I love you!
I smile and get out of bed to take a quick shower before heading to the bar. An hour later, I walk in and see Dimitri in a heated discussion with Nikolai and Ivan. Soon, Dimitri slams his fists on the table and everyone jumps. Since he hasn’t called me over, I just stand at the bar and a few seconds later a drink is set in front of me. I turn and smile at the old bartender.
“Спасибо, Andrei.”
I turn to watch the exchange, sipping on my Kauffman, wondering what Dimitri is angry about. Nothing has happened recently but looking at Dimitri right now makes me feel a bit unsettled. A few moments later, Nikolai and Ivan stand up and Dimitri motions for me to come over. I down the rest of my drink and set the glass on the counter. As I walk towards Dimitri, I pass Nikolai and Ivan. Nikolai pushes on my shoulder, muttering the word asshole in Russian. I stop and turn to him, pushing his back and making him stumble in the process.
“В чем твоя проблема?” I ask him what his problem is.
“Я не боюсь вас, Bol'shoi!” He spits back to me, telling me he isn’t afraid of me.
I move real close to him, staring into his dark and cold eyes. “Я рад, что ты не боишься. Это делает это еще лучше!” I tell him that I’m glad he isn’t afraid because that will make his beat down even sweeter for me.
He narrows his eyes and pushes me back angrily. That is just what I wanted him to do. When I get close like that, they can do only a couple of things. If they are afraid of me, they will step back slightly, giving me the upper hand and I generally don’t have to fight them, just threaten them. If they aren’t afraid, then they must push me away before they can fight me and that’s when I strike, before they can defend themselves. I punch him hard in the gut and then bring his head down on my knee in one swift move. I lift him up and punch him across his jaw and then hit him several more times in the face before throwing him across the bar floor, watching as he hits one of the tables, which stops his momentum. I stroll up to him and kick him several times in his ribs and abdomen, blood spewing out of his mouth with each kick. Yeah, these boots hurt, don’t they! I kneel and start to pick him up again. I have put up with his attitude for a long time, too long. Nope, I am done playing nice with him. He is just at the beginning of his beat down. I draw my fist back, ready to pound into him again.
“ДОСТАТОЧНО!” Dimitri shouts. I hear Dimitri tell me that its ‘enough’ and drop Nikolai on the ground.
I kneel again turning Nikolai’s head so he can see me. His eyes are glassy and he is teetering on unconsciousness. “Это не сделано!” I tell him this is isn’t over as I push his forehead back causing his head to hit the floor with a loud thump.
“Bolʹshoĭ, come!” Dimitri says loudly and I stand back up and follow him to the table, leaving Nikolai bleeding on the floor.
When we sit down, he waves his hand and someone goes over to check on Nikolai. I don’t feel sorry for him. He started it. He’s old school Russian and has always hated that I was afforded such a prominent position at Dimitri’s side. Most people fear him because he has no hesitation when it comes to killing people. He is one of Dimitri's prized hit men because of it. But he can’t fight at all. He would just as soon shoot you before throwing a punch. I guess he learned today that he shouldn’t start something he isn’t prepared to finish.
“Why’d you stop me?” I ask angrily. “He asked for it, he’s been asking for it, for years” I say, glancing over at Nikolai. He is sitting up now and has a towel to his face.
“Because he has a job to do and I can’t have you beat him unconscious.” I turn to him and he arches his brow. “Unless, of course, you want to do the job for him?”
I frown and shake my head.
“I didn’t think so,” he responds with a laugh.
“So what’s happening? Anything I need to know about?” I ask, changing the subject.
“Sometimes you don’t need to know, Bolʹshoĭ,” he says, taking a sip of his drink.
I stare at him and frown. “How am I supposed to protect you if I don’t know what the hell is going on?” I ask seriously, leaning against the back of my chair and crossing my arms.
“True. I don’t mean it that way, Bolʹshoĭ. You know more than most. It’s just that…” He hesitates and leans back as well. “Some things I’m not allowed to tell you.” He looks at me knowingly.
