“Your dad is furious with Blake—just like the rest of us. And concerned for your safety. I think he’ll check on you. Said he might run into me tomorrow.”
If Tatuś was driving down, she had to call and be upfront about it all. Keep the peace. “Excuse me.” She snatched up the phone and walked into her bedroom, shut her door.
~*~
Way to go, Zan. Her irritation didn’t surprise him. What dumbfounded him was the fact that she could honestly be afraid that her dad—that anybody—would think less of her because of this. She didn’t see anything clearly. He blew out a long breath and called for pizza.
Zan straightened up the den while she was in her room. Then he read all of the verses on the walls and studied her pictures. One had to have been taken on that ridge they’d climbed that morning. She sat on an old plaid blanket, her shoulders and legs sun-browned, a braid hanging over her shoulder.
Her smile. He’d never seen her with that level of joy, but he missed it.
On the kitchen table, Zan spotted a notebook and pen. He was about to turn away when he noticed the trees in the margin. That was the page she’d doodled on in class earlier. Against his better judgment, he sat down and read what she’d written.
A poem. About Blake sucking the life out of her.
She’d hit the nail on the head, except for two things. One, she still had life in her—buried underneath the snow. And two, God hadn’t given up on her spring.
Zan scrawled a note at the bottom of the page. How many lines could he cross tonight? But things needed to be said whether Kasia wanted to hear them or not.
~*~
Jayce and A.J. came back at nine. The tension had never fully dissipated.
Zan picked up his keys. “I’ve got to get to the gym, Kasia. See you tomorrow.”
He got a half-hearted wave back.
Zan jogged to the lot and grabbed his duffel.
In the sports complex, he yanked his sweatshirt over his head, tossed it, and found an empty bench. He threw free weights on the bar and did a set of ten reps.
More weights, more reps.
He slid on more, his reps getting fewer.
More weights. “Rogers,” he breathed. The trainer came over. “Spot me, man.”
He could only do three reps before his arms felt like they would explode.
Rogers took the bar. “Zan, that’s 325! You never do that much.”
“Tonight’s different.”
“I hear ya.” Rogers got out of his way. “Don’t kill yourself though.”
He did the same thing on the leg press. He finished out with pull-ups and squats, three sets to failure. As hard as he could until he broke.
And then he ran. His mind was clouded in fury as his feet pounded the treadmill. He’d rather have messed Blake up, but that was wrong. The rhythm of his stride matched the beat of the soundtrack in his head.
Blake. Liar. Slanderer. Manipulator. Misogynist. User. Rapist. Stalker. Vandalizer.
As Zan wore down, the rhythm altered. The soundtrack changed. It was Kasia. Vulnerable. Hurt. Confused. Broken. And then he ran toward her.
Beauty.
Compassion.
Heart.
All that.
More.
He ran until he was spent, and then he slumped onto a bench and closed his eyes.
36
The morning wasn’t as awful as she’d expected. So far anyway.
Zan had written her a note about the beauty he saw in her winter. His apology, maybe. Whatever he meant, the words buoyed her. There was still frozen muck and mire to wade through, but today she could trudge ahead.
And—perhaps—forgive him for calling Tatuś. But the jury was still out on that one. She palmed the curl-softener into her hair, inspected her face in the mirror.
“Kasia, phone! It’s your dad,” A.J. said through the bathroom door.
Kasia reached out and grabbed it.
“I want to make something clear before I see you,” he said.
She held her breath. Here it comes.
“I’m on your side, and we will push this hearing request as far as it will go today.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Dobrze. I’ll let you get ready. I’m almost there.”
Kasia ran to the kitchen to pop a bagel in the toaster and pull on her boots. The phone rang again. “Hello?”
“Hey,” Zan said, “if you need a witness for the hearing, let me know.” She heard a muffled “What?” And then, “Jayce says count him in.”
“Thanks.”
Ten minutes later, Kasia was on the way to the courthouse. Her stomach was one solid ball of lead. “So, what is this supposed to be like?”
