Jayne started back in fright. ‘Wait. That shouldn’t happen. Something’s wrong.’
‘Scared, are you?’ called Sharra over her shoulder as she went quickly in. The doors immediately began to swing closed. Jayne darted through. She tried to grab her sister by the arm, but Sharra danced away.
The library was dark. In the distance a lamp burned above the polished blackwood desk where Lord Milton had sat earlier, but the rest of the library was in shadow. As Sharra approached she could see the lamp didn’t hang suspended by air, but snaked up on a long metal stalk, the light forming a bright flower. Jayne’s steps behind were slowing.
‘We shouldn’t be in here.’
‘Are you scared?’ asked Sharra.
‘Yes, I am. You should be too.’
Sharra shrugged and sat down in her father’s chair. It was smooth and cold. Like the desk it was carved from blackwood that had been polished and polished until it shone like a mirror. It wasn’t very comfortable. She leaned forward and put her hands on the desk. There was a tiny click and a drawer sprung open. Inside lay the inks and pens of a Map Maker. Sharra’s fingers slid of their own accord around a glass bulb filled with darkness. She cradled the bulb, bringing it up to the light. The glass had deep grooves cut that swirled the sides as it tapered up with a tiny stopper. ‘It’s like a real bulb,’ she whispered as the light danced off the glass in tiny sparks. ‘A bulb with night inside it.’
‘Sharra, put it back. If you put it back now we can leave and no one will ever know.’
Sharra placed the bulb carefully down on the desk. It sat there, waiting. She reached into the drawer and took out a pen. It was very simple, a darkwood stem and a feather nib sharpened to a fine point. Jayne took a step backwards. ‘Sharra, you mustn’t.’
‘It’s only a pen.’
‘You have no idea what you’re doing,’ Jayne’s voice was hardly a whisper. She was on the edge of the pool of light cast by the lamp, so Sharra could no longer see her clearly. Hers was a white face in a vast shadow. The glass bulb on the table twinkled and sparkled. There was night in there waiting to be unleashed.
‘I’m only going to show you that I can draw,’ she said trying to reassure both of them.
‘Not there, Sharra. You mustn’t.’
‘Mustn’t draw? I’m not allowed to draw because women can’t draw, but I can. I can draw.’
‘I believe you, Sharra. I believe you. You must stop now.’
Sharra was vaguely surprised to hear the depth of fear in her sister’s voice. But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered, but opening the bulb and letting out the night dark ink. But what would she draw?
Her fingers felt within the drawer and pulled out a page of Map. It was small; a detailed view of a nearby port some few days’ ride away. She’d been there once when she was much younger. It was pretty, full of village people and fisher folk, who led breezy outdoor lives and didn’t have to obey the rules of Family. She’d stayed in her carriage, waited while some business was transacted at the shoreline and then been carried away to Camden Estate to celebrate the birth of Lord Camden’s first son by his newest wife. There had been a lot of speeches, but also cake, which had made the whole thing bearable. Camden and her father were friends.
It would do.
Sharra smoothed the Map out on the desk in front of her. ‘I can draw dogs and cats and stars and moons. I’ve dared to draw things no one has drawn since the prohibition, but I have never drawn a Map. It doesn’t look difficult.’
‘Sharra, no. You mustn’t touch a Map.’ Jayne’s voice sounded strangled and Sharra realised she was even further away.
‘I’ve always been told it was hard. That I wouldn’t understand it. But look here, there’s the road we travelled in on. That’s the inn where the two drivers snuck away to drink beer. This represents the swell of the land. There’s the harbour. Isn’t it tiny? The bay is so rounded. I suppose that helps shelter it from storms, but if it was bigger then they could have more ships. Do you think they could build out the sea wall?’ Sharra didn’t expect Jayne to answer. She didn’t care if she did. Her fingers found the bulb’s stopper. It came out easily. There were faint grooves in the desk. She understood they were for holding things, and laid the stopper so it rested on an edge rather than rolled. She dipped her pen into the ink, placed one hand on the edge of the Map to secure it and thought seriously about how the harbour could be improved. It didn’t occur to her that she had intended to show Jayne she could draw hills, trees and villages, that she could copy from nature, all her attention was now on the Map.
