by Stella Noir
Jake stopped short and looked up at me in alarm when he heard Jeffrey’s bedroom door open. He grabbed my hand and quietly opened the door that led out into the hallway, then pulled me out with him and to the right. We slipped into another room across the hall that looked like an office of some sort. It was lined in bookcases and had a large desk in the middle of the room. There were two chairs in front of the desk and a couch with a coffee table that was covered in magazines off to the side. I glanced down at them and the dates on the magazines were all over ten years old.
“I think I know what rooms he has monitored and I should be able to get around all of the cameras. The only thing we might have a problem with is the elevator. I know that he has a camera in there.”
“Is there any other way down?” I asked, holding Jake’s hand and, for some reason, feeling safe for the first time since I’d gotten to that horrible place.
“Yes, there’s a back staircase that goes all the way down to the basement on the other end of the hallway, but I’m pretty sure he’s got cameras on that too. There is a third way down, but it might be a little riskier. Each one of these rooms on this side of the fourth floor is adjoined by a door. They’re a series of libraries my father had created for us because he expected both of us to follow in his footstept and become doctors, but I didn’t want to have anything to do with him or his work.”
“But Jeffrey did? What kind of doctor is he, Jake?”
“He’s not a doctor. He never went to medical school. There was an…accident when we were twelve and our father died. After that, Jeffrey spent all his time reading every one of our father’s books and journals. He went through all of the notes our father had taken for different laboratory experiments he had executed in the basement and developed some of his own experiments based on them. After our mother died from liver and kidney failure when we were twenty-one, Jeffrey started up the medical practice again. I don’t know how or where his staff or patients came from, and I never questioned him. I’ve just always turned a blind eye to Jeffrey’s behavior because of everything he’s been through.” Jake stopped as a visible look of pain spread across his face, then took a deep breath and squeezed my hand.
“What we need to do right now is get you out of here. Beyond this door is a string of libraries. There’s a room in the very center that’s made up of a four-foot landing that wraps around the perimeter of the room and a stairway that goes from it to the third floor. I’m not positive, but I don’t think there are any surveillance cameras in that room, or in any of the libraries. They’re his domain and he usually doesn’t let anyone else in them. We should be able to sneak through and make it to those stairs without him seeing us. Then we just have to get down one more flight and out of the front door.”
Jake still had not made eye contact with me and I knew it was because he was so ashamed of everything that had happened. I still didn’t quite understand the power his brother held over him, but it was obvious that it had been hard for Jake to go against him. He had to be pushed to the brink of murder in order to break free of the hold his brother had over him. I decided I wouldn’t bring anything up though or ask him any questions until we were safely away from this place and from Jeffrey, and even then I figured it was up to Jake. He would tell me if and when he was ready.
“Ok, let’s go,” Jake whispered as he opened a door in front of us. I could tell that he was still very nervous and probably still scared of his brother, and to be honest, I was too. There was no telling what Jeffrey was capable of. We passed through the first library room and it looked much like the one we had just left, only without the huge desk. It had chairs and a couch and every wall was filled with books. The next room was the one that Jake had told me about. Instead of a room with furniture scattered around the center, it had a beautiful, hand carved railing surrounding a gaping hole that allowed the entire room below to be seen from above. We made our way to the other side of the room and just as we approached the staircase that would take us down to the third floor Jeffrey appeared through another door in front of us.
JAKE
I remember the first time our father beat Jeffrey. We had been asleep in Jeffrey’s bed because I was afraid to sleep by myself that night. We were only five years old. I woke up to our father yelling at Jeffrey and pulling him out of bed, and by the look on Jeffrey’s face, he had no idea why he was in trouble. My father told Jeffrey to pull his pajamas down and bend over one of the big chairs and that what he was about to do would stop his soldier from standing at attention and keep him from playing with it. I remembered that part because all I could think of was that I hadn’t seen Jeffrey bring any toys into the bed with him.
My father looked at me before he started beating Jeffrey and he told me that he wanted me to watch so that I would learn the lesson too, and that if I looked away or even blinked that I would get what Jeffrey got, only worse. He did come after me more than once throughout my childhood, but for some reason it was Jeffrey that took the majority of the abuse. I would watch in horror as my father beat Jeffrey until he was screaming, then he would walk out of the room and leave him there on the chair. After he was gone I would run up to Jeffrey and put my arms around him until we both stopped crying, then we would get back into bed and lay there, staring at the door for the rest of the night. We were both terrified that he was going to come back in and beat one of us again.
Throughout all that time, through all of the years of the beatings and the torture and the things he did to Jeffrey that I was forced to watch, the most horrifying thing of all was seeing him standing in the doorway to one of our rooms, because we never knew what was coming. But we knew it was going to be bad.
That feeling came rushing back to me when I saw Jeffrey standing in the doorway of the library that Abby and I had just snuck through. We were approaching the staircase that led to the third floor when the door in front of us flew open and there he was, smiling at us just like our father used to.
