A sharp elbow nudged him. ‘Well? You cannot attend Almack’s and not stand up for the dances. And, if you are serious about making a match, you will do well to follow my advice.’ She looked around her. ‘If Miss Mayfield isn’t to your taste, what about Miss Penhurst over there…?’ She flipped her cane up to point, almost spearing a passer-by. ‘Oh! Catherine, my dear. My apologies. I did not see you there. I was intent upon helping poor Kelridge here with his marriage plans.’
A pair of startled grey eyes flew to Adam’s face and, to his intense irritation, he felt his skin heat as he blushed. Blushed! What was he…a young girl still in the schoolroom?
‘I have no marriage plans and Lady Datchworth is well aware of that fact, for I have told her so many times,’ he growled, embarrassed both by the subject and by the rush of pure desire through his body.
‘Nonsense, Kelridge. You have a title and a fortune, you are getting no younger and you need an heir. Of course you must wed—it is your obligation as a peer of the realm. You start at a disadvantage, it is true, but I am sure there are chits here who would be prepared to overlook your unfortunate upbringing if only you would wipe that black scowl from your face and apply yourself to the task in hand.’
She looked him up and down, and he set his teeth. The woman had as much tact as a charging bull and was as impossible to deflect, but he was grateful for the spike of anger that helped to quell his desire.
‘You have a fine figure,’ Her Ladyship went on. ‘Very manly. Of course, you will not display to advantage on the dance floor—unless you are lighter on your feet than you look—but there are chits who positively favour a man with a muscular frame such as yours. Do you not agree, Catherine, my dear?’
Adam caught Kitty’s amused twinkle as she mimicked Lady Datchworth in looking him up and down. His teeth ground together.
‘Oh, indeed, ma’am. A fine figure.’
The suppressed laughter in her voice wound his temper higher. How dare she mock him? How dare they both presume to treat him like…treat him like…?
As suddenly as it arose his anger subsided and he surprised himself by laughing.
‘Now, now, ladies. Please do control yourselves. I must ask…is it entirely proper for ladies to discuss a gentleman’s figure in quite so blatant a manner? And within his hearing, no less?’
Lady Datchworth, when she wasn’t amusing herself by playing matchmaker, had helped Adam no end with learning and understanding the ways of this world.
She grinned up at him. ‘I see you have taken in some of my lessons after all, Kelridge.’
‘Lessons?’ Kitty arched one brow. ‘What, pray, has Lady Datchworth been teaching you, my lord?’
‘Oh, this and that.’ Lady Datchworth waved an airy hand. ‘He is a receptive pupil when he has a mind to co-operate. But he has proved himself remarkably stubborn in certain areas.’ She fixed Adam with a darkling look. ‘You will do well to heed my advice. You are already six-and-thirty…time is not on your side and, as your poor mother cannot be here to guide you, it falls to me as her oldest friend to step into her shoes.’
Kitty tucked her lips between her teeth, but the sparkle of her eyes gave her away.
Adam looked away, scanning the dancers. I am pleased my situation is providing her with such enjoyment.
‘Perhaps I will—’
‘No!’ Lady Datchworth held up a peremptory hand. ‘I understand your predicament better than you know, Kelridge, and I have the solution—dance with Lady Fenton here. That will ease you in gently and, in time, you may find the confidence to ask one of the younger, more eligible ladies to be your partner.’ She sat back, satisfaction writ large on her face.
‘I—’
‘That is a splendid notion, ma’am.’ Kitty tucked her hand through Adam’s arm. ‘Come, Lord Kelridge. We shall soon build your confidence.’
Adam found himself manoeuvred away from Lady Datchworth and out on to the dance floor where sets were starting to form. He planted his feet, giving Kitty no option but to stop.
‘I have nae need of your charity.’
Her grip on his arm tightened. ‘Is the prospect of dancing with me really so objectionable that you would prefer to endure yet more of Lady Datchworth’s unique variety of persuasion?’
Her voice remained low; her words were forceful, with a hint of anger, but her expression was serene—light-hearted, even—belying her tone.
‘The last time we spoke ye could not wait to rid yourself of me. And yet, here you are, nigh on begging me to dance. I wish ye would make up your mind.’
‘I have no more desire to dance with you than you do with me, my lord, but I took pity on you as I would on any other harried-looking gentleman suffering the undivided attentions of Lady Datchworth. I have no further agenda, I assure you, and what I said still holds true: what happened fifteen years ago happened to two different people and I have come to the conclusion that we cannot avoid one another for ever.’
‘Verra well.’ He walked on, leading her among the other couples forming sets. ‘As you said before, after fifteen years we truly are little more than strangers. Blame my testiness on Lady D. The woman effortlessly stirs my ire. She is so…’ He could think of many words to describe Her Ladyship, none of them suitable for a lady’s ears ‘…exasperating. So, thank ye for rescuing me from her…um…efforts on my behalf.’
‘No thanks are necessary. But…do not condemn Lady Datchworth too harshly, Adam. She actually has a heart of gold beneath her overbearing ways.’
His heart twitched at her seemingly unconscious use of his forename.