And then something strange happened. The Lesser Library seemed to fade away. Sharra’s whole attention was taken by the paper before her. For the first time she saw truly what she was drawing. In her mind’s eye she could see the harbour; how it had been on the day of her visit. It was a cloudless, bright and warm day. The boats sat still on the mirrored sea. This wasn’t the same as sketching the gables of Milton Hold, this was what it was like to really draw. To reach into a Map and see the world. Only as she looked she saw how the Map could be made better. There was a better way to use the land. She could redraw it so the harbour stayed sheltered and yet allow more ships to berth. All they needed to do was . . . her pen scratched lines quickly across the Map. She made no conscious decision to draw; it simply happened. She watched her hand work as if it were no longer hers. It seemed a long way away, as if she was some giant watching those tiny fingers from afar as they changed . . . changed everything.
Pain exploded behind her eyes. Her vision vanished in a flash of light that seemed to come from both outside and inside her own mind. Her fingers burned and there was a sudden smell of acrid smoke. She felt the seat buckle under her. She was thrown forward across the desk. She heard the sound of breaking glass and felt liquid seep between her fingers.
‘Jayne,’ she cried. ‘Help me! I can’t see.’
Jayne’s arms came round her. ‘What have you done?’
Sharra leaned into her and sobbed.
The pain in Sharra’s mind began to dim, but as it faded a grim foreboding crept in. Sharra blinked again and again. Her vision was blurred at first, but with the lessening of the pain her sight was returning.
She pushed Jayne away and sat up. The desk blurred, swayed and settled back into its original shape. The glass bulb had shattered. The ink flowed freely across the desktop. The little stopper, now useless, was still whole and in its groove. There was a tiny pile of ash near her right hand, but no sign of the pen. The Map? Where was the Map? It was only then that Sharra realised she had snatched the Map from the mayhem of the desk and was holding it down by her left side. She let it go and the single leaf fluttered to the floor.
‘What have I done?’ She whispered. The ink ran across the smooth surface of the desk and dripped slowly onto the floor. Black on black. It was a Map Maker’s desk. It would survive. Worse things will have happened there, she thought. A sudden knowledge came to her that many terrible decisions had been made here, but she did not understand. How could she know things without understanding them?
Her eyes were drawn to the single page lying on the floor. She closed them. She could not look at it. Could not bear to touch it. Not caring that the mess she was leaving revealed the intrusion; she pushed back the chair, got up and moved away from the table. A voice in her mind whispered, but I need to put it right. She ignored it. No amount of tidying would hide what she had done. She had no idea how someone who defaced a Map was punished. She had never heard of anyone doing such a thing.
‘We have to get out of here.’ Jayne shook with fear. Sharra half-walked, half-staggered forward and almost fell. Jayne put an arm around her waist. She heard Jayne gasp under her weight, but she pulled her up. It seemed such a long way, but Jayne kept going, kept dragging Sharra out.
‘The doors. They won’t open for me.’
‘I can’t,’ said Sharra.
It made me, she told the ancient doors. But they only stood strong and silent
guarding her exit.
‘You have to.’ Jayne placed Sharra’s hands against the wood. Sharra felt her fingertips grow warm and then she felt the cooler air of the corridor as the doors swung open for them. Noon light shone through the high arches and sunlight dappled the old stones beneath her feet. She knew it was a glorious day outside as surely as she knew she had done something terrible, something so awful she must never speak of it. She knew, but she didn’t understand.
‘Try and stand more upright,’ whispered Jayne. ‘People are looking at us.’
Sharra’s head began to throb and she felt herself begin to slip into unconsciousness. ‘I’m not going to make –’
Later, she opened her eyes to see the ceiling of the children’s room. ‘Jayne?’
‘Your sister has gone. She left an hour ago,’ said Ivory’s voice.
‘But the farewell parade?’
