by Miasha
“I responded to your ad because I’m tired of picking up men at clubs. Well, that and because another woman offered me sex today as if I had the words lonely and horny tattooed on my forehead,” I answered honestly.
Michael and I shared a laugh at our seemingly desperate selves. We ended up talking for about two hours, getting to know each other better. We ultimately made plans to have dinner the following day. I was anxious to see what he looked like and prayed it was every bit of the six-foot, brown, muscular description he placed in the ad.
It was a beautiful evening. The air was thin. It wasn’t as humid as it had been for the past couple days. Delaware Avenue was lit up and busy. I was dressed in a chic black BCBG shirt and skirt, with black leather BCBG open-toe stilettos and a black Gucci clutch. My hair was pulled back in a bun, and I went modest on the jewelry: some platinum and diamond studs in my ears and a platinum and diamond bangle. I wore a black flower on my neck, so a necklace was unnecessary. I was going for the sophisticated, sexy look. From the parking garage I took the elevator up to Hibachi.
“Hello, reservations for Michael LaBlanc,” I said to the hostess with a polite smile.
The short Asian girl scanned the reservation list. “Yes, right this way,” she said as she led me to a two-person booth in a secluded spot in the restaurant.
Hibachi was casual but classy. It had nice Asian-influenced decor. That night all of the attendees were dressed up and looked wealthy.
“You must be Celess,” Michael said as he stood up to greet me. He kissed me on the hand gently. “Pleased to meet you.”
“Likewise,” I said, smiling.
“I have to say, when you described yourself over the phone, I thought to myself there’s no way she can be this beautiful, but wow, you’re even more beautiful than you described,” Michael commented.
I blushed something terrible. “Thank you,” I said.
Michael was good-looking too, but in a different way than what I was used to. He didn’t have the cute-as-a-motherfucker sexy-ass thug look like O, James, and Darrell, and he didn’t have the mature, handsome look like Tariq. He had an actor’s look. His body was very well maintained and athletic. He had a perfectly shaved head and face. He was just all right in the face, even a little on the unattractive side, but there was something about him, his demeanor, his poise, that captivated me.
“Hello, can I start you two with something to drink?” the waitress asked.
Michael motioned for me to order first. He was a perfect gentleman.
“I’ll have a water for now,” I said, skimming through the menu.
“And you can bring me a flaming volcano,” Michael said.
The waitress punched our requests into a handheld computer and took off.
“You look very nice,” Michael said, looking me in the eye.
“Thank you,” I said redundantly. “You look nice yourself.”
“Thanks. Are you hungry? Because I’m starved,” he said, opening his menu.
We ordered our appetizers and entrées, and before we knew it we were ordering dessert.
“This has been a wonderful evening,” Michael said as we walked hand in hand out of the restaurant.
At that point I was a little tipsy off of the volcano Michael convinced me to order. I was full of laughter and corny jokes.
“An evening full of wonder, yes,” I agreed.
Michael laughed. “I haven’t had a date like this in a long while.”
“You and me both,” I said, stumbling out of the door.
“Where did you park?” Michael asked, holding me up by my waist.
“Valet, the only way,” I said. “Ooh, that rhymed. I should be a rapper,” I added.
I started searching through my purse for my ticket. “I think you had too much of my volcano,” Michael finally realized.
“No, that volcano had too much of me,” I said with sass.
I pulled my ticket from my purse and gave it to the parking valet.
“Are you going to be able to drive home?”
“Better than I’d be able to walk,” I said.
“I think you should let me drive you to my house until the morning. You’re pretty messed up,” Michael suggested.
“Are you planning on taking advantage of me?” I sang flirtatiously as I played with the button on his Polo shirt.
“Not at all. I mean, I’ll drive you home and take a cab back if you want,” Michael said.
“You don’t drive?” I asked, confused.
“Well, I do own a car, but I drive very little. Only when I’m going to Boston or somewhere far from my house,” he answered.
