by Zoe Matthews
He turned to escort her off the floor, but another girl immediately took the blonde’s place, wrapping her arms around Cade’s neck as a slow waltz started up.
Stella stood there for several minutes, trying not to react to the attention he was getting. She wandered over to the food tables, but Kathy assured her they had everything under control.
She found a place against one of the barn poles to watch the dancing, and watched as one girl after another took turns dancing with Cade. When it didn’t appear that he was going to be leaving the dance floor any time soon, Stella turned and slipped from the barn.
She had no interest in dancing with anyone other than Cade, but it seemed that wasn’t in the cards this night. She tried not to be jealous of his popularity, knowing that he’d never see most of those girls again, but deep down inside she wanted him to push them all away and come looking for her!
She wandered back to the house, slipping in the back door and found herself in her father’s study. Sheridan had been using the room as his office, but had left things alone for the most part.
She remembered coming in here as a little girl, never when her father was actually present, and wishing that he would pay more attention to her. She’d almost convinced herself that her siblings didn’t blame her for her mother’s death, but her father’s actions had always told her differently.
She sat down on the small loveseat and then opened the drawers in the side table one by one. She’d often seen her father sitting in this very spot looking at a photo of her mother. She searched through the drawers until she found the aging photo, yellowed with age and the brass frame rusting in a few places.
Her mother had been very beautiful, and Stella realized she looked very much like her in so many ways. Same auburn hair, same jawline and little pert nose. Maybe that’s why dad had never been able to spend much time with me. I reminded him too much of his wife.
She went to put the picture back, when a small leather book caught her attention. She pulled it from the drawer, opening it to find her father’s tiny but very precise handwriting inside.
There were dates at the top of each page, and after reading just a few of the pages, she realized she was holding her father’s diary. The diary had been started nearly ten years earlier, and rather than writing in it every day, it seemed he only wrote in it when he needed to express himself.
She read through many pages where he expressed his sorrow and sadness at the loss of her mother. The words were morose and for the first time, Stella realized how deeply depressed her father had been. It seemed he’d never been able to get over losing her mother, his wife.
She flipped to the back of the journal, finding an entry that was dated several weeks prior to his death. He once again expressed his sorrow at not being with the love of his life, but promised that he would be joining her soon.
Stella read her father’s words as he expressed his regret for the relationship he had with each of this children, and the sorrow that his cancer would prevent him from rectifying that situation in person.
By the time she finished reading that entry, tears were rolling down her cheeks. Her father had known he was dying, and while he’d mourned not being able to fix things with his offspring, he’d rejoiced in the knowledge that he would once again be reunited with his soulmate. Her mother.
Chapter 15
Stella sat there in the dark for hours. Sheridan found her there around midnight, after everyone had gone home and the barn lights had been turned out for the night.
“Stella! What are you doing in here? Sitting in the dark? Have you been crying? What’s going on?”
Stella held the diary out to him. “I found dad’s journal in the drawer there. Did you know he had cancer?”
Sheridan sat down next to her and took the small leather-bound book. “I didn’t know. Spencer and I’ve talked about the chance that he was sick, but no one knew for sure. Did he talk about it in here?”
Stella nodded her head. “He never got over losing mom.”
“I know he didn’t. You were only a newborn when she died, so you never saw him the way he was before. He was such a happy man and full of life and energy. But after she died, he just seemed to shut down. He became all about business and doing what had to be done. He stopped playing with us and if it weren’t for Kathy and Jed, we would have had a miserable childhood.”
“I never knew him any other way. I always thought he didn’t spend time with me because he blamed me for her death.”
Sheridan wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “He didn’t blame you for her death, but as you got older, you looked more and more like her and I think it made him think about her whenever he saw you. I’m not saying it was right for him to ignore you, but I don’t think he knew how to deal with the pain.”
Suddenly, Stella realized she’d never put Misty to bed. She pushed up from the couch. “I have to go find Misty. Jed’s going to be so mad…”
“Hush. Slow down. The kids are all camped out in the den with sleeping bags and pillows. I just passed Jed heading for his own bed. Misty’s sound asleep with that puppy tucked under her chin.”
Stella sat back down. “I totally forgot about her.”
“No, you just got caught up in your own emotions. We’re allowed to do that, even as adults.”
“I guess. Did the barn dance go over alright?”
“Yes. Why didn’t you come over?”
“I did, but I had so many things on my mind. I came back over here and lost track of time.”
Sheridan was quiet or a moment and then asked, “You don’t have to tell me, but did you ever read the letter dad left you?”
Stella shook her head. “I haven’t opened it yet. I figured it was full of blame and criticism and if I didn’t open it, I wouldn’t have to face how he truly felt about me.”
Sheridan clucked his tongue at her. “You need to go open that letter. Dad loved you, even though he didn’t show it very often.”