Tatuś looked at her sideways and offered his encouraging half-smile. “It’s only a meeting. Just sit and speak with the judge about everything, answer questions. Sheriff Schilling says because of the temporary protective order, you have the right to ask for an emergency hearing within three to five days.”
“Dobrze.”
“I’m glad you called last night.”
Her heart thudded. He must have known she hadn’t planned to. Way to cut to the heart.
“I know you’d love to pretend this isn’t happening. We’re all tempted to do that, but we need to face this. It will not get better otherwise. I want to help.”
She nodded and stared out the window as he pulled up in front of the building. She climbed out of his truck, and Tatuś met her on the sidewalk. He held out an envelope. “This is a copy of every report that’s been filed—school and police. The car window, the bonfire, the incident Zan told me about in the parking lot, the graffiti, and the time he followed you.”
“Followed me? When was that?”
“Zan didn’t tell you?”
“No.” She also didn’t know he’d told Tatuś about Blake waiting for her in the parking lot.
“Yesterday, on your way back to campus. Zan gave the tag number to the police, and they confirmed it was Blake.”
She reached for the envelope and walked up the steps to the courthouse.
~*~
Tatuś drove her toward the Mill that afternoon. “There’s a warrant out for Blake’s arrest—they have video footage of him vandalizing your car. And by tonight, the Hamiltons will know that Blake’s hearing is on Tuesday. We don’t need an attorney for it, so that’s good news. Your friends can testify. Over all, it should be relatively simple for us. Blake’s built a solid case against himself.”
Easy wasn’t the word she’d use to describe facing Blake in front of Tatuś and all her friends. Or to describe being honest.
“There’s no way Blake will come in there without an attorney. Will that be bad for me?” Today—with the judge alone—had been nerve-wracking enough. But they couldn’t afford a lawyer.
“Let’s remember the Holy Spirit is your Advocate. And you’ve got a lot of documentation. You’ll be fine, Kasiu.”
But she wasn’t so sure. She trusted God still. She did. She just believed that He allowed bad things to happen. Even to His own.
Tatuś parked, and Kyle strolled over to her window. She rolled it down.
“Hey, what’s up, Mr. B.? Helping out with homework club?”
“No, Kasia’s got a protective order against Blake now, so you keep an eye out, all right? We want this boy stopped.”
“Yes, sir. On it.”
Kasia leaned over and kissed her dad’s cheek. “I’ll be fine. I’ve got a whole posse to watch my back.”
“You call me if anything happens, Kasiu.”
“I will.” Or if I don’t, Zan will.
The middle-school bus rolled in as soon as Kasia and Kyle had everything set up. Kids herded in, stayed close to their buddies. Mrs. Anderson stepped out of her office to remind the kids she expected them to behave like shining stars.
The kids were gone before she knew it.
Time for the little guys. While Kasia explained the reward chart to Kyle, the elementary students arrived.
>
Mrs. Anderson gave her spiel, and Kasia explained the chart. The more days they came, the more stickers they’d get, and stickers equaled prizes. Cheers erupted. Kyle passed out name tags and carrot sticks, and everyone got to work. He ended up at a table full of little girls.
Kasia stepped over and knelt down. “Mr. Kyle, who are these lovely ladies?”
“This”—he turned to a sweet blonde girl with the biggest green eyes Kasia had ever seen—“is Mallory…and this is Maria.” The small Latina girl with doe eyes and curly black hair tugged on Mr. Kyle’s sleeve.
Kasia smiled and got them on task. Mallory pulled out a worksheet right away. Maria, reticent to let go of Kyle, finally relented when he promised to help her personally. She showed him her backpack. “It’s got wheels.”
“That’s pretty awesome,” Kyle said.
A finger poked Kasia’s back as she turned. A young girl gazed up at her, doing the twist, nervous. Her eyes…this couldn’t be Zakiyah Freeman.
“You recognize me, Kasia?”
“You know, I think I do, but I’m sure those sweet eyes belonged to a much smaller girl.”
