eyes now hooded with lust. “That’s why I came by, to tell you that I love you.”
He stares down at me for a moment, his thumb tracing the side of my neck lightly before he presses a soft kiss against my lips.
“Tell me again tomorrow.”
“I will,” I whisper, forcing myself to take a step away from him.
“You’re leaving?”
“Yeah,” I answer, forcing another step back. “I should go.”
“You could stay.”
“I don’t have any of my things. Anyway, I’ll get to sleep an hour longer if I go home,” I say, only half teasing. “But I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yes,” he replies, sliding his hands into his pockets as I continue my retreat.
“Oh, hey—do you think we could go for a hike on Saturday? I hear the weather is supposed to be nice. The leaves are changing
, which is one of my favorite things, and I’d love to take some pictures.”
“Sure.”
Sure.
One word of agreement, and my heart swells.
Just one word!
I’m definitely a goner.
“Goodnight, Judah.”
“Goodnight, Teddy.”
Last night, as soon as Teddy left, I headed straight to my office and turned my computer back on. I had every intention of going to sleep until she mentioned she wanted to go hiking. I know there are plenty of local trails that we could take—but if she really wants to capture nature’s color change with her camera, I won’t let her settle for Horsetooth.
I’ve been to Beaver Creek, Colorado during the summer. Last year, Benjamin had some sort of business conference there, and I met him over the weekend for a couple games of golf. I’m a city boy. The mountains—especially during the winter—don’t particularly appeal to me, but even I couldn’t deny how beautiful it is up there. If Theodora wants to experience the rich hues of autumn, then that’s where we’ll go, and I guarantee she won’t be disappointed.
Despite the late hour and the short notice, I was able to secure a suite at The Ritz Carlton, Bachelor Gulch resort. She doesn’t know it, but we’ll be spending our weekend out of town. Now, as I load my bags in the Land Rover before heading into work, the familiar feeling of triumph washes over me. I know how much Teddy loves my surprises, and I’m eager to see the look on her face when I go pick her up later.
It’s during my drive to work when the phone call I’ve been expecting all week finally comes through. I hit the pick-up button on my steering wheel, and my vehicle fills with the white noise of her background.
“Hi, mom.”
“Hey, JD. How’s my oldest this morning?”
“I’m doing well. How are you?”
“It’s good to hear your voice. I’d like to hear it more often.”
“I know,” I mutter, well aware that it’s been weeks since I’ve bothered to call. Longer since I’ve dropped by for a visit. Much like my visits with Benjamin, it was easier to make the trip home when I lived in Denver. Castle Rock was down the road. Now the trip seems just long enough to be cumbersome for an hour or two long stay. “I’ll make it down there soon.”
“Good. And you’ll bring this Teddy that I’ve been hearing about? You do know that’s why I’m really calling, don’t you?”
“I figured as much,” I reply with a smirk she cannot see.
“Is this Saturday too soon? Joe has the weekend off; you two could come down for dinner. We could meet you in Denver at that place you like.”
“I’m going out of town this weekend, mom. It’ll have to be another time.”
“Next weekend, then. I think Joe might be on call, but we’ll work it out. We want to meet her. Edda says she’s a darling. Joe won’t believe you’re calling anyone your girlfriend until he sees proof, and I can’t blame him. I’ve waited years for that special someone to come along for you. Don’t make me wait too long to meet her.”
“Teddy and I are in a relationship, mom,” I insist, shaking my head. “This isn’t marriage we’re talking about.”
“Oh, pfft,” she huffs. “You just bring that girlfriend of yours down to meet your family.”
“Yes, mother.”
“Next weekend?”
“I’ll check my schedule and get back to you.”
“Next weekend,” she insists.
With a sigh and a nod, I concede, knowing our conversation will never end if I don’t.
“All right, next weekend.”
She keeps me on the line until I’ve arrived at work, and then she lets me go when I promise to confirm our dinner plans once I’ve spoken with Teddy. As usual, I’m the first in the office, and I waste no time getting started. With plans to cut my day short, and a weekend with limited access to anything work related, I have much to accomplish before I can leave.
I don’t break until two o’clock, not even bothering with lunch. Semi-content with what I managed to wrap up, and with the desire to be on the road in an hour or less, I shut down for the day. On my way out, I stop by Aunt Eddalyn’s office, informing her that I’ll be off for the rest of the afternoon. Rather than question me, she lifts a knowing eyebrow. I don’t elaborate on my plans, but that makes no difference. I’m sure I don’t need to give voice to the fact that they are with Teddy. The look on her face surmises her assumption.
It isn’t until I pull up to the gallery that I stop to think that if Teddy doesn’t leave with me now, our evening will be shot to shit. We have a three-and-a-half-hour drive ahead of us, and I was hoping to make it in time to freshen up before dinner. I don’t see why Geoffrey and Andrew can’t go without her for one afternoon, but I’m determined to see this plan through by any means necessary.