“After reading his journal, I think you’re right. I need to read that letter. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
“I’m here if you need to talk some more,” Sheridan told her as she left the room.
Stella went immediately to her room and pulled the envelope from the dresser drawer where she’d shoved it to the back. She sat down on the edge of her bed and turned the envelope over in her hands several times before finally using her thumbnail to slit the flap.
Taking a deep breath, she pulled the parchment paper from the envelope and slowly opened it up.
My Dear Stella:
I regret that you are reading this letter. Out of all of my children, I regret the relationship I had with you the most. By now, you would have already buried me and I trust you didn’t grieve too much for me. Please know that I am where I want to be – with your mother.
You never had the opportunity to know her, but she was the sweetest woman I ever knew. She was tender and caring, but strong enough to deal with this hard-headed cowboy when I got out of line.
I’m sure you’ve wondered why I would insist you and your siblings need to be together on the ranch for six full months to collect your inheritance. I hope when this is over, you will thank me. You have always kept your distance from your siblings, dealing with them and with me in anger much of the time.
You couldn’t wait to leave Pinedale and the ranch, and I let you go because it was easier than dealing with the reason for your anger. I know you blamed yourself for your mother’s death, but listen to me. It was not your fault!
I certainly don’t blame you for her death. I should have made sure you knew that earlier, but it wasn’t until I was confronted with the inevitability of my own death, that I realized how much damage I had done by keeping silent.
Stella had to stop for a minute and retrieve a box of tissues. She was crying so hard she couldn’t stop and it took more than ten minutes before she gained control of her emotions enough to finish reading her father’s last words to her. She took a
deep breath and then picked up the letter once again.
I did not do a good job of teaching you and your siblings to support one another. Not by my example, nor by my words. Some of your siblings have been through major life events, and I’ve watched as they dealt with them alone, never asking for help.
You always had Spencer by your side, and for that, I am grateful. Even my hard headedness couldn’t break the bond of twins. Your siblings don’t know what it’s like to have another back you up, no matter what. I aim to change that.
I want you all to learn to depend upon another, to voice your emotions and share life with one another. I want you to rejoice in the good times, and cry together in the bad. That is what I am hoping will happen after six months together.
Your oldest brother is going to want to make some major changes to the ranch. Support him. I know asking you to give up your life in California may seem unfair of me, but life is too short to try and go it alone. I want you to really get to know your siblings, and give them a chance to see what a wonderful young woman you are.
Take a chance on them and you won’t be disappointed. Remember, when it comes down to the bare bones of this life, family is all we really have. Our health, wealth, and place in society means nothing if we have no one there to share it with.
I want you to know how very much I love you. You are truly your mother’s daughter, and you don’t even realize the gifts you have to share with the world. Love freely when given the chance. Don’t be afraid to share your emotions with others. I promise the return is worth the risk.
Make a place for yourself in this family, and I hope one day you find a love like your mother and I have. A love that transcends the mundane of this life and becomes the center of your universe. Maybe then, you’ll be able to understand and forgive me for not being the father you deserved.
Love, your father
Chapter 16
Stella left the lodge the next morning with Misty and Tucker walking by her side. She’d gotten very little sleep after reading her father’s letter. Instead she’d logged onto the pre-fab home site and searched through the available models until she found the one that called to her.
She’d already sent an email to Sheridan giving him the model number she wished to call her own. Sheridan had come over to the lodge during breakfast to see how she was doing and to let her know that he’d already contacted Bridger and things were already in the works.
Misty had been excited to hear that she was going to be getting her own bedroom, and Sheridan had promised to make sure there was plenty of room for Tucker as well.
Misty had insisted on going to tell Cade the good news, so Stella had agreed to go with her. She’d done a lot of thinking in the wee hours of the morning, and realized that Cade might be the love her father had talked about.
At the very least, Stella wanted to explore that possibility. She left Misty at the entrance to the barn, seeing Cade out in the closest pasture working one of the puppies.
She slipped through the fence and walked up to stand a short distance away. She thought she’d arrived unnoticed, but his words belied that notion. “Are you going to stand there saying nothing all day?”
She walked closer, smiling when he looked over his shoulder at her with a wink. “I didn’t want to disturb your progress.”
Cade snorted. “Progress? Lil’ Bit here is supposed to be retrieving the rope, not trying to bury it.”
“Lil’ Bit?” Stella asked.
“Talk to Misty. I told her she could name the puppies and that’s what she came up with.”
“In that case, I love the name.” Stella bit her lip, not knowing what else to say.
Cade stepped a few feet closer to her. He looked at her and then commented, “You look tired. Didn’t you get much sleep last night?”
Stella shook her head. “Not much.”
“I didn’t see you at the dance last night.”
“I saw you,” Stella told him. “You seemed to be enjoying yourself.” She tried to keep her emotions under control, hating the fact that she sounded somewhat jealous and she hoped Cade wouldn’t pick up on it.
