“Yes,” I say, just to make my decision clear. Before Grant’s lips descend upon mine again, I clear my throat to let him know that I have one more thing to say.
“What is it?”
“I just want you to know that I’ve never been someone’s girlfriend before. This is a first for me. It seems that you are getting all my first. First kiss. First date. First boyfriend.”
“This is a first for me too, Madison,” he admits, catching me off guard.
“Really? We’re not going to run into a slew of ex-girlfriends as we walk through town who’ll be shooting me dirty looks?”
“Nope. You’re the one and only.”
A flashback to my dream, his words ringing in my ears as if that boy is standing in front of me right now. I can see the boy’s face as I stare at the man in front of me. I want to tell him. Now would be the perfect time, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t want to ruin the perfect moment we have going. I shame myself for being weak before I kiss Grant to try and forget my shortcomings.
Waking up alone is a weird feeling. After Grant left, I spent some time putting away my bathroom items. I hung the shower curtain and then quickly rinsed off. I didn’t realize that I forgot to purchase towels until it was too late. After drying my entire body with cotton t-shirts, I climbed in bed and made a list of items to pick up today. The first thing on that list is towels.
The big box store is a mad house. Apparently Sunday mornings are everyone’s favorite time to shop. I try to get in and out as quickly as possible, but with a cart full of everything from housewares to food, it’s not as easy as I’d hoped. I expected to be there for about an hour, max. Two hours later, I’m on my way back to the loft, exhausted.
I hang a few pictures on the walls, put away the kitchen items I bought today, and spend some time building the desk and bookshelf I bought. The rest of my day is spent texting back and forth with Grant. Libby stops up to visit after her shift, but has plans with Chester that night so she doesn’t stay long.
Happy with how the place is coming along, I decide to take a walk just as the sun is about to set. I have a ton of things to tell Grandma about. I hope I’m making her proud. I’d like to think that I am.
The park is empty and the lights in the gazebo are already on. As I take my seat facing the water, the sun hits the horizon and day begins to fade to night.
“Hey, Grams.” Pausing, as if were having a real conversation, I take a deep breath before I spew all my news to her. “I have a lot to tell you today, so hold on tight. It’s going to be a long story …”
***
Seven days doesn’t seem like a long time, but I’ve had so much take place in the last week that it feels like a lifetime since I’ve talked to her. I attempt to fill her in on everything that’s changed. After I’m done, I feel lighter, refreshed, and empowered. I’m ready to be on my own. I’m not scared. My decision feels right, and I feel ready to take on anything and everything that comes my way. Not to mention, by the time my father comes home and realizes that I’m no longer living under his roof, by his rules, I’ll almost be celebrating my birthday, and there will be nothing he can do to reverse the decisions that have already been made.
That fact alone makes me smile as I walk back to my place. The streets are deserted, not a soul in sight. As the wind softly blows my hair around my face, I brush it back, running my fingers over my scar. The memories are starting to come back to me, and I’m sure the rest of the missing weeks will reveal themselves when the time is right.
Walking into school the next morning, things feel different. Libby is waiting for me at my locker as usual, a bounce in her step as she tells me about her date with Chester. People stare as we walk down the hall to class, listening to Libby go on and on about how Chester is an amazing kisser. I can’t help but smile at my friend. She’s happier than I’ve ever seen her, and louder than she’s ever been before. It’s as if she’s shouting from the rooftop “Look at me! I have a boyfriend!”
After school I have to rush home to meet the delivery guys. They are waiting on me when I get there. My couch is a pain in the ass to get through the door, but they find a way to make it work. After bringing in the tables and entertainment center, I sign their paperwork and they leave. I sit on the couch and stare at the entertainment center that’s missing the most important thing: a television. The one I wanted wasn’t going to fit in my car so I didn’t buy it yesterday. I’m going to need Grant, and his truck, to help me.