“Oh, ’cause I was about to say, you have to have a C-A-R if you want to be with me.”
“Isn’t it J-O-B?” Michael asked, referring to the song.
“Isn’t what J-O-B?” I asked.
“Yeah, I think I will drive,” Michael said.
I woke up with a pounding headache. I looked around the room and thought I was lost. I looked down at the bed I was lying in and panicked. There was no one beside me, but I wasn’t in my bed. Then it hit me. I was in Michael’s house and oh, my God, I was not wearing my clothes. I started touching my private parts to make sure they were still intact. I was in a pair of oversized shorts and a T-shirt. Who put these clothes on me? I wondered. I jumped up, still scared. Michael couldn’t have helped but discover my secret if he had undressed me. I tried hard to remember what went on, but the last recollection I had was in the restaurant. I decided to hurry up and get out of there, but just as I attempted to get out the bed, Michael came into the bedroom. He was carrying a tray with a large knife sitting on the edge of it. I didn’t look at his face to catch his expression because I was too busy keeping my eyes on the knife. I was nervous as all hell. And all I could think about was him chopping my penis off with that knife. I had to get out of there.
“Michael, please don’t, I’m sorry, but…” I pleaded as I eased out of the bed.
Michael looked at me, baffled.
“Celess, what’s wrong with you? I’m not going to hurt you. I made you some breakfast,” he said as he sat the tray of food down on the nightstand. “Here, let me take that. I was chopping onions,” he said as he removed the knife from the tray.
I paused. I was really trippin’.
“Promise me you will not drink another flaming volcano ever in your life. You’re bugged out,” Michael said with a smile. “Get back in bed, eat some of this toast. It should help soak up some of that alcohol.”
I did as I was told. I couldn’t bear to stand up, anyway. Michael laughed at my paranoia and fed me the eggs and sausage he’d cooked.
“Tina, I was so embarrassed,” I explained over the phone.
“What kind of drink was that?” Tina asked.
“The damn thing had fire floating on top of it. I should have known better,” I said.
“Well, thank God he didn’t try anything. He probably would have killed your ass,” Tina said.
“No bullshit,” I agreed. “I still can’t figure out how I managed to put on those clothes. He said I went into the bathroom and everything.”
“Shit, ya ass wasn’t that drunk. You was sober enough to know you still had a dick,” Tina said, laughing.
“I guess I was.”
“So, is he your new dude?” Tina asked.
“He proved himself thus far. I just have to see what his bank account looks like,” I said.
“Well, make sure you take precautions,” Tina slid in.
“Please, Tina, not today. I don’t feel like the get-out-of-the-game speech,” I said.
“Just probe him a little. Shit, he might be gay his damn self. Then you would have a winner,” she said.
Truth be told, I’d only been talking to Michael for a week and I was starting to catch feelings for him. I even invited him to Albany for Tina’s wedding. We made plans to go to the King of Prussia Mall and buy something to wear together. This was the test, I figured. I was on my way to
the mall to meet Michael with not a dime in my pocket. I would really be able to tell if he was right for me if he splurged on me even though we hadn’t had sex yet.
“Hey, baby,” I said as I kissed Michael on his cheek.
He was standing outside of Neiman Marcus as planned. He was dressed in a pair of jeans with the faded look and a black collar shirt. He had on some black Prada sneakers. He looked regular.
“Were you waiting long?” I asked as we entered the department store.
“About ten minutes,” he said.
“The traffic on 76 was jammed,” I offered as explanation.
“It’s cool,” he said as he kissed me on the top of my head.
We walked through Neiman’s trying to figure out what we wanted to wear to the wedding. We were trying to coordinate since he was going to be my date. Once we agreed on a color we went our separate ways. We decided to meet in the accessories area in an hour.
I tried on so many dresses and skirts and nothing appealed to me. Finally I found the perfect linen dress, a sexy number by Diesel. It was pastel blue and fit to my body just right. It tied behind my neck and flared from the waist down, reminding me of the famous white dress Marilyn Monroe was wearing in a popular photograph of her holding it down.
