“I did know. And looking back, I should have told you. I didn’t because of my ego, and that’s a mistake I’ll have to live with.”
She looked away before meeting his gaze again. “Okay.”
“That’s all you have to say?”
She looked like she wanted to say more as she bit her lip. He wanted to touch her, one last time. Run his fingers through her hair, over the soft skin of her cheek. “This was ending anyway. So now it ends.”
The finality of her statement cut him like a saber slash across the chest. “But you didn’t want it to end this way, and I didn’t either.”
She came alive then, as color rose to her cheeks and her hands dropped to her sides and gripped her thighs. “Of course I didn’t want it to end this way. For once I wanted to be right about a man, to know for myself that my internal meter for finding men wasn’t stuck on asshole. I know it was selfish to want this. But I gave everything once to a man who didn’t deserve it. I was so close to doing it all again, but with a man who does deserve it. Or so I thought. Was I wrong?”
He should end it now, as a gift to her. Tell her that he didn’t deserve it. And maybe he didn’t. He wasn’t the best man. But he knew a couple of things for certain and she should know those things. And even though he would be laying it all out there, baring his heart, he didn’t want her to think she chose the wrong man. Again.
So he stepped closer, close enough that she had to lift her chin to meet his eyes. His sprite didn’t take a step back, though, no way. Her eyes, while wet, were blazing, and her jaw was set. He admired her even more for that.
“I don’t know if I deserved it. All I know is that you deserve a man who loves and respects you, and that was me. That is me, Alex. Every part of me loves every part of you. And even though this won’t work, even though I know we don’t have a future, I can’t leave with you thinking you gave your heart to someone who didn’t cherish it. I’ll remember all my life that I was worthy enough to have a few weeks of your time.”
She was cracking, he could see it by the wobble in her lower lip, by the drop of moisture threatening to spill over her bottom lashes. But then she dropped her gaze, sniffed, and wiped her sleeve across her nose.
He stepped back, giving her space, even though every part of him wanted to pull her into his arms. She wouldn’t want that, though. Every line of her tense body screamed, Don’t touch.
It hurt him to listen.
When she looked up, there were a couple of tear tracks on her cheeks and her nose was red. Her lip still trembled but she pieced herself together before his eyes. “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you for this ending. This one here, with those words you just said. It’s a good ending. A good ending to the best couple of weeks I’ve ever had.”
And then, with jerky steps, she stood in front of him, and he bent down. Her lips grazed his cheek and then she was at the door, opening it up, before looking back at him over her shoulder. “Have a safe trip back to New York, and have a happy life, Spencer. You gave me mine back.”
And then she was gone.
Chapter Seventeen
ALEX SQUINTED UP at the sun as she stood leaning against the wall of the back of Payton and Sons Automotive, knee bent, one booted foot resting on the brick. She tapped the bottle of cold soda against her jean-clad leg.
She’d seen a robin the other day, the first indication that spring was well on its way. She was glad for that. It’d been a hard winter with lots of snow. The shop had been filled with cars that wouldn’t start, alignments that had been wrecked by snow banks, and lots of grumpy customers.
The good thing about that was Gabe had the chance to learn. A lot. And he was coming along well. Once he focused, he really focused. It just took him a long time to get there.
Jack said he was proud of her patience with Gabe and that was why he’d asked her to teach him, because Brent or Cal probably would have killed Gabe. She’d smiled at that, happy she had a skill the others didn’t, happy that she was wanted.
She leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth on her face.
It’d been six months since Spencer had left. He hadn’t contacted her, and she wondered every day how he was doing. She didn’t want to wonder, but she couldn’t stop herself.
They had heard from his company’s lawyers. The negotiations—well, the lawyers called them that, but Jack called it harassment, because there was no negotiation on his end—were officially over a couple of weeks ago, when Jack said for the last time he wasn’t selling. Construction apparently would start on a Royalty Suites near MacMillan Investments later that spring.
