Lynne spent much of that weekend in bed, still recovering from an experience that had changed her completely, but other than Eric, she had no one to compare it with. And with Eric, she couldn’t gauge more than their emotional states. Countless times he had turned into a hawk, but birth was a different ability.
To her surprise, she had chatted with Laurie about some of the aspects, what he had garnered when his sisters, and Stanford’s, had given birth. Not that Laurie had done more than visit those women in the hospital, then gone to see them once they were home, yet, Laurie shared his few insights, making Lynne smile, then inwardly sigh. Sam knew about Laurie and Stanford, and he wasn’t at all comfortable with the news. But the New Yorkers didn’t seem aware their secret was out, and Lynne didn’t think about it, unless she was surrounded. Only then did she note Sam’s stiffness, and how quickly he would excuse himself for kitchen tasks.
On Tuesday morning, Lynne easily walked downstairs, although Renee followed right behind her. At the bottom of the steps Eric stood next to Laurie, who cradled Jane. Stanford stood beside him, a beaming smile on his face. Lynne blinked, then wondered if Eric saw that trio; the men looked like a family, although Jane was starting to whimper. Lynne knew what her daughter wanted, a mother’s tender breasts feeling full. Lynne hadn’t wanted to nurse Jane around so many others, although she had fed her daughter with Renee and Sam nearby. Then Lynne smiled at herself. If Laurie and Stanford felt awkward, they could go in the kitchen. Jane wasn’t going to be deterred from a mid-morning meal.
“I think she wants you,” Laurie said, then chuckled, as Lynne took the last step. “I certainly don’t have anything to give her.”
“You could put your finger in her mouth, she’ll suck on that for ten seconds,” Eric grinned. “But then she’d start crying again.”
“Honestly Eric, my God.” Stanford huffed, then stepped toward the kitchen.
Renee giggled, and Laurie did too, as he handed the baby to Eric. Lynne took slow steps to the sofa, and Renee helped her to be seated. Lynne’s bottom still ached, but it felt good to be dressed and fully mobile. She inhaled the aroma of her home, which smelled a little differently than before. Roses mixed with guests and firewood, also spring, even if doors were closed. Lynne could see her garden, daffodils waving in a slight breeze. She started to cry, wondering how much her world had altered. Then she smiled, as Eric set their daughter in her arms.
Jane was getting close to erupting in full throttle, and Lynne smiled, as she didn’t even bother to see if Laurie and Stanford were close. She unbuttoned her blouse and within a minute the baby quieted, Jane’s bright blue eyes fluttering closed. Then Lynne peered at her husband, kneeling in front of her. Eric’s gray eyes were misty, as were Renee’s pale irises, to his right. Lynne nodded at them, wanting to thank them for everything. Instead she smiled, then motioned toward the kitchen. “You better check on our guests.”
“Sam’s in there, they’ll be fine,” Renee said.
But Eric stood, gently patting his wife’s shoulder. “I’ll go facilitate. Besides, I think they’re gonna need a ride to the airport soon.”
Lynne nodded, her heart torn. She had wanted to spend Laurie and Stanford’s last moments in conversation. Jane, however, had altered that plan. Renee sat beside Lynne as Eric headed to where the men had gathered. Lynne wished Renee knew the truth; she probably wouldn’t take it any worse than Sam had.
When Eric reached the kitchen, Sam was just stepping out. Stanford and Laurie were seated at the table, each with a cup of coffee. “Sam said he forgot something in his car.” Laurie’s tone was resigned. “But he did ask if we needed a ride to the airport.”
Eric sat between his guests, but wasn’t sure what to say. Sam’s usual friendliness had disappeared, replaced by a nervous kindliness. Everyone it seemed, except Renee and Jane, had noticed, and Eric hoped that Stanford and Laurie didn’t regret their visit. “Well, I can take you to the airport too. It’s not a problem.”
“I’ll call a cab,” Stanford sighed. “Has he said anything to you?”
Eric shook his head. “Nothing more than it wasn’t his business.”
Laurie nodded. “It’s not a surprise, well….” He shrugged. “Stan’s right. We’ll just take a taxi.”
“Will you stop in Minnesota?” Eric had wondered about that detail, and he longed to change the subject.