“Is that what you want?” Michael asked as we were approaching the cash register.
“Yes, it’s the only dress in here that fits me perfect,” I affirmed.
Michael pulled out his credit card. He didn’t have anything to buy for himself, so I could only assume he was planning on paying for my items. I watched him in silence. The cashier placed the dress in a garment bag and the silver Manolo Blahnik stilettos I’d also chosen in a shopping bag. When she gave him the total he handed the woman his platinum Visa. He’s the one, I thought to myself.
Michael didn’t find anything in the tons of stores we went in, so he wound up buying an off-white linen shirt and pants set from Vizuri on South Street.
We packed up our bags and were headed to New York on a Thursday evening. It was cloudy and drizzling when Michael picked me up from my house. We drove to Thirtieth Street train station to get the seven forty-five departure to Penn Station.
It was a comfortable train ride. I spent most of it cuddled up with Michael. We arrived in Manhattan at nine fifty-two. We were both starving, so immediately after checking into our hotel we ordered room service. Michael came out of his work clothes and lounged around in his boxers, a wife beater, and some sweat socks. I changed into some pajamas from the Victoria’s Secret sporty collection. We ate so much and were so tired that we went right to sleep without having sex. I knew that it would only be a matter of time before Michael would ask for some. I was just waiting for that time to come.
“Celess, I am so nervous. I don’t believe I’m about to give somebody the rest of my life,” Tina said in my cell phone.
Michael and I were on the road, driving to Albany. We had rented a car on Friday. Tina had called me and asked that I talk to her for the entire ride. She was in her own suite alone getting ready for her wedding ceremony.
“Celess, what if I trip down the aisle or what if the minister says my real name because I had to give up my real name for the paperwork, but I did tell him that I wanted to be called Tina, so…”
“Tina, Tina, Tina, calm down. You’re just excited. Everything is going to go just right.” I tried to settle her.
“How far away are yall?” she asked for the fiftieth time.
“We just passed a sign that said we are seven miles away,” I said.
“As soon as yall get here, come straight to my suite. I need you, girl,” Tina said.
Michael waited in the lobby while I went to Tina’s rescue. Tina was sitting in a chair looking out the window when I entered her suite.
“Celess!” she squealed, holding her arms out to hug me. Tina sounded like a little girl.
“Hey, girl,” I said, hugging her tight.
Tina stood up and walked over to the dresser. “I’m so glad you could be here for this, Celess,” she said, glancing up at me as she rummaged through the top drawer.
She retrieved a small box from the drawer and handed it to me. “Celess, I want you to have this. Even though you are not in the wedding, I want you to wear this today so we’ll both have one on.”
I took the diamond choker from the box. There was a big heart-shaped diamond dangling from it that had to be at least five carats alone. On the back of the heart it read, “Forever My Friend.” It was beautiful. I had never owned so many diamonds on one item before in my life.
“This is beautiful,” I gasped. Tears were forming in my eyes.
“Don’t start crying, ’cause you gonna make me cry and it took too long to put on this makeup,” Tina said.
It was five-thirty. The wedding was scheduled for six. I helped Tina get into her gown. She looked amazing. It was a straight, form-fitting gown that brushed her ankles. It was white, of course, with diamonds embroidered on and around the bustline and on the spaghetti straps. It was very simple but very pretty. She wore a simple slide with a diamond-covered strap across the toes and a small stiletto heel. She carried a single white rose. Her hair was pulled up into a bun and she wore a Chinese bang that was cut neatly and even just over her eyebrows. Her veil was lined with jewels that matched the ones in her dress and shoes. Everything was custom-made with real diamonds. I took plenty of pictures, touched her up, and left her alone so that I could be on my way to the ceremony.
It was a little after six. Michael and I were at the park where the wedding was to take place. Derrek was already there, patiently waiting for his bride to arrive. Terry was there with a new woman on his arm. No wonder Tina had sent me two train tickets, I thought.