Ki-ki laughed. The beads in her hair clicked as she shook her head. “Mama says I’m ’bout too big.”
Kasia knelt and met the girl’s charcoal eyes. “Has it been too long for me to ask for a hug, Ki-ki?”
“Nuh-uh. I was real nervous comin’ today, but Mama made me. I need some help with math.” She wrapped her caramel arms around Kasia’s neck and squeezed. “But now it’s you. I miss you…and those cookies we made at Busia’s.”
“Mmm. Those were yummy.” She’d lost track of Ki-ki the year before Dziadzia died. Ki-Ki and her mom had moved into another neighborhood, closer to the school where she took night classes. But Kasia could’ve tracked them down. Should’ve. Another ball she’d dropped. Well, she’d make up for it. “How about I bring the ingredients and come over sometime? We’ll have a cookie fest with your mom. Sound good?”
“You know it!”
“Good deal, sweet girl. Write down your phone number for me and then get out your math. I’ll call your mom to work it out.”
“M-kay.” Ki-ki was all determination and cuteness.
~*~
Sweet conversations peppered the hour and a half, and before they knew it, it was time to go. Hugs, high-fives, and fist bumps almost knocked Kasia and Kyle over as the kids rushed out the door.
“You were great in there.” Kasia buckled her seatbelt.
“I honestly enjoyed it. Who knew kids could be so fun?” He turned down the radio. “Hey, I thought maybe you’d like to start playing with the worship crew for small group. Get yourself back into the swing.”
He made it sound so easy. “I’ll think about it.”
“Yeah, definitely. And maybe get back on a stage too. If that’s what you want. Even if you just sing with Jayce and me.”
She’d love to be ready for that but wasn’t there yet. “Maybe small group. Oh, almost forgot. I was supposed to meet A.J. by the library at five. Can you drop me there?”
“Yep. I need to swing through and drop you off though. I’ve got a five-o’clock meeting myself.”
“Cool. No problem.”
“Hey, Kasia, listen.” He reached for her hand, traced the length of a finger.
She pulled it back.
“I want to take you out to this new place Saturday night. Audrey Assad will be in town, so we could do the concert too—after dinner. What do you think?”
“Kyle…no.” Jejku, she hoped this didn’t ruin their working arrangement. But she thought she’d been clear.
“Sure, no problem. You’re not into Audrey Assad?”
“I am. For sure. But…I’m just not…that feels too much like a date.”
“Gotcha. No dinner first? Bring Lenka?”
“Kyle.”
“I won’t push it.” He smiled, but his gaze locked on the road. She wanted to roll the window down to let the tension out.
Two minutes from school, Kasia’s gaze landed on her side mirror. If that black car was closer than it appeared, Blake would be breathing down her neck. Kyle didn’t notice her skyrocketing stress level. She swallowed, willed herself to calm down.
Kyle parked near the library, and Blake disappeared.
Half an hour to kill before A.J. showed. She had no clue where Blake’d gone, which made it worse. Tatuś would go ballistic if she stayed alone. Or walked to her apartment.
She didn’t get out. “Give me just a minute? I shouldn’t stay here alone.”
“Oh, yeah.” Kyle waited but kept an eye on the clock, bounced his leg to mark the passing seconds.
“Listen, I know you’ve got to go. I’ll get in touch with somebody else.” Zan.
“Aw, that’d be awesome. I really don’t want to make Pastor Sean wait too long. We’re talking music for an upcoming conference.”
“Sure, I understand.”
Her cell buzzed. She opened the message. ETA two minutes. Coming from science complex.
“Zan’s on his way. Can you wait until he gets here?”
“Zan?”
“Zan. The baseball player.”
“Oh.” Confusion marred his face.
Silence filled the car. She searched the darkening landscape for Zan. Because he was doing what he promised he would.
Kyle checked his watch and watched for Zan with her. He fidgeted in his seat. Drummed on the wheel.
“Kyle? Thanks. You didn’t have to stay, and I…”
“Honestly, I’d rather hang out with you all night than go to this meeting. Maybe later…”
He followed her gaze out the window.
