I spent the weekend in a strange state of inertia. I knew I needed to come up with a plan to deal with Jim, but every time my mind tried to go there, I would shut down. Same as when I thought about Jackson. His face would flash through my mind occasionally, and I would feel a sharp stab of regret before the numbness would take over. All I seemed to be able to do was hold Beth constantly, to the point that she got squirmy and fussy and cried to be put down.
On Monday, my cell phone rang, and seeing the caller ID, I took in a deep breath before answering. “Sofie, darling, this is Erin.”
I stiffened, her unfeeling words about me running through my head. “Hello.”
“I just wanted to thank you, dear, for whatever it is you said to Jackson about the Desert Sun series.”
Something in me seemed to deflate. “So he went to Australia, then?”
“He did. And we’re very appreciative of your efforts.”
I didn’t do it for you.
“I just want him to be happy.”
“I’m sure he will be. This is the role of a lifetime.”
I noted, of course, her equating his happiness with taking the role. His career was the only part of him she cared about. “Is that all?”
“Since Jackson is out of town and not in need your help, I have a list of things I’d like you to work on in his absence.”
I didn’t know how to react to that. I hadn’t quit, not exactly, but I honestly wasn’t expecting to do much more work for the Jackson Coles entertainment machine. On the other hand, Erin was the one who cut my checks.
“That would be fine,” I said. “Can you send it over?”
“Emailing now.” Her voice was brighter than I had ever heard it, everything right in her world again now that the troublesome actor had fallen in line. “And thanks again, Sofie. I remember things like this, you know. If you’re ever looking for work after Jackson leaves for good, I’d be happy to make some calls.”
“Thank you,” I managed, but all I could focus on were her words. After Jackson leaves for good.
I sat holding the phone for a long time after I hung up, wondering if Jackson leaving would help the situation with Jim. I was trying to hold onto the idea that he had been bluffing, trying to threaten me into behaving in a way he didn’t find so embarrassing. I didn’t believe for a minute that he had any desire to take care of a baby. Maybe Jackson’s departure would be enough to calm him down.
Then why couldn’t I feel more relieved about it?
The list of things Erin sent me to do mostly involved keeping Jackson’s schedule updated. Now that the film had wrapped, there were a number of meetings, appearances, and design consultations he was supposed to participate in. His insistence on doing Jenner’s play and staying in Detroit for two more weeks would delay everything, and I could tell that Erin and the rest of her team were trying to cram everything else in when they could.
I wondered when he would be back and immediately chastised myself for caring. He would be here for the play. And then he’d be moving on, to L.A. and London by the looks of the meetings. And then… Australia, if Erin got her way, and then wherever he decided to work next.
I could see his life, spiraling off into the future, getting farther and farther away from me, from this place. He’d be back to being Jackson Coles, superstar movie actor, completely out of my league and untouchable, in no time.
There was a knock on the door, and I frowned, eyes darting to Beth’s bassinet. Her sleep didn’t appear at all disturbed by the noise, so I jumped up to answer before whoever it was could knock again.
It was Lola Fischer.
I stood there staring at her for a good thirty seconds before she finally pushed her sunglasses on top of her head, swished her thick, burgundy hair behind her shoulder, and rolled her eyes at me.
“Yes, yes, Sofie, you’re shocked to see me. I get it. Can I come in now?”
“Can you…? I mean, yeah, come on in.”
“Thank you,” she said, sarcasm dripping from her voice as I moved aside to let her in. She glanced around the room, taking it in, before turning back to me. “Can you go out?”
“Out?”
She sighed as if I was being very dense. “Can you go out somewhere with me, Sofie? I need to talk to you, and I would rather do it somewhere that has alcohol.”
My mother, hearing the sounds of voices, stuck her head out from the kitchen. “Sofie, what—oh.”
“Uh, Mom, you remember Lola, right? From Christmas?”
“Of course,” she stammered, wiping her hands on her apron so she could come out to shake Lola’s hand. “It’s very nice to see you again, dear.”
“Nice to see you, too, Mrs. Flores,” Lola said, sounding very nearly sincere as she shook my mother’s hand. “I was hoping I could steal Sofie here away for a while. Would you mind too terribly?”
Mom’s wide eyes met mine. “No, of course not, dear.” I could tell that she wanted to ask what in the hell was going on, but since I had the exact same question, I couldn’t exactly help her out.
“Excellent.” Lola wrapped her perfectly manicured fingers around my elbow. “Let’s go then.”
I somehow managed to remember to grab my purse as she led me out to the front porch. “Is there a bar or something near by?”
“Lola, it’s one p.m.”
“Well it’s seven where I’m from, okay?”
It was so entirely strange to see her here, without any warning. And now, we were arguing about appropriate drinking times. “Fine,” I said. “There’s a bar out on the main road.”
Lola drove, zipping down the side streets of my neighborhood in a little red Audi convertible. “Is this a rental?” I asked.
“Of course. I’m only here for a few hours.”
“Why are you here?”
She glanced over at me with a look I couldn’t read. “Let’s just get that drink.”