I never understood why our father smiled when he was beating and torturing Jeffrey. In the beginning, it made me think that maybe what was going on wasn’t so bad, that we deserved what we were getting, even though I knew by the way my stomach felt that it was all very, very wrong. Then, I thought for a while that maybe he was smiling because he believed what he was doing was right, but eventually, sometime around when Jeffrey and I were ten, I knew that our father was just completely insane.
That’s what I’d wondered about Jeffrey these last few weeks, and it scared the hell out of me. I had that same feeling in my stomach as I had when I watched my father beat him, and it was like I was experiencing it all over again. It’s this house, and the memories and the guilt of never having done anything to stop it before. Maybe, as much as we want them to, things just don’t really ever change.
Jeffrey came towards us and I pushed Abby behind me. I would die before I let him get his hands on her again.
“Oh come on, Jacob, you’re not actually going to do something, are you? You’ve never done a goddamned courageous thing in your life, with your limp dick and your fucking tears,” Jeffrey said with a smirk.
“If I were you I’d just dive over that railing there, Abby. This hotshot isn’t going to save you. All he’s capable of doing is watching. And if you’re lucky he’ll get a hard-on after you hit the floor and break your neck.”
Then everything became a blur, with Jeffrey ranting like a lunatic and threatening both of us as we tried to reason with him. But the more I heard, the angrier I got until I just ran at Jeffrey with my hands aimed at his eyes. I wanted to claw them out and shove them down his throat so that I never had to see them or hear his voice again. For years I had to listen to him insult me and berate me and tell me that I owed him for everything he went through, all the beatings and torture he took from our father. There never seemed to be anything I could do or say, no amount of anything I could give of myself to him that would make up for what was taken away by our father.
I lunged at him, but befor
e I got a grip Jeffrey had already moved toward me and tackled me, knocking me onto my back. Then he was on top of me, smiling that insidious, soulless smile of our father’s with his hands wrapped around my throat.
“I’m going to kill you now, Jake. You’re going to be sorry you didn’t finish what you started back there.”
“Jeffrey…please don’t do this…I love you…” I whispered, gasping for the air that wasn’t coming through my windpipe anymore.
Jeffrey’s hands tightened around my throat and his eyes went completely dead. I had known this day was coming, even though I was never sure if he actually had it in him to kill a second time. But by the look in his eyes, he wasn’t even the same kid he was 20 years ago and it looked like I was next.
My vision of Jeffrey’s face hovering over mine was fading as I started to lose consciousness, but just before I blacked out the pressure around my neck was released. I turned on my side and coughed, pulling in as much air as I could, and when I opened my eyes again I watched in shock as Jeffrey fell backwards down the staircase.
JEFFREY
“O h, come on. You’ve never done a courageous thing in your life, Jake. Is this some kind of act to impress Abby? I’m pretty sure she knows what to expect from you by now.”
I watched my brother stand there, all limp and pathetic, as usual. He really must have thought I was just going to let him walk right out the front door with her.
“Jeffrey, just let her go. You can do whatever you want to me, just please let Abby leave.”
“It’s not that simple, Jacob. Abby is staying. You’re the one that needs to go, and if it’s not by the front door I have plenty of other ideas.”
“Jeffrey, come on. This has all gone on long enough. Just let Abby go.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Now that she’s here do you really think I’m going to let her go? She’s mine now, Jacob. She belongs to me. She left you, Jacob. She doesn’t want you. You don’t get the girl this time.”
“What are you talking about? What does that even mean? I’ve never taken anything away from you, Jeffrey. Besides, don’t you think Abby should have some say in this?”
“I can’t very well just let her go now…so, no, that decision does not rest with her. As far as whether you’ve taken anything away from me, if you think back far enough some events from our childhood may ring a bell.”
“What are you talking about, Jeffrey? What did I ever take away from you? I did nothing to you!”
“That’s right, Jake, you did nothing. You never lifted a finger to help me in any way. You just sat there watching and laughing. You think I don’t remember?”
“Jeffrey, The last thing I would have ever done is laugh, you know that!”
I can see it in his eyes, he’s still laughing at me.
As usual he was still pretending to care, still acting out the part of my brother, the only person I’d ever truly loved and trusted, but he was mocking me. I could see it all over his smug face.
“It’s too late now, Jake. I’ve heard all of your excuses. It’s over.”
“What excuses? What are you talking about?”
“I’ve had it with your bullshit, Jake. I’ve put up with it for years. You, begging me for help then turning right around and blaming me when things would all fall apart. And now you’re telling me that I’m the sadist and I’m the one that has gone too far. You may have thought that you could fool me, but I’ve always been able to see exactly what you think of me. If you think that I don’t realize what you’re saying and thinking about me…that you judge my work here and what happened when our father died…you’re crazier than he was.”
I could tell he was trying to come up with a response that would get him and his little slut out the front door, but there was no way I was going to let that happen.
“What do you want, Jeffrey?”
