She smiled. “How about a little of both?”
Journal Entry Sept 16
Breakfast: 3/4 c oatmeal; 1/4 c raisins; 1 c skim milk; decaf
Lunch: 3 oz turkey breast; 1 oz light cheese; 2 c salad and raw veggies; 2 tbsp olive oil and red wine vinegar; 1/2 c brown rice
Dinner: 3 oz grilled red snapper; 1 c steamed broccoli; 3/4 c couscous
Snack: 1 c light yogurt; 1 c raspberries
Affirmation for Today:
Whoever penned the phrase “being thin feels better than anything tastes” should be forced to eat nothing but rice cakes for all of eternity.
Office of Doris Lehman, “MSW, PhD Lucy decided she’d lie down today. She kicked off her shoes, stretched out on the love seat, and propped her head on an armrest. She crossed her feet at the ankles.
“I am ready to be analyzed,” she said.
Doris laughed. “How’s the celibacy thing been working out?”
Lucy closed her eyes and sighed deeply. “Well, since the pizza night we’ve been pretty good. A few kisses here and there. Theo rubbed my back one morning after a hard workout and it got a little out of control.”
“Oh? What happened?”
“He started rubbing my front, too.”
“I see.”
“Then he followed me into the ladies’ locker room and threw me down on the bench.”
“Oh my.”
“Yeah. Scared the cleaning lady half to death.”
“But is it motivating you?”
Lucy opened one eye. “Doris, I’m so damn motivated I can’t see straight. I’m so motivated that I’m starting to think both Andy Taylor and Barney Fife are sexy.”
As Lucy walked toward the scale, she crossed her fingers. She crossed her toes. She crossed her eyes.
She knew this was a moment of reckoning. That morning’s WakeUp Miami audience was overflowing out into the street. The TV station had to hire off-duty Miami police officers for crowd control. Lucy saw some of her steadfast fans out in the studio audience waving signs and wearing their autographed T-shirts, and she really didn’t want to let them down. She didn’t want to let Theo down. Most of all, she didn’t want to let herself down.
In the moment it took to reach the scale, the last few weeks raced by in her mind. She’d worked harder than she’d ever worked in her life-running, cycling, free weights, abs, glutes, pecs-it was a blur. Her food had been sane and healthy. Her journal was accurate and full of positive thinking-OK, most days. And Theo was back in her life. They were a team again.
“Go, Lucy! Go, Lucy!” the audience shouted.
Theo held out his hand and she took it, stepping onto the scale. She blinked and focused on the audience, then abruptly laughed-Luigi the pizza guy was in the second row! He waved and shouted and she waved back, exhaling deeply, knowing that the air in her lungs didn’t weigh much, but surely it weighed something.
At least Theo’s fingers were tapping the right way. At least she hadn’t gained again. The crowd was getting a little rowdy, and John Weaver asked for quiet.
Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap.
“You rock, Cunningham,” Theo whispered to her. Then he faced the cameras. “Lucy’s lost the six pounds she gained last month, plus an additional four. Lucy weighs one hundred and fifty-four pounds today.”
The cheering was so loud that her ears hurt. Theo helped her down and hugged her hard. She started to cry-from relief, from happiness, and because Theo had his arms around her for the world to see, and they reached just fine.
Chapter 11
October
It was a glowing evening in suburban Fort Lauderdale, and the Cunninghams’ backyard was overflowing with guests. The reason for this get-together was Lucy’s parents’ thirty-fifth wedding anniversary, and Dan had come down from Pittsburgh and Mary Fran and the kids were there and-total shocker-Keith came, too. Lucy noted that he was laughing a lot and seemed more relaxed than she’d seen him in years. Mary Fran was working part-time and Keith had quit his sales job and started a consulting group with a former colleague. Money was tight, but Frannie said he was home at least three nights a week for dinner. There had been no dancing on bars in quite a while.
Milling around the backyard were Theo and Buddy plus Aunt Viv and Uncle Martin, whom Lucy hadn’t seen for several months. Everyone seemed to get along fine, and the party was in full swing when Dan came over to sit next to her.
