“Talk to me, Tess.” His eyes darkened with heat as he twisted the sheets around his fists.
Oh no. She wasn’t going there. No talking for Tessa. Instead, she lunged at him and kissed him. She sensed him raising his hands toward her, but just as quickly, he pushed them back to the mattress.
She’d never wanted another man’s touch as she did Zander’s. He made her want to be vulnerable. He made her want a happy ending. He made her want him. Damn it. It was enough to make her run, but she was tired of running. Running and never getting anywhere. Until he figured out what a freak she was, she’d allow Zander to be her destination.
Unable to answer or even acknowledge the questions she saw in his eyes, she closed hers. He didn’t push her, just took what she offered. After he sheathed himself, she settled over him and risked a peek at his face.
He watched her, desire warring with the concern in his eyes. He wanted her. He wanted answers too, but he wouldn’t be getting them. She held his gaze as she hovered above his straining erection.
“Give me your hands,” she murmured.
Confused, he complied.
She settled his hands over her hips and held them there. “Guide me.”
She wanted to give him so much more, but his expression softened as if he understood what she offered. Still watching his face, she took him into her body. Eyes closed, he pushed deep inside her. He sucked his breath through his teeth, a harsh inhalation.
Heated satisfaction spread through her like warm honey. He filled her as no one else had ever come close to doing, and it wasn’t merely his size. Again, the feeling of being at home in his arms overtook her. And again, she pushed it aside, choosing instead to concentrate on the physical.
His hands tightened on her hips. Focusing on his face, she caught his rhythm.
“God, Tessa,” he groaned as he fit her more tightly to him. “I—” Unable to speak, he thrust harder.
She couldn’t look away, his smoldering gaze held her captive. Willingly captive, she realized. With a start, she became conscious that she truly had fallen in love with him. Wonder at the insight took her breath away. Lust and fear and capitulation coalesced into a tremor that started in her womb and spiraled outward into a shattering release. He cried out her name as he followed her over the edge of bliss.
Clinging to each other, they panted with exertion as they drifted into awareness of their bodies and each other.
Zander kissed her temple and hugged her close. “How about if we call in sick today?”
“I can’t,” she answered automatically. “I’ve got a shift at the shelter and the library.”
He smiled ruefully. She almost recanted and told him they could spend the day doing whatever he wanted.
What was she doing? Besides setting herself up for a broken heart. Falling in love with Zander had to be one of the most idiotic things she’d ever done. Now, instead of only being alone, she’d be alone and miserable. That was just what she needed.
Maybe she was over-reacting. It was silly to think she might be falling in love with her friend. This was likely the stress of the stalker combined with the overwhelming sense of security she felt with Zander. Toss great sex into the mix, and it was a recipe for mistaken feelings.
This was why she liked books. Books weren’t complicated—at least, not in the way that Zander was. Of course, books didn’t kiss her and call her angel. They didn’t stare at her with that reckless heat, either.
Pounding on her front door pulled them apart. She glanced at the clock and groaned.
“Are you expecting someone?” he asked.
“Cat. Today’s the day we workout.”
He grinned and playfully kissed her neck. “You could tell her you’ve already worked out and come back to bed.”
Tempting. It was oh so tempting. She wanted as much of him as she could get before their lives spiraled apart. But she also needed to be realistic. Set some boundaries.
“You have to work today,” she reminded him.
He peered around her shoulder and checked the time. “And I’m going to be late.”
She disentangled herself from his embrace and yanked a sleep shirt over her head. “I’m sorry.”
He grinned again as he tugged on his pants. It was a smile full of wicked delight. “I’m not.”
Cat knocked again, harder this time. “Wake up, sleepy-head. I know you’re in there.”
Tessa heard the jingle of keys outside her door. It seemed Cat was tired of waiting.
She reached out to unlatch the chain, but Zander stopped her. Turning her to face him, he cupped her cheek. “Are you finished running away from me, because I’d like to see you tonight.”
