I watched her go, my hands gripping the steering wheel, my knuckles white. I sat there, breathing unevenly and quickly, watching her until I lost sight of her.
She was now in my blood like a virus: as deadly and as dangerous as that.
I didn’t remember the drive back to the bungalow. I didn’t remember getting into bed.
All I know of that night was I didn’t sleep.
How could I sleep when my mind was on fire and the hours that separated our next meeting seemed like a hundred years?
chapter three
I
The next three days followed a systematic pattern. I reached the office at nine o’clock every morning, left at seven, had a snack supper at an Italian restaurant on the highway that led past the Gables, and arrived at the big house at eight o’clock. I remained with Aitken for an hour and a half, discussing the business of the day and going through any letters that usually he would have dealt with, then I went down to the Cadillac, where Lucille waited for me.
It was this moment I lived for. The rest of the hours were just a chore to get through somehow and as quickly as possible. After I had said good night to Watkins and had heard him shut the front door, then, and only then, did I come really alive.
From nine-thirty until eleven o’clock, Lucille and I cruised the secondary roads. We didn’t talk a great deal. For one thing she had to concentrate on her driving. I found her concentration failed and she was inclined to let the car wander about the road if I talked to her. Also she so obviously enjoyed handling the Cadillac that I could see she didn’t really welcome any interruption to the sensation in which she revelled. It was only when we pulled up outside the big wrought-iron gates of the Gables that we spent five or so minutes talking.
During those three evenings with her, my love for her grew to a degree that I had to exert a great deal of control not to show my feelings.
She did nothing to encourage me. She treated me as a friend whom she liked, and I knew she did like me. I could tell that by the way she spoke and the way she looked at me, but that was as far as it went.
It was my attitude towards her that bothered me. I knew if she gave me the slightest encouragement I could not have resisted making love to her.
I knew I was playing with fire. If ever Aitken found out what was going on, I was sure he would throw me out of the firm. She had said he was possessive, and by now I knew him well enough to realize he wouldn’t for one moment tolerate me fooling around with his wife, no matter how platonic her feelings towards me were.
I kept telling myself that I should stop this before it got out of hand, then I tried to convince myself that, so long as Lucille wasn’t falling in love with me, there surely could be no harm to continue the driving lessons.
As we were saying good night on the third evening, I reminded her I wouldn’t be at the house the following night.
‘Mr. Aitken has given me the weekend off,’ I explained. ‘So I won’t be up.’
‘Does that mean I’m not going to have a lesson?’ she asked twisting around in the car seat to look at me.
‘Not until Monday night.’
‘Are you going away, then?’
‘No, I’m not going away.’
‘Then why can’t you come up as usual? You can meet me down here and not up at the house or perhaps you don’t want to?’
‘It’s not that I don’t want to, but I must admit this worries me sometimes,’ I said, looking at her. ‘I’m sure if your husband found out he would be furious.’
She laughed. She had the most infectious laugh I had ever heard. She put both her hands on my arm and rocked me a little.
‘He would be absolutely livid, but we don’t mind, do we? Besides, he will never find out’
‘Watkins or Mrs. Hepple might see us ...’
‘They never go out at night, but I tell you what we will do. I’ll meet you at your place. I’ll come down on my bicycle. May I do that? I’d like to see your bungalow.’
My heart began to beat fast.
‘You’d better not. No, you mustn’t come down there. If you really want a lesson tomorrow, then I’ll be out here at nine o’clock but only if you really want it.’
She opened the car door and slid out, then she turned and looked in through the open window at me.
‘I’ll be here,’ she said. ‘Ches, I still think you’re the nicest man I know. I am improving, aren’t I? I’ll soon be able to apply for a permit, won’t I?’
‘You’re doing fine,’ I said huskily. I would have given a lot to have taken her in my arms and felt her lips responding against mine. ‘Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Back in my big lounge, I lay in an easy chair, a double whisky and soda in my hand, while I considered my position.
