“I think you should go,” I tell him.
He tips his head to the side. “I bought you flowers.” His lips hold a knowing smirk. I glance at the bouquet in his hand--violets are scattered amongst the roses. He’s reminding me of the night he bought me another bouquet like this. We’d just gotten back together again after yet another breakup. He tied me to the bed before having sex with me, and he left me tied up all night, albeit loosely, saying he was never going to let me go again. At the time, I mistook it for devotion. Now I see the control behind it, and it makes me want to vomit.
“Violets symbolize death, you fucking idiot,” Kane says. “Shakespeare mentions them when Ophelia dies in Hamlet.”
I bite my lip to hold back a laugh as Dan’s face darkens. “If I wanted a fucking English literature lesson, I’d ask for one,” he snarls.
In the background, I can see Seb on the phone, presumably calling security. In days gone by, I’d have been annoyed at that, wanting to deal with this myself and disliking the notion of a man charging in on his destrier to rescue me. Today, though, I just feel tired. I want Dan to go. I don’t find his stubbornness adorable or sexy. I just find it irritating.
“Please,” I tell him, “just go.”
Ignoring Kane, Dan moves toward me, his eyes taking on a sultry look. “Why don’t we just step into your office for a while,” he murmurs. “We have a lot to catch up. Come on, El, you knew I’d be back eventually. I can’t keep away from you, you know that.”
“I’ve nothing to say to you,” I tell him. People are coming out of their offices to see what the commotion is. Half a dozen secretaries have gathered outside the lunchroom. Heat fills my face. Dan appears oblivious, though, or uncaring--I’m not sure which, probably the latter.
“I’m not going until we’ve spoken,” he says, a steely glint in his eye.
It would be easier to give in, and I’d rather argue in private than in front of everyone, but I’m conscious of Kane standing by my side. I glance at him. He looks calm, although I know him well enough now to see by the narrowing of his eyes and the way he’s clenched his fists that he’s inches from knocking Dan’s teeth down his throat.
We’re all six-sided dice. Various facets of our personality come out when we’re with different people. With the girls, I like to seem friendly and ambitious; with the guys, I prefer to look capable and efficient; with my parents, I’m warm and affectionate. When I was with Dan, I found myself becoming shrewish and irritable. I didn’t like the way he made me feel about myself. I tended to be bitchy because it made him laugh, and I’m not like that, or at least I don’t want to be like that.
When I’m with Kane, I love not just how he is, but how I am when I’m with him--the side of me that lands face up when the dice is rolled. He brings out all the best bits of me--he makes me feel warm, funny, sexy, brave, and intelligent. He values honesty and kindness, and I want to develop those traits to please him.
Our relationship is so new--I have so much of him to explore yet. I know he likes Italian, but I’m not sure if he likes seafood. I know he loves The Lord of the Rings movie trilogy, but I don’t know which one is his favorite. I know he likes making love in the early morning when I’m all sleepy, and that he prefers sex face to face because he likes to watch me when he gives me pleasure, but there are a thousand other different things I want to discover about him in the bedroom.
And once that thought comes into my head, suddenly I have the answer to everything.
I take a step forward, and Kane looks down at me, frowning, as if he’s thinking I’m about to ask Dan to accompany me to my office. I don’t, though. I turn my back on my ex, and face the new man in my life.
I lift my face to his, and look into his eyes. He looks wary, and I think maybe he’s waiting for me to say goodbye.
“I love you,” I whisper.
His frown lifts as his eyebrows rise and his eyes widen. “What?”
“I want to be with you,” I tell him. “That’s what matters. Everything else comes second to that.”
He blinks a few times, and then he starts to smile. The joy in his eyes fills my heart with warmth. I smile back and lift my arms around his neck. Then, raising up on tiptoes, I press my lips to his.
