by Frank Harris
Perhaps, indeed, I should have done better had I accepted his kindly, generous help, but I'm trying to set down the plain, unvarnished truth, and here at once I must say that children's affections are much slighter than most parents imagine. I never wasted a thought on my father; even my brother Vernon, who had always been kind to me and fed my inordinate vanity, was not regretted: the new life called me: I was in a flutter of expectancy and hope. Some way up Fifth Avenue I came into the great square and saw the Fifth Avenue Hotel, but I only grinned and kept right on till at length I reached Central Park. Near it, I can't remember exactly where, but I believe it was near where the Plaza Hotel stands today, there was a small wooden house with an outhouse at the other end of the lot. While I stared a woman came out with a bucket and went across to the outhouse. In a few moments she came back again and noticed me looking over the fence. «Would you please give me a drink?» I asked. «Sure I will,» she replied with a strong Irish brogue; «come right in,» and I followed her into the kitchen. «You're Irish,» I said, smiling at her. «I am,» she replied, «how did ye guess?» «Because I was born in Ireland, too,» I retorted. «You were not!» she cried emphatically, more for pleasure than to contradict. «I was born in Galway,» I went on, and at once she became very friendly and poured me out some milk warm from the cow; and when she heard I had had no breakfast and saw I was hungry, she pressed me to eat and sat down with me and soon heard my whole story, or enough of it to break out in wonder again and again. In turn she told me how she had married Mike Mulligan, a longshoreman who earned good wages and was a good husband but took a drop too much now and again, as a man will when tempted by one of «thim saloons.» It was the saloons, I learned, that were the ruination of all the best Irishmen and «they were the best men anyway, an'-an'-»; and the kindly, homely talk flowed on, charming me. When the breakfast was over and the things cleared away, I rose to go with many thanks, but Mrs. Mulligan wouldn't hear of it. «Ye're a child,» she said, «an' don't know New York; it's a terrible place and you must wait till Mike comes home an'-» «But I must find some place to sleep,» I said.
«I have money.» «You'll sleep here,» she broke in decisively,
«and Mike will put ye on yer feet; sure he knows New York like his pocket, an' yer as welcome as the flowers in May, an'-» What could I do but stay and talk and listen to all sorts of stories about New York, and «toughs» that were «hard cases» and «gunmen» and «wimmin that were worse-bad scran to them.» In due time Mrs. Mulligan and I had dinner together, and after dinner I got her permission to go into the Park for a walk, but «mind now and be home by six or I'll send Mike after ye,» she added, laughing. I walked a little way in the park and then started down town again to the address Jessie had given me near the Brooklyn Bridge. It was a mean street, I thought, but I soon found Jessie's sister's house and went to a nearby restaurant and wrote a little note to my love, that she could show if need be, saying that I proposed to call on the eighteenth, or two days after the ship we had come in was due to return to Liverpool. After that duty, which made it possible for me to hope all sorts of things on the eighteenth, nineteenth, or twentieth, I sauntered over to Fifth Avenue and made my way uptown again. At any rate I was spending nothing in my present lodging. When I returned that night I was presented to Mike: I found him a big, good looking Irishman who thought his wife a wonder and all she did perfect. «Mary,» he said, winking at me, «is one of the best cooks in the wurrld and if it weren't that she's down on a man when he has a drop in him, she'd be the best gurrl on God's earth. As it is, I married her, and I've never been sorry, have I, Mary?» «Ye've had no cause, Mike Mulligan.»
Mike had nothing particular to do next morning and so he promised he would go and get my little trunk from the custom house. I gave him the key. He insisted as warmly as his wife that I should stay with them till I got work: I told him how eager I was to begin and Mike promised to speak to his chief and some friends and see what could be done. Next morning I got up about five-thirty as soon as I heard Mike stirring, and went down Seventh Avenue with him till he got on the horse-car for down town and left me. About seven-thirty to eight o'clock a stream of people began walking down town to their offices.
On several corners were bootblack shanties. One of them happened to have three customers in it and only one bootblack. «Won't you let me help you shine a pair or two?» I asked. The bootblack looked at me.
