I smile, feeling the love as I turn the page and spot another shot of Ray throwing a kid in the air. They’re both laughing and I let out a little giggle.
“Cute.”
“My dad used to do that.” Nate laughs. “We’ve got the same kind of photo.”
“You miss him?” I murmur, keeping my eyes on the photo of Ray and his grandson.
Nate and I don’t really talk much about the deep stuff. I’ve avoided his dad, just like he avoids my brother.
His jacket rustles and I can feel his shrug. “It’s all right. I hated it at first, but he’s still there for me. I mean, he calls us at least three or four times a week, plus we visit him during school breaks and stuff. It’s not so bad. And they’re both so much happier now. Like all the tension and arguing just went away. I didn’t realize how stressful living in that environment was until we were out of it.”
“So, you like living with Aunt Joy, then?”
He lets out a scoff that makes me look at him, then gives me a tight-lipped smile. “If she’d stop trying to act like my mother, I’d love it. The food’s good. The town’s cool. My neighbors aren’t too bad either.” He winks at me and my heart does a big hiccup.
I have to look back at the photos before my cheeks combust.
“They look happy.” I tap the photo, trying to bring things back into a safe zone where I don’t feel light-headed and confused.
Nate’s always been sweet and a little flirty. That’s just his way. It doesn’t mean he wants to make out with me and hold my hand at school. It doesn’t mean he wants to claim me as his girlfriend. I’m nothing like Sheridan.
Turning the next page, we watch the family grow, but there are big chunks of time before each set of photos.
“Lily must have lived miles away. These look like annual catch-ups, don’t you think?”
“Yeah. Definitely. But it’s cool that they obviously reconciled or something. I mean, there was that gap with nothing Lily related, and then all of a sudden come these grandkid photos.”
“Maybe having kids made Lily realize how much she still needed her parents in her life. I wonder how she felt when her mother died?”
Nate flicks the next page and we both stop. I can feel his confusion. It matches my own.
There’s like this massive time gap.
The next photo is of a group of boys who look to have grown by at least five or so years. There’s no sign of Edie and her happy smile, and I’m assuming Ray took the photo, because he’s not in it either. No adults are. Just a group of five, sad-looking boys.
“Who are they?” Nate points to the youngest two.
“Maybe the twins? I know there were five Barrett boys.” I pull the album closer to study the picture. “They mustn’t have seen their grandpa for a while. Unless those photos are in another album.”
“It’s weird, right? It’s like they went from happy families to nothing, and then reconciliation, and then nothing again? But there they are all sitting on the ranch steps looking… I don’t know…” Nate’s voice trails off.
“I know what you mean.” My voice goes deep as a wave of sadness travels through me. “Look at their faces. They look…lost.”
“Traumatized.” Nate shifts the phone so the light drenches that one photo. “Do you think their parents died or something?”
“Yeah, maybe. I mean, that’s probably why they moved to live with Ray. None of the other photos were taken at the ranch, so this must be their first time here.”
“Poor guys.” The sympathy in Nate’s voice is sweet.
My heart trills a little as we continue turning pages. The lost, scared look starts to ease from the boys faces as we watch them grow up and adjust to ranch life. Ray obviously taught them a lot. There’s images of fishing, hunting, target practice, play fighting, horse-riding, cattle herding.
“Wow. No wonder they never came to school. They probably didn’t have time with all this going on.”
“There’s one.” Nate points to a picture of the boys sitting around the long dining room table with old books spread out around them and pencils in their hands. A computer that looks straight out of the early 2000s is sitting in front of the oldest Barrett boy. He’s grinning at the camera while the boy next to him is making a face.
I snicker and turn to the last page where there’s one large photo of a very happy-looking family. Ray is in the middle, proud as punch, his arms swung around the young men on either side of him.
Names are written underneath the image.
My Barrett Boys—Cooper, Deacon, Michael, Brody and Jake.
“Which one’s which, do you think?” Nate taps the image. “That’s obviously Ray.”
“Yeah, I’m guessing he’s listed them in age order, but they all look around about the same age, so it’s hard to tell. I mean, this one could be Cooper, or this one?”
“Those two are obviously the youngest. They look about twelve-ish?”
“Yeah. They must be the twins, although they don’t look like twins. I mean, I guess they do a little.”
“Fraternal. Must be. I mean, look at the size difference.”
I laugh. Nate’s right. One is tall and broad, towering over his petite, fine-boned brother.
“They look really happy here. I can’t imagine that they killed anyone.”
Nate nods, his chin brushing the side of my head. “Definitely not. There’s a lot of love in this picture.”
“I wonder where they all are now.”
“Reunited. Surely. I mean look at them. They look tight-knit. Even though they lost Ray, I bet they stayed together.”
“As long as foster care didn’t pull them apart.”
“I hope not.” Nate’s sigh is warm against my cheek as he taps the photo again. “This image right here… it kind of makes me want to be part of a family like that.” Nate’s voice is wistful.
I nudge him with my elbow. “You are. You’ve got Luke. He’s like your best friend. You guys could practically be twins.”