Even after she’d heard what Spencer had to say that afternoon in the hotel room, she’d clung stubbornly to her anger for months, comfortable seeing Spencer as the enemy rather than admitting how much she’d missed him.
When she’d left Robby, the bad times felt magnified, so all she could do was remember all the ways he hurt her. In fact, it was to the point she couldn’t remember how she fell in love, just that she did, and he used that to hurt her.
But with Spencer, she hadn’t been able to hold on to her anger for long. And she had definitely been furious. She’d felt betrayed and maybe a little like she’d been played for a fool.
As time passed, though, all she could do was remember all the good times they had, the way he smiled at her, talked to her, that night they held each other at River’s Edge.
Her mind built up the good times so big that she knew nothing else would ever compare. Which should have told her something. About how what they had was real. Ill-fated, but real.
She thought about what Penny had said, that being on your own gave you time to learn to love yourself again. And that was what Alex had been focusing on. Now that her last relationship didn’t make her nauseous, now that she wasn’t haunted by it, her head was clearer. She remembered all her strengths—her job, her honesty, her loyalty. She spent time with her family, and she enjoyed the time she was alone. She’d even tried to learn how to cook. She hadn’t been very successful at it, but she’d had fun failing.
She thanked Spencer often—in her head—for kick-starting her on the path she’d needed to love herself again.
She unscrewed the cap of her soda and tilted her head back, letting the sweet liquid fizz down her throat.
The sound of loud exhaust drew close and she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth, then tossed the empty bottle in a trash can. She wiped her hands to go back inside the shop when the exhaust grew closer.
She stopped and cocked her head, because there was something about that exhaust that was familiar.
Too familiar.
She waited for the dread to hit and it did, but at least she was prepared, and what surprised her was that the dread faded as quickly as it came, as a kind of serenity washed over her.
Serenity.
Ivy would laugh if Alex ever called herself serene, but that’s exactly what she felt like, even as she saw the familiar head of her ex-boyfriend through the window of his Camaro. She had wondered when he’d find her. She’d been in the newspaper because of the battle over the land. There had been a shot of her standing outside the shop with Jack, right on the front page, her name in the caption. Robby wasn’t a genius but he could use Google. She figured he might search her name and show up here.
She’d been right.
She walked around the corner of the building and watched him pull into the parking lot. It was another couple of minutes before he got out.
He looked about the same. Sandy-blond hair. Green eyes. A face that she’d once thought was so handsome but now filled her with . . . well, nothing really.
As he spotted her standing there, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest, his steps faltered a little and that was all she needed for her confidence to soar.
It’d been almost two years since she’d seen him.
He doesn’t have power over me anymore.
That was why she c
ouldn’t be angry with Spencer anymore. It was because of him she’d found her power again. Her knowledge that she could be loved. Her knowledge that she loved herself.
And that was why, when Robby stood in front of her, his eyes narrowed as his gaze swept her body, she held her ground.
She knew Jack, Cal, Brent, and Gabe were inside the shop, but she didn’t need them. In fact, she didn’t want them. She could handle Robby herself.
“Hey, sweetheart, long time no see.” Robby smiled. The charming smile stirred some memories back to when they first got together. What that smile didn’t stir was affection.
“I’m not your sweetheart anymore,” she said. “And it’s been a long time on purpose. In fact, I think it’s a little too soon to see you again.”
Irritation flickered in his eyes before he smoothed it over. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do, Robby. I do very much. This is my place of business, and you aren’t welcome.”
He gazed up at the brick building with an expression of distaste. “Could use some new gutters.”
“Thanks for your observation.”
“Don’t you think it’s time to come home?”
She laughed at that, a loud outburst that made Robby jolt in surprise. “I am home. This shop is my home, and so is this town.”
His jaw clenched and the familiar flush of his skin signaled his anger was rising. She didn’t care this time. She wouldn’t be scared. He leaned in and jabbed a finger at her chest. “Your home is with me.”
