by Hazel Kelly
“Is that why you brought her here? So you guys can fuck now that I’m finally out of the way?!”
“No.”
“It must have been such a relief to get me out of the picture!”
“No, Chels. It’s not like that.”
“What is it like then? Enlighten me? Cause she sure was making eyes at you when I walked up!”
“Making eyes?! What? You’ve got it all wrong.”
“I’m listening.”
“We’re not together, okay? I’m not with her.”
“I want to believe you.”
“She’s a friend of my families. That’s all. I brought her because after we broke up, I had to bring someone.”
“So you’re not a thing- you and Lucy?”
“No. We’re not a thing.”
I took a step away from the door and then another.
Was he ashamed that he’d slept with me? Was I crazy that I thought it meant something? Was I genuinely a rebound like I was so afraid of?
And when was she in his apartment to see my panties?
If they were even mine?
I didn’t know what to think. Either she’d been at his place since I slept with him, which he’d kept from me, or he’d been sleeping with other women since the night we spent together.
How could I be so stupid?!
Of course he was sleeping with other people. He just got Tinder for crying out loud. I felt sick. How could he give me such a hard time for being deceitful when he’d been fucking other girls this whole time?
No wonder he didn’t call me for weeks.
I thought I was in the dog house, but really he was just too busy sleeping around to get back to me. Cause now that he’d had me, there was no mystery left.
I was as dispensable as the rest of them.
In fact, if he hadn’t promised Claire I would do her hair, he probably would’ve already cut me out completely.
Because Aiden and I, we weren’t a thing.
And I was a fool for thinking we ever would be.
Chapter 10: Aiden
“I’m so embarrassed,” Chelsea said, bringing one hand to her forehead.
“You don’t need to be embarrassed.”
“I thought if I came here and you saw me and-”
“What?”
“I thought you might take me back.” She slumped on a velvet cushioned conference chair. “I know I don’t deserve you, but I thought if we could just have one more day together, you would remember what you liked about me and not hate me so much.”
“I don’t hate you,” I said, grabbing a chair and setting it down beside her.
“You don’t?”
“No,” I said, reconciling myself to the fact that I was dealing with a crazy person. “I just want you to be happy, and you’ll never be happy with me.”
Her shoulders slumped over so I could see the bones in them. “I was once though.”
“I know,” I said. “And we had some good times.”
She nodded.
“But it was never going to work out. You deserve to be with someone even richer and better looking than me.”
She laughed and looked up dragging a finger under each eye.
“Seriously, Chelse. You’re a gorgeous girl, and I know you think we were happy, but you wouldn’t have been cruising for dates on Tinder if you were.”
She pursed her lips.
“Ya know?”
She reached out and put a hand on my knee. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I’ll be fine eventually, but only if you let me move on.”
She swallowed.
“Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.”
“Is it fair to say that I was good to you, that I did a lot of nice things for you while we were together?”
“Yeah.”
“So can you do something nice for me, and give me space so I can get over you?”
She sighed.
“Will you do that for me?”
She nodded.
“I need you to not show up at my place or at family parties. I need you to acknowledge that our relationship is over.”
She looked down at her lap.
“So I can heal.”
“Okay, Aiden.”
“Thanks, babe. I really appreciate it.”
“I can’t tell you what it means to hear you say that.” She pushed some hair out of her face. “After you threw me out the way you did, I thought I didn’t mean anything to you at all.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I said, expecting my Oscar to arrive any minute. “I’m just hurting really bad right now and seeing you, well, it’s too difficult.”
She pursed her lips.
“I’m finally beginning to accept the fact that I don’t have what it takes to be your dream guy, but you need to show me some compassion and leave me be.”
“Does that mean we can’t be friends?”
“I don’t think so,” I said. “It’s too painful.” And annoying and draining and what are you still doing here?!
“I guess I’m just scared because no one ever cared about me like you did.”
“Yet,” I said. “Other people will, but only if you let what we had go and put yourself out there.”
“Do you mind if I do a line?”
“What?”
“You can have one if you want,” she said, lifting her purse off the floor and taking out a small baggie.
I leaned back and ran my hands through my hair. “Shit, Chelsea.”
“Sorry.” She scooped a little clump of coke on the underside of her nail and snorted it up her nose with a wince.
“I fucking knew you were high.”
“I was sort of nervous about coming here. I thought it would help calm me down.”
“Will you put that away?” I said.
“You sure you don’t wan-”
“Put it away.” I wanted to tell her she needed help- offer to help her even- but I knew better. I’d already done that till I was blue in the face, and I didn’t want to leave the door open for her to ambush me again. This had to be the last time.
She sealed the bag and slipped it in her purse.
“And don’t offer it to anyone else, okay? This is not that kind of party.”
She took a deep breath. “I guess I should go then.”