I had known her now for five nights, and I knew I would never be more in love with any woman than I was with her. Was she aware of this or was she so naive that she really believed I would risk Aitken’s displeasure just to teach her to drive? That was something I just had to find out.
That suggestion of hers about coming to the bungalow bothered me. I had told her my houseboy left soon after seven, and I lived alone. Was this a hint that she was ready to return the love I felt for her?
I told myself reluctantly that this was unlikely. She had never encouraged me to think that she looked on me as anything more than a helpful friend who was teaching her to drive, and who was giving her a lot of pleasure with no expectation of favours in return.
I had to take this farther, I told myself. I had to find out if she realized the risk I was running. I was putting my whole future in balance. If Aitken found out about us the New York job would go up in smoke.
I spent a restless night brooding over the situation. I was pretty short-tempered in the office the following morning, and it was a relief when I finally cleared my desk and collected a few papers I wanted to examine over the weekend.
Pat, who had borne my irritability without protest, came in with a few more letters for me to sign.
‘For the love of Mike! I thought I had signed them all!’ I barked at her.
‘There are only six,’ she said and laid them on the desk.
I took out my fountain pen and hurriedly scrawled my signature on the letters, then straightening and putting my pen away, I said: ‘I’ll be in first thing on Monday. I’ll get off now. It’s after six, isn’t it?’
‘It’s nearly half past. Are you going away, Ches?’
I looked sharply at her, frowning.
‘I don’t know. I might. I’ll probably play some golf.’
‘I hope you get a little rest. You don’t have to worry so much, Ches, you’re doing fine.’
At any other time this would have encouraged me, but in my present mood it only irritated me.
‘I’m not worrying,’ I said curtly. ‘See you on Monday,’ and nodding, I left her, her eyes wide with surprise, her expression hurt.
Joe came out of his office as I walked down the corridor.
‘Give me a lift to the station, Ches?’
‘Okay.’
I didn’t want him with me, but I couldn’t very well refuse, as he knew I had to pass the station on my way to the bungalow.
We went together to the elevator.
As we were going down, Joe said: ‘Seeing R.A. tonight?’
‘No. He told me to take the weekend off. I’ve got the Wasserman TV script to look at. From what I’ve seen of it, it’s not too bad.’
‘Why don’t you lay off work and take a rest?’ Joe asked as we crossed the lobby. ‘You’re getting pretty nervy. What’s biting you?’
‘Nothing’s biting me,’ I said shortly as I made my way across the crowded sidewalk to where I had parked the Cadillac.
Joe slid in beside me.
‘Well, for the past two days you’ve been snapping everyone’s head off. You made Paula cry this afternoon.’
‘Paula’s a moron. I asked her three times to get Wasserman and she couldn’t raise him.’
; ‘He happened to be out. She can’t perform miracles.’
I started the engine.
‘What is this, Joe? Since when do I want your criticism?’
‘Here we go,’ Joe said, sinking down into the cushions of the bench seat. ‘Now it’s my turn. Well, okay, boy, if you think this is the way to act the Big Wheel, I won’t stop you, but take my advice and try to relax. You’re leaning too hard on the job.’
I knew he was right and I suddenly felt ashamed of myself.
‘Yes. Sorry, Joe. I’ll be okay after the weekend.’
‘I guess I’d act the same,’ Joe said generously. ‘You have quite a job to hold down now.’ Then changing the subject, he went on: ‘You know I envy you this car – what a beaut!’
‘I always wanted a Caddy. It cost me plenty, but it’s worth every nickel. Although I’ve had it now for eighteen months, I still get a bang out of it.’
‘I would too. When this New York job jells, and if R.A. ups my salary, I plan to buy one just for the hell of it.’
‘If we land the job, Joe, I’ll see you get a rise.’
‘What are the prospects? Has he said anything about it again?’
