‘Eliza?’
Finally she dropped her hands and met his turbulent gaze again. ‘It’s not supposed to be like this. We have a contract. An agreement. I didn’t even like you. I don’t like you.’
His grin was huge. ‘You do so. You pretty little liar.’
‘I do not. You’re arrogant and egotistical and, and …’
‘A great kisser?’
‘There’s more to life than a great kiss.’
They were starting to gather the attention of the crew so she tore herself from his grip and his smugness and started back to the tent. ‘This doesn’t change anything.’
‘It changes plenty.’
She stopped and whirled on him. ‘You promised to open your heart to love. You promised not to discount the other ladies. We have four more weeks of filming and dates to get through.’
‘So what you’re saying is instead of exploring this thing between us, you want me to keep up the pretence of still looking?’
‘We don’t have a thing, Banjo. Yes, we have chemistry and you’re hot. I am still a woman. But that’s it. It’s why you have the reputation you do. You fall in lust with anything in heels, bang her and then you walk away. Don’t even think about adding me to the list of names. Don’t even think that on national TV, I’ll fall into your bed and be another notch on your post.’
His grin fell away and all the humour died in his eyes and she knew she’d gone too far but she had to make it clear, she had to spell it out for him. If he was sorry to lead on the other ladies, she was equally sorry that he’d seemed to get the wrong idea about her feelings. Yes, she liked kissing him. Liked the way he held her. But lust didn’t take you anywhere but the gutter. She was no prude but she needed more than a great feeling. If she was going to commit to a guy, there had to be more than passion. So far, that’s about all she and Banjo had in common and it wasn’t enough to disgrace herself for the world to see. When her mother had died, leaving her all alone, she tried not to think of it as abandonment, of leaving her when she needed her the most. Eliza had decided then and there to never pin her hopes or her independence on anyone ever again. She knew who she was and what she wanted from life.
She wanted to be a serious journo and the show was already jeopardising that enough. Never in a million years had she thought Banjo would have more than a passing effect on her. She would have walked away if she had.
‘What is it going to take to convince you you’re wrong about me?’ he murmured.
Damn, it was all too much. ‘We have to get back to the others. Smile and act like nothing happened.’
‘We have to talk about this, Eliza.’
‘No, we don’t. We have a show to film and a public to lie to. That’s why we’re here. At the end of all of this, you go back to your women and your boozing and I’ll still have a real life to live. With money to earn and a difference to make. I’m not one of your bimbos. I want more than that. I need more than that.’
His mouth squashed back into a line and he nodded. ‘If that’s how you want to play it.’
‘It is.’
‘For now.’
And then he walked back to the tent and she could hear him laughing at something one of the ladies said. Eliza hurried back, pasting a smile on her face, but inside, she was breaking in two. Why did Banjo have to be so right and so, so wrong?
***
It was well after midnight once all the solo interviews were done and Banjo was released from his duties for the evening. His teeth actually hurt from gritting them and his cheeks ached from all the fake smiles. It was a wonder his ears didn’t ring from all the chatter and giggling. After his confrontation with Eliza and her blatant rejection of him, he’d done his best to flirt and charm and act for the camera but all he’d wanted to do was pull her back into his arms and kiss her until she was convinced that he really did like her. A lot.
If he couldn’t even convince one female that he could change, how would he convince the board? He guessed he deserved her derision in the end. His reputation for his sporting activities wasn’t talked about anywhere near as much as his reputation with the ladies. But that was different. This was different.
He’d never had to try this hard before. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone after a woman. Especially not one like Eliza. His one and only stable relationship had left him bitter and a little twisted. Jessie was just about the nicest woman he’d ever laid eyes on, both inside and out, she was beautiful, smart, easy-going. Much like Eliza. But then Jessie had turned from an easy-going, carefree girlfriend to a wannabe wife. She began to put so much pressure on him to stay put, to buy a house and start a family. He’d been only nineteen. At the very top of his career both on and off the board. He’d had sponsorship deals rolling in and not a care in the world. When he wouldn’t propose and give up his travelling, she showed her true colours and ran off with his then Olympic team manager, Lewis. It didn’t seem to matter that Lewis travelled as well. Or that he was ten years older than Jessie.
Banjo had been dodging anything serious ever since then, knowing his career would always take first place and relationships second. There wasn’t a woman on the planet who wouldn’t eventually turn serious and start thinking about picket fences and mouths to feed. He still just wasn’t there yet. Although he could imagine morning runs on the beach with Eliza and a golden retriever pup bouncing between them in the surf.
Would she eventually want more? He knew she wanted to be a serious journo which meant she would need to travel too. Maybe they could try the long-distance thing? Who was he kidding, she didn’t want anything from him. She was only doing her duty to her dad and her job so she could air her doco. She already pretty much said the next few months with him were going to be shitty. He’d been looking forward to the challenge she represented but now? He didn’t chase women who didn’t want to be chased. He especially didn’t spend time on someone who couldn’t stand him. Sure, she might like his kisses, she’d kissed him back with so much passion, but then her sanity returned and they were back at the impasse, staring each other down.