“For at least one night. But we won’t know any more until we get there.” Stanford stood, then stepped to the telephone. “Laurie, when should I tell them to come?”
Laurie looked at the clock. “The flight’s at two. If they’re here at a little past noon, that should be fine.”
Eric nearly chuckled, for Stanford preferred being at the train station a full hour ahead of time; how much earlier would he want to check in at the airport? It only took five minutes to reach town, and Eric wondered what Stanford would tell the taxi company. Eric stood, then made an excuse, heading back into the living room, not hearing what Stanford said to Laurie in reply.
“Well, what’s the plan?” Renee looked at Eric as he approached.
“Stanford’s calling a cab. Sam offered, but….”
“Well, that’s probably best.” Renee stood from the sofa. “Lynne, you need anything?”
“Some juice please.”
Renee nodded, then left the couple. Eric took Renee’s place on the sofa, then peered at his daughter. “How’s she doing?”
“Fine. How’re they doing?”
Eric sighed. “Sam poured them some coffee, then stepped outside. They’re not surprised, well, not overly upset. I guess I should’ve told him, but….”
Lynne cleared her throat. “Eric, Renee knows too.”
He stared at her. “She does?”
“Mmmhmm.”
“Did she tell you that she knows?”
“Mmmhmm.”
“Lynne, what?”
Lynne glanced at Eric, then gazed at their baby. “She said that Sam must’ve figured it out, and she’s gonna give him an earful later.”
“How long’s she known?”
“Just this trip. She said she’d asked Sam why he was being so….” Lynne stifled a giggle, lowering her voice. “So prickly around them. Said he wouldn’t give her a straight answer, and that after she watched them, Laurie and Stanford, well, she realized, um….”
Laurie cleared his throat, causing Lynne to pause. “Stanford’s got the taxi arranged. They’ll be here in about twenty minutes, too soon if you ask me, but he never does.” Laurie smiled. “Anyways, I’m gonna finish packing. I left him with Renee.” Laurie smirked. “That’ll teach him.”
Eric chuckled. “Did Sam come back in?”
“Uh, no. Listen, I’m sorry about the awkwardness this weekend.”
Lynne met Laurie’s gaze. “Don’t be. We love you both. That’s Sam’s issue.”
“Well, it’s gonna be once we’re gone.” Laurie rolled his eyes, heading to the steps.
“Whatdya mean by that?” Eric called softly.
Laurie peered around the edge of the banister, a huge smile on his face. “Renee basically said that she’s very happy for us, she actually made Stan cringe. And that the next time we visit, things would be back to normal.”
Lynne and Eric stared at each other, breaking into quiet giggles, as Laurie chuckled, heading up the stairs.
By the time the New Yorkers were waiting for the cab, Jane was asleep. Laurie held her, while Stanford gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. Then Stanford embraced Lynne. “Congratulations,” he whispered, trying to maintain his composure.
Lynne nodded, her tears falling. Renee relieved Laurie of the baby, then Laurie gripped Lynne in his arms. “Thanks for putting up with us,” he said, kissing her cheek. “I can’t tell you what it means to have seen all of you this weekend.”
Lynne clasped Laurie’s hands, but she still couldn’t speak. Stanford had promised to call them tomorrow night with whatever news they had learned. Then Lynne stepped back, as E
ric hugged both men. No words were said, but Renee offered her goodbyes, then stood beside Lynne as Eric walked the men outside. Sam had gone home, not long after returning from his brief walk, leaving just females in the kitchen. But Lynne didn’t stay there for long, returning to the sofa, while Renee set Jane in a small cot on the other end of the couch.
“Do you need anything?” Renee asked, coming to Lynne’s side.
Lynne shook her head. “Too many things to think about. Only a glass of wine would start to unravel it all.”
Renee giggled. “I doubt a half glass would do any harm.”
Lynne stared at her friend. “Nurse Ahern, I can’t believe you said that.”
“Believe it. But no whiskey certainly.”
The women smiled as Renee patted Lynne’s hand. “Listen, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go home for a bit. Nearly forgot what my house looks like, but I do recall it’s smaller than this one. You and Eric seem to have things under control, and Dr. Salters is stopping by this afternoon, correct?”
Lynne nodded. “Sometime after three, I think she said. Yeah, you go home. And if I don’t see you for a day or two….”