‘He was talking about it last night. I think it’s in the bag. He asked me how soon I could raise the money.’
‘Do you think it’s a good idea to invest your money with him, Ches?’
‘I’m sure of it. An office in New York can’t go wrong. With a stake in the business, I get five per cent of the gross as well as my salary. I’d be crazy not to take the chance. Besides, I’ll be running the business more or less myself so I can protect my stake.’
‘Wish I had some dough,’ Joe said. ‘Five per cent of the gross! You’re going to be rich, Ches.’
My hands tightened on the driving wheel. I could be rich if I wasn’t found out, I thought. I might even be rich enough to take Lucille away from Aitken.
‘Well, a lot depends on how we run the place, Joe.’
‘How soon can you raise the dough?’
‘I’ve told my brokers to go ahead and sell out. I should have it in a few days. The market’s just right. A bit of luck that: I could have been stuck.’
I slowed down as we came to the station.
‘Thanks, Ches,’ Joe said as he got out of the car. ‘Maybe I’ll buy this off you one of these days,’ he went on, patting the Cadillac’s wing, ‘You’ll be able to get an Eldorado when you get to New York. Would you think of selling it to me?’
‘You wait until you get some money,’ I said and grinned at him, ‘but I might. So long. Have a good weekend.’
I drove fast towards my bungalow.
II
At one minute to nine, I pulled up outside the tall wrought-iron gates that guarded the entrance to the Gables. Lucille was standing in the shadows, waiting for me. I let the driver’s door swing open as she came quickly towards me. As she came out of the shadows and into the hard light of the moon I saw she was wearing a pale-blue dress with a flared skirt. Her hair was taken back by a narrow ribbon. She looked pretty enough to take any man’s breath away.
She slid under the driving wheel as I moved along the bench seat out of her way.
‘Hello,’ she said, smiling at me. ‘You’re beautifully punctual. Do you like my dress? I put it on specially for you.’
‘It’s terrific,’ I said, ‘and you look terrific also.’
She laughed happily.
‘Do you think so? Do you really think so?’
‘Yes.’
Maybe there was something in my voice that startled her. Anyway, she looked quickly at me, but I had my back to the moonlight and she couldn’t see much of my face.
‘Well, where shall we go?’ she said. Let’s go down to the sea.’
‘All right.’
This night she didn’t seem in the mood for speed. She drove at a steady twenty-five miles an hour, and at that speed, she drove pretty well.
We turned off the highway and cruised along one of the secondary roads until we reached a narrow dirt road that led down to the sea.
She hummed to herself softly as she drove and she was relaxed, her hands no longer clenched the wheel in a knuckle-white grip. I felt a little pang as I realized that she would soon be competent enough to apply for a permit, and the lessons would come to an end.
We drove slowly down the dirt road and turning a sharp bend we saw ahead of us a great stretch of sand with palm trees and the sea glittering like a polished mirror in the moonlight.
‘Isn’t this wonderful?’ she said. They were her first words since she had driven away from the Gables. ‘You don’t know how much pleasure I get from driving this car, Ches. There’s no sensation like it. I can drive now, can’t I? I’m really good now, aren’t I?’
‘You’re not so bad. You want more practice before you apply for a permit. You haven’t tried reversing yet. Do you want to have a shot at it now?’
She shook her head.
‘Not now.’
We drove down the lonely beach road, and she slowed, drove the car off the road and on to the hard sand, then she pulled up and turned off the ignition.
I sat motionless, my hands damp and clenched, my heart beating fast while I stared at the vast expanse of sand, sea and palm trees. In the hard light of the moon, the beach was lit up for miles. There was no sign of anyone out there, no cars, nothing. We might have been the only two people left in the world.
‘I’m going for a swim,’ she said as she turned off the car’s lights. ‘Will you come?’ This was unexpected, and it took me by surprise.
‘You’re supposed to be learning to drive. You haven’t a lot of time. It’s twenty to ten.’
