“I don’t want you to get hurt either. Now get your stuff together, or I’ll be picking out your wardrobe for work tomorrow.” She stared at him, too drained to argue anymore. The truth was the only place she wanted to be was with him. Without another word, she lifted her backpack off the hook by the door and headed into her room. Zander followed close behind. She shoved clothes and a few toiletries inside.
He took the bag from her and slung it over his shoulder while she grabbed her purse and keys then followed him to his place. Setting her stuff down, he locked the door behind her then pulled her into his arms. “Thank you.”
She tilted her head back and looked up at him. “For what?”
“For trusting me enough to stay here with me.” Taking her hand, he pulled her to the couch and drew her down with him.
“I know it probably doesn’t seem like it, but I do trust you.” She didn’t resist when he put his arm around her. “And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. There was part of me that thought I could handle it on my own.” And as much as she hated to admit it, there was some shame there. Intellectually, she knew there shouldn’t be, but everything that had happened after Weston had somehow gotten tangled up with what was happening now.
“What’s the other part?” he asked.
She shrugged. “With you, I didn’t have a past. I was just Tessa. I wasn’t broken. Stupid as it sounds now, I guess I just wanted to hang on to that feeling a little longer.”
His arms tightened around her, and he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. “Your past is part of what makes you who you are—part of what makes the woman I’m crazy about.”
Her heart ached. She wanted to believe him. No matter how their romance had started out, she wanted what was between them to be real.
He stroked the hair from her eyes, and she laid her head against his chest. His gaze held her immobile. “I’m sorry I freaked earlier. You’re not the first woman I’ve loved who’s been stalked.”
“What?” Tessa asked, lifting her head to look at him. She didn’t know if she was questioning the other-woman-stalking-thing or the part where he said he loved her. He had said that, hadn’t he? Hopefully, it hadn’t been part of her desperately-in-love-overactive-imagination. Better to go with a simple “what?” rather than ask for clarification and risk humiliation.
“I said, another woman I knew was stalked.”
She had imagined the love part. “Who?”
“My sister-in-law, Julia. That’s what killed her.”
Her heart pitched in her chest. “The one who was pregnant when she died?”
He nodded. Grief etched his features.
The anguish his family must have endured—was likely still enduring. How did one recover from something like that? Her heart ached for them. For him. She’d give anything to be able to wash away his pain. “I’m so sorry.” She framed his face with her hands. “This has got to be so hard for you.”
“Damn it, Tess!” His fingers convulsed on her shoulders as if he were trying desperately not to shake her. “You’re the one I’m worried about.”
“Whoever it is, is probably just trying to scare me.” It was a stupid thing to say. She didn’t even know why she’d said it other than to lighten the mood.
“Julia thought that, too, at first. Now, she’s dead.” His tone had grown remote and uncompromising. “I don’t want to come home to find you in a cold pool of blood.”
Despite her best efforts, she gasped in horror. The fear she’d thought she’d controlled lurched into her throat. She laid her head back on his chest, unable to meet his gaze.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. She wasn’t sure if she apologized for his family’s horror or the fact that she’d resurrected it. Shock and exhaustion crept past her defenses, and she shivered uncontrollably.
Taking her hand, he led her to his room and grabbed a sweatshirt off the end of his bed. With more tenderness than she’d ever experienced, he pulled it over her head, dressing her as if she were a child. Tremors raced through her body, and he rubbed her arms in an attempt to warm her. Tears pricked her eyelids. She was tired. So tired of being strong.
He stroked his hand over her hair. “Let me hold you. I need to know you’re safe.”
I just need you. She laced her fingers through his and tugged him onto the bed. Some part of her brain registered that he’d changed the sheets. Thankfully, the blinding white had been replaced by dark blue. The last thing she needed was a flashback right now.
He wrapped his arms around her, brushing his lips against her temple. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so protected.
