by Donna Fasano
“Well,” she hesitantly began, “if you really want to know…”
Sean glanced at her. “I really do,” he said.
Still, she hesitated. Finally, she blurted, “I’d like a cheesesteak sandwich.”
“A cheesesteak?” He looked incredulous.
Her brow wrinkled in an apologetic expression and she nodded slowly. “That is what Philly’s famous for, isn’t it?”
His mouth quirked up. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
Nicki whooped. “I’ve never had one before.”
He took one look at the joy on her face and broke out in laughter. “Okay,” he said. “Let’s get the lady the cheesesteak she wants.”
After the last morsel of sandwich had been devoured, the last potato chip had been eaten, Sean said, “Well, now I guess everyone can go home happy.”
Nodding, Nicki told him, “Well, I’m a lady with new clothes, new shoes, and belly full of delicious, greasy food.” Leaning back, she pressed her palm to her belly. “I really don’t think I’m in Philadelphia at all.”
He balled up the paper wrappers, tossing them onto the tray. “And where is it you think you are?” he asked Nicki, humor feathering the corners of his mouth.
She swiped her lips with the napkin one last time, and whispered, “Heaven.”
He shook his head ruefully. “You are just too easy to please. That’s all there is to it.”
Nicki felt good. Happy and content. She and Sean and Sona had spent a wonderful afternoon together, shopping, eating, laughing. As they drove toward home, she couldn’t help but feel that now would be the perfect time to talk to Sean about her observations. Tell him what was on her mind.
She really thought he needed to find himself a wife. A good woman who could help him make a home for Sona. Someone he could share his life with. Someone to share his burdens and responsibilities.
When the idea had first come to her, she simply hadn’t thought she knew him well enough to be giving him advice. But a whole week had gone by. A week during which they had spent lots of time together. And after their lovely day, maybe he would be open to a little friendly counsel.
Turning her head, she checked on Sona who was happily chewing on the ear of her new stuffed puppy. Then Nicki looked at Sean’s handsome profile, held her breath for the fraction of a second that it took for her to formulate how to broach the topic. No better way, she decided, than to simply come right out with it.
Then she blurted, “You know what you need?” Without giving him a single moment to respond, she dramatically proclaimed, “A wife.”
Chapter Six
“What?” he said.
She had to admit, he looked truly perplexed. He had obviously heard her clearly, but it seemed he had no clue why she’d make such an outlandish suggestion.
“Well, um…” She suddenly felt a little less sure of herself and the advice she was about to offer. Finally, she stammered, “A… a wife. You know. A real wife. A woman who—”
His bewilderment seemed to instantly dissolve. ‘‘I have a wife, thank you.”
His tone held a pleasant, joking quality. Then she noted that his mouth curled up at the corners. A thought came to her; he thought she was teasing him.
“I’m serious, Sean.”
He glanced at her, confusion and wariness easing back into his dark eyes. Then he quickly directed his gaze back out at the roadway ahead.
“You lead an awfully solitary life,” she continued. “It would be good for you—and for Sona—if you had someone. You know, to share things with. I mean, I’m here now. And we have a great time laughing at the mischief Sona gets herself into.” Nicki looked out at the horizon, thinking of their week together. “That face she made when she stole the lemon wedge from your glass of water and tasted it. Or when she got herself stuck under the living room chair like a cork in a bottle. Or like the few moments this week she scared us to death when we couldn’t find her. And all the time she was sitting in your closet, playing with your shoes.”
Even now, Sean chuckled easily. “She had lined them all up. She was making a train.”
“And when she first met Chunky,” Nicki reminded him. “She squealed with glee and went toddling after that cat as fast as her tiny legs would carry her.”
“And Chunky went running, too,” Sean said. “Poor thing didn’t come out from under the porch for hours.”
Nicki allowed a silence to fall between them. Then she said, “You’re going to have a million of those kinds of things happen while Sona’s growing up. You should have someone to share them with. It’s been nice for me to be that someone, but I won’t be here much longer.” She felt the need to reiterate. “You’ll need someone.”
Sean didn’t take his eyes off the highway as he lifted his shoulders in an unperturbed shrug. “I’ll share those times with Sona.”
That’s not the same thing, she wanted to tell him. She wondered if he was purposefully missing her point.
“You’re going to have some rough spots ahead of you,” she pointed out. “When she’s exposed to other children, she’s sure to get the sniffles. And she’s bound to come down with bouts of chest colds, and ear infections, once the weather turns chilly. You’ll need someone’s help. A real, stick-around wife would be the perfect solution.”
The light laughter he emitted sounded slightly forced. “Believe me, Nicki, my daughter is the only female I need in my life.”
Heck, she’d waded out into the swamp this far, she might as well dive into the deep end.
“I know you told me you were a confirmed bachelor,” she began, “but I honestly didn’t think you meant you intended to stay that way forever. But now I’m getting the feeling that you have no intention of ever… um… you know, getting involved.”
He pulled onto the main street that wound through his neighborhood. “Why would you think anything else? I told you that was my intention when we first met.”
