“I will,” he said. He gave me a sad look and then jogged off to meet his trainer. I would have liked to talk tonight and get it over with, so I could stop obsessing and get to sleep. But, it was more than I had to start with, so I was happy.
Chapter Eight
Ian
I’m not sure what the sound was that startled me awake, but I was thankful for it. I was having a nightmare…again. Since Emma died, I had them almost every night. I only remembered parts of them, but they were all about my sister being dead, and sometimes in the dream I was there with her…dead too. I woke up hot, with my body bathed in a cold sweat. The sheets would be soaked with it and twisted up like restraints around my arms and legs. My heart hammered like a rabbit’s against my rib cage and I would have to sit there and tell myself that it was dark because it was night and the shades were closed…not because I was dead and in a box in the ground. And then I would remember that Emma was. Some nights, like tonight, I’d have to get out of bed and empty my stomach into the toilet after that realization. When I finished doing that, I just let myself slide down onto the cold linoleum floor and I sat there and wondered when this would ever get better. When was I ever going to be free of this cloying grief that came out of nowhere and attached itself around my neck like a weight, dragging me down…pulling me into the deep end of the ocean…?
I sat there until my heart calmed down and the nausea passed and then I went into the kitchen for a bottle of water. The clock on the stove said five a.m. I probably wasn’t going to get any more sleep this morning because the first thought I had when I looked at that clock was, “Seven hours until I see Alexa.” Now that I was awake and I’d left the nightmare in the dark…I would spend the daylight hours obsessing over a woman I’d promised to leave alone. In my defense…I was trying. She was the one that wouldn’t let it go. She wasn’t going to let me just walk away. I was upset about that to a point, but in a way, I was glad she cared that much.
I nursed the water for a long time, not wanting to throw my stomach back into an upheaval and then I changed my clothes and went for a run. I was hoping the cool air would clear my head, but with each pound of my foot against the pavement I thought of a new reason why meeting Alexa face to face was a bad idea.
When I got home, I showered and went to the gym again. I was beating myself up, exercising way too much and eating way too little. But, it was the only thing that kept the thoughts in my head from driving me crazy…even a little bit. I had no idea how to look Alexa in the eye and lie to tell her that I didn’t want to see her any longer, because the truth was, I wanted her more than ever. While I ran, I thought about it and while I worked out, I thought about it again. I didn’t come to any conclusions. I wondered if I should just be honest with her and tell her that her father pointed out that I was hurting her. Maybe he had it all wrong and she’d tell me that and we’d move on from there…somehow I doubted it would be that easy.
Chapter Nine
Ian
Just before noon I walked to the pizza parlor, dragging my feet. I was late and she probably thought that I wasn’t coming. I could picture her sitting there, thinking what a gutless son of a bitch I was that I couldn’t even break up with her in person…and she would be right. The thing she had wrong though was that I wanted to break up with her. That’s why this was so fucking hard. I never wanted anything less in my life.
I pushed open the door to the crowded little pizza parlor in the brick building, buried and almost invisible in the heart of the city. It was one of those places that attracted locals and got a lot of delivery and take-out business, but someone from out of town would probably never see it and walk inside because of the outside décor. They were missing out though. There was nothing better than their pizza. The crust was crunchy on the outside but it didn’t taste like cardboard. The toppings always tasted fresh where sometimes at other places, the cheese could taste a little bit overcooked or congealed. It was casual and laidback, but the food was good enough that you could get away with taking a girl there on the first date. I knew, because I’d done that more than once.
I saw Alexa sitting near the back. She was sipping on a Coke and she hadn’t seen me yet. She had on a pair of jean cut-offs and a pink T-shirt with white roses or something on it. Her shiny red hair was down around her shoulders and she barely had any makeup on. She was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen and I suddenly felt like I wanted to throw up again. I was so close to turning around and walking out…but then she looked up and noticed me and it was too late. Taking a deep breath and trying to man up, I went over to where she was sitting and sat down.
“Hi,” she said. Her eyes looked sad or nervous or something and I felt bad.
“Hey,” I said, sliding into the seat across from her. “Did you order?”
“No. I’m not really hungry. I just wanted to talk.”
“What about?” I asked her. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t tell her that I didn’t want to be with her. It would be the biggest lie I ever told.
She sighed loudly and said, “Really, Ian? This is ridiculous. We’re not kids. Can you please just tell me what has been going on with you, like an adult?”
I took a little bit of offense at that comment. I may have taken more, if she hadn’t been right. “I’ve just had a stressful week. You want pepperoni or just cheese?”
“I just said I’m not hungry.”
“Okay, I’ll be right back.” She looked at me like I was crazy…and again, I don’t blame her. I got up and went to order a pizza that neither of us wanted. I was stalling as much as I could. While I was up there, I got myself a drink and went back to join her again. I sat the number plate they gave me at the edge of the table and she watched me until I was settled and then she said,
“Got everything you need?” Her tone was sarcastic, obviously annoyed. I nodded and she went on to say, “I wasn’t mad when I left the other night. I was…annoyed, I guess and I let myself wonder if you and I were doing the right thing by being together. I thought about all the ups and downs that we’ve already had…but Ian, I decided that right or wrong didn’t matter, because I really want to be with you…”
God, she was fucking killing me. I wanted to reach across the table and pull her towards me and shove my tongue in her mouth. I wanted to take her in the bathroom and push her up against the wall and rip those little shorts right off of her. I wanted to tell her that as much as she thought she wanted me, I wanted her more. Instead, like the chicken-shit I was turning out to be, I said the opposite.