Tessa choked back a sob. She didn’t deserve Zander. He ought to be with someone else. Someone better. She hadn’t just gone to the end of her street. She’d been all the way around the block. A couple of times.
What Weston had done to her hadn’t been her fault. She didn’t hold herself responsible for that. What happened afterward, that was all her.
She didn’t know when sex had become her weapon of choice, as Zander had put it. It had been a vendetta that needed to be settled. For a while, it seemed to help and each encounter seemed to reclaim part of her soul, banish her vulnerability. It was almost as if she could hurt Weston through the other boys.
Eventually, it had worn away at her. Her low self-esteem had become self-loathing and she’d spiraled further out of control. Her friends, Annie and Cat, had finally brought her to the shelter and convinced her to talk to someone. Only then had she faced her demons and managed to slay some of them in the process. But not all.
To this day, she couldn’t let a man take the lead. The few times she’d tried, she’d nearly freaked out. She used to believe that when she found the right one, it would be different. She couldn’t imagine a man more right than Zander, but she still couldn’t bring herself to trust him completely.
“I’m sorry I pushed you to tell me things you didn’t want to,” he said gently. “Please don’t shut me out. Not now.”
Tears escaped from her closed eyes and soaked into the pillow. She burrowed closer to him. She didn’t deserve his kindness or understanding. She’d told him everything about her past and he was still here, comforting her. Taking care of her.
Unable to contain the chills, she still shuddered occasionally. He tightened his grip and pulled a blanket over them. Tessa allowed herself to sink deeper into his embrace. His body hummed with pent-up energy. She practically heard his mind turning.
“Do you want to tell me about it? About Julia?” She wasn’t sure she wanted the details, but she knew it helped to talk. She also knew him well enough to know that his feelings weren’t high on his list of things to discuss. However, anyone else’s were fair game.
He was quiet for so long, she didn’t think he was going to say anything. Then he exhaled as if he’d been holding his breath for years. “Niko and Julia hadn’t been married a year when it happened. We were all in college and to save money, we lived together in a tiny, ground-floor apartment. Around Thanksgiving, Julia had started getting weird notes and phone calls. We got a dog from the pound, thinking it would bark if anyone came around.”
Several long moments passed, and Tessa wondered if he’d say anything else. She caressed his forearm, the only part of him she could reach, cocooned in his grasp as she was.
“We called the police, and they’d investigated, but nothing ever came of it. There wasn’t enough evidence.”
Tessa ignored the chill of familiarity that skated over her nerves.
“We knew who the guy was, but we couldn’t prove it until it was too late. Julia’s ex-boyfriend had been furious when she married Niko. When he found out she was pregnant, he snapped.”
Zander’s voice was a quiet rasp in the darkness, and tears clogged her throat.
“Niko and I had gone Christmas shopping. We pooled our textbook money and bought presents for the baby and Julia. He was so excited. I’d never seen him happier.” Zander’s wistful tone battered her hard-won composure.
“I
had a hell of a time getting him out of the toy store. The baby wasn’t due for three more months, and he was obsessing over the perfect gift.” His voice caught on the memory. “Then we shopped for Julia. God, he loved her so much.”
Tessa couldn’t stand it anymore. She turned in his arms and drew his head down to her chest.
“We got home late. Maybe ten or eleven. The front door was open, and the dog lay near the bushes. He was already cold.”
Sad and sickened at the revelation she knew was coming, she stroked his hair, much as he’d done to her earlier and waited.
“We tore into the house. Niko yelled for her, and I dialed 9-1-1. She was…”
A shudder shot through his body, and Tessa pulled him closer. His swallow was audible. She guessed he tried to choke back his tears.
“She was in the living room in front of the fireplace. The carpet was soaked with blood. I knew she was gone, but I tried to revive her anyway. For Niko’s sake. We both tried.”
Tessa’s throat clogged and burned with unshed tears.