A voice boomed from the back of the building. “Alex? Where’d you go? There’s a cookie here that’s labeled but my name is spelled wrong. Brent is spelled B-R-E-N-T, not A-L-E-X.”
Alex rolled her eyes. “Don’t touch my cookie.”
“Ah, don’t be like that,” his voice came in answer. “Hey, where the hell are you?”
Robby’s head whipped to the side as footsteps came around the corner. Brent stopped abruptly, holding a cookie that he’d already eaten half of. He stared at Robby, then Alex, then back to Robby. All traces of charming Brent were gone as soon as he took in their body language. “What’s going on?”
“Who are you?” Robby asked. He looked at Alex. “Who’s that guy?”
“I’m her coworker, and what I’d like to know is why you’re standing that close to her, because she doesn’t seem to like it, if you can’t tell by how far she’s craning her neck back to get away from you. Wanna step back, bro?”
Alex cleared her throat, figuring she should get this over with before he called the rest of the Payton cavalry. “This is Robby.”
Brent’s eyes widened immediately, then his silver eyes flashed. “Are you fucking kidding me? And you’re here? At her work? That’s not smart.”
Robby hadn’t ever been smart. And why she hadn’t seen that from the beginning was her fault. Because even as another deep voice sounded, now from the front of the shop, Robby didn’t back down. “This is between her and me. You’re not needed here.”
“I’m not needed here? Really?” Brent leaned against the wall beside Alex and took another bite of her cookie. “Huh. I dunno. I think I’m serving a real purpose. Go on, explain why you’re here.”
“Where the fuck did Alex go?” Jack’s voice sounded closer now.
“Brent disappeared too.” Oh great, Cal was with him.
Gravel crunched as the two rounded the corner and stopped dead at the sight of Robby. Cal’s eyes took in the scene quickly, assessing, but Jack honed in on Robby immediately. “Step away from Alex.”
Robby’s green gaze lasered into Alex and his lip curled into a sneer. “I can see why they hired you now.”
She didn’t even answer him, because really, she didn’t care what he thought. He could think she slept with every customer, for all she cared. It didn’t matter anymore. He didn’t matter. So she waved a hand and grabbed Brent’s cookie, taking a bite. “Go on, Robby. Tell me more about my life.”
She said his name on purpose, and she got the reaction she wanted when Cal surged forward at the sound of it and Jack cracked his knuckles.
Robby did one smart thing and stepped back, glancing around uneasily. But he wasn’t done trying to convince her. “You didn’t really mean to leave, right? We just needed a break. Come back, Alex. You know no one will love you like I did.”
She swallowed her cookie and wiped the crumbs from her lip. “You’re right, Robby, no one will. Because your love was fucked up, and it fucked me up for a long time. I’m now . . . finally . . . unfucked up. And I plan to stay that way. So good-bye. Good day. If I ever see you again, it’ll be too soon.”
She grabbed Brent’s arm, wanting to make a graceful exit—a flouncing off—and he aided her, shooting a glare over his shoulder at Robby and then walking around the back of the building. As they turned the corner, she heard Jack say, “Alex told you the situation. Now you need to leave.”
She didn’t hear any more, because she didn’t want to. She led Brent into the back room, where he watched her warily, probably thinking she was going to collapse or burst into tears.
But instead she threw her hands in the air, gave a loud whoop, and then shuffled her feet to imaginary celebration music in her head.
Brent laughed and began to clap as she danced, which was exactly what they were doing when Jack and Cal walked into the room, stopping dead at the sight.
Alex stopped dancing and smiled at them. “I did it. I fucking did it. I wasn’t even scared, I was just annoyed. That asshole doesn’t get to tell me what to do anymore.”
Jack didn’t seem as excited as she was. “How did he even know you were here?”
She shrugged. “Probably when I was in the newspaper.”
His eyes narrowed. “Damn journalists.”