“Alexa, I know you weren’t mad. You asked for space and I gave it to you.” I tried to will the vision of her naked against the brick wall in the bathroom away. It wasn’t easy.
“I appreciate it, but I don’t need it any longer. I’m sitting here telling you that I want to be with you. You say you’re not ignoring me and you don’t want to break up with me, so why are you pushing me away?”
“I’m not pushing you away. I told you, it’s just been a really stressful week. I’m still not sleeping well, and then there was the stuff with you and crazy Kristie. I have a champion ship fight coming up too and I need to focus.”
“And I make you lose focus?”
The pizza arrived. I let the server set it down and ask if we needed anything else. Then I did what any coward would. I picked up a slice and shoved a big bite in my mouth. Alexa stared at me the whole time I was chewing it. When I swallowed and took a drink of my Coke she said, “Are you going to answer me?”
“I’m not sure what you want me to say.”
“I don’t want you to say anything. I want you to tell me what’s wrong, honestly. It’s not much to ask…at least I don’t think it is. You keep saying nothing, but I don’t believe you. I know you well enough now to know that this behavior is not you. Something is going on. Why won’t you just tell me what it is so we can talk about it and move on?” Her tone changed then. I could tell she was trying to keep it steady, but it quivered a little as she said, “If you
don’t want me, I’m a big girl, I can take it. But I deserve for you to tell me that to my face.”
I choked on those words. I couldn’t tell her that I didn’t want her. Even if I managed to say the words, there was no way they would come out sounding sincere. She was sitting here telling me that she wanted me. I want her. Why is what her father said so much more important than that? Maybe he didn’t know what he was talking about at all.
“That’s not it,” I finally said. No matter what I’d promised, I couldn’t give up any chance I had with her. “I already told you. I’m just feeling stressed.” Maybe that excuse would buy me some time to figure out what I could do.
I could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t believe me…probably because I was lying. I choked down two more pieces of pizza, just to avoid conversation.
Finally, she said, “Do you want to walk over to Rotary Park with me?”
“I’m sorry, where?”
“To the park,” she said again.
“Why?”
“I just want to be somewhere louder than my thoughts for a while. And I want to be with you.”
Shit. She was trying to kill me, I think.
“Okay, yeah.”
The park she was talking about was a few blocks away. They had a lot of stuff for little kids and a Ferris wheel and water slides for the older ones. There was also a duck pond where you could rent little paddle boats and an inside arcade. She was right about the noise…even outside by the duck pond it was loud. I relaxed a little bit just because it was too noisy to talk. Alexa insisted on taking the leftover pizza and when we got near the pond, she sat down and started tearing pieces off and throwing them to the geese and ducks. The geese came right up to us and if she didn’t throw one fast enough, they would honk at her really loudly. At one point, I thought they were plotting our demise and I suggested to her that we move on.
“Okay,” she said, “I want to ride the Ferris wheel.”
“Really?”
She kind of laughed, “Yeah. You’re not afraid of heights, are you?”
I was afraid that with all that pizza sitting in my stomach like a lead weight, I was going to puke. I didn’t tell her that though. I just said, “No. I’m not afraid of heights.”
We bought tickets and rode the Ferris wheel. It didn’t do anything good for my stomach and sitting thigh-to-thigh with her made that part of my imagination that wanted to pin her to the bathroom wall earlier, stand up and pay attention. I wondered what she would do if I just kissed her…hard. What would she think if I slipped my fingers underneath the edge of those shorts and felt just far enough to see if she was wet? I wanted to know if she wanted me. I mean, I know that she says she does…but I wanted to feel it. I wanted her so bad that my extremities were tingling with the urge to touch her, or the lack of blood since it was all collected somewhere else at the moment.
I breathed a sigh of relief when we got off the Ferris wheel. The quarters were too close. Any longer and I wouldn’t have been responsible for my actions. After the Ferris wheel we played a few midway games. We played the one where you shoot water in the clown’s mouth and pop the balloon. She beat me two out of three. I redeemed myself on the shooting game. She missed every shot.
“Show me how to aim it, “she said. I hoped that she wouldn’t notice my hands shaking as I stood behind her with my pelvis arched so that my erection wouldn’t poke her. I put my arms around her and my hands on her wrists and situated the gun for her. Her hair was in my face and she felt so damned good that only a paper man would not be aroused being this close to her. God, I don’t think I can do this….
She got a funnel cake and tried to make me eat some of it. I was sure I would puke if I did, so I politely declined. When she was ready to go, she grabbed my hand.
“Walk me to my car.”