Nicki gave a small shrug. “Well, yes. You did. But I kind of thought that might be because you just hadn’t met the right woman or something.”
His lips pursed, and he said nothing.
“However, over the past week I’ve heard you make… certain comments. Things that have led me to believe you really mean to stay single.” She felt the muddy waters closing in around her, but she couldn’t help but ask, “Were you hurt in the past?” Then she quickly said, “I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But it’s awful not to be able to trust. Not all women—”
“Wait,” he said, turning the steering wheel and directing the car onto his long driveway.
But Nicki was on a roll. “—are evil,” she plowed full steam ahead. “You need someone, Sean. You need a woman. Someone to be with. Someone who is willing to stay—”
“Are you vying for the position?”
This unexpected question had her spine straightening in surprise. She blinked several times. “Of course not. This isn’t about me. How could you think that it is? I can’t stay here. You know that. This is about you. And Sona. The two of you need someone to—”
“Stop.”
The one small word was quiet but tight as a coiled spring, and it cut Nicki’s sentence to the quick.
“You’ve got it all wrong,” he told her. “I wasn’t hurt in the past. No one trampled on my feelings. No one damaged my ego. No one wounded my pride.” He brought the car to a stop, cut the engine, and got out of the driver’s seat. He opened the back door and unlatched Sona from her car seat. It was clear to Nicki that he was simmering with anger.
With Sona on his hip, one of her arms curled around his neck, the other snuggling her new stuffed puppy, he bent at the waist just enough so that he could gaze steadily at Nicki who remained, stunned to stillness, in the front seat of the car.
“Despite what you might believe, there wasn’t some evil woman in my past who destroyed my ability to place my confidence in others.” He hoisted Sona into a more secure position in his arms. “I have no t
rust issues. Believe me. If I did, I wouldn’t trust you with what has become the absolute treasure of my life.”
Then he directed his attention at Sona. “Come on, sweetie. It’s time for you to have a nice bath and get ready for bed.”
He closed the door of the car and went toward the house, leaving Nicki sitting all alone in the total silence.
She watched him disappear into the house. She felt wounded, chagrined, and fully put in her place. All she had meant to do was offer a little friendly advice. Why had her amiable intentions gone so awry?
Let it go, a tiny voice warned from the very back part of her brain. It’s none of your business.
So he had no trust issues. She nearly nodded when she remembered the confidence in his voice when he made the proclamation. He was telling the truth, she decided. And he’d given her ample proof. If he didn’t trust her, he’d never in a million years have allowed her near Sona.
But why, then…
Let it go, the small voice repeated the command, this time more fiercely.
But Nicki only found herself becoming even more curious than she’d been before.
He’d confirmed his aversion to marriage and relationships. But if his antipathy hadn’t been caused by a woman from his past… what had happened to bring about this adamant way of thinking? Why was he so tenaciously against marriage? Against loving relationships?
She sat in the silence of the car for a long while, pondering the curious questions flying around in her head like tiny, persistent gnats that simply refused to stop being an annoyance.
***
The feminine flowery scent that continuously wafted from Nicki filled Sean’s office. It permeated the air, hovered around him, filled his lungs with each and every breath he took.
The two of them hadn’t spoken more than simple pleasantries ever since the evening she’d made that odd recommendation to him.
A wife. Nicki thought he needed a better half.
He realized she was only making the suggestion because she cared about him and Sona. Nicki wanted his little family to thrive once she flew off overseas to her next teaching position. After mulling over the conversation, he eventually understood that her motives were completely unselfish.
His angry, knee-jerk reaction had built up a wall between them. A wall that seemed to grow thicker each day.
He should apologize for snapping at her as he had. But he just couldn’t bring himself to do that. Because then he’d be forced to explain his behavior. And that was simply something he couldn’t imagine doing. He’d rather walk over red-hot coals barefoot than tell Nicki the truth about why he never intended to marry.
Darting a covert glance at where Nicki and Sona sat on the carpet, he clenched his jaw. Nicki was a beautiful woman. With her fiery hair trailing down her back, her jewel-green eyes so inquisitive and lively. Being in the same room with her was torture for him. That’s not entirely true, he silently amended. Just thinking about her was torture for him. Her luscious curves, her womanly scent…
Stop! he commanded himself. This was insane. If he kept dwelling on these thoughts of her, he’d never conquer the urge to reach out to her, kiss her, touch her, taste her. He held his breath, suppressing a moan of sheer torment. This need was so damned vexing!
“Look, Sona,” Nicki said softly. “Daddy’s watching us draw.”
Actually, it was Nicki who was doing the sketching, forming big, colorful shapes and then naming them in English for Sona.
The fact that she’d caught him watching her made him feel awkward.
“That’s a circle, sweetie,” she told Sona. “A big, green circle.” Then Nicki looked up at him. “That’s a hard word to form. Circle. But she’ll be able to say it in English very soon.”
There it was, he realized. The bright but forced friendliness that was like concrete and bricks. The wall they had erected to protect themselves. Nicki’s gaze slid from his, telling him she recognized the barrier, too.
