I looked down into those eyes. I saw fear. I saw acceptance. I saw resignation.
But I also saw an innocent creature that didn’t need to die.
I closed my jaws around his neck, my paws pinning him to the powder-fresh snow. His neck cracked as I closed my teeth down tight.
The little bundle of amazing warmth, so alive and thriving against all the wintry odds, fought against me, screaming its little rabbit scream as it struggled to burrow out of the snow and get away from me.
I tore at him and finished the kill. Disgust and loathing filled me. Not for killing the creature, but for losing control like this. I'd only wanted to run, to stretch my legs.
My brain exploded with pleasure as the blood filled my mouth, as the coppery heat slithered down my throat. I snorted and shook my head, shaking the ice off, and began to tear into my prey.
What the hell was I thinking doing a kill like this? Was I going crazy? Or was it something else? Dammit, why did I even consider coming out here in the damn snow? Just because I couldn’t handle a little frustration from Elise back in the cabin?
I turned around and jogged back through the snow, my head hung low as I pushed on. I veered back towards the road, which I kept shoveled and free of ice and slush. There were ruts there that I took with the truck, and I’d have no problem walking along in them. Soon, I broke out from the snow and walked back to the cabin, my head still down.
Why should I feel frustrated in the first place? She didn’t owe me. I knew she felt an attraction for me, just like I felt for her. What else could that have been in the kitchen before she clammed up on me?
Dammit, why was I so drawn to her? Why did I feel this way about the curly-haired, black-maned vixen? I’d never felt like this about any woman before.
Then it hit me.
I huffed again and had to fight the urge to drop into the snow and just lay there, hoping for the winter to just take me then.
Elise was my mate.
Chapter Eighteen – Elise
I lay there on the folded-out bed in Jake’s back office that he had set up after dinner. I drifted in and out over the first couple hours, but now I was decidedly woke. And all I could think about was him. And how much I couldn’t want him, even though I needed his help. How much I’d screwed up everything.
It was my fault things had been so damn awkward between us during our meal. I never should have gotten so close to him, never should have let my impulses almost take over like I had earlier in the kitchen. The only thing that would have been a bigger screw up was if I’d actually given in to my desires and kissed him. And there was no way in hell that was going to happen.
“Play any sports in high school?” Jake had asked, just trying to make small talk.
“No.”
“Huh. I played soccer. I wasn’t any good, though. But I still enjoy watching it.”
So did I. “Oh,” I’d replied instead.
“Right.”
The bed seemed to grow more uncomfortable the more I thought about that almost-kiss, though, almost like a new lump formed in the mattress each time I wondered how his soft, full lips would feel on mine, or considered how strong his hands would really be as they grabbed my—
Nope.
I turned back over onto my stomach, flipped the pillow to the cool side, puffed it back up, and smacked my cheek down onto it.
Nope, Elise. Just nope.
But then, as I lay there, my ears attuned to every falling branch, every plummeting icicle, every settling snow bank, I heard a whine.
Probably just a trick of the wind, though.
It came again, this time a little louder. The cry was soft, whimpering, canine. Like the poor guy had lost its owner, or maybe its best friend had passed away. God, it sounded lonesome. I imagined just like a lonesome whip-poor-will.
I sat up in bed. Where the hell was it coming from? Outside? Did Jake have a dog I didn’t know about?
Couldn’t be. There was no way he was a big enough asshole to leave it outside in this weather all night.
It came again, a low whimper. I chewed my lip, trying to decide what to do. I considered waking Jake up, but that might send the wrong message, especially after I acted like such a fucking cold bitch to him earlier in the evening. I didn’t want him to think I wanted to join him in that nice, warm bed of his. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I did. But, dammit, it was too complicated.
And, shit, we had to leave in the morning. Early. We were going out after Eve. What was I supposed to do if it actually was a dog out there? Could I just lie in bed and try to sleep through that poor baby’s crying?
I groaned, threw the covers off my body, and swung my legs over the edge. I stood up, cocked my head to the side, and strained to hear the cry again.
Nothing this time. That was weird.
I was already out of bed, though, and I figured it was better to be safe than sorry. I crept around the bed and went out into the living room, making my way carefully to the mudroom. As quietly as I could manage, I pulled my boots and coat back on, and pulled open the front door.
“Jesus Christ!” we both shouted at once.
Standing there, with just a strategically placed hand covering his naked body, Jake looked at me with the most shocked expression I had ever seen.
“–I thought I heard a dog whimpering–”
“–I can explain, I was going for a walk–”
“–just wanted to check and see and oh, my God, I’m so sorry–”
“–and the cold is just so invigorating and I love the snow and–”
The words tumbled out of our mouths, both of us beet red as we tried to explain ourselves. I didn’t know what to do, so I just slammed the door shut and jumped back.
Jake was through the door a moment later, shivering like crazy, underwear in one hand, the other still masterfully placed.
My eyes traveled down his naked body before I could stop them, and Jake just continued to babble on and on about how he always did this at night when he had a big day in the morning. “A yogi taught it to me, I swear!” he tried to explain as he tried to pull his underwear back on.