He fidgeted with the sleeve of his shirt and stared down at the grass. “I don’t think I do it for Gia anymore.
I think the novelty has worn off.“ Dan raised his eyes to his sister’s. ”She hasn’t returned my calls. She doesn’t swing by Pittsburgh on the way back from New York. I guess I was deluding myself.“
Lucy didn’t know what to say. She’d never seen Dan so sad or even so serious. She herself hadn’t talked to Gia much, so she had no idea what was going on in her life. “I know she’s traveling a lot, Dan.”
He shrugged, giving her a weak smile. “Who’d a thunk in the first place, huh? I mean, how many other residents at Pittsburgh Children’s Hospital have ever dated a supermodel?”
“My guess would be zero,” Lucy said, patting his hand.
“You got that right.”
Lucy smiled at her brother. “You’re great, Dan. You’ll find somebody. It’ll happen.”
Dan wagged an eyebrow. “Word’s gotten around, though. The women back home are trying to figure out what ole Danny’s got that Gia Altamonte wanted. My stock has gone up dramatically.”
Lucy and Dan joined Theo, Buddy, and Keith in a game of volleyball. Then Lucy went to chat with Viv and Martin for awhile, then helped her mom make the salad. When Lucy carried it out, Theo said he had an announcement to make.
“Only Buddy knows about this.” Theo smiled at his brother and continued. “I thought I’d use this opportunity to tell everyone that I did get readmitted to medical school.”
Aunt Viv screamed and made her way as fast as she could to Theo and hugged him. Uncle Martin followed, slapping Theo’s back. Lucy smiled at Theo, so proud of him she could scream, too. Instead she kissed his cheek and whispered, “You rock, Redmond.”
“The downside is I have to pick up in the middle of my second year. I start classes January tenth.”
Lucy saw the disappointment in Theo’s eyes-he had to repeat a whole year-but he was smiling.
“I thought long and hard about it, but I’ve decided it’s worth it. I’m back in.”
Lucy’s dad went inside and rustled up a bottle of champagne. They were in the middle of toasting to Theo’s success when the phone rang.
“Hold that thought just a moment.” Her dad ran into the kitchen to answer it. Everyone waited for him to return, but it took several long minutes, and when he did make it back, he was frowning.
“Who was that, Bill?” Lucy’s mother stopped her conversation with Viv and Martin and waited for him to answer, but he just continued to frown. “Bill?”
His eyes found Lucy, and he began to walk toward the lawn chair where she sat. Lucy swallowed hard. Something was wrong.
The twins chose that particular moment to stop screaming and it got very quiet as everyone watched Lucy’s dad come closer. He knelt down at her feet and placed a hand on her knee.
“Pumpkin, that was a young lady from WakeUp Miami-one of their producers.”
“OK. What’s up?”
Theo had moved up behind Lucy, and she felt his hand on her shoulder.
“Well, it seems somebody’s put a bee in their bonnet to do a special show about you this month, and they want your mom and me to come on TV and be interviewed.”
Lucy’s pulse began to drum. “What kind of special show, Dad?”
“The girl said they’re calling it, This Is Your Life, Lucy Cunningham.”
Her body went stiff. She tried to remain calm. “Oh really?”
“Pumpkin, I’m so sorry to have to tell you this…” Her dad craned his neck and sought out her mother, who gasped befor
e he could finish his sentence. “They’ve gone and tracked down Brad Zirkle and he’s coming to do the show.”
Lucy was out of the chair in a flash, running up the back steps to the kitchen. Without breathing, without thinking, she grabbed her purse and keys off the counter and stumbled through the living room and out the front door to her car. She was inside and driving before the first sob hit her.
Theo was right behind her, but Dan grabbed his arm before he made it out the front door.
“Get her to tell you what happened,” he said.
“I’ve tried!” Theo said, exasperated. “Would somebody please just tell me what the hell-”
“She has to do it, Theo. It’s her story.”
Theo jogged for his car, Dan still at his side. “Can you get Buddy and my aunt and uncle home?”