Zan sprinted toward them as if the fate of the world depended on a five-second arrival deadline.
She tried to hide her smile, unsuccessfully.
“So…forget what I was saying.”
“Kyle, I’m sorry. I—”
“Zan’s—is he even a Christian?”
Whoa. Settle. “Why does that matter?”
“Be careful.”
What was he implying exactly? “I’m not seeing him, Kyle. He and Jayce just—”
“Look out for you. I know.”
She opened the door. “Thanks for waiting a few minutes with me.”
Kyle shrugged. “Any time.”
She shut the door and stepped up onto the sidewalk.
Zan jogged to a stop beside her. “Thanks for the text. I wasn’t sure you believed I meant any time. And after last night…”
“You’re a man of your word.” That meant more than she could say.
~*~
Back in the girls’ apartment, Zan sat at the kitchen table to finish his lab report. He’d completed the experiment just before he got Kasia’s text but hadn’t recorded a blessed detail. Thankfully, his professor had responded with only an alarmed nod when Zan shouted that he had an emergency. He’d thrown his stuff in his pack and taken off. He’d have to pay the prof a visit later to explain.
He erased the smooth endoplasmic reticulum and redrew it. Too much the perfectionist.
Kasia studied on the couch behind him. Right? He hadn’t heard anything in a while. He pushed his chair back and stood, leaned over to get a look at her. Curled on her side, she slept with her book tucked under her arms. Auburn hair spread out like flames.
Zan went into her room and pulled an old blanket off the foot of her bed. He draped it over her. So peaceful. She needed more of that. He walked back to the table and finished recording his final observation. She would have to eat when she woke. Bailey’s chili recipe sounded perfect to him, and Kasia had picked up all the ingredients at the store with him last night. He decided to use them and restock her fridge later.
An hour later, when Jayce and A.J. arrived, a big pot simmered on the stove.
A.J. waved and headed right to her room. “Smells delicious.”
Jayce sauntered over and sniffed the chili. “You been holdin’ out on me.”
“I never
said I couldn’t cook.”
Jayce rubbed his hands together. “I’m thinking some grilled cheese would set me up.”
“The girls don’t have any cheese though.”
“I’ll go pick some up,” Jayce said.
Kasia yawned like a cat. “Can you get some Edam? That makes the best grilled cheese.”
Zan smiled at her.
“On it.” Jayce drummed on the counter. “Be right back.” He picked up his keys and tossed them in the air. “A.J., you comin’ with?”
Kasia stood, kept the old blanket cocooned around her. “What smells so good?”
Zan shrugged. “My sister’s chili recipe.”
She shuffled into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. “Tell me more about her.”
A.J. pulled on her down jacket and followed Jayce out the door.
~*~
Zan’s blue eyes filled with mirth as he talked about his sister, and Kasia wanted to keep the stories coming. “How much older is she?”
“Eight years.”
“Wow, that’s a big difference.”
He nodded. “She wasn’t the bossy, aggravating type though. She watched out for me.”
“Does she live far away, or do you get to see her sometimes?”
“She lives with my parents. Had to move in with them…” His laugh lines disappeared, and he stirred the chili.
“Because of her husband?”
“Yeah. Ex, almost.”
Kasia fiddled with the edge of the blanket, tugged at the fray.
“It was actually her faith that drew me to God. I couldn’t understand why He turned His back and let all that happen to her, but she trusted Him anyway. She said Jesus didn’t promise to make everything easy.”
“Once upon a time, I didn’t want to run when God asked me to go through hard things. Of course, they weren’t anywhere near this bad.”
“So,” he asked. “You still trust Him like that?”
She looked him in the face. “I want to.”
~*~
Kasia pulled the sandwich from her lips, and a string of melty Edam stretched until she pinched it off with her fingers. The night had turned out better than she’d thought possible.
Her heart had thawed a little while she talked with Zan about Bailey. His sister’s story was terrible, but her determination filled Kasia with hope.
Strains of Silence Page 26