After a moment, he slides his arms around my waist. Resting one hand in the middle of my back, he presses the other at the base of my spine, holding me tightly against him. We exchange a long, lingering, heartfelt kiss that sends everyone in the office cheering and clapping.
I close my eyes, concentrating on Kane, on his firm mouth, the feel of his hair beneath my fingers. I’m going to stay with this man, and we’re going to be so fucking happy, we’ll make everyone around us sick. Maybe we’ll have a family, maybe we won’t. We have the rest of our lives to talk about it. But what matters is that if we do decide to try, we’ll work it out together.
Chapter Nineteen
Kane
When I eventually move back, Danny has gone, and the bouquet of flowers is sitting in a trash can. Everyone is laughing and going back to work. I meet Seb’s eyes, and he gives me a wry smile and turns to tell security they’re not going to be needed after all.
I look down at Elen, at her shining eyes, and my heart swells.
“Come with me,” she says, and she takes my hand and leads me toward the elevator.
We ride the carriage down, not saying much, and then she takes me out of the building. Slowly, holding hands, we walk the length of the street, then take the turn toward the river. The rain has stopped, and the wind is whipping red and gold leaves around our legs.
“You okay?” I ask eventually.
She nods. “Just wanted to get out for a bit.” She looks across the river, at the ducks beneath the willow, which is leaning over and trailing its fingers in the water like Ophelia.
Elen stops and turns to face me. “You set me free,” she says. Her eyes are filled with wonder.
I’m not quite sure what she means, but I’m happy to play a part in her revelation. “I think you’ve been free for a while, but maybe you’ve only just looked down and seen that the chains have vanished.”
“Maybe.” She smiles. “You have a lovely way of saying things. You have a poet’s heart.”
“I’ll take that.”
She kisses me, then moves back to look into my eyes again. “I meant what I said. I want to be with you, Kane. Nothing else matters.”
I cup her face. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m the best version of myself when I’m with you. A wise man told me that is the definition of true love.”
I brush her cheeks with my thumbs. I feel almost tearful. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I’m sorry about what happened with Jen,” she tells me. “What she did… It was unforgivable. I want you to know that I will never do that to you. If this relationship goes well, and we decide between us in the future that we would like a family, we’ll work together to try to find a way to make it happen. But together is the operative word, and you need to know that I will always listen to your views, and I’d never make you do anything you didn’t want to do.”
I nod, swallowing hard. “Thank you for saying that. I appreciate you taking time to think about it, even though we’ve only been going out a short time. It’s very early on, and I’m sure it’s far too soon to be talking about forever and families. But…” I hesitate, not wanting to push her too far.
“Tell me,” she murmurs, her eyes shining.
I kiss her. “Being with you has made me realize how wrong things had gone with Jen. How I feel with you… it’s so bright, as if we’re living in Technicolor, and everything in the past has been in black and white. I love you. I don’t care that we haven’t known each other long. I’m in love with you, and I already know that I want to marry you.”
Her eyes widen, and her lips part. “Oh!”
“I’ve not felt this before,” I say, my voice husky, “this overwhelming urge to… I don’t know… possess, I suppose. I wa
nt to make you mine. I want to tell all the other guys in the world that you belong to me. And if you want children… I want to do my best to make it happen. I don’t care what tests I have, or how many rounds of IVF it takes. I’d love to make a child with you.”
Her lips tremble, and she presses them together.
“I know it’s a bit intense,” I tell her. “And I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about it now. We can take as much time as we want before we settle down and get serious. But I just wanted you to know that I’ll be happy to start as soon as you’re ready. I’ve never seen it in my future before, but I can see it now, and it makes me so happy, Elen, I can’t describe it to you.”
A tear tumbles over her lashes. “Oh my God, stop before I start bawling like a five-year-old,” she pleads.
“You’ll make a beautiful mum,” I murmur.
I kiss her several times, enjoying the feel of her soft lips beneath mine, then I have to spend a moment kissing away her tears.