“If you don’t see me tomorrow it’s because I’ve murdered my ridiculous husband and I’m still trying to dispose of the body.”
“Now Renee….”
Renee shook her head, fiery red hair blowing across her face. “Lynne, it’s nonsense for him to be so upset. I should’ve realized it ages ago, but they hide it well. Then we were so worried about Seth and….”
A long quiet hung in the room. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up.” Renee sighed, then gripped Lynne’s hands. “Anyways, tomorrow I’ll call before I come over. But I will be here tomorrow, so no playing Twister or gardening or anything of the sort.”
“Do you mind if I make a pie?” Lynne teased.
Renee rolled her eyes. “Well, as long as you’re not on your feet too long. Once it’s in the oven, let Eric keep an eye on it.”
When Eric returned, Renee was in the kitchen, putting on her jacket. “What, you have a taxi waiting too?” he said.
“Nope. I’ve called my husband, gonna give you three some time to yourselves.”
“Now Renee, you don’t need to rush off.”
“I most certainly do. Someone needs a rap up the head and I’m the woman to do it.”
Eric inhaled, then leaned against the counter. “Renee, you need to give him time.”
Renee wore a wry smile. “Eric, when you were gone two years ago, rumors weren’t kind to Lynne and me, and Sam never had any problem with that. Well, he was a part of it too, and that certainly didn’t bother him. This with Stanford and Laurie is no different. Why he’s acting so bent outta shape is beyond me.” She crossed her arms, then tapped her foot. “They’re happy, they’re not hurting anyone, what does it matter, truthfully? My goodness, it’s 1962, but then, look at what’s still happening in The South. Doesn’t that speak volumes? Christ told us to love each other, and he didn’t make any differentiation about race or faith or….” Renee shook her head. “Or about who else we love. I’m sure Father Riley would have my head if he heard me speaking this way, Father Markham too. But I’ll tell you right here and now Eric Snyder, it’s not for me to judge any man, or woman. And it’s sure not Sam’s job either.”
Renee stepped around Eric, softly calling goodbye to Lynne. Then Renee kissed Eric’s cheek, squeezing his hand. She sniffled, then stepped from the house, gently closing the door behind her.
Dr. Salters stopped by at half past three, finding Jane at her mother’s bosom, and Lynne recovering well. The doctor said she would return on Friday, and that as far as she thought, if Lynne wanted to take a brief walk in the garden, tomorrow’s forecast was for a sunny afternoon. Jane would probably benefit from being introduced to the outside world, as long as she was well wrapped. Eric walked the doctor to her car, then returned to a fairly quiet residence. Jane was asleep in her bassinette, and Lynne was still in bed, looking ready to nap.
Eric lay beside his wife, wondering about his talk with Renee. Her views had surprised him, and he hoped she would remain that open minded when he told her he wasn’t joining the Catholic Church. Pastor Jagucki had called not long after Renee had left, giving Eric and Lynne his congratulations on the baby. The pastor hadn’t mentioned anything about a baptism, but Lynne and Eric had discussed it, when finding themselves alone, or if it was only them and Jane. Lynne wanted their daughter baptized soon, but had found herself leaning toward the church of Eric’s choice. Eric hadn’t quite decided if St. Matthew’s was for him, but he certainly liked Pastor Jagucki, and in another week, he would inquire if perhaps that pastor could stop over, for the visit that had been postponed.
Lynne started to snore, and Eric smiled, but didn’t move away from her. Their daughter was a week old, a whole week of Jane’s life that had passed far too quickly for Eric’s liking. But the first painting of his wife and daughter was drying in the sunroom, and had been admired by all. Eric had depicted Lynne shortly after Jane’s birth, from where he had been sitting, right behind Lynne in bed. Her profile was in slight shadow, but Jane’s face was illuminated, how Eric remembered that moment when Renee handed them their baby. Jane’s blue eyes were hidden; Eric would paint them soon enough. But in his mind, as Renee set Jane into Lynne’s arms, Eric’s life had restarted. Yes, he did want Jane baptized as quickly as it could be set into motion. But the more he considered it, the more he wanted Pastor Jagucki to do the honors. Renee seemed to have liberal views about homosexuality; hopefully her ideas about Lutherans would be equally accepted. There were too many quandaries in Catholicism for Eric, and while his own life was sometimes an aberration, he wanted Jane’s spiritual beginnings to be as unencumbered as possible. If later she wanted to explore a more mystical faith, Eric wouldn’t argue with her. But for now, he ached for simplicity. Maybe it was the quiet house, only the three of them. Then he nearly burst into laughter; for how long had he wanted to say that, the three of them. No longer was it merely Eric and Lynne; for the rest of their lives, it would be Eric, Lynne, and Jane. And, if God was good, more children would follow.