I could tell that Lola was far from impressed by the bar down the street, but it was the best I could do on short notice. I wasn’t exactly in the mood to drive all the way to Royal Oak or Birmingham to find a swankier place. She perched on the edge of her chair as if trying to expose the smallest part of her possible to whatever she imagined lived on the surface.
“I’ll take a Coors,” I told the waiter.
“Scotch and diet soda,” Lola said, not even looking at him. She was glancing around the room in apparent dismay.
“Lola,” I said, as soon as the waiter was gone. “What are you doing here? What’s going on?”
She stopped looking around the room to pierce me with a steely glare. “I would have thought that was more than obvious.”
“Jackson?” I asked, my heart dropping at his name.
“Yes, Sofie. Jackson. He came to see me this weekend.”
“What?” The stab of jealousy was surely absurd. “He’s supposed to be in Australia.”
She rolled her eyes. “He stopped in L.A.”
“Oh.” I supposed that would make sense. I had never been to Australia and had no idea what direction the flights went. “Was he… How was he?”
“Let’s drop the bullshit, shall we, Sofie? I think you know exactly how he was.”
“I… I don’t…”
“What in the world were you thinking?” She sounded annoyed with me but also genuinely curious. As if she couldn’t believe any human in their right mind would have a reason to turn Jackson away.
“My life is really complicated right now, Lola.”
She snorted. “Really. More complicated than his? Strange you would see that, seeing as how you manage his schedule.”
“I didn’t say it was busier. I said it was complicated.”
“What about it is so complicated?”
“I’m not really sure it’s your business, actually.”
She drew herself up at that. “Do you have any idea how long I have known Jackson?”
I shrugged. “Since Darkness started?”
“Yes, since Darkness started.
Which means since I was seventeen. I have spent the last seven Christmases with him. I have been there for every birthday, every new house, every lost role. If anyone in this world could be considered that boy’s family, it’s me.”
I sat back in my chair, a little stunned. Was she trying to put some claim on him? Then why had she seemed so upset about my decision?
“Do you… Do you love him?”
She threw her head back and laughed, actually wiping at her eyes as if it was the most hilarious suggestion she had ever heard. “Darling,” she finally said, shaking her head, “haven’t you been listening? He’s my brother.”
“But all the tabloids—”
“Are bullshit. God. If you don’t understand that fact by now, it’s no wonder the two of you are having a hard time.” She leaned forward slightly. “Look, Sofie. At various points in our career, it seemed…prudent to appear as if we’re together. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“But why would you…lie?”
“It’s not a lie, it’s a misconception,” she said, matter-of-factly. “We let some rumors get started, get our pictures taken together. That’s the extent of it. As to why…” The waiter appeared with our drinks. I thanked him as Lola took a sip of her scotch and soda before continuing, as if we hadn’t been interrupted at all. “It’s good for publicity. Which may seem tawdry to you, but it’s essential in our career. But more than that…” She sighed. “It helps to stave off unwanted attention. Particularly for me.”
“What do you mean?”
She stared at me. “Show business can be a very dangerous place for women, Sofie. Jackson has never once been shy about guarding me from what he can.” There was something in her eyes that made me wonder if there had been certain things he’d be unable to guard her from. I fought back a shudder.
“The point of all of this,” she said, “is that I know Jackson Coles much better than anyone else in this world. Certainly more than those jokes he calls parents. And I have never, ever seen him the way he was when he showed up at my hotel room yesterday.”
My stomach sank. “Oh no...”
“He’s heartbroken, Sofie. Absolutely devastated. What on earth happened?”
I ran my hands though my hair, feeling sick at the image she painted. “Things just got…too much.”
She wasn’t going to be satisfied with vague. “Too much how?”
“I overheard his manager talking about this role, the one in Australia. And she said it could ruin everything if he didn’t take it, especially if he does this TV show instead. And then…she indicated that it would be my fault if he decided to move to New York.”
Lola nodded, chewing the side of her cheek. “He mentioned that. I think he’s crazy, honestly, to take a TV show instead of a movie like this.”
“See?” I cried. “So I did do the right thing.”
“I didn’t say that,” she snapped. “Just because I would take the movie doesn’t mean he should.” She gave an incredulous laugh. “Do you honestly think one decision has the power to ruin his career? He’s Jackson Coles.” She said his name with so much respect, I had to believe what she had said about loving him like a brother.
“But Erin said—”
“Erin has too little faith in him.”
I took a sip of my beer, knowing that this didn’t solve anything. The least of my problems was Jackson’s next role.
“He told me some things, Sofie.” Her voice was icy cold now. “Things about what you said.”
I rubbed my temples. “Lola, please.”
“There is something you need to know about him. Whatever you may have read in the tabloids, whatever you may think, Jackson is the most loyal, trustworthy, loving person I’ve ever met. For you to think that he’s lying when he tells you how he feels…” She trailed off. “It’s preposterous.”
“More preposterous than the idea he might fall for someone like me?”
She flashed me a quick, unexpected smile. “I was rather surprised at first. But then I saw you in L.A., and it made perfect sense.”
“What did?”