After a quick text, I get busy setting up my laptop and start on my homework. There’s a knock on the door an hour later and Grant’s smiling face is on the other side when I look out into the hallway.
“Hey,” I say excitedly as I open the door for him.
“Hey. So what’s this I hear about a television?” he asks as I close the door behind him and lean against it.
“I didn’t think it would fit in my car so I was hoping you might go with me to pick it up.”
“Are you using me for my truck?”
“Of course.” I push him slightly. His chest is still soaked in sweat from football practice. “I think you might wanna shower first, though.”
Grant chuckles before pulling me into his arms. I try to push away, knowing that I’m about to get covered in sweat, but there’s no point. He’s got me right where he wants me and he’s not letting go. After kissing me on the cheek, Grant releases me and heads for the door.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to head home and clean up. I’ll be back.”
“You can shower here.” The words are out of my mouth before I even know what I’m suggesting. “If you have clothes, that is.”
“I do. Are you sure that’s okay?”
“Well, let me check. Anyone object to Grant showering here?” I holler, looking around my empty apartment.
Laughing, Grant leaves to get his bag and returns moments later. After he showers, we take off in his truck. The television I was going to buy is gone so I have to settle for a different one. This one is bigger. Grant seems to think that’s a good thing. I don’t watch much TV, but when I do, it’ll feel like I’m part of the show now I guess.
Grant was nice enough to set it up for me once we got it up the stairs and into the apartment. I don’t have cable yet, so we slide a movie in while we cuddle on the couch. I attempt to make us dinner, burning the grilled cheese sandwiches horribly, causing the entire place to smell. Ignoring the black char on the outside, Grant eats his. I scrape mine until I see more bread than char, then dip it in ketchup to mask the taste. Grant finds this amusing.
“I’ve heard of dipping it in tomato soup but not ketchup,” he says, watching me dip my sandwich again.
“Normally I would dip it in ranch dressing but I must not have picked any up yesterday.” I take a huge bite while staring at him.
“Really? Ranch dressing?”
“Yeah. It’s good on everything.”
An inquisitive look appears on Grant’s face, but I don’t elaborate. It’s one of those things I picked up in one of the cities where I lived. I don’t remember where we were at the time, but I tried it as a recommendation from a friend and fell in love with it. It’s a universal dipping sauce, dressing, and marinade for all types of food. My favorite? Dipping my French fries in it.
Grant has to head home after dinner. I won’t have to wait as long to see him again. We’re meeting for breakfast before class tomorrow morning. This leaves me alone in the loft, a feeling I’m getting used to more and more as the time passes. After finishing my homework, I crawl in bed, and the soft sheets lull me to sleep instantly.
“Can they stay, Grandma?”
“I don’t know, Madison. I can’t tell you where they’re going, you know that.”
“I know, but I want him to stay. I like him. He’s nice.”
“I’m glad you had fun today. They’ll be here tomorrow and you can hang out with him again before we leave for the beach if you want. His mom and I hav
e a few things to take care of still.”
“I want him to be here when we get back from the beach, though,” I pout, sticking out my bottom lip.
Grandma looks at me curiously before speaking. “You really like this boy, don’t you?”
“I do. He’s the first person I’ve met that gets me.” I pause, not sure if I want to tell her about our conversation today or not. I don’t want to get him in trouble for telling me about his dad. “I told him about my mother.”
“You did?” She sounds more curious than surprised.
“Yeah. He’s easy to talk to, and he didn’t judge me,” I explain.
“Oh, Madison. I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t promise you anything. If it’s possible, I’ll find a way for them to stay, but I need for you to remember one thing.”
“Anything, Grams,” I hurriedly reply, excited about the fact he may get to stay in New Bern and I may get to see him again after tomorrow.
“You can never tell anyone about his past, about who he really is. By the time we get back from the beach, he’ll be someone else. The person on the inside will be the same, the boy you met, but his name will change and his situation will be different. He’ll need a friend, Madison.”
