by Stella Noir
Was I really that out of my mind? I can’t have imagined everything.
But as I made my way into the room and back under the covers I suddenly couldn’t even remember the things that had upset me.
“Maybe it was all the dream,” I mumbled as I watched the nurse take the pitcher of water next to my bed into the bathroom to fill it.
“Was it a bad dream, dear?” she asked as she filled my water glass and handed it to me.
“Drink this and you’ll feel better tomorrow.”
I took the glass from her and drank half of it. I had been incredibly thirsty ever since I woke up and the water felt like a cool, clear, glistening stream as it slid down my parched throat. I was suddenly grateful for the nurse helping me back into bed and bringing me water. Maybe I had been wrong in suspecting her of drugging my food intentionally. Maybe it was just the awful dreams that had me on edge. My eyelids got heavy not long after I drank the water and I drifted off to sleep with a slight tingle between my legs as I thought about the weird phone call dream.
I woke up the next day as the nurse set a tray down next to the bed.
“Up and at ‘em, Ms. Scott. The doctor wants to see you in his office today.”
I rubbed my eyes as the head of my bed lifted underneath me, pushing me towards the table that stretched across the bed in front of me with the domed tray on it. I expected to find eggs and toast when I lifted the lid but instead I found that same brothy soup and unidentifiable meat sandwich that I had had for lunch the other day. I didn’t even remember what day it was when I last ate lunch or even what day it was today for that matter.
“What time is it?” I asked as I stared in disappointment at the tray in front of me.
“It’s noon, dear. You slept all night and half the day again. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about, though. The body knows what it needs to recover.”
She slipped out the door and left me alone to choke down lunch and contemplate the events of the last few days. I was still having a hard time holding thoughts together in my head and the images and feelings from the dreams were the most persistent. But the thing that kept creeping into my thoughts as I remembered the last dream was how turned on I was by the whole thing. How the voice in my ear on the phone and the voice that felt like a whisper in my ear both made me want to just close my eyes and follow whatever directions they gave me. I closed my eyes as I sat in bed and remembered that feeling throughout my body, that I was compelled to do whatever the voice told me to do. That I wanted to do it.
ABBY
I sat on a brown leather couch that the nurse gestured to while I waited for the doctor. He sat behind a large mahogany desk in a very high backed chair, which was turned away from me towards the window behind the desk.
“Please don’t be concerned in the slightest. We have everything under control here,” the doctor said into the telephone receiver. After he hung up the phone he remained sitting with his back to me for a moment or two, then slowly swiveled his chair around. As he turned towards me and I saw his face my whole world suddenly felt like it had crashed down around me.
It couldn’t be him! It’s not possible! I thought as I stared in complete shock at the man in front of me.
“Jake? Jake, what are you doing here?” I asked, barely able to compute what I was seeing.
He looked at me with what appeared to be a combination of amusement and cold, calculated glee. He almost seemed to be enjoying watching me come undone as he stared at me with those incredibly intense eye - Jake’s eyes - and rested his elbows on the desk, touching the fingertips from each hand together. The corners of his mouth curled up slightly and looked as if they were fighting off a full blown laugh. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I couldn’t understand why Jake would do this to me. And why did he seem to find this situation so funny?
“Ms. Abby Scott, please allow me to introduce myself. I’m Dr. L…”
“Jake, I know it’s you. What the hell are you doing?” I said as I continued to stare at him like he was out of his mind.
“If you are more comfortable doing away with formalities we can address each other by our first names, by all means. You may call me Jeffrey if that makes you more comfortable.”
I stared at him, not having the vaguest idea what to say. It was Jake. It had to be. He had the exact same…well, everything. Thick dark hair parted in the exact same place and clipped in the exact same way over his ears. I mean, it was a pretty run of the mill men’s hair cut, but still. It was exactly the same. He had the same sexy, well-defined lips with beautifully raised edges. I could never forget those lips, goddamnit! I knew every single curve and peak of them. He had the exact same pattern on his darkened jaw and upper lip that came with afternoon facial hair growth. Plus, those eyes. How in God’s name could I mistake those eyes? The eyes that had pinned me into place and slowly scanned me from head to toe, then told me without words exactly how to peel my clothes off, piece by piece, exposing every inch of myself to them, much to my overwhelming shame and delight.
“Abby…may I call you Abby?”
I tried to speak but nothing came out. Instead, I refocused my gaze as I looked down at the floor and shifted in my seat on the couch. I couldn’t believe he was doing this to me.
“Abby, you’ve just been in a terrible accident. What we’re trying to provide for you here is a place to recuperate from any physical and emotional damage that may have occurred during the accident, or perhaps before the accident.”
My head was swimming and I was having a hard time comprehending any of the words Jake was saying. And every time I looked at them, it felt like the walls were moving in closer and the room was getting smaller. I swallowed hard and tried to control the panic that was rising in me as images of the last few days flew threw my head. I tried to wrap my mind around what was going on here with the accident and the drugged food and that horrible nurse, and how Jake was involved in all of it.
