by Rose Harper
Harboring the memories from so long ago took a lot out of me, but revealing them took even more. I may be this bad-assed killer with no regret about what I do, but I sure as shit felt the pain slice through me like a knife with a serrated edge while talking about my miscarriages. That’s a part of my past I’d rather not face ever again if I can.
Stepping off the last stair, I allow my eyes to drift over the priceless art donning the walls. I don’t know how Mateo can live in a place as stagnant as this. It’s too much like a museum for my taste. Everything has a certain place, never to be disturbed for fear of tarnishing its worth.
The valuable décor seems like it’s taunting me, begging me to move it from its original placing. I’d bet my left tit most of this shit hasn’t been moved in years, if not decades. It just further solidifies my determination. Mateo hates change, loathes it.
“They’re in the dining room, ma’am.” A voice from my left startles me.
Jesus. I need to get my shit together already. If one of Mateo’s men can sneak up on me, then I’m not at the top of my game. In any other situation, that could be deadly.
Appearing unfazed, I turn toward him, muttering my thanks.
I still find it hard to be nice to these people, even though they’re all under my protection now.
Making my way toward the dining room, angry voices cause me to stop before entering. I don’t know what propels me to eavesdrop, but all too soon, I hear my brother. It isn’t the fact he’s still in the house that causes me to pause. It’s the fact he thinks he has enough right to have any say so while he’s in this house that perturbs me the most.
“Do you honestly believe I have another reason to be here other than to see if she’s okay? I’m not you, Mateo. I don’t have a hidden agenda.”
“Says the man who held a knife to my goddamn throat,” Mateo answers, his deep, raspy voice sliding over me like a sweet caress.
“I only did that because you and I both know there would have been a fight. She doesn’t like people, but she likes you for some God-only-knows reason. I did that as a safety precaution for her. It was merely to see if she was okay and to watch her get married. I heard about the shooting, and I had every intention of leaving after the wedding, but then I saw her. I couldn’t bring myself to leave her again after that. So, sorry, but you’re stuck with me.”
He couldn’t leave me? What—like he had a sudden case of the feels and hated everything he’s ever done to me? Bullshit. The little females he messes around with may accept that excuse, but I’m not easily swayed by his false sympathy.
“Says the man that let me to believe I killed him,” I fume, pushing through the door.
Both heads turn toward me as I come to a stop just inside the dining room. Mateo has a smirk lining his lips as he shoots a wink my way. I don’t know why, but it causes a flush to steel my cheeks and what feels like a pocket of air to expand inside my chest. Luca just looks like he’s bored with this conversation, with his narrow glare and brooding exterior.
“I only did that to protect you,” he says, crossing his arms.
“Oh, protect me, did you?” I query sardonically. “You helped turn me into a monster.”
Then Mateo does something that renders me speechless. He fucking chuckles. Releases a bout of laughter that has both Luca and me peering over at him in all his level of crazy.
“Something funny?” I fume.
“Oh, baby. You say you’re a monster like that’s a bad thing. I happen to think it’s pretty goddamn hot.”
Blushing deeply, I roll my eyes and glance back over at Luca. Even though, in the back of my mind, I’m wondering if Mateo dipped into the tainted liquor stash from his room again. It’s only barely daylight, but still, doesn’t mean he hasn’t drunk from the stress of everything happening around us. And I wouldn’t even blame him if he had. I would have probably joined him.
“Anyway,” I say, drawing out the word.
Luca stares at me. Hard. “I only did that because it was a last resort.”
“Need a little more than that,” I retort, placing my hand on my hip. “Let’s start off with something you cannot possibly be vague about. Why did you come back?”
“Remember when we were little and I made a promise to you that I would always be there? Well, I’ve spent thirteen years in hiding, making sure people got off my tail, and now since I’m not running, I will uphold that promise. I heard about the shooting, which I’m already looking into, and I had to see if you were all right. My contact hasn’t checked in with me in a long time, so I was forced to do it myself.”
“Oh, what a big inconvenience that must be.” I grind my teeth, barely refraining from rolling my eyes like a petulant child.
“Carina,” my brother says in warning.
Heaving a sigh, I ask another direct question, “Who is your contact?”
“Not answering that.” He shakes his head fervently.
“Hiding secrets already, I see,” I growl.
“I’ll meet with them when we’re done here,” he says, then cuts me off when I begin to open my mouth. “And no, you can’t fucking come, either.”
Rolling my eyes, I ask, “Are you here to hurt, maim, or kill anyone?”
“Not yet, but that asshole better not give me a reason to,” he finishes, pointing toward Mateo, who’s now tossing his trademark smirk in Luca’s direction.
With a grin, Mateo gestures toward me. “She wouldn’t let you touch me even if I were to give you a reason to.”
“So, you let the little female fight your battles for you, huh?” my brother prods, which pisses me off.
Not because he’s goading Mateo, but because of what he said. Little female? He’s referring to me as if I’m a child or something. The goddamn nerve. He’s spent a majority of his life existing when I thought he was dead. His absence is the very catalyst that forced me to become the emotionless killer I am today. And still, he wants to consider me a little female? I’ll cut his balls off and feed them to him for dinner!