She swallowed, increasingly aware of the unidentifiable emotion lurking his eyes, and nodded.
“Yes, you’re done running away from me, or yes, you’ll see me tonight?”
“Both.”
“Good.” A wealth of meaning lay in that single word.
Still cupping her cheek, he drew her forward and brushed his lips over hers. Dimly, Tessa registered the clunk of locks tumbling. The door opened only to catch on the chain she hadn’t unlatched.
“Oh,” Cat said. “I didn’t realize—I’ll just…”
Zander lifted his head and smiled into Tessa’s eyes. “That’s okay,” he said, addressing Cat without looking at her. “I was just leaving.”
He scooped his remaining clothes from the floor and unhooked the chain, opening the door to let Cat enter.
“I’ll see you tonight, angel.” He went into his own apartment leaving Tessa with an openmouthed Cat.
“Um…morning,” Tessa murmured on a yawn.
“A good morning, I trust?” Cat asked with a hint of suggestiveness. As expected, she had recovered quickly. “I come bearing gifts. Donuts and elaborate coffee. Do you want the caramel-chocolate latte or the ginormous espresso?”
“The espresso.” Tessa yawned again. “I need the caffeine.” Hoping to distract her friend from the questions she was sure to ask, she gestured to the food. “What happened to working out?”
“I had a feeling you’d need to talk to today.” Cat arched a single blonde brow. “Seems I was right. So…out with it,” she said, setting the cups and the box of pastries on the end table and flopping on the couch.
“What?” Tessa asked. Attempting diversion was futile.
“Zander? Kissing you? Half naked in your living room? Ringing any bells?” Cat said between bites of donut.
Tessa curled up on the cushion next to her friend. Had it only been the other day that she and Zander had sat here discussing desensitization therapy?
“I think I may have made a mistake,” she said, absently fiddling with the fringe on the blanket that draped across the back of the couch. “A really big one.”
“So…this is going to be a guessing game?” Cat asked.
“We slept together last night,” Tessa blurted.
Cat grinned. “Thank goodness. With the way you’ve been going, Annie and I were afraid we’d have to drop you off at a convent.”
The silence stretched out between them. Finally, Cat raised an eyebrow. “So?”
“So…what?”
“Details, girl.”
Tessa took a large swallow of coffee. She needed strength to deal with this conversation this early in the morning. She sighed. “There’s not much to tell.”
Cat snorted. “Look, I’d like to believe you, because I’d hate to think that you’d lie to one of your dearest friends, but I don’t think so.”
Tessa dropped her head to the back of the couch and closed her eyes. “It was good.”
Cat drummed her fingernails on her coffee cup and waited.
Sighing, Tessa cracked open one eye and stared at her friend. “I lied. It was amazing.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I’m afraid I’m falling in love with him.” Even as she spoke, she remembered the heady sensation of being wrapped in his embrace and the tender l
ook in his eyes.
Cat took a drink of her latte and licked the foam from her lips. “Okay. I’ll ask again. What’s the problem?”
“There’s no way this could ever work.”
Her friend frowned. “Remember the little negativity talk we had a couple of nights ago?”
Tessa snagged a custard-filled donut out of the box and bit into it. It didn’t matter what she did. She’d always have the taste of Zander on her lips.
“Maybe, I’m not falling in love with him,” she rushed to say. “I’m just tired. He’s my friend, and it’s been forever since I’ve had sex.” She shook her head for emphasis. “I’m just overwhelmed.”
Cat put her arm around Tessa. “Sweetie, just because love hasn’t worked out for you before, it doesn’t mean it never will.”
“This isn’t love,” she insisted, even though it stuck like a lie in her throat. “Besides, even if I were stupid enough to fall for him doesn’t mean it would be reciprocated. Zander doesn’t do love.” Tessa laughed despite the ache in her chest. “He’s more of a commitment-phobe than I am.”
“I’m not convinced, sweetie. The way he looks at you implies something else entirely.”
“This is nothing more than good sex between friends.” At Cat’s snort, she added, “Okay, okay. Fantastically amazing sex between friends.”