“I’m so lucky you came into that bar the other night,” she says. “I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t met you.”
“You’d have survived.” I tuck her hair behind her ear. “You’re a born fighter--a warrior princess.”
“That’s possibly the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
“It’s true. You’re strong, Elen. The strongest woman I know. I’m so proud of you for everything you’ve achieved at your job. I can see the way you hold all the guys together, and that you’re the driving force behind Hearktech’s success. And you do it all without looking for the glory and the praise.”
“I love the way you see me,” she says, trying to laugh. “Your spectacles aren’t just rose-tinted--they’re practically fuchsia.”
“Laugh all you like. It’s the truth.”
“My God,” she whispers, “you have got it bad.”
“I have. Cupid fired his tiny arrow and it landed right here.” I press a hand to my heart. Then I slide my arms around her again. “I’m crazy about you, Elen Wright. Tell me you’ll be my forever girl.”
She gives a tiny shrug. “I’ll think about it.” Then her lips curve up, and she kisses me again. “Okay, I’ve thought about,” she murmurs against my mouth, “and the answer is yes.”
Epilogue
Elen
Over three years later…
“We’ve come a long way,” Sebastian says.
I look up at my big brother and smile. “I was just thinking about the time you, Harry, Caleb, and I sat on the living room floor of the house you used to share, and toasted the birth of Hearktech with cheap wine out of paper cups.” I turn and look at the view before me. “Yeah, you’re right. We have come a long way.”
We’re in the garden of his and Colette’s house, in the suburbs of the city. It’s the middle of summer, and it’s their daughter’s first birthday party. Little Stella is sitting on a picnic blanket with her mum under the shade of a large oak tree. Next to them, Harry and his two-year-old son, Joe, are clapping along to The Wheels on the Bus song playing on his tablet, while Gaby takes lids off tubs holding carrot sticks, cheese sticks, crackers, and cold red and green grapes for the kids to snack on. Roxie’s son, James, is clapping with them, showing Joe how to press his own nose for the line, ‘The horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep.’ Roxie’s laughing, and Caleb’s smiling while he strokes her belly. They’re weeks away from having their first child.
The house watches over them all, a large, colonial-style home, with rocking chairs on the verandah, the smell of baking infiltrating all the rooms, and cats asleep in the bay windows. It’s a beautiful home, made even lovelier by the happy atmosphere the two of them have created. We all meet here most weekends, and it’s lovely to see my friends’ children growing up together.
“Kane’s here,” Seb comments, and I turn to see my husband’s car sweeping around the gravel drive. My heart rate increases, and I feel a smile spread across my face. “Aw,” my brother says. “Look at you. Two years married, and as soppy as the day you said ‘I do.”’
I punch him. “Shut up.”
He grins, and then gives me an appraising look. “And how are you doing?”
“I’m well,” I tell him truthfully.
“You sure?” He throws an arm around my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “You’ve been through it, El. I worry about you.”
“I’m okay, Seb, honestly. Kane and I have a lot to be thankful for.”
“Yeah, I know.” He leans across and kisses my hair in an uncharacteristic display of emotion that makes my throat tighten.
It’s true that it has been a rollercoaster couple of years. Kane and I took our time and enjoyed our courtship, as he delighted in calling it, but eventually we decided we didn’t want to delay any longer and married almost a year to the day after that fateful meeting in the bar. Then six months later, and after a lot of thought and discussion, we decided that we did want our own family, and we were going to give IVF a try.
We had six rounds of unsuccessful treatment before we finally decided to call it a day.
Kane was prepared to keep going, but each time it failed we had to wait several months before we were allowed to try again, and I was so physically and emotionally exhausted after the final round that I suggested to him perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. I wanted a child--still do--but that cycle of waiting and hope followed by abject disappointment was just too hard to keep repeating. I don’t want to live my life feeling permanently disappointed. Life is too good to feel that way. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I don’t want to spend what time I have on this Earth thinking about the things I don’t have--I want to concentrate on enjoying the things I do have.