«I don't mind,» he said and I seized the brashes and went to work. I had done the two just as he finished the first: he whispered to me «halves» as the next man came in and he showed me how to use the polishing rag or cloth. I took off my coat and waistcoat and went to work with a will; for the next hour and a half we both had our hands full. Then the rush began to slack off, but not before I had taken just over a dollar and a half. Afterwards we had a talk, and Allison, the bootblack, told me he'd be glad to give me work any morning on the same terms. I assured him I'd be there and do my best till I got other work. I had earned three shillings and had found out I could get good board for three dollars a week, so in a couple of hours I had earned my living. The last anxiety left me. Mike had a day off, so he came home for dinner at noon and he had great news. They wanted men to work under water in the iron caissons of Brooklyn Bridge and they were giving from five to ten dollars a day. «Five dollars,» cried Mrs.
Mulligan. «It must be dangerous or unhealthy or somethin'-sure, you'd never put the child to work like that.» Mike excused himself, but the danger, if danger there was, appealed to me almost as much as the big pay: my only fear was that they'd think me too small or too young.
I had told Mrs. Mulligan I was sixteen, for I didn't want to be treated as a child, and now I showed her the eighty cents I had earned that morning bootblacking and she advised me to keep on at it and not go to work under the water; but the promised five dollars a day won me. Next morning Mike took me to Brooklyn Bridge soon after five o'clock to see the contractor; he wanted to engage Mike at once but shook his head over me. «Give me a trial,» I pleaded; «you'll see I'll make good.» After a pause, «O.K.,» he said; «four shifts have gone down already underhanded: you may try.» I've told about the work and its dangers at some length in my novel, The Bomb, but here I may add some details just to show what labor has to suffer. In the bare shed where we got ready, the men told me no one could do the work for long without getting the «bends»; the «bends» were a sort of convulsive fit that twisted one's body like a knot and often made you an invalid for life. They soon explained the whole procedure to me. We worked, it appeared, in a huge bell-shaped caisson of iron that went to the bottom of the river and was pumped full of compressed air to keep the water from entering it from below: the top of the caisson is a room called the «material chamber,» into which the stuff dug out of the river passes up and is carted away. On the side of the caisson is another room, called the «air-lock,» into which we were to go to be «compressed.» As the compressed air is admitted, the blood keeps absorbing the gasses of the air till the tension of the gasses in the blood becomes equal to that in the air: when this equilibrium has been reached, men can work in the caisson for hours without serious discomfort, if sufficient pure air is constantly pumped in. It was the foul air that did the harm, it appeared. «If they'd pump in good air, it would be O.K.; but that would cost a little time and trouble, and men's lives are cheaper.» I saw that the men wanted to warn me thinking I was too young, and accordingly I pretended to take little heed. When we went into the «air-lock» and they turned on one air-cock after another of compressed air, the men put their hands to their ears and I soon imitated them, for the pain was very acute.
Indeed, the drums of the ears are often driven in and burst if the compressed air is brought in too quickly. I found that the best way of meeting the pressure was to keep swallowing air and forcing it up into the middle ear, where it acted as an air-pad on the inner side of the drum and so lessened the pressure from the outside. It took about half an hour or so to «compress» us and that half an hour
gave me lots to think about. When the air was fully compressed, the door of the air-lock opened at a touch and we all went down to work with pick and shovel on the gravelly bottom. My headache soon became acute. The six of us were working naked to the waist in a small iron chamber with a temperature of about 180° Fahrenheit: in five minutes the sweat was pouring from us, and all the while we were standing in icy water that was only kept from rising by the terrific air pressure. No wonder the headaches were blinding. The men didn't work for more than ten minutes at a time, but I plugged on steadily, resolved to prove myself and get constant employment; only one man, a Swede named Anderson, worked at all as hard. I was overjoyed to find that together we did more than the four others. The amount done each week was estimated, he told me, by an inspector. Anderson was known to the contractor and received half a wage extra as head of our gang. He assured me I could stay as long as I liked, but he advised me to leave at the end of a month: it was too unhealthy: above all, I mustn't drink and should spend all my spare time in the open. He was kindness itself to me, as indeed were all the others. After two hours' work down below we went up into the air-lock room to get gradually «decompressed,» the pressure of air in our veins having to be brought down gradually to the usual air pressure. The men began to put on their clothes and passed round a bottle of schnapps; but though I was soon as cold as a wet rat and felt depressed and weak to boot, I would not touch the liquor. In the shed above I took a cupful of hot cocoa with Anderson, which stopped the shivering, and I was soon able to face the afternoon's ordeal.