“Sure.” Dan prevented Theo from closing the driver-side door. “Do not let her run away from this any longer.”
Theo let out a bitter laugh, shut the door, and drove to the end of the residential street, where he barely caught the flash of Lucy’s red Toyota as it went around the bend. He ran a stop sign to catch up with her.
He immediately called her cell phone and got her voice mail. He checked his gas gauge and cursed himself for not filling up before he arrived at the Cunninghams‘. He had a quarter tank and no idea where Lucy was headed.
He stayed behind her on southbound 1-95, and for once he was glad there was a decent amount of traffic- at least she wouldn’t be pulling a Starsky and Hutch on him. He stayed close behind, heading toward Miami.
The fourth time he tried, she picked up her cell.
“Where are you going?”
Her voice was very small. “I don’t know.”
“Drive to my house. It’s closer than the city.”
“No.
“Then go to the gym. Park wherever you can.”
“All right.”
She hung up, but Theo was relieved that at least he’d heard her voice and he knew where they were going. He was on empty when she took the Miami Beach exit. He was running on fumes by the time he found a place to park. He jogged down Washington Avenue and caught a glimpse of her rounding the corner of Second Street, heading toward the strip.
“Lucy!”
She ignored him. Theo caught up with her and did a quick check to make sure she still had all her limbs. Lucy looked straight ahead, marching toward the beach.
“Are we going swimming, Luce?”
“No.”
She stomped across Ocean and walked up the sidewalk to the beach entrance. She took off her sandals and dangled them in her hand.
“Tell me. Whatever it is, now’s the time. Who’s Brad Zirkle and what did the son of a bitch do to you?”
“I’d like to be by myself.”
Theo laughed. “Not this time, sweetheart.” He grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around. Lucy looked past his eyes toward the South Beach strip, already buzzing with the early dinner crowd. “Lucy. Look at me.”
Her eyes slowly focused on him, and her mouth began to tremble.
“You’ve been by yourself long enough. Now you’re with me, and you’re going to tell me what happened to you. Right now.”
She nodded almost imperceptibly, her eyes still on his.
“Hey! It’s Lucy and Theo!” A woman with two sunburned kids stopped on their way back from the beach. They stared, their arms full of beach toys and their mouths open in surprise.
“This isn’t a good time,” Theo said, taking Lucy’s elbow.
The mother pushed her two children on ahead. “I understand.” She smiled at Theo. “Good luck to the two of you.”
Lucy and Theo headed down the gentle slope of the beach to the surf. Theo put his arm around her waist and pulled her tight. The waning sun lit up her footprints in the wet sand and Theo knew it was a strange time to notice this, but Lucy had the cutest feet and the prettiest little toes.
“I was very athletic in high school, but somewhat overweight, as you know. I wasn’t particularly appealing to the most popular boys.” She looked straight ahead up the beach.
“Go on.”
“So when I got to Pitt State, it was a chance for me to reinvent myself. I really thought I could change myself-that I could leave behind the ‘fat chick’ label.”
“OK.”
Lucy stopped and turned toward Theo, the breeze lifting her hair off her shoulders. “Do you know what scares me the most about telling you this?”
He smoothed her hair back with his fingers. “What?”
“That you’ll hear this and you won’t ever see me the same way again.”
He cocked his head to the side. “How could that happen, Luce? What is there left that we haven’t seen in each other?”
Lucy half-laughed and half-sniffled as she resumed walking. “You want to know why I started gaining weight the second part of my freshman year? It was to avoid men. I wanted to become completely invisible to men.”
“Why did you want to do that?”
She pressed her palms into her eyes and stood still on the sand. When she looked at him, Theo saw no tears, just fierce determination.
“I’m a slump buster, Theo,” she said. “No, wait- I’m the famous Pitt State Slump Buster: Lucky Lucy, the fat girl who helped Brad Zirkle end his six-game rushing slump. The fat girl who thought she had a relationship with Brad Zirkle, only to learn she was being used, and she learned this in a packed stadium during a nationally televised game, no less!”
Rage thundered in Theo’s ears. “Say what?”