Nate’s grin grows. “True. He’s pretty awesome. Don’t tell him I said that, though.”
I laugh when he winks at me again, but my smile quickly fades. “You’re lucky. You’ve got him and Hailey. And I know your dad’s not around, but at least he calls. That’s… that counts, you know?”
A stone has formed in my throat, making it hard to talk.
I try to sniff and swallow it away, but both actions make my eyes burn.
Spencer.
He used to be one of my closest friends. And now he’s gone. And I don’t know if I’ll ever get to speak to him again.
Chapter 14
Christmas Confessions
NATE
“You’re thinking about your brother, aren’t you?” My voice comes out husky. I can’t help it. The sorrow drenching Shay’s expression is killing me.
She sniffs, her lips pursing to the side.
I give her a minute, figuring my silence might unearth whatever she needs to say. Instead, I gently run the back of my finger down the side of her cheek.
She looks at me then, her brown eyes large and glassy. “He cut us all off and I didn’t do anything wrong. He just lumped me in with Dad. Never even gave me a chance to tell him that he can love whoever he wants. It’s so unfair. I miss him. He was my friend, and now he’s…nothing.”
I run my hand down her back, then tuck her against my side. I tell myself it’s to keep her warm, but I know different. I want to hold her. Take away that pain. “It’s okay to be sad. And angry. Acting like you don’t care isn’t a win. It’s just denial.”
“I don’t want to care. I don’t want to feel anything.”
“But you do.”
She sniffs against my chest and I rest my cheek on the top of her beanie.
“Maybe you should track him down. Give him a call. Tell him how you feel.”
“I don’t know if he wants me to.”
He’d be a total idiot if that was the case! This is Shay we’re talking about. His
adoring little sister. She hung on his every word. She would have done anything for him.
“You’ll never know unless you try. And it might make you feel better. You can tell him that you miss him. That you love him. That he shouldn’t have cut you off like that.”
“What if he doesn’t want to… talk to me? I mean, when he first left, Mom tried to call him every day. He never once picked up the phone. He ignored all her texts. He made it clear that we weren’t a part of his life anymore.”
I lean back so I can look down at her face. Her eyes are still glassy, tears brimming on her lashes. I swipe my thumb under them and hold her face in my hands. “If you call and he doesn’t answer, then we’ll deal with it. You come over to me and I’ll give you a hug and promise you that I will never do that to you.”
Her expression is doubtful. “You can’t promise that. People change and move on. They fall in love with other people and they ditch you.”
Okay, now I’m sensing a little Alex pain in amongst the Spencer heartbreak.
How do I make her understand? She means so much to me. No matter what goes down between us, she will always be my friend.
I smile at her. “I swear I’ll never ditch you. I may yell at you when I’m locked in a dark and freezing cellar, but I will never cut you off. Even if we end up at different colleges or on opposites sides of the country, I’ll always be there for you.”
“You’re going to a college on the other side of the country?” Her devastation makes my heart pulse.
She wants me near. Does she sense how much I care about her?
Does she feel the same way about me?
I force myself to smile, to keep it light and easy, but my voice comes out deep in spite of my efforts. “I want to go to a college near you. I want to be able to see you, hang out with you…” My voice trails off, nerves stealing the last of my confession.
She stares at me for a long moment, like she’s searching my face for a lie. She won’t be able to find one. Shay’s the best. I don’t ever want to lose contact with her. Even if my hunch is wrong and she never wants me romantically, she’ll always have a piece of my heart and I’ll never deny her that.
Lightly biting her lip, she gives me the most vulnerable look I’ve ever seen and whispers, “I peed my pants.”
“What?” I jerk back, looking down at her legs.
“No, not now. I mean when I was on a date with Alex.” Her voice wobbles and she covers her eyes with her hand. “I’d had this big slushy and I was like totally busting, but there was nowhere to pee and I didn’t want to do it in the bush, so I was just like holding it for a really long time and then Alex made this joke and I cracked up laughing…” She sucks in a sob and then whines, “And I peed my pants. In his car.”
“Right.” I blink, wondering how talking about Spencer and then promising to never ditch her has come to a peeing pants confession. “And you’re telling me this because…”
“He took a photo of it!” Her hand slaps down on her leg.
And realization dawns. “Oh!”
Anger quickly bubbles in its wake. He took a photo of it? She was probably humiliated beyond belief and he took a freaking photo!
“I thought I’d rather die than anyone ever find out, but I’m just feeling this overwhelming compulsion to tell you, because…” She looks up at me, slashing the tears off her cheeks. “Because I trust you and you’re a good person and you’ve never let me down.”
Her jaw trembles and I pull her onto my knee before I can stop myself. Wrapping my arms around her, I hold her against me, my heart pulsing with a thick, heady beat.
She trusts me.
I’ve never let her down.
Those words mean the world to me.
She shuffles around so we’re facing each other and wraps her arms around my shoulders, clinging tight and resting her chin on my shoulder.
I run my arms all the way around her body until we’re fused together. She feels good in my arms. I want to keep her here. In spite of the freezing cellar, and that dank smell and the fact she’s shivering against me, I want this moment to last.