‘I am aware of it, or I would not continue to tolerate her,’ he said, then frowned at his own words. ‘No. That is unfair. I admit she amuses me more frequently than she frustrates me.’
‘That is at least one thing we have in common, then.’
‘Indeed.’ He glanced at Kitty. ‘I confess I am surprised to find ye here. It does not appear the sort of place—’
She tensed. ‘In the first place, my lord, you have precisely no idea of my current interests, likes or dislikes. In the second place, I am here as chaperon for my stepdaughter and this is precisely the sort of venue a young lady is expected to attend in her debut Season.’
My lord! Adam did not last long.
‘Of course it is. I am still guilty of overlooking the passage of years, it seems. I wonder, though…’
Could he bury his hurt at her betrayal? He kept forgetting how young she had been and he could surely make allowances more easily for Kitty’s behaviour than for his mother’s lies. It was not Kitty’s fault that she had mistaken a young girl’s infatuation for love, but it was his mother’s fault he’d wasted fifteen years of his life believing himself unworthy of an earl’s daughter.
‘…as we agree we are now strangers, might we also agree to get to know the people we are now a little better?’
Surely that would be preferable to this constant sniping at one another? Kitty slid him a sideways look and her expression softened infinitesimally.
‘Yes. I think we might agree upon that. And I admit it is true that I have no great liking for this place but, as I said, I am here for Charis. Almack’s is the perfect place for young, unmarried ladies to display their elegance and beauty.’
‘It is known as the marriage mart, according to Lady D.’ Adam couldn’t resist the chance to tease her. ‘I assume it is an equally suitable venue for young widows to attract a future husband?’
Kitty frowned. ‘Not for this widow, I assure you, for I am resolved to never again marry.’
The dance began, Adam taking Kitty’s hands as they circled one another. ‘Why are you opposed to marrying again? Was your marriage to Fenton so very distasteful?’
He remembered that stubborn tilt of her chin. The action exposed the pale skin of her throat, and, without warning, a starburst of longing exploded w
ithin him. The memory…her skin, warm beneath his lips; the fresh scent of his lass, of crushed grass and the earthy smell of the woods where they held their trysts; the taste of those lush lips, as full and rosy now as when they tasted of the berries they picked.
But her lips were no longer stained with blackberry juice. His heart lurched as sorrow flowed through him. She was not his lass. His Kitty. She was Catherine, Lady Fenton. Fifteen years had changed them both and he still struggled to come to terms with it.
It was the strangest dichotomy: a girl he had known so well, a girl who had taken root in his heart and who had been a part of him—staying the same in his memory for fifteen long years—a girl he had loved, yet here she was…a woman who was a stranger to him. And his feelings for this stranger were…complicated. Undoubtedly, he felt physical desire for her. She was a graceful, beautiful woman and he…he was a man. How could he not want her?
They had agreed to get to know one another again, but could he truly move forward and view her afresh? Could he break those chains to the past, chains forged by the pain and the insult to his pride caused by that news of her hasty marriage? He could bury his hurt, yes. But it still existed and still coloured his reactions to her. It still confused him.
He clenched his jaw and dragged his thoughts into the present as Kitty replied.
‘My marriage was far from distasteful, but I shall not discuss it with you other than to say I miss my husband a great deal. I shall not remarry because I am perfectly happy remaining with my family at Fenton Hall and I have other interests that occupy me fully. I shall not remarry because I have no need. I shall not remarry because I have no desire to do so.’
Desire. That word on her lips stirred his own desire, even though she did not use the word in that context. Was it nostalgia that returned his thoughts to her and to their shared past so frequently? Or was it the growing conviction that there were still words unsaid between them? He wanted answers. He wanted to know how she had gone from a broken heart to marriage just two weeks after his departure. He wanted to understand how she had so speedily recovered from the anguish she had accused him of causing.
How he longed to sit down with her and talk about what had happened. Perhaps then he might untangle this mass of emotion that knotted his stomach.
But the opportunity to do so was unlikely to present itself here in London. Besides, was there any point when Kitty appeared to be utterly uninterested in him? He was a seething mass of contradictory emotions whereas she revealed no hint of any residual feelings for him.
Except…there had been that near kiss. That, surely, meant something?
The steps of the dance separated them, and he partnered others without really seeing them. No doubt he would be branded uncouth… Lady D. had told him often enough that a gentleman was expected to entertain the ladies with gay conversation and subtle compliments. Well, his tongue had never been silver. He veered more towards the unvarnished truth. His gaze roamed over the dancers until they found Kitty and, this time, his heart lodged in his throat.
All those months…all those years…he had suffered guilt over his treatment of her and she…she…had moved on without a second thought. All those years that his own attempts to find love had come to nothing because his heart had never been in it. Because they weren’t her. They weren’t Kitty.
They came together again in the dance and their hands met, but barely…her touch having no more substance than that of a feather lying in his palm.
And this is what we have come to. Two strangers, with an ocean of hurt and mistrust lying between us.
Did he want more from her? Or was he right in the first place and it was simple nostalgia swelling this lump in his throat and weighing down his spirits? But even if he did want more, she had made her position crystal clear.
The decision came from nowhere.