As I walk through the front doors, I remove my sunglasses and check my wrist watch. With any luck, I’ll have her out of here in ten minutes.
“Hey, Judah,” greets Geoffrey as he approaches.
“Hi.” He offers me his hand and we shake before I scan the room for my shy girl. “I’m looking for Teddy.”
“She went to take something back to Andy. She should be…” His voice trails off as the echo of her heels against the hardwood floors fills the room. We both turn our attention in her direction, and the smile that lights her face at the sight of me makes my chest tighten and my dick twitch.
Her shoes are navy, covered in some sort of floral pattern; her light grey dress pants stop at her ankle, making them a focal point. The white shirt she has on clings to her body, while her blue blazar hides just how fucking sexy she really is. A large flower pendant necklace is draped across her collarbone, and her hair is gathered to the side, her wavy locks hanging down her chest. She’s just as beautiful now as she was the last time I was in here—the first time. Only instead of her storming off after our exchange, I have every intention of escorting her out.
And tonight, she will be the exceptionally welcome beauty in my bed.
“Hi,” she murmurs as she closes the distance between us. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m picking you up. I was hoping you might be relieved of your duties for the rest of the afternoon.” As I say the words, I look between her and Geoffrey.
“Where are we going?”
“Away,” I reply with a mischievous smirk.
“Away? That’s all you’ll tell me?” she asks with a laugh.
“You’ll know where we’re going when we get there. But first, we need to stop by your place so you can pack a few things. I’d like to be on the road as soon as possible.”
“Away. With a packed bag. On the road,” mumbles Geoffrey. “I’m intrigued. Intrigued enough to cover for you. Get gone, Freckles. Text me when you get there.”
“Are you sure? Should I—”
“Don’t question the man, Teddy. Grab your purse.”
She pauses for a second before she lets out a squeal, throwing herself into Geoffrey’s arms.
“Thank you!”
“Any time, baby girl. Count on it.”
“I’ll be right back,” she promises before she hurries for the reception desk.
I take advantage of her absence, turning to address Geoffrey. “Thank you,” I mutter with a curt nod.
He studies me for a moment before he speaks. “You make her joyful. It’s bigger than happiness. I appreciate it. Wherever you’re going, I hope you have a good time.” With that, he turns and walks away from me, calling out a goodbye to Teddy before he heads to the back.
“Okay, I’m ready.” When she returns to my side, she slides her hand into mine, lacing our fingers together. “So, if you won’t tell me where we’re going, how will I know what to pack?” she asks as I escort her out of the building.
“You’ll need something to wear to dinner for the next two nights, something comfortable to wear outside tomorrow, and whatever else you feel you can’t go without.”
“Jude, that’s
so vague!”
“Sweetheart—I’m not dropping any hints,” I say, opening up the passenger side door for her to climb inside. “Come on. The sooner we leave, the sooner you’ll know where we’re going.”
She tries to frown at me, but it gets lost in her smile. Without further argument or inquires, she takes her seat and I close her inside. When I join her, occupying the driver’s side, she leans over and kisses my cheek.
“Thank you,” she says softly.
“For what, sweetheart?”
“For whatever it is you have planned. I’m sure I’ll have a wonderful time. I always do when I’m with you.”
Her gratitude makes me pause, and I reach for her chin, admiring my beautiful woman before planting a firm kiss against her lips.
“You’re welcome,” I say—meaning every word.
I pack entirely too much. I’m usually not that girl who has trouble packing light, but given that I have no clue where we’re going or what we’ll be doing, I toss enough options in my suitcase to be ready for almost anything. Judah loads everything in the back, but I keep my camera with me in the front—just in case. It’s entirely possible that our journey may be worth a captured moment or two.
We’re on the road for all of twenty minutes before my curiosity starts to get the better of me, and I can’t keep my questions to myself.
“So, how long is our drive?”
“Few hours,” he answers simply, keeping his focus on the road.
“Have you been where we’re going before?”
“Once.”
“By yourself?”
He sighs, a small smile playing at his lips. “Teddy…”
“I’m sorry!” I say with a laugh. “I’m just really curious. Why didn’t you mention you were taking me someplace last night?”
“I didn’t know we were going anywhere until after you left.”
“Really? And this is okay? I mean, I’ve never known you to work half a day before. Oh—is this a work thing?”
“Theodora, this is not a work thing. I wanted to take you out of town, so I’m taking you out of town. It’s as simple as that.”
I smile at him, his answer warming my heart. Suddenly, I don’t care where we’re going. Just knowing that he felt like spending a weekend away with me means so much. I remember what Carrie told me the other night—about how as long as he treats me well, he’s worth waiting for. Judah treats me better than well; he spoils me, and I know, deep down in my heart, that what we share is unlike anything either of us has ever experienced before. I hope, with everything that I am, that it lasts.