“That’s probably for the best.”
“Will you tell Claire I said congratulations?”
“Why don’t you tell her yourself?”
“I don’t know. I feel kind of awkward now that I know I’m not wanted here.”
“Don’t be silly,” I said. “I’ll go in with you. You can say you just stopped by to wish her well, and I’ll walk you out. No one will think anything of it.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. It’s only weird you stopped by if you don’t say hi to Claire.”
“Okay.” She stood up and smoothed her dress down over her hip bones.
I cocked my arm out to the side so she would take it.
“Thanks, Aiden.”
“Thank you for agreeing to let me move on with my life, no matter how hard it is.”
The ego stroking seemed to be working, and I walked down the hall with Chelsea on my arm for the last time. It was weird because it didn’t feel any emptier than it ever did. Even in the beginning when we were fucking like rabbits and I thought she was the hottest girl I’d ever seen, she never felt that substantial on my arm.
Maybe it was just the fact that she was clinically underweight or maybe it was because I never felt accompanied by much more than her physical presence. Regardless, I could tell something was missing and that simply having a hot girl on my arm wasn’t enough for me anymore.
“Claire,” I said, approaching her table. “You remember Chelsea?”
“Of course,” Claire said, standing. “How are you?”
“Great,” Chelsea said.
“I know Chelsea and I aren’t together anymore,” I
said too loudly, “but she was always fond of you, and when she said she was going to be in the neighborhood, I insisted she stop by to offer her congratulations to you and Dave.”
“That’s very kind of you,” Claire said, picking up on my intonation in a way Chelsea never would.
Chelsea shrugged her shoulders and put her arms out. “Congratulations anyway.”
“You are so sweet,” Claire said, hugging her back.
“Well,” Chelsea said. “I better be going.”
“Can I walk you out?” I asked.
“No, I’ll see myself out.”
“You sure?”
Chelsea nodded. “Can I get a hug for the road?”
I reached out and took her in my arms, conscious not to squeeze to tight and give her the wrong idea- or god forbid, crush her ribcage. “Take care of yourself.”
“Thanks,” she said. “You too, Aiden.”
She smiled and backed away a few steps before turning around and walking out of the room, attempting to swing her hips side to side enough to create the illusion that she actually had some.
As soon as she cleared the corner, I let out the heaviest sigh of the day yet.
“What the heck was that about?” Claire asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know, and I don’t want to know.”
“Taking the break up hard, huh?”
“I don’t know how to say this, but I think her biggest problem with the breakup was that I didn’t take it harder.”
“Good lord.”
“I basically just stroked her ego and begged her to give me space so I could finally heal and move on.”
Claire raised her eyebrows. “And she bought it?”
“She’ll buy anything.”
“As long as it’s with someone else’s money.”
“Bingo.” I looked around the room. Most people were out of their seats and lingering around the bar or the dance floor. “Where are Mom and Dad?”
“I think Dad finally got drunk enough to dance so Mom dragged him out there.”
I looked into the crowd, relieved that whatever they were doing wasn’t obvious from far away. “Have you seen Lucy around?”
“She went to look for you.”
“What?”
“Mom and I were concerned when we saw Chelsea and thought someone should go after you to make sure you were okay.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Lucy said she would do it.”
“Why?”
“Probably so we wouldn’t.”
I exhaled. “If you see her, will you tell her I’m looking for her?”
“Of course.”
But something told me she was gone.
Chapter 11: Lucy
It would’ve been too expensive to take a cab home and too embarrassing to call Fiona and tell her to come get me. Plus, she was probably drunk, and I wasn’t thinking clearly enough to make any moves.
What I really needed was some time on my own to clear my head.
Of course, that would have to wait since there was a bottle of bubbly in my room just for me. Nice touch, Mr. Briggs.
I unwrapped the foil and loosened the wire cage, holding the top down as hard as I could, terrified that if I wasn’t careful I would break a mirror or something. And not only could I not afford seven years of bad luck right now, but I would be homeless by the time I replaced what I broke.
I squeezed my eyes shut and turned the cork slowly, hoping I wasn’t doing it all wrong. When the cork finally released, it made a muted popping sound and fizzed all over the table. Fortunately, I only lost about a quarter of the bottle.
I went to the bathroom and got a towel to clean up the mess. While I was mopping up the champagne, I caught my reflection in the mirror.
What the fuck was I doing here?
I shouldn’t be in my room already. This was a wedding. People would think I was hammered. Or maybe they wouldn’t because no one gave a damn that I was here.
I stood back and looked at myself, standing alone in the dimly lit room in my yellow dress. I knew what I was doing here. The problem was that I only realized it now.
I was here to do Claire’s hair and be a low maintenance date for Aiden. End of story.
I shook my head.