Damn it! He hated this tension. He stared, unseeing, at his computer screen. But how could he ease it without being forced to reveal—
“Sean.”
His gaze flew to Nicki’s face. Something in her tone had him feeling wary. Her eyes held a hint of sadness.
“I know I told you I’d stay and help you for a couple of months, but maybe it would be best if…”
Her voice faltered, and she took a deep breath.
In a firm tone, she said, “Maybe it’s time for me to go. You and Sona are getting on just fine.”
And things between us are so awkward, he heard her silent message.
His whole body tensed. “You can’t go yet.”
“But…”
“The only reason things have gone so smoothly,” he told her, “is because you’ve been here to interpret for me.”
Nicki looked dubious. “You know most of what Sona says now. She asks for milk. Or cookies. Or tells you her diaper’s wet. Elementary things. Things you’d figure out even if I wasn’t here.”
“You can’t go yet,” he repeated.
Why was he feeling so threatened by her suggestion to leave? His mind was whirling too quickly to come up with an answer.
Her voice quieted as she said, “The situation between you and Sona might be smooth and sweet as… as homemade vanilla pudding. But things between you and I…” She hesitated, pressed her lips together, and then began again. “I keep wondering when one of us is going to have the guts to admit that thunderclouds are hovering over us. Again.”
Sean didn’t want to discuss the moments right after their shopping excursion and their cheesesteak dinner a few days ago. He didn’t want to have to explain his behavior, his anger. So he remained silent.
“Look,” she told him, “it was never my intention to bring discord into your home. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how little work you’ve gotten done since I made that stupid suggestion to you the other night about your finding a wife.”
She was obviously waiting for him to say something. He didn’t. Couldn’t.
“I should have kept my advice to myself,” she said. “I know that now. And I’m sorry that I made you angry.” She looked down at Sona and then back at him. “Living with this… stiff silence is silly. It’s time for me to go. You can send the annulment papers to me. I can sign them—”
“The annulment.” His eyes went wide.
After only a second’s hesitation, she said, “What about it?” Then her head cocked to the side. “You have been working on it, haven’t you?”
Oh, heavens. Sean actually groaned.
“Nicki, I forgot all about it.”
“You forgot?” Her brow creased as she evidently wondered how such a thing could have happened.
“I’m sorry.” He stood up, picked up his phone, and began scanning through the numbers. “I’ll call my attorney. Today. I’ll get the paperwork started. It can’t take long to get the necessary forms filed.” With his little black address book in hand, he headed for the door of his office. “You and Sona stay put. I’ll talk in the kitchen.”
For the life of him he couldn’t understand his frantic reaction to her proposal to leave. Even though he knew she’d meant it as an offering—a peace offering, he was sure—he hadn’t taken it that way at all. For some reason, he intuitively heard a… threat. And that’s what had him feeling the need to escape his office, her. He didn’t understand why he was feeling threatened; he only realized that he was.
At the door, he turned to face her, trying hard to calm his thoughts, get himself under control.
“About the trouble between us,” he said. “We’ll talk. Okay? We’ll smooth things out. We’ll make it better, Nicki. I promise. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me. But you can’t leave me just yet. Not until Sona can communicate with me. I… I need you.”
That was as much as he was able to admit before turning on his heel and escaping.
That night, Sean was unable to sleep so he went downstairs and snapped on the
television. The news anchor’s voice droned softly in the still room as his thoughts churned.
He’d been jumpy and preoccupied all evening. Sona had sensed his agitation and she’d ended up fussing and refusing to go to bed. In the end, she’d cried herself to sleep while he’d rocked and sung until his throat felt raw. That had been the first time that had happened since they had left Sona’s home country. Nicki had hovered around the nursery door. She’d asked only once if there was anything she could do. He’d turned down her offer, feeling the need to handle the problem on his own. Finally, Nicki had gone into her room and shut the door. Sean had felt both relieved—and very much alone.
The problem was clear. He had to make things right with Nicki.
Their relationship was so darned volatile. Like a seesaw, they tilted back and forth. They had started out great. Then he’d made the mistake of kissing her. And no sooner had they gotten that situation worked out and explained away, when he’d become angry over her simple suggestion that he marry. Yep, he silently decided, their friendship was most definitely like a teetering playground seesaw.
Making peace with her was what he needed to do. But the difficulty would be in apologizing without explaining too much. To go into too much detail about his past would surely make him look bad in her eyes.
At that moment, she rounded the corner. Sean’s breath caught in his throat. She looked like a vision in her simple white nightgown, the thin straps revealing her milky-white shoulders.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t know you were down here.”
“It’s okay,” he told her. Something in her gaze had him asking, “Are you okay?”
“I—I just had a bad dream.” Reaching up, she combed her fingers through her long hair. Then she placed her palm at the base of her throat. “I thought I might have heard something outside.”
Sean scooted to the edge of the couch. “I’ve been down here for a while. I haven’t heard a thing.” She still looked uneasy, and he stood up.
“Let me go outside and have a look around.” The relief and gratitude reflected on her beautiful features made him feel ten feet tall.