Maybe Eliza had been right when she’d said he should look at one of the other ladies. He didn’t have a contract with any of them.
Banjo groaned and scraped his hands through his hair, pulling hard on the strands.
He didn’t want anyone else. He wanted Eliza. Contracts, legal obligations, all that bullshit aside, he wanted Eliza. He just needed to figure out what it would take to make her want him back.
Chapter 15
By the end of the next week of the show, week three, Eliza couldn’t have been more confused than if she’d run herself around in circles. Two more girls had gone home, her roommate Amelia and the lovely little chatty Jennifer. That left eight in the house. There had been a one-one-one date where Banjo took Grace up on the skyrail and they’d picnicked hundreds of feet above the rainforest canopy. There’d also been a group date but Eliza had been left off the list. At first she’d mentally been relieved but then, as she sat at the house with Allison, she’d wondered why.
She had been the one telling him to spend more time with the other girls. She was the one pushing him to kiss someone else even though her chest actually ached at the thought. When Grace had returned from her date and recapped the night’s events, Eliza had nearly run from the room to vomit. He had kissed someone else. He’d kissed Grace while they’d dangled precariously in the air. Again and again by the sounds of it.
Now everyone thought Grace was the first to lock lips with Banjo and that gave her some sort of edge with the other ladies in the house. Eliza should have been happy that he was trying to strike up a relationship with Grace. Trying to get to know the inside of her mouth and the back of her tonsils.
Not that Eliza cared. No way. If he fell for Grace, then she’d be off the hook for the next few months. She wouldn’t have to go to the snow with him. She wouldn’t have to spend long cold nights cuddled up to his side. She wouldn’t have to eventually say goodby
e when it all turned to shit.
But it had all turned to shit already. Despite her very best intentions at not falling for Mr Smooth, he’d invaded just the tiniest part of her soul.
Damn it. Tiniest part of her soul? Who was she? Eliza flicked back the blankets, got dressed in her running gear and left the house, slamming the door behind her. She had to rid herself of the excess energy buzzing in her veins and then she could calmly and rationally see the situation from all the angles. And it had a few.
She missed her music player as she found her rhythm, instead pulling her hood up over her hair to shield her face from the already hot sun, her feet providing a beat. For the first ten minutes, she tried to chase away all the thoughts in her mind, every last one. She wasn’t any good at it. Every time she blinked, she saw Banjo, shirtless, running in the sand, laughing and having fun.
When she opened her eyes for the twentieth time, telling herself to stop being stupid, there he was. In the flesh. Wearing only his runners and a short pair of black shorts. He came towards her, an easy smile on his face but nothing more. She slowed but he merely gave her a small wave and ran on past.
What? So now he was practically ignoring her? She changed direction and picked up her speed. ‘Hey, Banjo, wait up.’ She wondered if he’d heard her but then he slowed and eventually stopped, his hands on his knees, bringing his breathing under control and staring up at her in question.
Eliza waited for him to speak but he didn’t. He just eyed her with a kind of lazy curiosity. Eventually he said, ‘What’s up?’
‘What’s up? I want to know what’s up with you.’
‘I was just out for a run. I do it most mornings.’
His nonchalance was so frustrating. His relaxed tone said they could be talking about the weather but the flash of challenge in his eyes dared her to care. Dared her to do something. Anything.
‘It kind of seems like you’re avoiding me,’ she went with.
He shrugged. She wanted to hit him. ‘You made it very clear that you want me to consider the other ladies and that’s what I’m doing. I’m getting to know each and every one.’
‘Does getting to know them mean pashing on with each and every one?’ she asked, though why she threw his words back at him, she didn’t know. She didn’t want to know why the pit of her stomach burned with acidic fury at the thought.
He tipped his head back and laughed, the unshaven line of his jaw fascinating for a moment. ‘Pashing on? What are we, twelve?’
‘Are you going to kiss them all?’
When he narrowed his gaze and stepped so close she could smell him, almost taste him in the air that pulsed between them, she wondered if she’d pushed too far without the right to really push at all. Who was she when she was with him? She sure as hell had no idea.
‘I’m doing what you told me to do, Eliza. Did I kiss Grace first? No, I didn’t. She jumped into my lap and mashed her lips against mine.’ The shrug again. ‘I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.’
Liar. He had the reputation for being a ladies’ man. ‘What about your company? I thought you wanted to be seen as serious so you could take your dad’s company back.’
‘While we’re on the subject of dads,’ he started, his voice low and rumbly. Just the way she liked it. ‘You signed a contract too, only your dad promised you a pay-off. What if I don’t pick you in the end? What do you lose if you keep pushing me away? Your job? You documentary? More?’
Speechless wasn’t something Eliza was usually rendered. Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth and her lips refused to work. What did she lose if she kept pushing him away? The ‘more’? That was the chance to find out if there was actually something between them. Well, something more than the volcanic lust that surged every time he kissed her.
‘If you find an answer, you know where I am.’