Instead of responding, her friend leaned closer, her attention focused on Tessa’s chest. “That’s new.”
Tessa instinctively clutched the pendant, her cheeks flushed.
“Is that from Zander?” Cat asked.
“Don’t get excited,” she snapped. “It’s just a thank you gift for helping him out.”
The other woman grinned. “Go ahead and believe what you want, but I think that boy is falling in love with you. In fact—”
The phone rang and cut her off. Gratefully, Tessa glanced at the caller ID. Bitsy. Okay, maybe she wasn’t so grateful. Which was worse—Cat’s cross-examination or her mother’s laundry list of daughterly shortcomings?
“Hi, this is Tessa. I can’t come to the phone right now—”
Cat’s eyes widened. “Dude, I know you’re technology phobic, but thought you were gonna get rid of that dinosaur.”
Tessa grinned. “I prefer that Queen Bitsy not have my cell number. This is just easier.”
The tape whirred and beeped. Her mother’s voice filled the suddenly quiet room.
“Tessa, dear. It’s Mother.”
Tessa giggled at Cat’s perfect imitation of Bitsy’s mannerisms as her mother spoke.
“Daddy and I need to change our dinner date. We’ve found the perfect man for you, but he’s otherwise engaged Sunday night. We’ll need to change it to—”
Tessa’s irritation boiled to the surface and she snatched the receiver from the cradle. Her mother’s voice ceased broadcasting over the tiny speaker and Cat pouted.
“When?” Tessa asked.
“Are you screening your calls, Tessa Anne Maycroft?”
“I was in the shower,” she lied.
“This late in the morning? You’re wasting the day.”
“Anyway, about dinner?” Tessa prodded her.
“Tonight at seven,” her mother chirped.
A brilliant idea occurred to her. Zander had said he wanted to see her tonight. Maybe, she could talk him into seeing her at her mother’s and help her fend off Bitsy’s matchmaking attempts. “I’ll be bringing someone.”
She ignored her mother’s long-suffering sigh.
“No, no, no. Daddy’s inviting someone from the office and he’s just perfect for you.”
“You don’t need to scare up any more suitable men, Mother.”
“Oh please, Tessa. Can you really see yourself marrying the kind of man your lifestyle puts you into contact with?”
“Actually, I can.” She wished she were lying. Her lifestyle had put her into contact with Zander, and he was the first man she could imagine wanting to wake up with every day. Not good. Not good at all.
Bitsy prattled on for several more minutes, oblivious to her daughter’s silence. It was bad enough having to be subjected to her parents. Adding their idea of the perfect man to the mix was too much.
“Bring a date if you must, but I just know you’ll love the surprise we have for you,” her mother said. “Oh I’m getting another call. I’ve got to run.”
Tessa hung up and groaned.
“Tell me the answering machine recorded the rest of that delightful conversation. I haven’t had my Bitsy fix in a while.”
“But of course. It records no matter when you pick up.” Tessa grinned. The acrimony between Cat and Bitsy was legendary. Her mother always referred to Cat as “that poor, confused girl”.
Cat pushed the play button with glee and listened to the whole conversation. When it was done, she turned wide eyes on Tessa. “You’re really bringing Zander to meet Mommie Dearest?”
“If he’ll go.” As angry as he’d been when they’d discussed her parents, she didn’t doubt he’d agree.
“Can I come and watch? Hell, you should sell tickets.”
Tessa dropped her face in her hands. “I’m so doomed.”
“Yes. Yes, you are. But, on the plus side…”
“There’s a plus side?”
Cat handed her another donut. “Sure. If he can stand your family, then hang on to him. You know, baptized by fire and all that,” she said around a mouthful of cinnamon roll.
* * * *
“Look what the cat dragged in.”
Zander didn’t bother responding to Aidan and dropped his briefcase in his chair.