“I’ll be his friend,” I interrupt.
Grandma nods before kissing me on the forehead, leaving me to stare at the mural on my wall. I turn the lights out and snuggle under my covers. I say a little prayer that Joshua gets to stay, that we get to hang out more beyond tomorrow. There’s something about this boy that I like. I don’t know what it is, but I have a feeling that once I figure it out, he’s going to be ingrained in my memory forever.
I shoot upright in bed, the dream fresh in my mind. Grant is here because of me. I asked Grandma to let him stay. She made it happen. Why didn’t she tell me? She had five years to remind me of that day, that conversation. She could have introduced me to Grant, helped me to remember the missing weeks of my life, but she didn’t. There has to be a good reason why.
Chapter 13
Waiting in the diner for Grant, I start to get nervous. I wasn’t able to fall back asleep after my dream. Instead, I laid in bed, staring at my ceiling, trying to figure out what else I might be missing. I want to know why Grandma never told me about Grant. There’s a big piece of the puzzle that I’m missing. I can feel it deep down in my bones.
“Mornin’ beautiful,” Grant coos as he slides into the booth seat across from me.
“Morning,” I mumble.
“Why so grumpy this morning?” Grant asks, frowning at me.
“I didn’t sleep well.” I want to tell him the entire truth, but I don’t have the energy.
“I’m sorry. Food will do you good.” The waitress appears just as Grant finishes. We order breakfast, a large cup of coffee and an omelet for me, a huge platter of food for Grant.
By the time our food arrives, my spirits are lifted a little. Grant is telling me about a party after his game on Friday night. Chester is hosting it in lieu of the homecoming dance. His parents are out of town and it’s going to be pretty big, I guess. Students from both schools have been invited, including us.
“I’ll pick you up after my game, sound good?”
“Sure,” I reply, taking a sip of my coffee.
“Are you planning on coming to the game?”
“I’m sure we are.”
“We?”
“Yeah. Libby mentioned something about it the other day. I’ll be the third wheel, but I’ll get to see you play again so it’ll be worth it,” I say, winking at him from across the table.
I follow Grant to class and we walk in together, taking our usual seats in the back of the room. After listening to the professor lecture for an hour, I’m ready to fall asleep. If it weren’t for Grant poking me from time to time, I would have fallen asleep in class. I need a nap. Stat.
“Are you sure you’re okay to drive to school? I can give you a ride if you want and we can come back for your car later.”
“I’ll be okay. I don’t have any tests today, so I think I’m going to head home and take a nap. Call me when you get out of practice tonight,” I say, yawning.
“Of course. Do you want me to come over?”
“You can if you want. The cable guy is scheduled to come at some point in time this afternoon so I’ll be there.”
Grant kisses me softly on the lips before closing my car door and sending me on my way. I crawl in bed as soon as I get home and drift off to sleep instantly.
The sound of a knock at the door wakes me up hours later.
As soon as the cable guy leaves, I lie down on the couch and turn on a made-for-TV movie, falling back to sleep instantly. My phone rings in the distance, rousing me. The credits are rolling on the movie. I slept through the entire thing. Damn it! That movie looked good.
“Hello,” I scream into the phone, out of breath from running to answer before my voicemail picked up.
“Miss Madison, its Eloise.”
“Hi, Eloise. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, ma’am. I just wanted to let you know that you received some mail that I thought you might want to pick up before your father returns. I’ll be leaving in the morning, so you’ll want to check the mail until you change your address.”
“Thank you so much. I’ll be over to pick it up tomorrow,” I reply as I look at the clock. It’s almost six and Grant should be here soon.
“Very good, miss.”
“Good luck, Eloise. Thank you again and please keep in touch.”
“I will, Miss Madison.”
The sadness in her voice radiates through the phone, causing me to choke up. I hang up before the tears are able to form and take a deep breath, my composure returning.