A yogi? I put a hand to my mouth as I turned away from him, trying to stifle my laughter. Wait, was that a bit of snow on his chin and cheek? Had he face-planted in a snow bank or something?
“What?” he asked, exasperated.
“Expect me to believe that?”
“No, I expect you to believe the truth!”
I stuck a hand out behind me. “No, don’t worry. You do you, Jake. I’d heard you California boys were wild and crazy and weird, but I never believed it till now. So, you just do you! I won’t tell anyone, I promise!”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, it’s not like that!”
“You decent?”
“No!”
I laughed, pulled my coat from my shoulders, and began to kick off my boots. I turned my head to the side, careful that I couldn’t see anything, even in the darkness. “Jake, we need to be up early. Should we just pretend this never happened?”
He groaned. “Fuck.”
“I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’ Have a good night, Jake.”
“You too, Elise.”
He brushed past me, still only wearing his underwear, and headed for his bedroom.
I tried not to look, but after what I’d seen earlier, with his sculpted muscles and defined abs, and his thick, powerful legs, how could I not? Besides, what had I not seen already?
Oh right, his backside.
Yeah, he played soccer, alright. A girl could tell.
It was all in the ass.
Chapter Nineteen – Jake
After a nearly sleepless night, I woke to the smell of frying bacon and eggs. Coffee, too.
God, it would be wonderful to wake up to that smell every morning, instead of just my automatic coffee maker. Or even being able to fix breakfast for someone else, rather than just blowing through life on my own the way I had been.
And here I was, with my mate
staying in the same house as me. Right there, in the kitchen, cooking breakfast.
My mate. My mate who’d turned me down.
Shit.
But then reality of what happened last night set in. I face-palmed. I couldn’t believe Elise caught me outside in the snow like she had. On the bright side, at least she hadn't caught me with blood on my face.
And did I hear her right? Did she come outside because of my whimpering after killing Mr. Cotton Tail? My face still in my palm, I shook my head. Jesus.
At least she thought it was just a dog and not me—not that that was what any normal person would deduce. That was still one small relief.
I threw my covers back and got dressed. Jeans, long johns, woolen socks. A glance at the clock told me it was just past five.
“Good morning!” Elise said, her voice like a morning songbird as I headed past the kitchen entrance and went straight to the bathroom to relieve myself. “How’d you finally sleep?”
“Like shit,” I replied sullenly, shutting the door behind me.
When I was finished, I brushed my teeth, washed up, and joined her in the kitchen. It took every ounce of willpower I had this early in the morning to tear my eyes from her as she busily scraped cheesy scrambled eggs from the bottom of the skillet. I wrenched my gaze from her long, curly mane, and turned to the coffee maker to pour myself a cup. “You’re one of those fabled morning people I hear about, aren’t you?” I asked over my shoulder.
“I grew up on a farm, Jake. Eve and I were both up this early every day to milk the cows before we caught our bus to school. You get used to it.”
I just grumbled and took a drink of coffee. The scalding hot toasty liquid felt heavenly down my throat.
“Wasn’t sure how much to make,” she said, more chipper than anyone had a right to be at five in the morning, “so I just went ahead and finished off the last dozen of eggs.”
“Thanks,” I said as I reached over her shoulder and snagged a piece of bacon from the cast iron. I took a heavy chomp of the not-quite-yet-crisp pork as I leaned against the counter next to her, savoring the greasy saltiness.
“Hey, about last night,” she said as she brushed her black hair from her eyes and glanced over at me. God, I loved that hair of hers, the way it flowed down to the middle of her back and seemed to have a mind of its own.
“Which part?” I asked as I swallowed my first bite, dreading this conversation. Either it was going to be her rejecting me again, or asking another question about why I was naked. And honestly, I didn’t have a better answer than the one I invented from thin air last night. “The kitchen and the cold shoulder? Or the other?”
“The other?” She turned around and glanced down my body. “You mean outside and the even, ah, colder…?”
“Ha. Yeah.” I took a sip of coffee. “That.”
“Mainly the kitchen.”
I cringed inwardly, my stomach dropping. “What about it?”
“I don’t want you to think I’m a bitch or something, that’s all.”
My whole body tensed. Yeah, this was it. The big ease down. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d been rejected by any woman, let alone my mate. Part of my brain idly considered what was coming, what it would feel like. The rest of my body, though, the entirety of my soul braced for the calamity as it reared its ugly head.
“I mean, obviously you’re an attractive guy, Jake.”
Attractive? That was good, right? I looked away and took another sip of coffee to hide my faint smile.
“Any other time, you know, maybe. But I’m not here on vacation. I’m here to find my sister.”
I nodded and let my small smile show. “So some other time, then?”
“Don’t get your hopes up, mister.” She gave me a small smile.
I took another drink of coffee, the hot liquid burning my mouth, bringing me back to reality. She was attracted to me. I knew she was, even without her explicitly saying it—though she pretty much did just now. Otherwise, what would that have been in the kitchen last night? There was something else holding her back.