“I realize that you have been through a lot, Ms. Scott, and I want to help you work through any issues that may be coming up for you right now.”
“I’m not sure what you mean. What issues?”
“Well, you do seem to be under the impression that I look like someone you know.”
I looked up in his eyes and I could have sworn he still had an amused look in them. I didn’t know what kind of game he was playing and I had no idea what to say. It was Jake sitting in front of me, I knew it was, but he was obviously trying to get me to believe otherwise.
“So, you’re saying I’m imagining that you look exactly like my ex-boyfriend because of the accident I was in?”
He flinched slightly when I said ex-boyfriend and I knew then that it wasn’t my imagination. Was he doing all this just to get back at me? Was he really that fucked up that he would pretend to be someone else even though it was obvious to me that it was him sitting right in front of me? There was no way that this couldn’t be my imagination or a reaction to the accident I was in.
“The mind does play powerful tricks, Abby. Usually, it’s in an effort to protect us from something that is too hard or scary to contemplate in the present moment. But since we’ve just met and I have just begun this first session with you, I hesitate to give you any firm conclusions as to what you are experiencing. I would like to find out as much about you as possible so that we can figure this out together.”
“Figure what out? There’s nothing to figure out! There’s nothing wrong with me,” I said as I stared defiantly into those deep, dark eyes. Normally my knees would be wobbling and my panties would be dripping wet after just ten minutes in their presence, but today I was obviously not in the mood. I was beyond irritated that I was being blatantly lied to and apparently held captive by the man that I had, less than a week ago, run away from. It may not have been the most mature move on my part, but it had been my decision, goddamnit, and it did not make me unstable or whatever he was insinuating. Who the hell did he think he was?
“Well, doctor, this is
all very fascinating, but I’m not interested in hearing your theories or figuring anything out with you. I’m leaving today. Right now. Where are my things?” I stood up from the couch, keeping my gown wrapped around me and making absolutely sure that my ass was not hanging out the back. I needed at least a shred of dignity in front of those eyes today. I gave him my best tough chick in a hospital gown stare and wilted a little when I saw the corners of his perfect mouth curl up into another barely perceptible smile.
“Please sit back down, Abby.” His eyes burned into me as I stood there, slowly dismantling my remaining resolve with every second they held me in their gaze. I didn’t make a move to sit back down or look away from his stare or even blink. I wasn’t going to let him intimidate me. After what felt like an hour, but in reality probably only amounted to less than a minute, I decided to try and talk my way out of there instead of arguing with him. Maybe he would listen to reason if I pointed out how ridiculous this all was. He hadn’t struck me as an unreasonable man before. But that was before. Before he apparently turned into an insane person who was holding me against my will in this creepy old hospital.
“You can’t keep me here, Jake. This is starting to feel pretty fucked up. What do you want from me? Couldn’t you just have texted me or sent me an email if you wanted to talk? I told you I needed some space but if you’d asked me I would have talked to you, you know that don’t you? I mean this is all kind of elaborate isn’t it?” I said as I gestured towards the door and the hospital ward that lay just beyond.
“Ms. Scott. I’m going to have to insist that you sit back down or you will have to be sedated and restrained.”
My mouth fell open and my eyes grew wide as I stood there with his words ringing in my ears.
Sedated and restrained? Is he fucking kidding?
I didn’t know what to do or say. I just continued to stare at him in shock as he slowly tapped his fingertips on the desk with a slight smirk on his face.
“Please,” he said as he gestured toward the couch.
I slowly sat back down, clutching my gown like it was some sort of life raft. It was literally the only form of a security blanket I had since I didn’t even know where my own clothes were.
And holy shit where’s my car? I don’t even know what happened to my car.
Up until I walked into this office, I had thought I was in a relatively normal, small-town hospital. Maybe with some renovation issues, but still, it seemed like a legitimate hospital. I’d had my doubts about the odd nurse and the food being drugged, but I had also written all that off to the effects of my nightmares and the creepy atmosphere. Now, I suddenly realized that this was all a lie or a game that had been carefully constructed by this lunatic sitting in front of me. I realized that talking to him as if he were Jake was getting me nowhere, so I figured I’d just go along with the doctor and patient game for a while. I didn’t feel like I had many other choices and was having a hard time concealing the fact that I was starting to feel like I was coming unglued.
“Ok, so what happened to me? Can you tell me that?” I said with an edge to my voice that gave away the fact that I was on the verge of tears.
“Do you mean the accident that brought you in here, or are you referring to your mental state before you arrived?”
“Of course, I mean the accident! I didn’t have any problems before that! Mental or otherwise!”
Oh God, Abby, get a grip! Don’t let him see that he is getting to you, I thought as I tried to regain my composure after raising my voice. I really didn’t want to lose control in front of Jake, in a hospital gown no less, while he literally held the key to my freedom. I took a deep breath and unclenched my fists then continued.