“The fat girl whose public humiliation brought down the entire Pitt State athletic department and caused the team to forfeit their Taco Bowl berth to their archri-vals, the Purdue Boilermakers. Does this ring any bells?”
Theo was struck by the tone of Lucy’s voice. She sounded like a TV news anchor giving background to a faraway tragedy. He wondered how many thousands of times she’d repeated that cold summary in her own head.
“So? Does that sound familiar to you?”
He nodded. “I knew I’d heard Zirkle’s name before-I watched that special on ESPN. I can’t believe that was you.”
Theo reached up to touch her face, but Lucy backed away and crossed her arms over her chest.
“It was me, all right.”
“Start from the beginning.”
Lucy took a deep breath and stared out over the ocean for a moment, then focused on Theo. “I met Brad in a geology class in October. He sat by me a couple times, was very nice, and I kept wondering why in the world he was acting interested in me. I was a freshman. I was overweight-around one seventy-five, probably about what I weighed back in May. I wore a size fourteen.”
“That’s pretty average size, Lucy.”
“I realize that now.”
“Go on.”
“So he was very sweet to me. Told me he’d seen me on campus. He asked me to have lunch with him at the student union. The thing is, he wasn’t very interesting, Theo. I didn’t really like the guy all that much, but I was blinded by the fact that the senior football star Brad Zirkle wanted to be seen with Lucy Cunningham! It just boggled my mind. The girls in my dorm were flipping out with jealousy.”
“And then what happened?”
“The next week, he asked me out on a real date- took me to see a rerun of Aliens and them out for ice cream. He kissed me good night.” Lucy shook her head and laughed. “I should have listened to my gut instinct right there.” She looked up at Theo. “I hated his kiss. His mouth was all slimy and cold and his lips were too thin and… and… the feel of his tongue creeped me out.”
The anger sat hard and icy in Theo’s gut. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take. But he’d asked her to tell him, hadn’t he? “Go on.”
“So when Zirkle asked me out a second time, what did I say? I said yes! Duh! And why?” Lucy wiped her wet cheeks with the back of her hand. “Because I wanted the dream to continue. I wanted so bad to believe he liked me, found
me attractive-”
Theo reached for her and Lucy pushed his arm away.
“On our next date he took me to a Prince concert, but it wasn’t called that back then because Prince was going by that unpronounceable symbol. Anyway, he took me to his fraternity room after, and we drank a bottle of Chardonnay. I pretended to be interested in his stories about football. I got pretty tipsy. I decided what the heck.”
“Oh, Luce.”
“I had no idea that this was all a setup. That a bunch of his teammates were outside the door listening, verifying that I was a legitimate, bona fide slump buster.”
“Shit.”
“Hey. It worked. Brad rushed for two hundred and eleven yards the next game. Broke the school record.”
“And your heart.”
Lucy stopped talking. She let her eyes drop to the sand, and Theo watched her stand still for a long moment.
When she finally had the courage to look up, she saw deep hurt and raw pity on his face, and she hated it. “Don’t you dare feel sorry for me, Theo.”
“I don’t feel sorry for you, sweetheart. I want to fight for you. I want to fight with you. I want to fucking kill that guy for treating you like that. He deserves to die.”
Lucy blinked. “Well, thanks. Nobody’s ever offered to commit a felony to protect my honor. It feels kinda nice.”
Theo was suddenly hit by a horrifying thought. “That wasn’t your first time, was it? Please tell me you didn’t give your virginity to that asshole.”
Lucy laughed. “Nope. I gave it to a different asshole my senior year of high school-a tortured punk poet type who wore lots of black and a Mohawk. He’s now a megamillionaire software developer, I understand, but I digress. So, no. I wasn’t a virgin the night I ended up in Brad Zirkle’s fraternity room, but I wasn’t exactly the campus harlot, either. But I sure remember… I remember…”
Lucy couldn’t finish the sentence, and the tears ran down her beautiful face and Theo stood helpless in the sand in front of her, the water lapping at his feet. “Don’t stop. Tell me everything. Get it out.”
He Loves Lucy Page 23