‘It was decided it would disrupt Settlement business. Jayne had her party. She must be content with that.’
Sharra sat up, holding her head. ‘But she thought . . . Are you content, Dame Mother?’
‘Your question is an impertinence, Sharra.’ There was real fury in Ivory’s voice. ‘I want only what every mother should want for her daughter: her safety, her health and her happiness. It is the lot of women that it must fall in that order. If only all women might remember their place.’ She broke off. ‘Enough. Dress. Be pleasant. Behave and show yourself a good daughter of this house. It is the least you can do after last night.’
‘Why are you angry with me? Do you think it’s my mother’s fault Gory didn’t wed Jayne? Did something happen . . .’
Dame Ivory’s hand lashed out and landed Sharra a harsh blow on the cheek. The girl reeled from the slap. ‘I will never understand why Milton kept you,’ said Ivory. ‘You bring nothing but misfortune.’
Sharra could feel the hate emanating from Ivory, hate and jealousy. Just one more push and maybe she would learn the truth. ‘My father loved my mother. He still mourns her. He was mourning her last night.’ Her voice came out more level than she expected, but Sharra had never felt more afraid. Ivory’s emotions roared white hot in her mind. Any moment. Any moment now she would learn what no one else would tell her.
Ivory’s eyes glowed with anger. ‘Your mother,’ she choked. ‘Your mother ruined everything and she ruins us still.’
‘Tell me why you hate us so much.’
Ivory’s lips parted in a sneer. ‘I –’
An alarm bell rang loud and shrill. Ivory turned her head to listen. ‘That had better be nothing to do with you,’ she said and swept from the room.
Chapter Five
The Settlement continued for five days. Sharra spent each waking moment waiting to be summoned for what she had done, but it never came. On the fifth day she sat at breakfast trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Her father wasn’t present. In fact many of the Map Makers who were normally present at this time were absent. A tension headache began in her left temple.
She ate quickly and was rising to leave when Gareth tapped her on the shoulder.
‘I need to speak to you. Come to my office in an hour.’
Sharra’s stomach flipped. ‘Is everything all right?’
‘Hardly.’ Gareth lowered his voice and sat down beside her. ‘You’re aware of the first incident. Something else has occurred.’
She swallowed. ‘Is that what you want to talk to me about?’
Gareth frowned. ‘If you have heard anything you must tell me. This is no time for your tricks.’
‘I don’t know if I know anything.’ Her tongue felt dry in her head. ‘What happened?’
Gareth considered for a moment. ‘Don’t repeat this, but someone broke into the library. Gory’s carelessness allowed someone to alter the figures for Harrbourgh and that was bad enough, but for someone to defile the Lesser Library . . . Why it’s only one step short of damaging the Central Archive.’
‘How did they defile it?’
‘I can’t tell you. I shouldn’t have told you as much as I have. But, Sharra, this is serious. If you’ve heard anyone talk about entering the Lesser Library, being in there when they shouldn’t have been, you must tell me. Your father’s election is in jeopardy. He believes it to be deliberate sabotage.’
‘He thinks it was a Camden?’ Sharra felt relief wash over her.
‘Don’t even think such a thing,’ snapped Gareth. ‘If Camden moves this heavily against Milton then we are all doomed.’ He got up. ‘Remember in an hour.’
‘Gareth!’
Dame Ivory glided towards them. Gareth intercepted her. They spoke in low voices and Ivory frowned often. Sharra took the opportunity to slip from the room, but she had barely made it to the corridor before she heard the sharp tap, tap of Ivory’s court shoes briskly coming up behind her. Sharra knew an impulse to run, but a confrontation in a public corridor would of necessity be less painful then one in private. She stopped, turned and smiled at Ivory. Two men, an apprentice and a Map Maker, brushed past her, deep in whispered conversation with each other. One of them caught her with the edge of his folder. He didn’t stop to apologise.
Sharra turned to face Ivory rubbing her arm. ‘That was rude.’
‘You were in the way. As always.’
‘Did you want something, Dame Mother?’ said Sharra clearly. There were still plenty of witnesses.