And then it hit me. “It’s cause I used to be a cop, isn’t it?”
She shrugged and made a face.
“You really don’t like cops, do you?”
“They’ve just never been good for me and my family, that’s all.”
“Point taken.”
“And most of you are cocky assholes just because you have a badge and a gun.”
“I don’t know about that. Besides, isn’t it a little unfair to lump me in with all of them? I’m an ex-cop, after all. I left the force.”
She gave me a look.
Okay, I’d known some guys like that. A few of them got into the calling for all the wrong reasons. And our unspoken code of supporting the guy next to us sometimes made it harder to get rid of guys like that. Mainly, I’d tried to get them busted to desk work. But did all of us make the same effort? Not a chance.
Before I could press the matter further, though, she turned off the burner on the eggs and stirred the bacon around the cast iron skillet a couple more times with a fork, the grease popping and crackling like rice puffs in milk. “Ready to eat?”
“Starving.”
We got our food, with me taking the lion’s share of the eggs and bacon, and sat down in the small kitchen dining area. We began to discuss our plan as we wolfed down the eggs and bacon. Yellow Rose was only an hour north, and I figured we could get there early. Crossroads, the bar we were headed to, opened up early, like dockworker and graveyard shift hangout early. By the time we arrived at the city limits, in fact, they’d probably have been open a couple hours already.
“Dive bar, huh?”
“What other kind do you think we’d be looking for your sister in? She’s got a pretty solid track record in that regard, wouldn’t you say?”
“Yeah, I guess. Ever been?”
I shook my head. “Went by there one time while I was working a case for a wealthy client up that direction about a year ago, but didn’t go in. Looked like a biker bar when I went by.”
“Bikers, huh? Eve did always like her bad boys.”
“Really?”
She gave me a look as she finished swallowing the last of her eggs. “You’re kidding, right? Women love that type of guy, even if we know they’re not any good for us. Probably exactly because we know they’re not any good for us.”
I shrugged. “Guess guys have the same thing. Not me, of course.”
“Oh, of course not. Saint Jake.”
“Saint Jacob’s got a nicer ring to it.”
She chuckled. “Anything else?” she asked, steering us back to the subject at hand. “Any other leads?”
I shook my head as I chomped thoughtfully on one of my two remaining pieces of bacon. “That’s it for right now. I really hope we manage to find something there.”
She cast her eyes down at her nearly empty plate and pushed it away. “You don’t think we will, do you?”
Without thinking, I reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that finding someone is like finding a needle in a haystack.” She grabbed my hand right back, her long, graceful fingers wrapping around mine as she looked over at me, our gazes locking. “If those matchbooks we found for Crossroads are any indication, though, someone there might know her, or even know where she is. And, from what Granny said, maybe she’ll be holed up in town somewhere trying to hide out from this Trigger guy.”
She sighed, nodded. “Okay.”
I squeezed again. “If Eve is there, Elise, I promise you we’ll find her. Okay? We’re going out there, and we’re not coming back unless your little sister’s in tow.”
She nodded again. “Yeah,” she said, smiling a little.
“You all packed up?”
“Didn’t even bother to really unpack in the first place.”
“Good. Got my bag packed last night. We’ll toss the dishes in the sink and we’re gone.”
“Well then, let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”
I squeezed her hand again before her releasing it. “Yeah. Let’s.”
We were out the door in less than ten minutes. I pulled my truck back down the rutted path, my tires obliterating any tracks I’d left the night before as I’d skulked, thwarted by my own hand, back to the cabin. We hit the main road and headed north, up to Yellow Rose.
What we’d find there, I had no idea. But what I’d told Elise as we’d been sitting at the kitchen table was true. Every word of it. I wasn’t planning on coming back unless I had Eve with me.
Too bad that was going to be harder than I thought.
Chapter Twenty – Elise
“You listen to Social Distortion?” I asked with a laugh as Jake changed from the radio over to the CD player. Pops had loved them.
“Course I do. Practically grew up in Orange County, and used to skate. All the older guys listened to them, so you did too if you wanted to be cool. You?”
“Told you my pops was old school.”
We’d been driving for the last hour or so, just listening to the AM news, watching through the windshield as the world woke up around us. Geez, it was beautiful up here as we zipped down the road, only a couple feet from open gorges down below us, nothing more than flimsy guardrail between us and death.
He chuckled and shook his head, glancing over at me. “You know, you’re not exactly what I pictured a country bumpkin to be.”
“Country bumpkin? Is that what you’ve been calling me inside your head the whole time?”
“Not quite.” He grinned, showing me a line of straight, white teeth. “But close. Figured you’d be more likely to two-step than head-bang, that’s all.”
“Well, that’s fair, I guess. I did grow up in a small town, after all. And, I mean, I can two-step.”
He laughed.
“But, you know, you’re not exactly what I pictured a cop to be.”
He laughed. “No? Don’t worry, you wouldn’t be the first. A lot of the cops felt that way about me, I guess. Didn’t like that I wouldn’t just pick up the easy collar.”
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