I know I should have, but I didn’t pull it away. I actually gripped hers back so tightly that she told me I was hurting her. I loosened my grip, but I didn’t let go. I never wanted to let go. When we got back to her car I was finished holding back. I didn’t care how pissed her father was at me. She was fond of telling me that she was a big girl. She could make her own decisions and I had a feeling that she wouldn’t let me get away with much even without her father backing her up.
Every fiber in my body was screaming at me to touch her. I pressed her into the side of the car with my body and trapped her there. She wasn’t resisting anyways, but I was partially acting out my bathroom fantasy. I put my hand on the side of her face and pulled her into a kiss. Our tongues mingled and her lips tasted so sweet…she moaned and I nearly came in my pants.
“Do you want to come back to my apartment?” I asked, panting. I had to have her. I felt like I would die if I didn’t.
“Yes.”
No hesitation. No worries. If I was hurting her, why would she be so willing to be with me?
We left her car at the pizza place and walked the two blocks to my apartment. It took us a while to get there because every wall or fence we passed was more fodder for my fantasies. I loved the feel of her body pressed between me and the wall. I was tempted to take her in the alley behind my apartment complex and take her right there. That would be really hot.
There was no question left about whether or not she wanted me too. We were barely inside the door when she was on top of me…kissing me, licking my lips and sucking my tongue into her mouth. My resistance was completely gone, and when I kissed her back…it was on.
Chapter Ten
Ian
I had my hands on her waist and as we kissed, I pushed her back into the wall. She was sucking my tongue into her mouth and I instantly had a raging hard-on. This girl turned me on like nothing I’ve ever imagined or experienced before. I broke the kiss and pulled back just far enough so that I could look at her face. Her eyes were glazed over and filled with lust. I let my lips graze across her cheek and then fall down to her shoulder and kiss her there. I let my hands slide down her arms until I reached her wrists and I grabbed ahold of them. I raised her arms above her head and pushed my body in tighter against hers effectively pinning her against the wall. She didn’t protest or resist, so I kept on going. I was lost in it all. My fantasy was coming to life.
I brought one hand down while I held her wrists with the other one and I unbuttoned and unzipped the top of her sexy little shorts. I pushed them until they scaled her round butt and fell down around her ankles. I let my fingers stroke her inner thighs and I felt her squirm against my hard cock that was pressed through my jeans and into the soft part of her belly. She was breathing heavy and her eyes were closed. I let my fingers pass over the center of her panties, right across her pussy. She was wet and when I touched her there, her body convulsed. I pressed my lips into her shoulder and began kissing and sucking there again and I let one of my fingers find its way underneath the elastic leg band of her panties. Once I was inside there, I could feel that she was soaked. She’d missed me too.
I let my knee come up and used it to push her legs further apart. I ran my finger over her swollen clit and up and down her slit until I thought she was going to shoot right off the wall and across the room. Then I slid it up inside of her and started moving it in and out.
“Oh Ian…oh God, that feels so good!”
I love it when she talks to me. It’s not like when some women try and talk dirty during sex. They seem like they’re trying to sound like porn queens and it just sounds fake. That’s a turn-off. But when Alexa does it, it was just like she was genuinely trying to express how she felt and what she wanted. Her voice got deep and sexy and just the sound of it made my cock throb.
“You like that, baby?”
“Mm hmm…” I slid in another finger and she shuddered violently again. I started moving them both in and out.
“How about that?”
“Mm hmm,” she said, nodding her head too and moving her hips off the wall in time with my fingers. She looked like she was in a trance. I loved making her feel like
that. I put my lips back on her shoulder and she started to get really wild. She was actually humping against my hand; I got so excited that I let my teeth sink into her flesh. She cried out, but when I pulled my head up and looked at her face, I could see that it hadn’t been in pain. She was as turned on as I was.
“Oh Ian…I want you so bad!”
“I want you too, baby,” I said, letting go of her arms and taking my fingers out of her. She whined as I did. When I said, “Come on, let’s go to bed,” she surprised the hell out of me.
“No. I want to do it right here. Fuck me against the wall, Ian. I’ve never done it like this. I want you to do me right here.”
It was like she was in my head, like we shared one fantasy. How was I supposed to argue with that? I’d have to be made out of stone. I reluctantly let go of her and stripped off my clothes. She took that time to finish shedding hers, and now she was standing in front of me in her full naked glory. Fuck, she was hot! I leaned in against her again with my chest crushing hers. I loved the feel of her breasts and her hard nipples pushed up tight against me. I loved the fact that they were real and not hard and plastic like Kristie’s. I kissed her lips hard and while I did that, I reached down and hooked my forearms underneath the backs of her thighs. She understood right away and as I lifted, she rose up and wrapped her legs around my waist.
I could feel her wet pussy against my flesh now and my senses were exploding in a hundred different directions. She ground her hips against mine and I heard a small groan rumble up from her chest. I pressed her tighter, so she wouldn’t fall and I let both of my hands reach up and cup her breasts. I could feel the heat radiating from her through them and I let my thumb and forefinger grasp one of her nipples and begin to twist and pull. She brought her hands down and wrapped her fingers in my hair, pushing my face down until I grasped one of them between my teeth.
Dirty Maverick (The Maxwell Family) Page 44