I looked over at Abby in all of her bullshit sincerity and actually contemplated answering her question. But the thing was, I didn’t actually know what I wanted anymore. At first, when I was standing in for Jake in my usual role as his dick, I thought she was a pretty perfect submissive, really. She had that sad, self-deprecating thing going on where she would do anything for a guy just so she felt wanted. And then, when I fucked her the second time, I knew I wanted her all for myself. I did the work of setting everything up and getting her here, and it was just dumb luck that the elk jumped in front of her car when it did. But ultimately I knew that if I brought her here, Jake wouldn’t be able to stay away. I wanted…what I really wanted…
“Answer her, Jeffrey. What do you want from us?”
God, I hated him so much. I should just push them both over the banister one right after the other. I didn’t ever want to have to see the accusing looks on either one of their faces again.
“What I want is to be appreciated for once, for all my efforts to not continuously go unnoticed. I just want a little bit of respect! Is that too goddamned much to ask, Jacob? I want you both here. You are both staying here! Neither one of you is getting out that front door alive.”
Just as Jake came at me I tried to push him through the landing railing that was right behind him, but because of the momentum that little bastard had when he ran at me we both just landed on the floor in front of the staircase. I held his arms down with my knees as I got a grip on his throat.
“You really think I’m stupid, don’t you? I’ve known you our whole life and I know how much you changed toward me after dad died. I can see how much you despise me now. How you still blame me!”
“It wasn’t me that changed, Jeffrey, it was you. I never despised you or blamed you for anything. How can you even think that?”
“You’re lying. Why won’t you ever admit it? You seriously think I don’t know that you hate me? For once tell me the truth!”
“I don’t hate you, Jeffrey. I could never hate you.”
“Jake, I saw you! I saw the look on your face when you watched! You couldn’t even stand to look at me afterwords like it was my fault, that I was the sick one! You knew what he was doing to me! You watched the whole thing!”
I wrapped my hands around his throat and watched his ugly fucking face as I squeezed the life out of him. It was beyond me how anyone could ever confuse me with this pathetic excuse for a human being. I watched him gasp for breath and look up at me with those sad, begging eyes and that just fueled my rage.
“I never blamed you for anything, Jeffrey. I knew how much he hurt you and I never blamed you…”
“I knew this day was going to come. That you would find some tramp and run off with her and leave me here. I’ve known all along that you were just waiting for any excuse to get rid of me. I was only ever good enough to be your standin, but you never wanted me around for anything other than that!”
“That’s…not…true Jeffrey. How…can you…say that? You were my best…friend. You’ve always been my best friend…”
“But you still won’t admit it! You still won’t look me in the eye and tell me why you hate me so much!”
“Please…I love you, Jeffrey.”
I grabbed Jake’s throat and put all my weight down onto it then felt something hit me on the side of the head and before I knew it I was falling backwards down the stairs. As I tumbled down the stairs, flashes of images, memories of Jake and me that I hadn’t thought about since I was a kid, came rushing into my head.
Jake…always so silly…racing cars and always letting me win…and cheering for both of us. His scared face at night…crawling in bed with me…because he felt safe with me. His arms around me…for hours…after our dad finally left us alone in my room…
The images stopped when I felt cold, hard marble underneath me and blacked out.
ABBY
I watched Jeffrey go careening backwards down the stairs and to my horror I heard Jake screaming his name as he lurched toward the staircase, trying to stop his brother from falling. After watching what had just gone on between the two of them, the last thin
g I wanted in the world was to hurt Jake, but that’s just what I had done when I tried kill Jeffrey. I had no idea what had happened to them in their childhood, but I knew it had lifelong effects on both of them, and they were both suffering.
My heart broke as I watched Jake run down the stairs after his brother. He hovered over Jeffrey’s broken body that now lay, all crumpled and bleeding, on the coldest, darkest floor in the most lonely house I had ever been in. Jake looked up at me, then back down at his brother like a little kid that didn’t know what to do. He just kept touching Jeffrey gently and telling him everything was going to be ok.
Jeffrey was still breathing but he was losing a lot of blood and his leg was bent backwards in the wrong direction. And even though I knew he was a sadistic lunatic, I couldn’t just let him die. I also couldn’t stand by and watch while Jake was in so much pain. It was obvious how much his brother still meant to him, and no matter how messed up this whole situation was, I realized that they were both terrified of a lot of the same things that scared me, and they both deserved my help.
“Jake where’s the phone?”
“There’s one on the desk through that door,” he said as he looked up at me in a daze, his eyes red and filled with tears. I ran into the next room and called for an ambulance and the police.
While we waited I sat on the floor with Jake and held his hand.
“I’m not going to tell the police what happened here, Jake. As far as I’m concerned it was an accident.”
“Why?” he asked as he looked up at me with eyes that were still filled with tears.
“I don’t know. I just don’t feel like it’s going to help me to send Jeffrey off to prison. I just want to go home and forget about everything that happened here…and I trust you to do the right thing.”
I could tell that last part stung him a bit, so I squeezed his hand, trying to reassure him even though I was having a hard time believing what had just come out of my own mouth.
“I do mean it, Jake.”