“I…I mean…yes, that’s what I meant. I would just like to know what happened in the accident that brought me here. Were there any other people involved? Is my car ok?”
“From what I understand, Abby, there were no other parties involved in the accident. You hit an elk on a dark, country road and rolled several times before coming to a stop up against a large tree. You were brought here in my private ambulance and I believe the county highway patrolman took care of your car.”
Well, I guess that explains my confusion when I woke up here, I thought as I recalled that first morning, with flashes of an elk and paramedics and a woman on a stretcher. That was obviously me and I was being brought into this infernal private hospital.
“Can I talk to the highway patrolman? Do you have his name or phone number?”
“I’m sorry I don’t have that information in my records.”
“Well, someone here must have it? The nurse that was on duty when I was admitted?”
“I’m afraid no one is on duty at the moment, but I will check with the staff tomorrow.”
“There’s no one else but you in this entire hospital right now? Not a single person? Not even that nurse that has been drifting into my room and feeding me…”
“I’m afraid I haven’t been clear enough with you about where you are, Abby.”
“I’ll say.”
I wished he’d stop saying my name. I’d loved hearing Jake say it before, but now it just sounded mocking and hollow.
“This is a private hospital. The wing you have seen since you’ve been here is the basement level of my house. We are capable of catering to up to four individuals here at the clinic, but seldom have more than one visitor at a time and only part-time staff. We are located about twenty miles from the nearest town, and I own all the land for those twenty miles in each direction. I have created this place as not only a sanctuary for myself but also as one for patients that need the rest and recovery that can only be brought about by controlled isolation.”
Controlled isolation. What the hell?
My feelings of irritation and bewilderment with this game of his were turning to full-on panic.
Did he actually think he could get away with holding me here against my will? I thought as I sat there and felt my heart sink into my stomach. I realized that I hadn’t said a word to anyone about going anywhere. I wanted to be alone and I didn’t want to be bothered by questions or gestures of sympathy. I figured maybe my boss at work would wonder where I was and call my cell phone a few times, but they sure as hell wouldn’t send out a search party. And Maxwell might wonder where I had disappeared to but I didn’t know if she’d take any action into her own hands since she was pretty preoccupied with her own life most of the time. I barely talked to my parents more than once a month so I was sure that they wouldn’t miss hearing from me for quite a while. I was notorious in my family for not being very good about phone calls or emails.
Oh my God, no one knows where I am and no one’s going to come looking for me. This man is crazy. This man that I thought I knew is fucking out of his mind.
I tried to think of anything I could say to him to get him to let me go?
“Well, doctor, as you can see I’ve recovered from the accident. I don’t know what other recovery you have in mind, but I do need to get back to my job. I’m sure they will be wondering why I haven’t shown up or called for a week. Perhaps we could make an appointment to see each other on an outpatient basis.”
The corners of his mouth started to curl again and my heart sank even further when I realized he wasn’t going to play the game my way. He had it all figured out in his head. It was his game, after all. He stood up and walked around his desk, stopping to lean on the front edge a few feet in front of me. He crossed one arm over his chest and rested the elbow of the other on it while rubbing his chin.
“Your place of work has already been contacted, Abby. They’ve been told that you’re taking an indefinite leave of absence.”
“Contacted? By who? They won’t just take a stranger’s word for it. That’s ridiculous!”
“I had my nurse fax a letter from my office and they accepted it without question. I’m sure they’ll be happy to hear from you when you’ve recovered, though,” he said with a twinkle in his eyes.
&nb
sp; I couldn’t look at his horrible face any longer. He just seemed to be standing there, mocking me and laughing at me.
“According to my records, you were suffering from a breakdown when you were admitted, Abby. It’s my understanding that the accident was a direct result of your breakdown.”
“According to your records.” I looked up at him again incredulously. “What records? Where are your records? Let me see the re…”
“And…it is my recommendation that you stay here for further observation and recovery.”
“Your recommendation? So, if it’s just a recommendation then I’m free to leave, right?”
He held my gaze with the coldest look I had ever seen in my life. He wasn’t going to let me go.
“I’m afraid you don’t understand, Abby. It is my professional opinion that you could be a danger to yourself or others if you were to be released. I’m sorry, but I can’t allow that at this time.”
The silence that filled the room as I looked into his eyes came crashing down on me. I couldn’t even hear a clock ticking or a faucet dripping or a whisper of the breeze that might have been rattling the leaves on the tree just outside the window behind the desk. I started to experience the same tunnel vision that had slowly blacked out everything in the perimeter of the room the night I left Jake. Everything was closing in on me and narrowing down to a small circle so that all I could see were those dark, gorgeous, cold, calculating, terrifying eyes. I could barely breathe. I was so furious and terrified and stunned that I was actually surprised that I was still sitting up at all, or capable of making a coherent thought or sentence. And on top of everything I pretty much wanted to kick myself all the way to China for still having a reaction to those fucking eyes. My mouth was dry and my head was swimming with everything that was happening, but I had to try one more time.
“Look, Jake…”