I had no idea one could feel so badly when being «decompressed» in the air-lock, but I took Anderson's advice and got into the open as soon as I could, and by the time I had walked home in the evening and changed, I felt strong again; but the headache didn't leave me entirely and the earache came back every now and then, and to this day a slight deafness reminds me of that spell of work under water. I went into Central Park for half an hour; the first pretty girl I met reminded me of Jessie: in one week I'd be free to see her and tell her I was making good and she'd keep her promise, I felt sure; the mere hope led me to fairyland. Meanwhile nothing could take away the proud consciousness that with my five dollars I had earned two weeks' living in a day: a month's work would make me safe for a year. When I returned I told the Mulligans I must pay for my board, saying «I'd feel better, if you'll let me,» and finally they consented, although Mrs. Mulligan thought three dollars a week too much. I was glad when it was settled and went to bed early to have a good sleep. For three or four days things went fairly well with me, but on the fifth or sixth day we came on a spring of water, or «gusher,» and were wet to the waist before the air pressure could be increased to cope with it.
As a consequence, a dreadful pain shot through both my ears: I put my hands to them tight and sat still a little while. Fortunately, the shift was almost over and Anderson came with me to the horse-car.
«You'd better knock off,» he said. «I've known 'em go deaf from it.»
The pain had been appalling, but it was slowly diminishing and I was resolved not to give in. «Could I get a day off?» I asked Anderson. He nodded, «Of course: you're the best in the shift, the best I've ever seen, a great little pony.» Mrs. Mulligan saw at once something was wrong and made me try her household remedy-a roasted onion cut in two and clapped tight on each ear with a flannel bandage. It acted like magic: in ten minutes I was free of pain; then she poured in a little warm sweet oil and in an hour I was walking in the park as usual. Still, the fear of deafness was on me and I was very glad when Anderson told me he had complained to the boss and we were to get an extra thousand feet of pure air. It would make a great difference, Anderson said, and he was right, but the improvement was not sufficient. One day, just as the «decompression» of an hour and a half was ending, an Italian named Manfredi fell down and writhed about, knocking his face on the floor till the blood spurted from his nose and mouth. When we got him into the shed, his legs were twisted like plaited hair. The surgeon had him taken to the hospital. I made up my mind that a month would be enough for me. At the end of the first week, I got a note from Jessie saying that her father was going on board that afternoon and she could see me the next evening. I went and was introduced to Jessie's sister who, to my surprise, was tall and large but without a trace of Jessie's good looks. «He's younger than you, Jess,» she burst out laughing. A week earlier I'd have been hurt to the soul, but I had proved myself, so I said simply,
«I'm earning five dollars a day, Mrs. Plummer, and money talks.» Her mouth fell open in amazement. «Five dollars,» she repeated, «I'm so sorry, I-I-» «There, Maggie,» Jessie broke in, «I told you, you had never seen anyone like him; you'll be great friends yet. Now come and we'll have a walk,» she added, and out we went. In Germany I have since learned the state requires that ten times as much pure air must be supplied as we had, and in consequence the serious illnesses which with us amounted to eighty per cent in three months have been reduced to eight. Paternal government, it appears, has certain good points. (F.H.) To be with her even in the street was delightful and I had a lot to say, but making love in a New York street on a summer evening is difficult and I was hungry to kiss and caress her freely. Jessie, however, had thought of a way: if her sister and husband had theatre tickets, they'd go out and we'd be alone in the apartment; it would cost two dollars, however, and she thought that a lot. I was delighted: I gave her the bills and arranged to be with her next night before eight o'clock. Did Jessie know what was going to happen? Even now I'm uncertain, though I think she guessed. Next night I waited till the coast was clear and then hurried to the door.