‘Come to my rooms in an hour.’
‘I’m sorry, Dame Mother, I have already been asked by my father to attend Gareth at that time.’
‘Will you keep your voice down! I do not wish to parade Hold business in public.’
‘I’m sure we have no secrets from the gentlemen of the Settlement.’
‘Fine. Have it as you wish. With Jayne gone you must begin to learn of the diplomatic duties of the women of the Hold. In preparation for this I have asked Lord Camden’s son if you may attend their division meeting.’
‘Division meeting?’
Ivory sighed. ‘You have so much to learn. Once the Settlement has been agreed the Lords will return to their holds to divide up the assets they have been given among the talentless and themselves.’
‘Father doesn’t do this?’
‘No. Yes. Your father personally accepts petitions all year long. He believes he has a duty to respond to change. Lord Camden operates in the more traditional way of an annual petition. It is a considerable easing on Hold affairs. You are to go and observe how it is done. Many of the minor petitions will be received by the Camden women, who in turn prepare reports for Lord Camden. It is a system I wish you to study. It will not be long before you are required to submit reports on Hold affairs in to the administrative system and it would be good for you to have something to aspire to. No matter how far short we all know you will fall.’ Ivory’s voice dipped even lower. ‘Milton felt you could get the feel of things more easily without the added pressure of your position actually carrying any importance.’
‘He would never have said that! He would never send me on anything so pointless! He knows I love being at the Hold!’
‘Things are changing. Milton will shortly be leaving for the Central Archive. I go ahead tonight to make his apartments ready. As Milton’s oldest unwed daughter your bloodline is now considered of primary importance. If you want to secure a good offer for your future you will grasp with both hands this generous opportunity your father has given you to get into the way of things. You are no longer a little girl hanging on your father’s knee. Milton will have little time for you now.’
‘My father loves me!’
‘I know that better than anyone, but you can no longer be the central figure in his life now he returns to the Central Archive. He is turning his back on you as he has done to everyone who held him dear.’
Around them the corridor bustled along, but Sharra was no longer aware of the others. ‘You really hate me, don’t you?’ she said slowly. ‘I knew you never liked me, but it’s worse now than ever. Is it because of the Sett
lement? Father going to the Central Archive? Is it because you miss Jayne? Did you want me to accept Gory? Is that it? Do you blame me for Jayne’s fate?’
Ivory grabbed Sharra by the arm and dragged her over to the wall. ‘I am aware you have done everything you can to turn Jayne against me and her duty, but you have not succeeded. Jayne has done as I asked and despite your meddling she will be happy.’
‘But I want Jayne to be happy too!’
‘You! You think only of yourself. You are truly their daughter.’
‘It’s not my fault my father never loved you as he loved my mother.’
‘Oh but it is,’ hissed Ivory. ‘Everything is your fault. Even your mother’s fate. Since the moment you were born you have damned everyone around you.’
Sharra’s heart began to beat fast. ‘You know,’ she whispered, ‘you know what I did.’
‘Dame Mother,’ said a voice beside them.
Ivory turned to face the official who had accosted them. Sharra felt dizzy and confused. The world seemed to swim before her eyes, but she heard Dame Ivory greet the man in a cool and controlled voice. The venom she had displayed towards Sharra had vanished.
‘Dame Mother, I am sorry to trouble you, but there appears to be some confusion over the seating for this afternoon’s discussion on grain. I understood my contingent was to have seating in the Upper Hall, but I have been informed now we are to be in the Lower section of the chamber. I do not find this acceptable.’
‘Run along, Sharra, while I attend to Lord Windcome. We can continue our discussion another time.’
Sharra stumbled away. Without thought her feet took her to the door of her father’s office. She stole through Gareth’s empty office and tapped on her father’s door.
‘Come!’
Sharra burst through the door, words tumbling from her lips. ‘I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t understand. Ivory knows. She hates me. She’s going to tell you I did it deliberately, but I didn’t. She says you don’t love me. She says you’re going away and I’ll hardly ever see her. She says –’
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