‘I told Roger I was going to the movies. He doesn’t expect me back until midnight.’ She opened the car door and slid out on to the sand. ‘There’s no one here: no one at all. We have the beach to ourselves. If you don’t want to swim, stay in the car and wait for me.’
She started to run across the sand towards a clump of palm trees.
For a long moment I sat in the car and watched her. Surely this sudden move of hers must be the answer to the question that had nagged me most of the night? If she didn’t mean to let me make love to her, surely she wouldn’t have brought me to this lonely spot?
Only briefly did I pay heed to the warning bell that rang sharply in my mind. You’re fooling with Aitken’s wife, I told myself. You go ahead with this now, and you could regret it for the rest of your life.
But that didn’t stop me. Breathing hard, with my heart thumping, I got out of the car.
I could see her clearly. She had reached the clump of palm trees. She paused to kick off her shoes, then she zipped down her dress and stepped out of it. She had on a one-piece swimsuit under her dress.
I went around to the back of the car, opened the boot and took out a couple of towels and my swimming trunks I always kept there. I stripped off behind the car, left my clothes on the sand, and picking up the towels, I ran down to where she was now moving slowly towards the sea.
As I joined her, she turned and smiled at me.
‘I knew you would come. I’ll tell you something. I’ve always wanted to swim in the moonlight, but Roger would never let me. He makes out it’s dangerous.’
‘You seem to be doing all the things you’re not supposed to do – and with me,’ I said, walking across the hot sand with her.
‘That’s why I like you so much,’ she said. Then, breaking into a run, she raced across the remaining strip of sand and splashed into the water.
She may have been only a learner-driver, but she certainly could swim. I went in after her, but I saw it was hopeless to attempt to catch up with her. After a while, she turned around and came back, almost as fast as she had gone out.
She circled around me.
‘Aren’t you glad you came in?’
‘I guess so.’
I turned on my back and stared up at the big moon. The water was warm, but I wasn’t in the mood to appreciat
e it. I was impatient for her to finish her swim and come out.
She swam away from me, came back, and then floated beside me.
We remained floating in silence for some minutes, and they were the longest minutes I have ever lived through. Finally, I could stand it no longer.
‘We’d better get back.’
I began to swim towards the shore and she kept pace with me.
As we came out of the water and began walking across the sand to where she had left her dress, she said suddenly: ‘What are you doing tomorrow, Ches?’
‘I don’t know ... nothing in particular. I might play golf.’
‘I was wondering if we could meet. I’ve been invited out by a girlfriend. I can easily put her off and we could go for a long drive in the country.’
We were in the shadow of the palm trees now. I picked up one of the towels and tossed it to her. Then taking the other I began to dry my hair.
‘We might be seen,’ I said, and sat down on the sand.
She stood over me, drying her arms, her back to the moon.
‘We could be careful. I could come to your place on my bicycle and we could keep off the main roads.’
I found myself screwing the towel between my clenched fists.
‘I don’t think it would be wise for us to meet during the day, Lucille. Anyone could see us.’
She dropped the towel and came to sit beside me. She wrapped her arms around her knees and pulled her knees up to her chin.
‘It’s a bore, isn’t it?’
‘It’s certainly that.’
‘It would have been fun to have gone out all day in the car. We could have taken a picnic. Don’t you think we could risk it?’
‘Do you want to risk it?’ I asked, my voice suddenly harsh.
‘I don’t see who would see us. I could wear a big shady hat and sunglasses. I could put my hair up. I bet no one would recognize me.’
‘Would you mind, Lucille, if your husband found out?’
She dropped her chin on her knees.
‘Well, yes.’
‘What would he do, do you think?’
‘He’d be angry, of course, but don’t let’s talk about that. Look, suppose I come to your place? We could spend the day together. It’s lonely there, isn’t it? We could swim and have a picnic, and no one would see us.’
1958 - Hit and Run Page 4