It wasn’t easy for either of us, and Kane was very upset that we wouldn’t be able to have our own child. But eventually he agreed that at some point you have to say it’s time to stop.
That was several months ago. We took a long cruise around the Pacific Islands, and spent time just enjoying being with each other, reminding ourselves why we got together in the first place. We talked about other options, and have been considering adoption, although we hadn’t made up our minds. To be honest, I think we were both relieved to be free of the stress of trying to get pregnant. It was nice to talk about something else, to think about our future with some clarity, rather than always talking about if this were to happen, or that were to take place.
“Honestly, I’m good,” I tell Seb.
The gravel crunches behind me, and I turn with a bright smile to watch my husband approach. Kane hasn’t changed much in the last few years. He’s still part-handsome, part-Bohemian, and his hair has grown and now touches his collar, while his beard is a little longer. He’s done well at the company, and I know he’s been approached by several ad agencies looking to hire his services, but he’s remained loyal to Hearktech. He even put us in contact with Stratton Parker, and the guys have been working with Katoa on a new gaming device for the hard of hearing. That’s where he’s been this week--he flew to Auckland a few days ago to talk over some advertising strategies with Katoa’s marketing director, Teddi Parker, and he’ll be giving us all a rundown later, after dinner.
“Hey.” He smiles at me, and I walk up to him and lift my arms around his neck. “Mmm,” he murmurs in my ear. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.” It’s been a while since we’ve spent time apart, and the bed has been cold and lonely without him.
“Hey, Kane,” Seb says from behind me. “Good to see you. I’ll leave you two to it, but we’ll catch up in a bit, eh?”
Kane raises a hand, and my brother walks off to join his wife.
I move back and take Kane’s hand. “Walk with me?”
“Of course.” He puts an arm around my shoulder, and we start walking away from the house, toward the fence that runs along the property. “How have you been?” He leans toward me and kisses my temple.
“Good.” My heart is racing. I feel hyper-aware of everything
around me--the bright sunlight bouncing off the metal rivets in the fence; the smell of lavender growing by the oak tree; the taste of strawberries from lunch; Kane’s smile, warming me through like the summer sunshine. “Honey, I have something to tell you.”
“Oh?”
We stop by the fence and lean on the top. The river glimmers in the light.
“Good or bad?” he says.
“Good, I think.” A heron stands on a rock in the shallows, and a kingfisher swoops past us, its back a beautiful shimmering turquoise. “I suspected a few weeks ago, but I wanted to be sure before I told you… I found out yesterday, but I didn’t want to tell you over the phone.”
“Tell me what?”
“I saw the doctor yesterday.”
He looks down at me, frowning. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m fine. I didn’t realize… I mean, it didn’t occur to me… In spite of what’s happened…”
“Love, what is it?”
I take a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
He stares at me. I wait for his face to break into a smile, for the exultation to sweep over him. But he just continues to stare.
And suddenly, I understand what he must be thinking.
“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” I tell him quickly. “I should have thought… It’s yours. The baby, I mean.”
“Mine?”
“Apparently it’s quite common, to get pregnant once you stop trying. You relax, and it’s something to do with there being no stress hormones in the system…” I’m waffling now. “It must have happened while we were on holiday, because I think we were so relieved all the hospital visits were over.”
“You’re pregnant?” he says.
I start to smile. “Yes. About nine weeks, the doctor thinks. When I missed my first period, I just assumed all the hormones from the IVF had screwed my cycle up, and I kept waiting, and then I missed the second, and so I went to see the doctor yesterday, and he took me for a scan… I’m so sorry I did it without you, but I wanted to be sure because we’ve waited so long, and he said we can have another one tomorrow if you want to come, but he gave me this for you…”
Like a Boss Box Set: Like a Boss Series Books 1-4 Page 34