“Hello, Celess,” Terry said as he took his seat beside me. “Beautiful day out, hahn?”
“Yeah, very nice,” I said. “Oh, Terry, this is Michael. Michael, this is Terry, my brother-in-law-to-be.”
The two men reached over me and shook hands.
Terry finally decided to introduce his date. “And guys, this is my lovely girlfriend, Princess. Princess, Celess and Michael.”
She looked really nice and she had a pretty face, but I knew she was a man. It was just one of those things you could sense. Plus, her name was Princess. Only pets, drag queens, and strippers had names like that.
“Nice to meet you, Princess,” I said with a fake smile.
For some reason, I was jealous. I didn’t know why, considering I really didn’t like Terry and I had somebody who looked three times better than him anyway.
It was a total of fifteen people present for Tina and Derrek’s wedding-small and private just like they wanted it. There was no bridal party. There wasn’t even a best man or a bridesmaid. But that’s how Tina wanted it to be. Her exact words were, “No offense, but I want the emphasis to be on me and my husband and nobody else.” I respected that.
The ceremony lasted about a half hour and it went smoothly. Tina was so happy. I could see it all in her face. Derrek was her dream come true and she was his. The two of them were like little lovebirds. Everybody danced and mingled at the reception-all fifteen of us. Michael and I had fun.
“He’s nice,” Tina said, commenting on Michael. “He’s not who I’d expect to see you with, but he’s all right.”
“I know. I said the same thing,” I agreed.
“Well, have fun with him and be careful,” Tina said.
“I will, I will. You don’t worry about me, you go and enjoy your honeymoon,” I said.
“Oh, I sure will. Hawaii, Brazil, and Italy? I’m not going to know what to do with myself for these next thirty days!” Tina exclaimed.
I gave her a big hug and saw her onto the helicopter that had come to whisk the newlyweds off to the airport. I slid Tina an envelope with her wedding gift in it. Inside was $3,000 in cashier’s checks. It was the last little bit of my diminishing stash. I knew she didn’t need the money. She had just married a multi-millionaire.
But I figured she could put it up. Rainy days do come up, even for wives of rich men.
September
“So why don’t you show me some of that yoga?” Michael said out of the blue.
I put my soda down on the ceramic table. “What yoga?”
Michael nudged my shoulder, trying to get me off the sofa. “The yoga you teach to your classes,” he reminded me. “Come on, don’t be shy.”
“Baby, we’re in the middle of watching a good movie. I’m not doing yoga right now,” I whined.
“Since when did Cops go from a TV show to a good movie?”
“Well, we’re eating popcorn and drinking Cokes, so…”
“So anytime you eat popcorn and drink Coke you’re watching a good movie?” he asked.
“It feels that way to me,” I answered.
I never should have told him I was a yoga instructor, I thought.
“Whatever,” he said. “Come on, show me some moves. I want to do yoga.”
“All right!” I finally gave in. I figured I could fake him out with a few things I had learned from class.
I moved from Michael’s cozy, fluffy couch onto the hardwood floor. I opened my legs to stretch a little. Thank God I was wearing sweatpants. I was bending forward, allowing my nose to touch the floor.
“First it’s important to stretch your muscles,” I said with my head facing the floor.
“Is that right?” Michael asked as he crept up behind me, placing my small waist between his thighs.
I sat up and closed my legs abruptly.
“You’re not watching me,” I protested.
“I am watching you,” Michael said as he nibbled on my ear.
Michael’s hands found their way from my waist to my thighs. He was caressing me and it felt good, but I had to stop him.
“Hands to yourself,” I whispered, placing Michael’s hands on the floor.
I wanted the same thing Michael wanted at that time, but I just wanted it to be on my terms, not his. I had to be the one in charge, or else he would have a chance to learn all about me. I stood up. Michael grabbed on to my calves while he remained seated on the floor.