The muscles of his back shifted and danced as he jogged away. She wanted to think he was running away but she had a feeling that was what she was doing. Not him. Not the Ice Bullet, player extraordinaire and all-round ladies’ man. Eliza not wanting to get involved with him had nothing to do with her father and everything to do with her sanity and her heart. She didn’t need it broken in two like her mother’s was. She didn’t need to have a taste of what adventure might be like only to find Banjo in bed with another woman when he tired of her and her boring ways. She didn’t want to be his groupie. She wanted to be a serious journalist and make a difference. She definitely could not be both.
The stupid thoughts plagued her all day by the pool and into the evening over dinner. When Banjo came to hang out with the ladies, Eliza hung back. When she caught him looking at her, she’d look away. She couldn’t risk that he’d see the violence of her emotions in her eyes.
Around six pm she called her father for a chat. He hadn’t answered at five or at four. Malcolm would bring her back down to planet earth. He would remind her of all that was stake, the stakes that had nothing to with Eliza and Banjo being attracted to each other. If the series was a bust, so was the station and all of the employees. They’d all be out of a job and she couldn’t have that on her shoulders. Malcolm should never have put that on her shoulders.
Maybe she could explain that to Banjo? Maybe she could pour her heart out and hope he understood where she was coming from? Or maybe she’d be insulting him again. God, why did it have to be so bloody confusing? This is why she didn’t get involved with men or relationships. She wanted to be married to her job! Her itches could be easily scratched with a battery-operated toy that didn’t talk back or require attention.
Damn it. She was in trouble.
***
If Eliza thought she was in a world of hurt, Banjo’s inner turmoil was at least ten times worse. He’d ask her what she would lose by pushing him away but all day he’d wondered what he stood to lose if he pulled her close. So many times he’d had to curl his fingers to fists to stop from reaching for her. Every time she’d sunk her teeth into her lip, he’d wanted to soothe the cupid’s bow. When she’d chewed on her nails, he’d wanted to give her something else to do with her fingers, find a distraction that could satisfy both of their frustrations.
When he was with her, Banjo was no longer worried about taking control of his father’s company. He’d find a way to prove to the board that he was worthy. He only had a few good years of skiing and boarding left before his knees packed it in anyway. Over the course of a few weeks he’d found the one person he hadn’t been looking for and wouldn’t have seen if she hadn’t been shoved in his face by circumstance. Money, the business, even competition, seemed pale next to her smile and her laugh.
He was actually beginning to think of Eliza as so much more than a challenge. He’d begun to think of her in his bed, at his breakfast table, on his couch and in his arms. He’d started out on the show wanting the board to see him as someone else but in the meantime, he’d found out he was exactly the kind of man they’d waited for all along. He wished he’d figured it out sooner. Not getting drunk and laid all the time left him plenty of breathing space to see where he’d gone wrong all those years.
Growing up wanting to be just like your dad was an admirable trait. But his dad died alone on the side of a cold bitch of a mountain. Banjo hadn’t been there to save him and neither had his mum. Yesterday he’d come to the realisation that he didn’t want to be alone like that anymore. He’d kept thinking, if Eliza was here I’d tell her … She’d love that joke, this food … The silence wasn’t so long when she was around and he wanted her around. All the time.
He swigged cold beer from the bottle, the bubbles tart on his tongue, and leaned back against the wall in his kitchen. But what if he didn’t want her for all time? It was only a small niggling voice in the back of his mind, what if it was just an infatuation? What if it was just initial chemistry and nothing else? Banjo closed the door on that thought just as the door to his house opened and the object of his torture slipped in to the barely lit room.
He dropped his bee
r bottle on the kitchen bench with a thunk. ‘Come to say goodbye?’
She jumped a little but then held her hands up in surrender. ‘I came to talk. To explain a few things.’
‘I’m listening.’ He crossed his arms over his chest. To her it would appear he didn’t really give a damn, but for him, it was the only way to avoid vaulting over the counter and wrapping his arms around her.
‘The other reason I signed up for all of this—’ she gestured wildly towards him and the room, the floor and the ceiling, ‘—is because the station is in trouble. It’s not just my documentary being aired that has me behaving like a desperate idiot on national TV. Malcolm shared a few truths about the station going under if the ratings from She’s The One don’t wow some serious investors through the doors. He needs us to make this look good.’
‘Bullshit.’
‘I beg your pardon?’
He rounded the island bench but kept his arms crossed. ‘I’m calling bullshit on that one too. Eliza, when are you going to wake up and smell the stink? Malcolm was the desperate one and he told you what you needed to hear to go along with it all.’
‘How could you possibly know that? You weren’t there. You don’t work for the network.’
‘They’re a publicly listed company with a record turnover. The station isn’t going anywhere. Try again.’
‘Try again with what?’
‘Another reason to stay away from me. That’s why you’re here isn’t it? I asked you what you had to lose by pushing me away and you’ve come up with a few flimsy excuses. If you lost your job, you’d get another one. You have skills and qualifications. Try again.’
‘I’m trying to build a relationship with my dad.’
‘He’s using you to further his own ends. Even if we decided to date, he’d be happy because he would still get his ratings. Try again.’
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