“Trust me,” Mateo seduces, licking his lips as he lets his eyes trail over my body. “Carina is no little female.”
“You better be meaning her age, jackass.”
Mateo catches my eyes, winking. “I could lie and say her age, but I’m not prone to lying. I’m talking about that sweet pussy she has between those mouthwatering thighs.”
“You fucking bastard!” Luca roars.
It all happens so fast. Within the blink of an eye, Luca leaps over the table separating him and Mateo, tackling them both to the ground. In a flurry of fists and elbows, they fight for dominance over their little pissing contest. I stand back, amused by it all. Even if Luca manages to get the upper hand, Mateo still plays dirty. When Luca least suspects anything, that’s when Mateo will attack.
Swinging back his fist, he nails Mateo with a right hook, causing his head to bounce off the marble tiling. Blood splatters across the floor, and with a growl, Mateo launches his own attack. He sideswipes Luca’s next punch, landing an elbow to the side of Luca’s face, causing my brother to release a string of curses.
Getting the upper hand, Mateo rolls them until he’s the one on top. A demented smile rests across his lips as his eyes glimmer with menace. He practically vibrates with pleasure as his fists rain down against my brother’s face, one right after the other. His muscles bunch and bulge under his dress shirt, causing my mouth to water at the sight. He’s so strong—so fierce.
“I don’t give a fuck who you are. You will not attack me in my own home!” Mateo yells, closing his right hand around Luca’s throat. Pressing his face closer to my brother’s, Mateo narrows his eyes into thinly-veiled slits. “I should fucking kill you for the shit you made her endure. You can tell yourself all the lies you want to, but we both know the truth. You’re nothing but a coward! A spineless, no good, disloyal traitor. She doesn’t have to fight my battles for me, Luca! I can take care of my damn self.”
When my brother’s face starts turning p
urple, I contemplate walking over to break them up. Yet, I can’t bring myself to move. It’s delightful seeing Mateo in all his brooding, demonic glory—intoxicating, really. I love it when he doesn’t hold himself back. When he allows that part of himself free of its gilded cage.
With me, Mateo doesn’t have to hide. I don’t expect him to—never will—even though a small part of me knows he does.
But if this is what I get when he’s being his true self, I’m on board for more. It’s fucking delicious.
“You have no idea the shit I’ve had to endure,” Luca gasps, grabbing at Mateo’s wrists. “The promises I’ve had to break and the lies I had to weave.”
I see Mateo marginally release his grip on my brother’s neck, causing Luca to gasp and cough as fresh air attacks his battered and bruised lungs. The sound itself causes a sick sense of pleasure to wrack my system, seeing my brother trying to fight and claw his way from the very clutches of death itself.
“Explain yourself because I have half a mind of ending you.”
“You’ll never do that,” Luca says smugly. “Carina wouldn’t allow it.”
“You think just because you share DNA that she would ever take your side? She fucking hates you.”
“Family is family, a paraphrase of your words from earlier,” he says, smiling.
Smirking, I take this as my cue to step forward away from the doors. Strutting over to them, I place a warm hand on Mateo’s shoulder. Imperceptibly, I catch him leaning into my touch without his knowledge which causes a flurry of butterflies to flutter in my stomach. I love the fact it’s as if his body can’t help its pull toward me. Because, honestly, my body feels the same way when he’s within reach.
Leaning down, my hair fans around my face, causing darkness to envelop half of it. My eyes glimmer in excitement as they connect with Luca’s, refusing him the opportunity to look away from me.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that if I were you. You may be here now, but you weren’t then. I hold a lot of resentment toward you for your lies and deceit,” I explain, noting the shocked look on his face.
“You’re kidding, right? You would choose him over your flesh and blood?”
“In. A. Heartbeat. My flesh and blood has done nothing but show me pain and agony. Why would I choose you over the man who causes me to feel more like myself than I have since the day I slit Marco’s throat?”
Mateo cocks his head to the side, fingers marginally tightening as if to show he was right all along. “See. I told you. You are nothing more than a stranger to her now, while I’m the one who brings her nothing but pleasure. Well … and a little pain, but she loves that part. So, if you want to live, I’d suggest you get down to business and explain yourself and your actions.”
When Luca stays silent, probably wondering how much he can get away with by telling me, I start to get furious he even thinks he has the right to withhold anything from me. He’s not the one who was left behind to get raped, slapped around, and practically killed in his absence. I was. I’m the one who had to turn off every goddamn emotion to keep from killing myself by the torture my father and Rossi were putting me through.
He owes me fucking everything.
Seeing a phantom emotion pass over his eyes, he mutely nods toward us. Mateo unwraps his fingers, shoving him at the same time he stands to his feet, making himself presentable once more. That’s one of the things I like about Mateo. Even if his insides are blazing with anger, he can appear as put together as any other suit walking the street. With his stoic mask and rigid stature, no one would be able to tell he was just seconds away from ripping my brother’s throat out.
Luca lies on his back for just a moment before getting to his feet and rubbing the place Mateo’s hands just were. It may be a shot to his ego to be put in his place, but what did he expect? Mateo isn’t the head of the Calvetti familia for no reason. He’s there because he’s just as strong and protective as the next leader.