Eric left his sleeping wife and daughter, then headed downstairs. He stoked the fire, placing the grate in front of growing flames. Then he put on a scarf, hat, and gloves, stepping through the French doors. The sun was shining over the top of the studio, but a cool breeze blew. Eric walked around the bare patio; soon enough he would drag out the table and chairs. He rubbed his upper arms, then gazed at the yellow daffodils and the short green stalks that within another few weeks would be tall, colorful tulips. Then he glanced further into the garden, finding the bird bath, his studio, then forest. But some of that thicket would be gone by the time summer arrived.
Then Eric shuddered; he didn’t want to leave, yet he’d fulfilled his pledge to Lynne. Jane was healthy and beautiful, and once she was baptized…. Eric stared at the mostly clear sky, only a few high clouds, which quickly blew past. He turned back to the house, then walked to the French doors, cracking one open. He heard nothing, his family still fast asleep.
Eric stepped inside, closed the door, then removed his wraps, rubbing his upper arms again. His weight was back to normal, his energy levels were good. Well, he was a little tired, but that was due to a new baby who didn’t understand that everyone else preferred sleeping at nighttime. Dr. Salters had said that while it wouldn’t be easy, they could now start to adjust Jane’s schedule, keeping her awake in the early evenings. Late afternoon baths would be helpful, the doctor had smiled, for Jane had put back on the weight lost during her initial days. She was nursing well, no worries there, but unless Eric and Lynne wanted to become night owls, it was best to introduce the concept of evening slumber to an infant that didn’t seem to care what time of day it was. Then Eric chuckled. If he was smart, he’d retrieve Jane from her bassinette and begin that process.
Within a few minutes, Eric and his daughter sat on the sofa. Jane was attempti
ng to maintain unconsciousness, but Eric was determined, tickling her, gently blowing on her face, even taking off her tiny socks, running his fingers along the bottoms of her feet. Finally she stirred, those blue eyes blinking in the light. She stared at her father, looking rather displeased. Eric grinned. “Hello sweetheart. The doctor tells us it’s best to keep you awake now. I’m sure you’ll make it difficult, but let’s give it a try.”
Jane tried closing her eyes again, but Eric removed her hat, brown curls springing up from slight static shock. That made Jane fuss, and Eric picked her up, cradling her against his chest. She quieted, and he pulled her away, finding those eyes trying to close. “Huh-uh,” Eric smiled. “I wanna sleep some tonight little girl, doctor’s orders.”
Eric replaced Jane’s socks, then he wrapped the blanket around her, putting her over his shoulder. He had no fear in supporting her fragile head and neck with his hand. Only seven days had passed, yet he felt as if he’d always had this knack, and he smiled at himself, then set the baby in the crook of his arm. Now her eyes were wide, and while she didn’t smile, she gazed intently at him. “I love you Jane, my God, so much. Just a little less than your mother, but I’ll tell you, it’s darn close.”
Jane yawned, but didn’t close her eyes. Eric chuckled, placing a kiss on the top of her head. Then he took a deep breath. “Jane, I do love you and your mama. But I have to be honest with you; sometimes I might go away. I don’t mean too, I can’t help it. But it’s not because I don’t love you, or Lynne. It’s because….”
Eric turned toward the landing, finding his wife gripping the railing, smiling down at him. “Are you trying to keep her awake?”
He nodded. “So far, so good. Shall we come up there?”
Lynne smiled. “Please. I’d lay bets that she’ll wanna eat soon.”
Eric laughed, taking the stairs. “Or that you want her to eat soon.”
“One of the two,” Lynne said, as Eric reached the landing. He stroked his wife’s face, then followed her into the bedroom. Once Lynne was in position, Eric handed her their baby, and indeed, Jane did seem hungry. Eric wanted to paint this scene next, perhaps he’d start it tomorrow. There was nothing more beautiful to him than watching Lynne feed their daughter.