I watch him and nod. I know what that means. There are aspects of the family business that I am not privy to because I am not Russian. But I wish that fact didn’t hurt so much. I glance out towards the bar, seeing that Nikolai is up and having a drink. He turns and sees that I am watching him and gives me a hateful glare. I just smirk. Glare all you want, you’re the one that just got your ass kicked in front of everyone. I mouth the words 'this isn't over' and see him stand up, fists clenched. I smile and start to stand up again.
“Bolʹshoĭ?” Dimitri says and I turn back to him. He motions for me to sit back down. I frown and glance back at Nikolai who is also being told to sit down. “You understand what I am telling you?” He questions, forcing me to look over at him.
“Yeah,” I say nodding. “Do we have anything going on today?”
He shakes his head. “What Nikolai has to do doesn’t require us to be there.”
I nod. “Mladshiĭ, I need to talk to you about something.”
He gives me a curious look and then finishes his drink before pouring some more for the two of us. He lifts the glass and I do the same.
“What’s going on?” He finally asks.
“Estelle is pregnant,” I say quickly.
He holds his glass to his mouth, momentarily still before downing it quickly. He sets it back on the table and eyes me, his look is that of both anger and sadness.
“How could you be that stupid?” He states with a sigh.
“It’s not stupid.”
He ignores me and pulls a pen out of his jacket. He starts writing on a napkin that’s lying on the table and hands it over to me. “That is the name of a good doctor. He will take care of it.”
I look down at the napkin and it dawns on me what he has just giving me. I close my eyes and shake my head. I don’t know what’s more disturbing, that he thinks this is something I would want or the fact that he has this doctor’s number memorized. I look back up at him.
“We don’t want an abortion,” I say matter of fact.
Now his eyes narrow. “Bolʹshoĭ, you can’t have a child.”
“Yes, I can,” I reply indignantly.
“Look around you. Do any of us have children? It is reckless to even think that you can,” he states forcefully. “This doctor. He is discreet.”
I shake my head and glare at him. “NO! I… I want to have children with Estelle. You’re my brother, Mladshiĭ, and I love you, but that doesn’t give you the right to dictate my life.”
He leans back in his chair and I do the same. Both of us staring at one another and not saying a word. I won’t have him tell me that I can’t have children. That’s not going to happen. He doesn’t get to decide that for me. This is going to be one thing I will not be deterred from.
~*~
I have been quiet the whole way back from the doctor’s office. We found out the sex of the baby today and now, all of a sudden, I am freaking out. We are having a boy. I didn’t seem to be bothered with the thought of having a daughter, but now, knowing how I feel about my own father, is making me question whether I can be a good father to a son. Sons are supposed to look up to their fathers, to respect them and feel that they will help when called upon. Things my father and I never had. How can I even do that for my own son if it was never done for me?
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop!” Estelle says, touching my leg.
I frown. I both hate and love that she can read me so well. I just take a deep breath as we pull up to our place. I park and get out, walking to her side. I take her hand in mine, walking her up the path to th
e front door. She tugs on my hand when we get to the door, forcing me to look at her. When I do, she has a serious expression on her beautiful face.
“You’re nothing like him.”
I huff and roll my eyes. I was pretty much a selfish bastard before she came into the picture. How does she know that I won’t be him? What if that stuff is genetic or something? I unlock our door and toss the keys on the little table near the entrance.
“You don’t know that, Es,” I say matter-of-factly.
“Charles, stop it!”
“I can’t, Es… I mean you know my father, he’s a bastard through and through, always has been. He never cared about me or what I wanted. He treated everyone around him like dirt. What if I turn out like him? What if our son ends up hating me like I hate my father? What if…”
She grabs my face and kisses me fiercely and I am lost, forgetting momentarily my fear of fatherhood. I move her to the couch quickly, never removing my lips from her. She brings her hands to my pants, undoing them with ease and I growl against her mouth. I pull away from her as she begins touching me. I grab the hem of her shirt to take it off but in my fervor, I rip part of it.