What a joke. Why would I think I wasn’t like all his other conquests? Because I knew him longer? As soon as I spread my legs for him, I was no different than all the other girls.
I hoped I was different, that his feelings for me were something he felt somewhere besides his dick. But that was incredibly naïve, and all I did by sleeping with him was make things awkward between us.
And for what? One night of passion? It wasn’t worth it. As good as it was, I missed my friend and what we had before, especially now that I knew sleeping with him hadn’t changed things for the better.
It killed me that I didn’t hear his whole conversation with Chelsea. The only good thing about it was that I had the wherewithal to back away from the door so I wouldn’t be trembling outside with cocked ears when they came out.
God that would’ve been embarrassing.
But what the hell was with her line of questioning about the underwear she found at his place? Why had she even been there? And why had my underwear- if they even were mine- been left lying around where anyone might come across them?
Of course, the thought of Chelsea finding my underwear was nothing compared to how sick I felt thinking he’d been with other girls since we’d been together. I shuddered to think that his hands- his tongue- could’ve seduced someone else the way they seduced me.
But of course they could’ve.
It was so easy for him to get me. Sure, I thought I was being coy, playing hard to get. But I wasn’t. Aiden was no stranger to women, and as soon as he saw me as one, he knew just how to play me.
And now I was just one of dozens of girls who had stupidly fled his apartment and forgotten their underwear. He probably had drawers and drawers of it.
It was ridiculous to imagine that one night with me could change everything, that I could just lay there and it would be enough to make him want me again.
Of course, he had wanted me at one point. How could I forget? That night after work when we got ice cream he’d invited me back to his place for round two. Maybe I blew it by choosing Fiona over him. Maybe the fact that I wasn’t up for it, that I wasn’t gagging for it as much as he was, made him lose interest.
Except I was up for it.
Every night I was going to sleep, thinking about his hands, his tongue, his breath on me. I longed to see his body respond to me again the way it had that night, to have him look at me that way.
Like I was beautiful. Like he wanted me.
For fifteen years, he’d looked at me through his gorgeous eyes, and it wasn’t until that night that I saw desire behind them. That look alone was enough to make my body ache.
But how many other bodies had quaked beneath him since then? I thought of all those nights when I was riddled with stress that he was mad at me. But he wasn’t mad. He was just busy.
And I drove him into the arms of those other girls by letting him down.
I must’ve been the only girl on Earth who thought sleeping with Aiden Briggs was a mistake.
I poured the champagne into one of two glasses on the table and picked it up. I thought about knocking it back, but instead I just sipped it, my thirst for drink exhausted.
I walked to the head of the bed and sat down, slipping my feet out of my shoes and setting my champagne down on the side table. Then I laid down, sinking into the thick white comforter and folding my hands across my stomach.
Could I ask him? If there had been other girls since me? Not how many but just if. Would that make me look crazy? Possessive?
I mean, I had no right to be either. But it sure would help me out.
Not only would it explain whether Chelsea had gotten her hands on my underwear, but more importantly, it would let me know whether my hoping for something more
was in vain.
After all, if he’d been having casual sex with Tinder hook ups since that night then… then I was crazy. Or at least, crazy about him in a way that he obviously wasn’t about me. Because after that night, I swear he had me.
I hadn’t even noticed another man since that night. Even the random attractive body parts of other guys reminded me of his hands or his hair or his back… After the way he made me feel- so alive, so awake- I didn’t want anybody else.
But maybe he had a totally different experience. Maybe after that night he woke up and wasn’t changed at all. Maybe he just called me, flirted with me until I was red in the face for sport, and then went about his day noticing the hips and lips and thighs of other women without me being called to mind.
Maybe this whole time I’d been looking at him like he was a goal post when to him, I was just another notch on his bed post.
I sighed.
I could deal with that, but only if we restored our marred friendship and put the sex behind us. Then I would be able to move on… eventually. Or at least I had to believe that or I was going to start pulling my hair out.
But what I couldn’t deal with was that it sounded like he was actually ashamed of the fact that he slept with me. Otherwise, why be so adamant about the fact that we weren’t together?
“I’m not with her,” he said. “She’s just a friend of the family’s.”
I closed my eyes, determined to sink right through the blankets.
I needed to accept reality, no matter how much I wanted it to be different.
Because the bottom line was that when he was asked behind closed doors why I was here, he’d gone with I had to bring someone.
Which made me feel like no one.
Chapter 12: Aiden
I circled the perimeter of the ballroom three times and didn’t see her anywhere.
And there was no way I could’ve missed her in that yellow dress.
I checked outside the hotel and the smoking area, even though I hadn’t seen her smoke since high school when she hung out with the theatre crowd for a while.
I even loitered outside the women’s bathroom, cracking the door open and calling her name.
Nothing. She was nowhere, and she wasn’t answering her phone.