He stared at Lynne’s chest, that opal pendant lying along her skin. But a new chain sparkled in the light; Eric had given that to her on Sunday, making Lynne cry, and raising questions from Stanford and Laurie. Eric told that necklace’s tale, and Stanford had chided him, that Lynne deserved a diamond, not merely a new chain. But Laurie had corrected Stanford, that sometimes the best keepsakes were those from ancient days, which to Eric those first years of marriage now seemed. They weren’t infertile, for a daughter tugged at her mother’s breast, and maybe soon little hands would reach for that opal. But a stronger chain would keep it in place.
“I love you,” Eric murmured. Then he smiled. “I’d like to be more profound, but that’s all I can think to say.”
“Those are the most perfect words. I don’t think you need any others.”
He nodded. “What would you think about a baptism in say, another month? Would that be too long to wait?”
Lynne met his gaze. “No. Do you have a place in mind?”
“I do.”
She glanced at the baby, then at her husband. “And that’s….”
“St. Matthew’s, if Pastor Jagucki doesn’t mind that we’re not Lutherans.”
“Or that we’re not yet Lutherans.”
“Or that I’m not yet a Lutheran and you’re not yet Catholic.”
She nodded, then stroked Jane’s head. “Eric, I don’t wanna worship separately from you.”
“I’d prefer us to share the same faith, but Lynne, I just can’t….”
“Eric, I’ve been thinking about it, dreaming about it too.” Lynne looked at her husband. “I wanna meet the pastor, then attend some services. But I want Jane to be baptized. Now, if that means she starts off life as a Lutheran, then changes her mind, well….”
“Oh honey, are you sure?”
Lynne nodded. “This might sound strange, but over the last week, well, the last five days or so, I’ve had time to think.” She smiled. “The first couple of days after she was born, I wasn’t quite sure who I was anymore. Maybe that’s typical, I don’t know. But after that, when it was just her and me, I had to ask myself what I’d found so appealing when I went with Sam and Renee, for it was something, and what it was, well, it was….”
She started to cry, then looked at her husband. “I felt like I had a family there, but now I have that family right here. I haven’t had that sense since I was a little girl, not like this. When my parents died, I’d already left for college, and maybe because I was an only child, by the time I was a teenager, I was starting to pull away from them. But going to church with Renee and Sam brought that back to me, even if some of the things they believe are harder to accept than others. But Lutherans take communion, a friend of mine in grade school was Lutheran, and I went with her a few Sundays, after spending the night. I’d forgotten all about that, goodness, it was over twenty years ago. But that’s what matters to me, communion and Jane being baptized now. And sharing that with you. I want it to be a part of our family, which I guess does exclude Renee and Sam in a way. Maybe they won’t be able to be her godparents, not that I know anyone else I want, but Eric, my life’s complete now. I have you, our daughter, and I wanna celebrate that together.” Lynne inhaled, then placed the baby over her shoulder. Jane released two sleepy burps, but didn’t seem interested in any more dinner.
Lynne gave the baby to Eric, then adjusted her brassiere. “Honey, ultimately whatever denomination we choose, we’re still seeking the same God as the Aherns, or Laurie’s family. I guess I don’t see any difference. What matters most is that we share it together. Maybe that doesn’t make me the wife of a bohemian painter anymore. But Eric, I’m almost thirty-two.” She shook her head, giggling. “I’m a mother now, oh goodness, that’s so strange to say. But it’s the truth. I’m a mother, and I wanna be a Christian, and raise our daughter with the knowledge of all that faith entails. Not that I really understand much of it, but….”
Eric had laid Jane on the mattress, then leaned toward his wife. “Let’s meet him, see what you think. If he doesn’t want to baptize her until we’ve made a decision, I’m sure Father Markham would do the honors.”
“And if he is willing to baptize her?”
“Then we’ll have a Lutheran daughter with heathen parents, for the time being.” Eric smiled. “Lynne, I love you. However we do this, I want us to be together.”
She nodded, then placed her left hand on Jane’s small head. With her right hand, Lynne caressed Eric’s face, then she eagerly accepted his gentle kiss.
Chapter 58
The Hawk: Part Three Page 18