He knew, at best, he looked as if he’d slept in his clothes. At worst, he looked as if he hadn’t slept at all. Making love with Tessa, while amazing, was also exhausting. Not to mention staying awake all night. That certainly hadn’t helped.
After they’d had sex that last time, a quick check of the time had revealed he was already fifteen minutes late for work. He’d kissed her goodbye, gone to his apartment and grabbed his briefcase and some clothes from a laundry basket.
Aidan straightened a stack of papers on his desk. “I’d ask what kept you, but I suspect it involves mile-long legs and someone else’s bed.”
“Go to hell,” Zander said without malice. He was too distracted by Tessa to pay much attention to his friend’s jibes. She wasn’t telling him everything. Not that she was obligated to tell him all of her secrets, but damn it, he wanted to know. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was genuinely wrong. Her frightened cries and the way she trembled, even after she’d fallen back to sleep, followed him to work, echoing in his head.
The phone rang, drowning out whatever smart-ass comment Aidan made. Zander answered it, hoping it was Tessa. He smiled when he heard her voice.
“Do you still want to see each other tonight?” She sounded almost nervous.
“Yeah. Unless you’ve got other plans?”
She laughed. “Not exactly. Do you think you could stomach dinner with my parents? They’ve got another guy for me to meet, and I’m not up to going by myself.”
Anger at her parents flared. “No problem. I’m there.”
“Are you sure? It could get awkward.”
“I can do awkward.”
“I mean seriously awkward—as in Bitsy Maycroft’s Passive-Aggressive-Palace-of-Family-Fun.”
He laughed. “You sound like you’re trying to talk me out of it.”
“Nope.”
He heard the smile in her voice. He could picture it perfectly.
“I just want to be sure you know what you’re in for.”
“I consider myself duly warned. How about if I pick you up at the library after your shift?”
“Sounds good.”
Even after they hung up, he heard her laughter in his head. It contrasted eerily with the memory of her eyes wide with fear when she pushed him away the first time. Despite everything they’d shared since then, he couldn’t erase the memory of her anxiety and th
e look of trepidation on her face as he tried to hold her closer. Or her desperate need for control.
The pieces locked into place, and the proverbial light bulb clicked on above his head. Had Tessa been assaulted? Was that at the root of her nightmares and wariness? God, he hoped not.
Primal rage burned through him. He couldn’t stop the memories that surged to the surface. Julia had been raped and mutilated before the sick bastard murdered her. He remembered finding her frail, blood-soaked body crumpled in front of the fireplace. The lights on the Christmas tree had twinkled in macabre contrast.
Now, he saw Tessa’s angelic features superimposed over his sister-in-law’s sightless face. For a moment, he smelled the carnage, heard the squish of the soggy carpet, heavy with blood as he and Niko had raced to her side. His brother’s anguished scream echoed through his mind.
The vision of Tessa beaten and bloody wouldn’t leave, and his soul ached. In his mind’s eye, he saw her reach out to him. He heard her cry out his name before she died. He was powerless to stop it.
Anger colored every thought. Anger that no one had taken Julia’s fears seriously. Anger at the man who’d hurt Julia and perhaps Tessa. Anger at himself for feeling as if he’d taken advantage of her last night.
But she enjoyed it, a little voice whispered. She’d wanted him. She’d let him know in no uncertain terms. She hadn’t faked her cries of passion or the way she’d trembled when she’d come. He hadn’t forced anything. Except possibly the boundaries of her trust, the little voice prodded.
Zander buried his head in his hands and fought the urge to follow her to work and find out the truth. If she’d wanted him to know about her past, she would have told him. It all came down to trust. He wouldn’t push the issue. He’d simply try to content himself with what she was willing and able to give. But he couldn’t push away the anger and worry that someone had hurt her. Badly.
“Hey. Earth to Zander.”
“What?” He looked up. Aidan studied him expectantly.
“I said one of the other professors has started a betting pool. Well, a couple, actually.”
Now what? Didn’t these people have anything better to do—like maybe teach?
“Who and what?” he asked.
Vengeful Shadows Page 15