As soon as we were alone in the little parlor and I had kissed her, I said, «Jessie, I want you to undress. I'm sure your figure is lovely, but I want to know it.» «Not at once, eh?» she pouted. «Talk to me first. I want to know how you are,» and I drew her to the big armchair and sat down with her in my arms. «What am I to tell you?» I asked, while my hand went up her dress to her warm thighs and sex. She frowned, but I kissed her lips and with a movement or two stretched her out on me so that I could use my finger easily. At once, her lips grew hot and I went on kissing and caressing till her eyes closed and she gave herself to the pleasure. Suddenly she wound herself upon me and gave me a big kiss. «You don't talk,» she said. «I can't,» I exclaimed, making up my mind. «Come,» and I lifted her to her feet and took her into the bedroom. «I'm crazy for you,» I said; «take off your clothes, please.» She resisted a little, but when I began loosening her dress, she helped me and took it off. Her knickers, I noticed, were new. They soon fell off and she stood in her chemise and black stockings. «That's enough, isn't it,» she said, «Mr. Curious,» and she drew the chemise tight about her. «No,» I cried, «beauty must unveil, please!» The next moment the chemise, slipping down, caught for a moment on her hips and then slid circling round her feet.
Her nakedness stopped my heart; desire blinded me: my arms went round her, straining her soft form to me: in a moment I had lifted her onto the bed, pulling the bed clothes back at the same time. The foolish phrase of being in bed together deluded me: I had no idea that she was more in my power just lying on the edge of the bed; in a moment I had torn off my clothes and boots and got in beside her. Our warm bodies lay together, a thousand pulses beating in us; soon I separated her legs and, lying on her, tried to put my sex into hers, but she drew away almost at once. «O-O, it hurts,» she murmured, and each time I tried to push my sex in her, her «O's» of pain stopped me.
My wild excitement made me shiver; I could have struck her for drawing away; but soon I noticed that she let my sex touch her clitoris with pleasure and I began to use my cock as a finger, caressing her with it. In a moment or two I began to move it more quickly, and as my excitement grew to the height, I again tried to slip it into her pussy, and now, as her love-dew came, I got my sex in a little way, which gave me inexpressible pleasure; but when I pushed to go further, she drew away again with a sharp cry of pain. At the sam
e moment my orgasm came on for the first time and seed like milk spirted from my sex. The pleasure-thrill was almost unbearably keen; I could have screamed with the pang of it, but Jessie cried out: «Oh, you're wetting me,» and drew away with a frightened, «Look, look!» And there, sure enough, on her round white thighs were patches of crimson blood. «Oh! I'm bleeding,» she cried. «What have you done?»
«Nothing,» I answered, a little sulky, I'm afraid, at having my indescribable pleasure cut short, «Nothing»; and in a moment I had got out of bed, and taking my handkerchief soon wiped away the tell-tale traces. But when I wanted to begin again, Jessie would not hear of it at first. «No, no,» she said. «You've really hurt me, Jim (my Christian name, I had told her, was James), and I'm scared; please be good.» I could only do her will until a new thought struck me. At any rate, I could see her now and study her beauties one by one, and so still lying by her I began kissing her left breast and soon the nipple grew a little stiff in my mouth. Why, I didn't know and Jessie said she didn't, but she liked it when I said her breasts were lovely, and indeed they were, small and firm, while the nipples pointed straight out. Suddenly, the thought came, surprising me: it would have been much prettier if the circle surrounding the nipples had been rose-red, instead of merely amber-brown. I was thrilled by the bare idea. But her flanks and belly were lovely; the navel like a curled sea-shell, I thought, and the triangle of silky brown hairs on the Mount of Venus seemed to me enchanting, but Jessie kept covering her beauty-place. «It's ugly,» she said, «please boy,» but I went on caressing it and soon I was trying to slip my sex in again; though Jessie's «O's» of pain began at once and she begged me to stop.
«We must get up and dress,» she said; «they'll soon be back,» so I had to content myself with just lying in her arms with my sex touching hers. Soon she began to move against my sex, and to kiss me, and then she bit my lips just as my sex slipped into hers again; she left it in for a long moment and then as her lips grew hot: «It's so big,» she said «but you're a dear.» The moment after she cried: «We must get up, boy! If they caught us, I'd die of shame.» When I tried to divert her attention by kissing her breasts, she pouted, «That hurts, too. Please, boy, stop and don't look,» she added as she tried to rise, covering her sex the while with her hand, and pulling a frowning face. Though I told her she was mistaken and her sex was lovely, she persisted in hiding it, and in truth her breasts and thighs excited me more, perhaps because they were in themselves more beautiful. I put my hand on her hip; she smiled, «Please, boy,» and as I moved away to give her room, she got up and stood by the bed, a perfect little figure in rosy, warm outline. I was entranced, but the cursed critical faculty was awake. As she turned, I saw she was too broad for her height; her legs were too short, her hips too stout.