Grant shows up an hour later, covered in sweat again. I send him directly to the shower, avoiding his sweat covered body this time. Once he’s fresh and clean, he makes us dinner, promising not to burn anything. I throw a pillow at him, but he’s quick, stepping out of the way in plenty of time.
By the time I crawl in bed, I’m no longer tired. I stare at my ceiling, trying to decide when I want to tell Grant about the dreams. I need to get it off my chest soon. The pressure is building, and every time I see him, every time we’re alone, it’s all I can think of. The dreams are consuming me, my thoughts and my attention. I can’t focus on anything else.
The party. I’ll tell him after the party on Friday night. I figure there will be booze there. I’ll have a drink or two and that should lower my inhibitions enough to tell him. Not the best plan, but it’ll work.
The rest of the week is rather uneventful. Grant comes over after practice every night and cooks us dinner. I’d be eating burnt sandwiches if it weren’t for him, I have a feeling. When Friday finally arrives, I’m excited to go out with Libby but nervous to talk to Grant after the party. I almost told him twice this week but I chickened out. I don’t know what his reaction is going to be and that’s what’s holding me back.
The game is amazing. Grant throws for three touchdowns, the final one for the win in the last few minutes of the game. He cements their perfect record with only one more game until the regular season is over. Everyone started to chant “Lucky 13” as the team ran off the field.
Waiting on Grant to arrive is nerve wracking. I’m pacing around the living room when he finally arrives. Fresh out of the shower and smelling amazing, Grant wraps me in a hug and kisses me on the forehead.
“You smell great.”
“I figured it was about time for me to show up smelling like a real person, so I cleaned up at school before I came over. You ready to go?”
“Yep. I just need to grab my phone off the charger,” I say as I step out of his embrace My phone rings in my hand as I pick it up. It’s my father. I don’t want to have to deal with him right now, but if I don’t answer, he’ll keep calling. “It’s my father.”
“Take your time. I’m going to grab a soda if that’s okay.”
I nod and walk into my bedro
om, taking a seat on my bed. Deep breath in, then out. “Hello?”
“Madison. I just wanted to check in. I called the house, but there was no answer.”
“I’m not home.”
“Did Eloise tell you that I’ll be home on Thursday next week?”
“She did.”
“Good. I’ll see you then.”
I don’t get a chance to reply before he hangs up. He never tells me that he loves me before he gets off the phone. You would think after years of the same, I would be used to it, but it never fails to crush me a little more each time.
When my mother was still alive, my father was more alive. Now, it’s as if he goes through the motions of life but doesn’t allow himself to feel. He hasn’t told me that he loves me in years. I’m pretty sure the last time I heard those words leave his mouth were the day I woke up in the hospital. The fear in his eyes, followed by the relief that I was alive, are all I remember from that day. I haven’t seen him look at me in a caring way since.
“Everything okay?” Grant asks, taking a seat beside me on the bed.
“Fine. He was just checking to make sure I was still alive.” Taking my hand in his, Grant softly rubs circles on my palm with this thumb. I instantly relax, my thoughts turning naughty as we sit close on my bed.
“Would you rather stay in?”
“No.” If I don’t go to the party, I’ll never have the liquid courage I need to tell him about my dream. I have to do this today before I lose my nerve again. “Let’s go. I’ll be fine.”
The party is in full swing by the time we arrive. I can’t see Libby through the body of people, but I can hear her over the music so I follow the sound of her voice to see her sitting on the counter in the kitchen.
“Mads! You made it!” Sounding like she’s a few drinks ahead of me, Libby screams at me louder than necessary, announcing my arrival to the entire party and possibly Chester’s neighbors.
Chester and Grant do the fist bump, man-hug thing next to me before heading to get drinks from outside. I hop up onto the counter next to Libby while I wait for him to return. I can see why she’s up here now. You get a great view of everything that’s going on. I can see all the way across the room, almost to the front door.
Lucky 13 Page 14