He drew a halting breath.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered against his hair. “I’m so sorry.” The tears she’d tried to contain slipped hot and fast down her cheeks.
He pulled back and stared into her face. “I want you to understand how much danger you could be in.”
She nodded. “I know.”
He kissed her damp cheek, and she buried her face in his neck, inhaling the faint scent of spice and warm male. The combination would forever remind her of safety. And love. “Promise me you’ll tell me if anything else happens.”
“I will,” she whispered.
For endless minutes, they lay twined in one another’s arms.
“I couldn’t stand it if anything happened to you,” he said.
And she’d die if he got hurt protecting her. Tessa let her breathing slow with her tears. She hovered on the edge of sleep, listening to his steady, soothing heartbeat.
He’d been through so much pain already. She didn’t want to be the cause of more.
Eventually, Zander’s breathing decelerated and deepened as slumber claimed him. Tessa burrowed into him, imprinting the feel of him on her mind and body.
* * * *
Zander woke to the murmur of Tessa’s voice. He squinted against the gray, dawn light as he followed the sound. Phone to her ear, she still wore the same clothes she’d fallen asleep in last night. Her hair glimmered in a tangled, golden nimbus, but worry and fatigue bruised her face with perfect crescents under her eyes. The purple semi-circles darkened her irises to a deep indigo, a sea he’d willingly drown in.
He met her gaze. She smiled hesitantly, as if uncertain of her reception, then turned away, continuing her conversation. He watched her flip absently through a book as she spoke.
Last night’s disclosure resonated in his head. He’d kept the worst of it from her. Partly, because he didn’t want to scare her, and partly, because he couldn’t handle reliving the memories and imagining Tessa in Julia’s place. He hadn’t revealed that the woman he’d loved like a sister had been raped and tortured. He hadn’t mentioned that her throat had been slashed and her chest crushed. Nor had he brought up the fact that the psychopath had stabbed Julia repeatedly in the abdomen to kill the child she’d carried.
He scrubbed his hand over his eyes, willing away the images. For a moment, he stared at the blank wall behind his couch and saw the words again. Written in his sister-in-law’s blood.
She was never yours.
Zander blinked rapidly, and the letters dissipated like chalk hearts on a sidewalk in the rain. In his mind, rivulets of red-stained water flowed across pastel drawings.
Tessa laid her hand on his arm, bringing him back to reality.
He pulled her into his arms. “You okay?” He needed to touch her, to hear her speak, to reassure himself that she was alive and well.
She nodded. “I need to stop by the police station before work this morning.”
“I’ll drive you.”
“You’ve got class. Besides, I’ll be fine.”
He framed her face with his hands. “I’ve got office hours scheduled this morning. I’ll call and cancel.”
Her lips pressed together, tightening in apparent irritation. He drew the pad of his thumb across her mouth. Her expression relaxed slightly.
He lowered his head and coaxed her lips apart. With a half-uttered groan, she sank into him and returned his kiss. The sharp taste of mint tinged her breath. She’d brushed her teeth. Distantly, he wondered how long she’d been up before he’d woken. As she slipped her hands under his shirt, all thought, rational or otherwise, fled.
Connected from chest to thigh, he backed her into the wall. He splayed his hand through her honey-gold tangle of hair and cradled the back of her head. A whimper of need escaped her parted lips. She raked her fingers down his back and pulled his hips flush against hers. He ached to be inside her.
“Please,” she whispered, placing his hand on her breast. Her nipple hardened against his palm. Shoving up her shirt, he bent to taste her. He flicked his tongue over her budding flesh then suckled deeply.
Tessa cried out. The sound threw him backward in time. Everything she’d told him last night ricocheted through his mind. In horror, he pulled away from her. He was taking advantage of her. She’d been used by someone she’d trusted. Someone she thought she’d loved. He forced himself to tear away the shroud of euphemism. She’d been raped. In awkward silence, he pulled the hem of her shirt down.
“What?” she demanded.