“Shit! I’m sorry, Es.”
“It’s okay,” she says excitedly as she rips it the rest of the way off.
I smile, as I quickly undress her. Soon we are making love, passionately, and with purpose. She knows this is what I need. Connecting with her in this way frees my mind from the negative thoughts its having. When we are done, I fall on top of her, careful not to put all my weight on her body and rest my head on her neck. I lay there catching my breath as she gently runs her fingers through my hair. It feel so good and for some reason the weight of my fears feels to be lifting. I know that may seem weird, trust me, it is to me as well, but maybe me having a son isn’t going to be as bad as I think it will be. Her hand stops moving as she lays a gentle kiss atop my head, the way I often do to her. I hold her tighter, not wanting to let her go. She clears her throat.
“Charles,” she whispers as I look up at her. “Our son will love you because he will see what I see in you.”
I gasp, praying to God that she’s right.
Chapter 20
January
Estelle four months pregnant
The months since finding out I was going to be a father have been interesting to say the least. Between Estelle and Dimitri I am going insane. Estelle is all over the place with her moods. She will yell at me one minute and then start crying the next and then will act like nothing even happened. That first trimester, hell, I thought I was going to need a shrink! This past month, however, has been kind of nice considering she doesn’t seem to be happy unless we are having sex. Of course, as pleasant as that is, she is starting to wear me out. I almost look forward to going to the bar so I have a chance to recuperate before her next onslaught. Not that I’m complaining or anything.
And Dimitri. I don’t know what’s going on with him anymore. He has been jumpy and angers easily. Well, easier than before. I can tell that he is planning something but he isn’t keeping me in the loop. I can’t shake the feeling that he is excluding me because I told him about Estelle and I being pregnant but I can’t be sure. I do know that he is upset about my upcoming fatherhood. He thinks it is the biggest mistake I have ever made. He has made sure to point out on several occasions what a terrible father I have and how I won’t be there for Estelle and the kid because of my obligations to the family. He has also made sure to let me know that things are difficult right now for him and that having a kid will make me lose focus and make mistakes, mistakes that can cause people’s lives. He has made it abundantly clear that my loyalty must, not should, but must belong to him and that because of all that, I will end up being a horrible father. I know he makes some legitimate points especially about my father but I can’t help feeling hopeful about this child. I need to believe that I will do a better job than my father did. Plus, well, Estelle will be an excellent mother so even if I am a crappy father, she will make up for it, won’t she?
“Maybe we should move?” Estelle asks, bringing me out of my thoughts.
“Chicago is my home, Es,” I say, sighing into her hair.
“Your son and I are your home,” she replies and I can hear the sadness in her voice.
“Of course, but…” I start to say but she stops me.
“There isn’t a ‘but’ Charles. It is or it isn’t.”
“It’s not that simple,” I answer flustered.
God! I don’t want to do this now. I have to meet Dimitri soon. I throw the blankets off me and stand up, gathering my clothes that are scattered on the floor. Slipping on my jeans first and then my shirt, but before I pull my arms through the sleeves, I turn to her knowing I need to offer her some sort of reassurance.
“I love you, Es, and I love our son. You two are my life,” I say kissing her on her forehead tenderly. I slowly move my hand over her stomach, rubbing it lightly, feeling movement. “Everything will be okay. I promise.” I smile and stand up again getting the rest of my things together.
“Where are you going?”
“I have to meet Dimitri and Stephan.” I look at my watch. “In thirty minutes.”
I finish getting dressed and then go grab my boots, slipping them on and lacing them up, putting my knife inside one of them. I have my knife set up where it slides in perfectly and can be accessed quickly. I stand and stretch first my arms and then roll my shoulders as I move my head from side to side, preparing myself for what might happen tonight. We will be meeting with Borovsky to try to negotiate a truce between our families. Viktor went with Nikolai and Ivan to get in position beforehand and then I will bring Dimitri and Stephan. I am hoping we can resolve this peacefully but Borovsky has not wanted to negotiate in the past so I am not thinking he will want to now.