“You give him something he needs,” she said. “You treat him like a real person, without expecting him to become someone else.” Her face twisted a little bit. “At first, I thought it was about your cousin. He’s been jealous of Tommy for ages, though God only knows why. But the more I thought about it…” She cocked her head, studying me. “You’re nothing like Lizzie, are you?”
“Look, Lola. I appreciate you coming here. It’s obvious you care very much about him. But…that doesn’t change anything. I’m sorry.”
“He’s convinced there’s something else going on. Says there’s no way you’d turn on him like this.” Her eyebrows rose a millimeter. “Was he right?”
I took a sip of my beer, preparing to tell her that there was nothing else. But something about her face stopped me. She really did care about him. In spite of her words to the contrary, I wondered if there was a part of her that did love him. Enough to want him to be happy, no matter what.
And there was that look in her eyes, before. The look that told me she had been through things.
“My daughter’s father is threatening me with a custody suit,” I blurted before I had time to talk myself out of it. “He’s a jealous, spiteful asshole, and he hates that I’m being seen with Jackson.”
Her mouth dropped open into a perfect little o. “This guy—he was at Christmas?”
I nodded. “Jim.”
She scrunched up her face. “He was decent looking, I suppose. But why is he so out of sorts over Jackson?”
I rubbed my temples again, the headache growing. “I made a mess of things, Lola. I barely knew this guy when I slept with him. I had no idea what he was really like.”
“What is he really like?” Her voice was sharp.
I found myself telling her everything. The racist things I had overheard him saying about me at work. The way he had turned so nasty when I stopped returning his phone calls. The drunken night he’d approached me outside of work, grabbing my arm so hard, he left a mark. How I had tried to keep him from finding out about the baby. How he had been alternately threatening and smarmy ever since.
“He can’t handle the fact that I rejected him,” I said. “Not now that people know he fathered my child. It’s too hard on his ego.” I finished my beer and laughed bitterly. “I was below him, you see. A brown-skinned girl with no money. And I rejected him.”
“He sounds like a right asshole.”
I laughed for real then. “He is.”
“Hang on. If he’s such an ass, why was he at your family’s Christmas?”
“My parents think I should be spending time with him.”
“After all of that?”
I shifted, uncomfortable. “They don’t know about all of that.”
She gaped at me. “Why ever not? They seem like the kind of parents who wouldn’t stand for that kind of behavior, if you don’t mind me saying it.”
“They wouldn’t. But they also… I’m ashamed, okay? To tell them that I got us into this mess. Because I went to bed with a boy I didn’t know.” I closed my eyes. “My mother will freak out.”
“Well, I’m sorry if it’s uncomfortable, Sofie, but you have to tell them. You need to keep this man away from your daughter, clearly. They need to get on board.”
I nodded. “I should have told them ages ago.”
To my very great surprise, she reached across the table and patted my hand. “Fear has a way of paralyzing us. I know the feeling well.”
I nodded, sniffling, hoping I could keep from crying. I wished I had another beer. Lola slid her half-full glass across the table. “You need this more than I do.”
“Thank you.”
“I think you should tell Jackson, as well as your family.”
I took a long sip, the scotch like fire on my throat. “I think Jackson is the thing that pisses Jim off the most. That I would choose someone as frivolous as an actor over him—sorry.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Especially,” I went on, “because Jackson is so high profile. Jim can hardly hide the fact that I ditched him if people see me going around with a movie star. He’s an egomaniac, remember?”
“Ah,” she said, her voice soft. “That’s the real reason you ended things, isn’t it?”
“I suppose so.”
She sat up straighter. “Well, Sofie. I think you’re looking at things all wrong.”
“How’s that?”
“What if Jackson can help you?”
I shook my head. “He has way more important things to do than that. I need to think about his career. I can’t be asking him to change his life around just to be there for me when it was my stupid mistake in the first place.”
She didn’t speak for a long time as I finished the drink. When I finally looked up at her, she was staring at me, arms crossed.
“What?”
“I’m just surprised, that’s all. Usually Jackson is incredibly good at reading people. His taste is generally unrivaled.”
“And you think he made a mistake with me,” I surmised.
She cocked her head. “I just thought that you, of all people, would get it. After seeing the things he has to deal with, how people treat him—after meeting Erin, for God’s sake. I thought you would get it.”
“Get what?”
“How important it is to him to be able to make his own choices. How often that simple right is taken away from him. I never would have thought that you’d do it, too, Sofie. That you would think it’s okay to decide for him what he should devote his time to. That you would think it’s okay for you to make the choice for him.”
I stared at her, unable to argue, completely blown over by the truth in her words. It was the part of his life that always made me the saddest, the way that other people controlled him and used him. Was I doing the same thing?
“I don’t know what to do,” I whispered.
“Hmm. Whenever I’m confused about something, I talk to Jackson.” Suddenly she smiled, and I thought it might have been the first real smile I’d ever seen from her. “He’s a really good listener.”
She stood and placed a fifty on the table, swinging her purse over her shoulder. The drinks couldn’t have cost more than eight dollars. Maybe she did have a few things in common with her best friend after all. “Ready to go?”
Starstruck (Lovestruck Book 4) Page 25