“I shouldn’t…” He stopped, unsure of how to complete his thought.
Her eyes narrowed. “You shouldn’t what?”
When he didn’t answer, she put her hands on her hips.
Instinctively, he knew that whatever he said would be the wrong thing. He went with the truth. “I don’t want to do anything to hurt you.”
She crossed her arms over her chest.
Wrong answer.
“Please don’t pull the white knight crap out now. Just because I was raped, it doesn’t mean that I’m some priceless, treasure you should handle with kid gloves.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“No?”
“You’ve been through—”
“Stop it.” She pushed at his chest. “Don’t try to cast me as the victim. If you don’t want me because of my history, just say it.”
He let a short bark of laughter escape. “You think I don’t want you anymore?” He gripped her hips and pulled her snugly against him. “Does this feel like I don’t want you?” He pushed his hips forward to make his point.
“I don’t think you like feeling this way,” she countered and tried to pull away.
Zander kept a hold of her hand and raised it to his mouth. “I’ve wanted you since I moved into this building. After we make love, I want you again—right away.” He brushed his lips across the pulse at her wrist. It beat wildly under his touch. “Didn’t you hear anything I said last night?”
Her eyes widened. She opened her mouth, closed it and dropped her gaze to the floor.
What was he expecting? Declarations of her undying love? It hurt to admit, but yeah, that’s what he wanted to hear.
“Zander…”
He laid his finger across her lips. “Don’t say anything.”
He wasn’t going to push her to admit something she didn’t feel. Nor would he pressure her by confessing his feelings.
“But—”
“You’re going to be late for work again if you don’t hurry and get ready.” He gently shoved her toward the bedroom.
She turned to look at him before she opened the bathroom door, her expression inscrutable. A triangle of light spread outward from the room. Tessa stepped into the glow then the door closed, leaving him in alone in the gray morning.
The latch caught and the lock’s mechanism clicked home. She’d put a locked door between them. Bitter laughter threatened to burst from him. For the first
time in his life, he’d admitted to himself the emotion that scared the hell out him. And what was the result of his newfound feelings? Tessa hiding in his bathroom.
He dragged his hand through his hair. Nice delivery, York. Way to woo the girl of your dreams.
* * * *
Tessa stood between Zander and Detective Duritz wondering if she could get her hands on a taser. They circled each other like wolves, engaged in the proverbial pissing contest. The wolves in question knew each other by reputation. Zander had profiled a couple cases for the Oakdale Police Department in the past, though she didn’t think he’d ever worked directly with the detective.
Zander advanced on the other man. “With all of the evidence he’s left, why the hell haven’t you found him yet?”
“We’re investigating all leads. Are you willing to submit to a polygraph test?”
Zander stripped off his suit coat and rolled up his sleeves. “Point me toward the machine.”
Duritz frowned. “State Police post in Lansing.”
“Let’s go.”
Tessa stood and waved her hands. “Okay. Enough. This is stupid. Zander isn’t my stalker.”
Ignoring her, Duritz glanced at the file spread across his desk. “Where were you yesterday?” he asked Zander.
“I got to work at nine thirty a.m. and picked up Tessa from the library at six o’clock—”
“That’s an awful lot of unaccounted for time,” Duritz interrupted.
Zander stared at the man for a moment then added, “I prepped for thirty minutes, taught two classes from ten until noon, ate lunch in the department break room, went back to my office to meet with students until almost three. Then I proctored a two-hour exam, and as soon as the last student left, I went back to my office to take care of a few emails and picked up Tessa at six. Better?”
“Can someone verify your whereabouts at all locations?” Duritz asked.
“Yes.” Zander’s voice was tight.
“Then what?” the other man prodded.
“We went to her parents and were back at her apartment by seven.”
“You didn’t stay long.” The detective’s comment sounded almost accusatory.
“Weston was there,” she volunteered.
Vengeful Shadows Page 19