Cade watched her carefully. “You saw me dancing with lots of other girls?”
She nodded and he realized he needed to tread carefully here. He hadn’t enjoyed the attention, but he’d been without any excuse to avoid the numerous single women who’d labeled him the flavor of the month!
“I wish I had been dancing with you,” he told her softly, hoping it was the right thing to say.
“You do?” Stella asked, looking up at him. When he nodded his head, she confided in him. “I wish it would have been me as well.”
“Care to tell me why you didn’t get much sleep last night?” he asked, hoping it was something other than the dance.
“I found my father’s journal. He was dying of cancer.”
Cade raised an eyebrow at that information. “Did you tell…?”
“Sheridan found me there around midnight. Then I went up to my room and read the letter my dad wrote me before he died. He left all of us letters, but I hadn’t even opened or read mine.
“I was sure he’d tell me I was the reason his life had been filled with so much sorrow, but it was just the opposite. He told me he didn’t blame me for my mother’s death, and how much I reminded him of her.”
“You seem more at peace,” Cade commented.
“I am. My dad helped me finally let go of the self-imposed guilt I’d been holding around me like a shield.”
“I’m happy for you, Stella.” Cade wrapped an arm around her and hugged her to his side. “So, what brings you out here this time of the morning?”
“I spoke with Sheridan this morning and picked out my house. Bridger already ordered it and plans are underway to get it set up and installed once it arrives.” Stella felt very excited that she was making plans to go on with her life, on her family ranch.
“So, you plan on sticking around once the six months are up?” Cade asked, having been afraid to ask the question earlier for fear of the answer.
“I am. Misty seems to be adjusting well, and I’m finding I really like it here. I love the lodge and all of my family is here.” She paused and then looked up at him. “You’re here as well.”
“Is that a good thing?” Cade asked, searching her eyes for the answer.
Stella nodded her head. “Yes. I did some thinking, and I decided there is something going on.”
“Between us?” Cade asked, wanting to hear her say it so that there was no chance he was misunderstanding her.
“Yes, between us. I’m not sure what it is, but when you kissed me, I realized I wanted to see where things might go.”
“Thank God! I was afraid you’d never come to that conclusion.” Cade turned her into his arms and kissed her soundly.
A noise behind them had him releasing her to see Misty and the puppies making their way towards them. “You two were kissing!” she exclaimed with a giggle.
“Yes, we were kissing. And you were spying,” Cade challenged her with a grin.
“It’s not spying when you’re doing it in the middle of the pasture,” Misty told him with a shake of her head. “Aunt Stella, do you like kissing him?”
Stella laughed at the look on the little girl’s face. “Yes, I really do. Is that okay with you?”
Misty looked between Cade and Stella before saying, “As long as I don’t have to kiss him, I’m fine with it. Boys have cooties, Aunt Stella. Didn’t you know that?”
“Boys have cooties?” Cade asked with mock horror.
“Noah and Mason sure do. Ashley and Elysha said we needed to make sure the boys took regular baths so we didn’t get them.”
Cade and Stella both burst into laughter and then tried in vain to stop when they saw the hurt look on Misty’s face.
“Sweetie, we’re not laughing at you. And you’re right, most little boys do have cooties. But Cade’s an adult. Cooties don’t like adults. He’s safe.”
&nbs
p; “Still…I don’t have to kiss him, do I?” Misty looked concern about this idea.
“No, Misty. You don’t have to kiss me. But a hug now and then would appreciated and welcomed.” Cade opened his arms and smiled when Misty walked into his embrace. “That’s more like it.”
Misty squirmed to get free and then took off running back to the barn, the puppies following her with barks of glee.
Cade turned back to Stella with a smirk. “So, Misty doesn’t want to kiss me. How about you? Feel like kissing me again?”
Stella nodded her head, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “Always. Now that I know how good it feels to kiss you, I never want to stop.” She leaned up and placed her lips against his own, inwardly smiling as she realized how much had changed in her life. And this man had been part of it.
“Good,” he told her breaking their kiss to place little kisses along her jawline. “Don’t run off, but I do believe I’m falling in love with you, Stella Collingsworth. Any chance you’re feeling the same way?”
Stella nodded her head. “There’s a chance.” A strong chance! One she was willing to take a risk on.
Misty was beginning to talk again, her sadness and sorrow fading away. Stella had finally let go of the load of guilt she’d carried around about her mother’s death. And she’d finally begun to develop a true relationship with her siblings. She’d come to terms with her mother’s death, realizing that she was not responsible for it.
She still needed to come to terms with her father’s lack of affection, but she had no doubt in her mind that time would heal that wound as well. And if Cade was by her side, she knew she would come out on the other side a much happier and content person.
Cade was her future, and even though they’d just begun to explore their relationship, she knew deep in her heart they were meant to be together. Just like her other siblings who’d found their soul mates at the Majestic Mountain Ranch, she had joined their ranks.