“Just stay here with me,” I hear her say and when I glance at her I see that she is crying.
I walk to the bed, gently stroking her face. “I have to go, Es. They need me.”
“I need you.”
“You have me… always,” I respond sincerely.
I kiss her passionately and with renewed energy. She wraps her arms around my neck, forcing me back on the bed and on top of her. I immediately start running my hands over her full breasts as our kiss becomes more urgent. She moves her hand under my sweater and tries to pull my shirt out of my pants but I bring my hands over hers, stopping her and pulling away. I can’t be late. I haven’t been late since the last time Estelle distracted me. I sigh and stand up, glancing at my watch again and then walking towards the door.
“I love you, Es,” I say as I reach the doorway.
“Please stay. I have a bad feeling about tonight.”
I turn around and smile at her. “I’m invincible, remember?”
“Stop saying that, Charles,” she states frowning, wiping her tears away.
I watch her for a few seconds before I make my way back to the bed and smile mischievously at her, making her grin. I throw the blankets off her and then grab her face in my hands, kissing her fiercely. I move my body over her and use my knee to spread her legs, not once breaking our kiss and within seconds I am out of my jeans and deep inside of her. This is going to be quick. I don’t have time to make love to her. I will do that when I get home tonight.
~*~
The entire way to the bar my mind has been all over the place, thinking about what Estelle said earlier. Move? Really? She couldn’t have been serious. It must be those pregnancy hormones kicking in and making her act crazy again. But what if she wasn’t kidding? What if she really wanted to leave Chicago, would I be able to leave? Could I leave? I stop at a red light and run my hands over my face, trying to come to terms with what Estelle said, what she might want. I close my eyes and take a few steadying breaths. I need to get my act together before I pick up Dimitri. I glance at my watch as I pull up to the bar. I am not late, barely. But Dimitri is still looking at me strangely when he gets in the car. Thankf
ully he doesn’t say anything to me about it. I glance at Stephan in the back seat noticing that he has a serious expression on his face as well.
“Bolʹshoĭ, things change tonight,” Dimitri says cryptically.
I nod. “What do you need me to do?”
“I am sorry that I have not talked to you about this until now but I needed it to be final before I could say anything. My father has given me permission to pay back Borovsky for his treachery. We take care of him tonight.”
I glance at him and nod. “No harm will come to you.”
He smirks. “I know that, Bolʹshoĭ,” he says with a chuckle as he taps my shoulder.
I smile and turn around, facing the road. This is big. If he has been given permission to take out Borovsky then all hell is going to break loose. My heart sinks immediately. If something happens to me who will take care of Estelle and our son? My mind is going a mile a minute trying to run through all the possible scenarios. I can’t think about that right now. I need to focus on what will happen. If I don’t get my head in gear then something bad will definitely happen to me, to Dimitri, to all of us. By the time we approach the building I am in a different place. I am… Bolʹshoĭ!
“Bolʹshoĭ, give me your knife,” Dimitri says as we get there.
I turn to him confused. “Mladshiĭ, I… I can’t protect you if you do something reckless. Let me watch over you,” I plead.
He smiles and then cocks his brow. “Bolʹshoĭ.” Is all he says as he reaches his hand out to me in a ‘give me’ like fashion.
He’s going to do this himself. I hesitantly reach into my boot and hand him the knife. He smirks as he traces over the writing on the blade. He looks back at me and my clearly worried expression. He generally doesn’t do the actual killing or fighting. That’s what we are here for, needless to say, I am a little paranoid right now. No wonder everyone has been on edge. He grins at me.
“Don’t worry, Bolʹshoĭ. I’ll take care of her,” he says with a chuckle, referring to my knife.
“That’s not what has me concerned, brother,” I reply, watching him intently.
Brothers Forever Page 13