“No, it’s okay,” Alex said. “Really, it’s okay. It felt amazing to tell him to go to hell, to show him he didn’t have control over me.”
Brent threw an arm around her shoulders. “You really held your own. I’m proud of you.”
She poked him in the ribs. “I’m proud of me too.”
When Brent let her go, Cal was in front of her, and he pulled her into an awkward hug that she returned with vigor. He grunted when she squeezed. “I’m proud of you too.”
Jack seemed reluctant to celebrate, his gaze darting to the door as if Robby was going to burst in any minute. Finally he sighed. “I don’t like people threatening me or my business or my family.”
Jack always chose his words carefully, so she didn’t miss what he said. For the first time in a long time, the back of her eyes prickled. “Aw, Jack.” She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him but he stayed stiff, and huffed a little. She smiled against his chest.
When she let him go, his face was flushed. And then he clapped his hands and barked, “Back to work!”
He walked out and she grinned at his back. Yeah, everything was pretty good.
Now, if only she could forget about the British man who had thawed her heart. If only.
SPENCER FLIPPED UP the collar of his thin trench against the spring breeze and enjoyed the warmth of the sun on his face as he walked on the sidewalk of the meatpacking district in New York on his way to meet his boss.
The winter had lasted forever. And winter in New York sucked. Snow made everyone grumpy, and it seemed to turn gray as soon as it hit the ground. He’d found himself wondering what Tory looked like in the winter. He’d snuck peeks at their local newspaper online and smiled when he saw photos of local kids having a snowball fight, sled tracks on the hill in the background.
But it was spring now. And he’d avoided his boss long enough, as the negotiations for the Payton land finally ground to a halt.
Spencer was the victor, he guessed. Penny filed for divorce, and Nick resigned. Penny had showed up at his house and drank herself in a stupor. The only time he’d ever seen her drunk. She said she knew Nick had changed, that he wasn’t whom she originally married, but she thought if she loved as hard and pure as she
could for both of them, it would last.
Unfortunately, that hadn’t been the case.
When she passed out, Spencer tucked her under a blanket on his couch, and they never spoke of it. The next time he saw her at work, she was poised as usual and said she was planning to be on her own for a while. She already had a weekend spa retreat planned with girlfriends and another vacation to the beach scheduled with her children. If Spencer was honest, he hadn’t seen Penny this happy in a while. He was proud of her for standing on her own two feet. And he hoped Alex was doing the same thing, back in Tory.
Spencer pushed open the door to the Standard Hotel and went up the elevator to the patio overlooking the Hudson River.
Richard Moore sat at a table by himself, chin propped on his fingers, eyes gazing out at the water.
Spencer nodded to the waiter, who filled his water glass as he took a seat opposite his boss.
“Hello, Richard.” Spencer shrugged out of his jacket and placed it on the back of his chair.
“Spencer.” He pointed to a menu on the side of the table. Spencer held up a hand, indicating he wasn’t hungry.
Richard’s eyes narrowed slightly, then he nodded.
The waiter came over to take Spencer’s order. “Just an iced tea, please.”
“Unsweetened okay?”
“Yes.”
Spencer focused back on Richard, who was watching him closely. Spencer cleared his throat. “Sorry to hear about Penny’s marriage.”
Richard’s face didn’t move. “Me too.”
The waiter returned quickly and Spencer sipped his tea and waited.
The other man drummed his fingers on the table. “So I’m sure you’ve been waiting for months, but I’d like to officially offer you the promotion as the head of the new development team.”
Spencer cracked a piece of ice between his molars. He knew this had been coming, and he’d thought long and hard about his answer. He’d practiced in front of the mirror, in the shower, in the car, how he would answer. Each time, he said something different. Each time, he decided something different.
Sitting here now, in what was quintessentially New York, the job he’d always wanted on the table in front of him on a silver platter, he couldn’t imagine taking it.
Dirty Deeds (Mechanics of Love #3) Page 17