‘I leave for Kelridge Place tomorrow.’
Her grey eyes regarded him. He could read nothing of her thoughts. His gaze dropped to her lips as they parted and he mentally swatted aside the sweet nip of desire and tamped down the swell of longing. He must use reason and logic to overcome her effect on him and keep reminding himself that she was a stranger, not the Kitty he had fallen in love with.
‘The Season has another two weeks at least before families leave for the country.’
Adam shrugged. ‘That holds no interest for me.’
‘I thought…’ She paused and frowned.
The music finished and Adam bowed.
‘You thought?’
Kitty curtsied. ‘The dance has ended.’
The tinge of relief in her voice stirred the pain that lurked ever ready in his depths, making him long to lash out at her. To make her feel the same hurt he suffered.
He proffered his arm.
‘I shall escort you back to your family.’
Again, he barely registered her hand on his arm and was forced to glance down to assure himself it was there. She roused emotion within him like no other female ever had, but he was hard put to know if it was love or hate. Was it the past casting rainbows over the present that was keeping that sliver of hope alive deep inside him? He could not tell and neither could he tell if she, too, still felt this connection that hovered between them, binding them. She was so guarded, so difficult to understand, and he longed to provoke her into some show of the emotion she claimed was absent, but which he sensed—hoped?—was there, well hidden beneath her serene surface.
‘You thought?’ His voice harder this time—he would not allow her to wriggle out of explaining herself. He was confused enough, without her adding more questions to the list circling inside his head.
Again, that familiar lift of her chin.
‘I thought you would wish to make the most of this time, while everyone is in town, to more fully establish your position.’
‘To what purpose? These people mean nothing to me. They are not my friends. I have an interest in politics and I am happy to have my say in the Lords but, as to the rest…’ He contemplated his surroundings and the people within. ‘I miss the purpose of earning my living. This is not a way of life that I recognise or find fulfilling. I find no merit in lives lived in pursuit of idle pleasures.’
Kitty halted, releasing Adam’s arm. Her mouth was tight and, when she spoke, so was her voice. ‘You may leave me to find my own way to my companions, Lord Kelridge. I should thank you, I surmise, for your condescension in agreeing to so frivolous an activity as dancing. I trust you will find your estates in good repair when you go to Kelridge.’
‘If they are not, I shall soon turn them around.’
Although he did not know quite how he would manage that when he had no clue about running an estate. The flick of her eyebrow before she stalked away suggested that Kitty, too, doubted his bold confidence. Let her think what she pleased. It would be a relief to leave London and its inhabitants behind him and, as for Kitty, maybe putting distance between them might help him to sort through the confusion of his feelings for her. At least he need no longer be burdened with guilt over the past, knowing now that she had not suffered after he left. He could now look to his future and plan his life free from the sentimental, romantic regrets that had plagued him for far too long, regrets over what might have been.
He returned to Lady Datchworth, who cast a glance at a nearby couple, deep in conversation with one another, before patting the empty chair by her side. As Adam sat, the couple moved away on to the dance floor and he recognised them as Miss Mayfield and Lord Sampford. Lady D. watched them go.
‘What are those two up to?’
‘Shush! Nothing. How should I know?’ Lady D. tore her attention from the couple and turned it on to Adam. ‘What did you say to upset Catherine? For two people who barely know one another you do seem to rub one another the wrong way.’
‘I shared my opinion of high society and she took offence.’
<
br /> Lady D. tapped his arm with her fan. ‘You must learn to dissemble, Kelridge. Bluntness will win you no friends.’
‘I do not need friends. I need to go to Kelridge and learn about my inheritance. And, to that end, I have decided I shall leave London in the morning.’
‘Tomorrow?’
‘Aye. It’s time. I’ve told you many times I have no wish to marry in the foreseeable future. There is no need to stay here longer.’
‘But…’ Her Ladyship stared at Adam, her lips pursed. ‘I need you to escort me to the Change tomorrow. At two o’clock.’
‘Two o’clock? Why?’
‘A shopkeeper there has a new cane for me. A very special cane.’ Lady D. leaned towards him, putting her hand on his arm. ‘Besides…you did express an interest in seeing the beasts in the menagerie…’twould be a pity to miss them.’
‘I make no doubt they will still be there next time I visit London. Hertfordshire is not Scotland—it is a short enough journey. Only a couple of hours, so I am told.’
‘Precisely! So it will not hurt you to delay your departure. Have you ever seen an elephant?’
‘No.’
‘Then you simply must go before you leave. I insist. You can set off for Kelridge Place after you have escorted me to the Change. As you rightly say, the journey is only a few hours so you will reach there long before dusk.’ Her voice rang with satisfaction and she sat upright once again, clasping her hands over the top of her cane.
Adam raised his eyebrows and grinned. Really, she was totally impossible. He didn’t for one minute believe her excuse of buying a new walking cane, but curiosity prevented him from arguing further.
‘Very well. I shall escort you. But I shall not stay for long, so no lingering, mind.’
It would be amusing to discover the real reason for Her Ladyship’s sudden desire to visit the Exeter Exchange. Leaving town a few hours later than planned wouldn’t hurt him.
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