Because I’m holding Shay.
And it feels right.
Loosening my grip, I lean back so I can look at her face—her tear-streaked cheeks, her beautiful eyes, those luscious lips. I want to kiss her, finally make my big move.
It’s hardly the romantic spot I’d imagined, but would it be completely inappropriate to finally do what I’ve been wanting to for months?
Chapter 15
Kissing in the Fridge
SHAY
Nate’s looking at my lips again. His eyes are doing that longing thing, like he seriously wants to kiss me.
How can that be possible?
My face is no doubt a blotchy mess.
I’ve just snotted on his jacket.
And I told him that I peed myself in Alex’s car!
Ducking my head with an embarrassed snicker, I rub my flaming cheeks and murmur, “I must be going crazy.”
“What do you mean?” His voice is soft, like he sounds disappointed.
I glance up, my eyebrows wrinkled with confusion. “I just thought…”
Do I tell him?
This seems to be the place for confessions. Maybe I should.
He’s staring at me, doing that quiet, expectant thing while he waits for me to finish my sentence.
“Well, I mean, I just thought… for like just a second, that like… like, maybe it looked like you wanted to kiss me.”
Could I be more awkward?
Ugh!
Nate’s lips twitch with a smile, his green gaze vulnerable and raw as he runs the pads of his fingers across my cheek. It feels so amazing I nearly miss what he says. “I do.”
“What?” I can barely breathe the word.
“I want to kiss you.”
“Why? I’m a mess? I… I…”
“I like you.”
“You like me?” I squeak. I seriously did not know my voice could get that high.
Nate laughs. “Yeah.”
“Since when?”
The corner of his mouth tips up to the side and, oh my gosh, is he blushing? I wish the light was better. I want to burn this moment into my retinas. Store it away in my memory banks so I can replay it over and over again.
Nathan Parker likes me!
His swallow is thick, his face kind of bashful as he confesses, “A while.”
“Like a long while? Or a short while? Or a since-you-moved-to-Harborton while? Or like—”
He snickers and shakes his head. “Do you remember last winter you were shoveling snow out front? I think it was after that big blizzard just before Christmas, maybe? Anyway, you were creating this path to your front door and I was watching you from my bedroom window.”
My insides tingle at the idea that he was spying on me. When I think about all the times I’ve covertly watched him from my window…
“You totally fell on your ass and landed in the snow, and I was expecting you to get up cursing and hating on the world for having to do this chore. But you just…. You cracked up laughing like it was the funniest thing. And I thought, man, a girl who can laugh at herself. That’s a keeper right there.”
My mouth drops open and all I can do is blink at him in wonder.
He’s liked me since then?
“I couldn’t get it out of my head. The idea of you being my girl just kept growing and growing and…” He shrugs, then gives me the kind of smile that could melt my heart to mush. It helps that his long fingers have inched around my neck. His thumb is caressing my jawline and I swear it’s hard to think straight when he’s saying this stuff and feeling so good.
And those eyes.
Those green eyes are talking too, adding a layer of honesty and emotion that I can hardly process.
“I don’t care that you peed your pants, Shay. I know you think it’s humiliating, but I think it’s adorable that you laughed so hard. I love your laugh. It’s the best sound in th
e world. And I want to make you laugh like that, every day. And I promise that if we ever drink slushies, that we’ll park near some kind of bathroom, or that I will have a permanent supply of toilet paper in my car so that you can bush pee anytime you need to.”
I crack up laughing, covering my face as I wrestle to control the giddy bubbles bursting in my chest. “This is unbelievable.”
He pulls my hands away so he can see me. My smile must be so dopey, but I don’t care. “You like me. Like as in want to be more than friends like me.”
“Yeah,” he whispers.
“Since last winter?”
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you do anything about it?”
“I was with Sheridan, and then you got together with Alex.”
“Yeah,” I whisper, kind of wishing that I hadn’t. I could have saved myself so much heartache and pain if I’d just waited for my ultimate crush. Although I didn’t know he was going to break up with Sheridan.
“Wait.” I grip his shoulders. “You didn’t break up with her because of me, did you?”
“No.” He smiles, but then tips his head. “Well, you weren’t the only reason.”
I cringe, hating the idea of being the other woman.
“Do you want to tell me?” My voice is kind of pleading. “I mean, I did just confess my worst, darkest secret ever. Like you are the only person I have ever told. Not that that means you have to tell me your… secrets…” Guilt nips at me. I so should not be asking this of him. He’s kept it quiet for a reason.
Nate lets out a sigh and runs his thumb down to my chin and then back up again. “I broke up with her because I just wasn’t feeling it anymore. I was bored. I found myself feeling more excited about basketball practice and eating lunch at our table, than I did about taking her out on a date. I knew when I started finding excuses not to see her that it was really unfair to keep stringing her along. I hated hurting her and I didn’t want to make it worse. So, I didn’t tell anyone, because I never wanted her to feel embarrassed or like she wasn’t good enough. Because she’s great. She’s just…not for me.”
'Tis the Season for Love: A Charity Box Set Page 14