Sighing, Luca says, “The leash was taken off the night our father died. I’ve come out of hiding because I heard about the incident that happened with Vinny.” He gives Mateo a soft look. “Sorry about your brother.” I think that’s the first time I’ve seen my brother with something other than a scowl on his face.
“Continue,” Mateo fumes, anger overshadowing the pain I see swirling in his molten irises.
“Anyway. Before that, I’d been spending all my time trying to track down who put the contract on your head,” he says, still peering at Mateo. “Only, there’s nothing to find. It’s as if the contract, in fact, doesn’t exist.”
Shocked, I stammer, “How is that possible?”
“Someone paid a lot of money to have it hush-hush, and no one underground will speak out against who this person is. Honestly, they all tremble in fear when I even insinuate about your contract. That leads me to believe whoever asked our father to contract your services must be a person with an obscene amount of power and influence.”
Who could have that much power to have people quaking in terror? Even from the way Luca speaks, it’s as if he fears this person without fully knowing their identity. How is that possible? Luca is the same as me, trained to maim, murder, and make sure no one finds a speck of evidence after the fact. He shouldn’t be the type of person to scare so easily.
“Why do you look petrified right now?” I ask, furrowing my brows in confusion.
“There’s one more thing I need to tell you. It’s something you’re not going to like,” Luca says, and from the looks of it, it appears he’s about to faint. Sweat dots along his upper lip and forehead. His skin takes on a grayish color in appearance.
“What is it?” Mateo asks, and I’m thankful as he closes the space between us.
“The contract for Mateo’s head,” he says, dropping his gaze to the floor. He’s searching for a way to tell me, and what I really want him to do instead of pussyfooting around is to just tell me.
“Yes,” Mateo and I say in unison.
His eyes rise to meet mine, and the vulnerability I see in them causes me to stiffen. “You’re no longer the holder of his contract. There’s a new player in town.”
8
MATEO
Fuck me. I don’t need this shit. I’m already in over my head when it comes to finding Vinny’s killer and trying to break into that computer of his. It should have been easy for Giovanni to crack the code, but we’re still sitting on our hands and twiddling our dicks waiting for the next ball to drop. It’s frustrating, maddening.
It's as if the world is laughing at us, and I don’t know how much more I can take. I already feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff, getting ready to teeter over the side. I can feel it. It’s like it’s a part of me, burrowing just beneath the surface.
My entire body itches to end his miserable life, send him back to hell where parasites like him deserve to burn for all of eternity. Watch as the life fades from his eyes, his blood pooling around my feet as I slit his throat. It’s a need so fierce inside my body that it vibrates with the seductive haze of seeing him dead lying at my feet.
You know you yearn for it, Teo. Just one little cut; that’s all it would take. Kill for us. Kill … Kill … Kill …
My heart hammers in my chest as the voices from so long ago taunt me in my mind. I thought I had it all under control, but it’s possible everything that happened with Vinny is unlocking doors that I closed so long ago. It’s making me even more unstable, and I can’t be around anyone if I detonate.
Because that’s exactly what will happen. I’ll blow up, leveling everything and everyone around me. My thoughts would not be mine anymore. Instead, I’d just be a shell of myself with nothing more than crazed thoughts of killing everyone until I’m the only person within hearing distance that remains with a heartbeat. And I can’t allow that to happen. Even though Carina has done so much to me, she doesn’t deserve to see that side of me.
No one does.
I need to get out of here. Drive around and clear my
head, allow the surroundings to take away what manic emotions I have blazing through me. I always think clearer after a drive around the city and the demons are laid to rest once more. Something about seeing people barely living as they spend a majority of their life running from place to place always sets me back to rights. As if they’re hamsters on a wheel of never-ending torment by their own making.
Giving them both a blank stare, I turn on the balls of my feet and leave them both behind. I can’t stand in the same room as him right now, refraining from doing the thing that claws at my insides. I want to kill him—peel the flesh from his bones and laugh while he struggles in pain. Carina may not have any feelings for her brother right now, but somewhere deep down, I know if I did anything to him, it would fester inside of her until she couldn’t take it anymore.
Making my way down the hall, I quietly enter the office. My entering causes my brothers and Dom to glance over at me, all quirking a familiar brow in unspoken inquiry. Shaking my head, I make my way over to the built-in bar, quickly uncapping the decanter and pouring two fingers into a tumbler. Placing it back down with more force than I intend, I mutter under my breath as I snatch my glass from the top of the glass counter, turning it up and downing the contents.
The sweet burn of alcohol stings the inside of my throat, warming me from my lips all the way down to my stomach. Pouring myself another, I recap the decanter, putting it back in its place. Picking up my tumbler, I take another sip. I shouldn’t be as dependent on liquor as I am, but in a time like this, it does in a pinch.
Turning around, I find the only person still peering at me is Dom. He has that look on his face. The one that practically screams he wants to ask what’s wrong with me but he’s not sure how to broach the subject. It will do him well to tread lightly. I’m not in the mood right now, and even the smallest things will send me over the edge.
