"I came to on the side of the road. The paramedics had already taken me out of the car. They were loading you into the ambulance." Her heart ripped open, bled. "I never saw him either."
She heard Matt move, through the reflection in the glass she saw him come to her side. All too soon his hand closed over her arm and he turned her so once again she had to face him.
"There's more you're not saying."
This time, she didn't hesitate. Matt was already hurting, what good would it do to tell him the rest? "No, there isn't."
His gaze hardened. The look of disgust he threw at her left her feeling soiled.
"The fucking least you could do to honor Gil's memory is to be goddamn honest about what happened. He deserves that much, don't you think?"
The tears wanted to come. They burned her eyes. The pressure of them strained against her chest. She choked them back, along with the truth. She was honoring Gil, though she couldn't tell Matt that. She was honoring Matt's memory of the best friend he'd had by not telling him the secrets Gil had been keeping.
"I can't give him what he deserves," she said instead. "He deserves to be here, but he's not. Nothing can change that." Just as nothing could change her last hateful words. It was a stark reality she was still learning to accept four years later.
Matt gaped at her, then drove his fingers through his hair. "Fuck me," he muttered, his eyes going to the ceiling. Then he dropped his arms, drilled his gaze into hers. "No," he amended, "fuck you."
He stomped from the room, slammed the front door. Lauren waited until she heard the squeal of his tires, heard the car shift from first to third by the end of the block before she sagged back into her rocker and let the pain engulf her.
***
Holy shit, Gil thought as Matt barreled out of Lauren's house and roared away in his fancy car. When Lauren had finally found her way back to the mountains and Matt had gotten the job in Jasper, Gil had figured his interference would be unnecessary. Which would have been a shame considering how long it had taken him to get control of his spirit so he wasn't vanishing and popping up at whim.
Of course, he couldn't control everything. Destiny was a stubborn bitch and he couldn't force her hand no matter how hard he tried. So it hadn't been up to him that it had taken four years to finally get Matt and Lauren in the same town. Now that they were, however, he could see he'd have his work cut out for him. Especially since, despite his efforts, he couldn't get close to Lauren. Well, physically he could, but he couldn't get into her house for whatever reason and she couldn't see him.
He'd tried, many times since the accident. Even tonight, as he'd looked at her through the living room window, as he'd watched her try to hold herself together, she hadn't seen him. It hurt knowing she'd so completely blocked him out of her head, even if he did deserve it. Just when the door opened a crack and he raced to squeeze in the door, she slammed it on him.
He had better luck with Matt. Though he hadn't been allowed to appear to Matt, he'd nonetheless slipped a few ideas into his head. The car for one, Gil thought as the red taillights sped away. Gil had been in the passenger seat when Matt had rolled it off the lot. He'd have let Matt know, but the Bitch wouldn't let him.
Still, she'd allowed him certain things. Besides materializing when he wanted to, he could touch things now, feel things. Move things. And since the white light hadn't called on him yet, he knew he'd been given these skills for a reason.
Looking into the window again, seeing Lauren's tears cascade down her face, knowing the pain hadn't lifted for her in four long years, he knew the reason.
She needed peace. Matt needed closure.
And he was just the ghost to give them both what they needed.
***
She had the morning shift at the café. Six a.m. and she hadn't needed the alarm to wake her. Because she hadn't fallen asleep. Truth be told, she hadn't tried; it would have been an effort in futility when every time she shut her eyes she saw Matt's, burning with anger.
So she'd put in a random DVD and half-listened to it while she'd knitted. As a kid Lauren had scoffed at knitting, it was something women did in their retirement years, not in their early thirties. But in those first lonely months after the accident when she was scared to go to sleep, she'd needed something to do in the darkness of night.
Though she'd tried it with no expectations, she'd found she actually liked it, even if she still hadn't honed her skills beyond anything other than scarves. She had a drawer full of those. Red, blue, green and every color combination imaginable. It kept her hands busy and forced her to concentrate. Which was the whole reason she'd picked up the needles in the first place.
Lauren checked her watch, poured her cold, untouched cup of coffee down the sink and slipped on her jacket. Locking up behind her, she headed for the Mountainview, a quick three block walk made even faster by the absence of any traffic and pedestrians. The sun had yet to poke its head over the Rockies and the only thing moving in town seemed to be her. Even the elk had slept in.
Using her key, Lauren let herself in the front door. Carlos, the cook, was already in the kitchen cutting and preparing food for the day. Betty, the owner, didn't usually arrive until they were open for business. With an hour before the doors actually opened, Lauren turned on the coffee pots that Juliet had prepared before she'd left last night. On the bottom shelf of the industrial stainless steel fridge was a fresh supply of dough chilling. Cold pastry now, but in less than an hour, they would be the signature confection that kept the Mountainview in business year round: hot, crusty, melt-in-your-mouth cinnamon buns.
Forty-five minutes later movement at the door caught Lauren's eye and she smiled when she saw Jack "Cougar" Denton. He was always first in, and loved nothing more than bending anyone's ear about his many, many, hunting exploits, his specialty being cougars.
She knew for a fact the regulars had all heard his stories, at least a half-dozen times each, including Lauren, who'd been in town less than a year. Still, he was spunky for eighty-two and nobody had the heart to tell him they were sick of his narratives.
Of course Lauren had long since suspected it wasn't telling stories Cougar was really interested in, it was the group of older ladies that converged on the Mountainview every morning. Though Cougar had yet to summon the nerve to join them.
Lauren turned the sign to Open, unlocked the door. "Hey, Cougar," she greeted him with a smile and hug. "Just in time for cinnamon buns."
The bells tinkled as the door shut behind him.
"You know I like extra icing on mine," he reminded her, as he did every morning.
It was a wonder there was blood in his arteries with the amount of cream cheese he consumed. She set a small plate and hot coffee before him. His arthritic fingers pulled the dough apart and he promptly popped a piece beneath his slim, grey moustache.
The bells tinkled again and in strolled the "coffee gang". Five women, all over sixty, in varying stages of acceptance of their age, took their seats next to the window.
Lauren sighed. Normally she looked forward to their arrival, since she never knew what these spirited women would say next. But with a lack of sleep weighing on her shoulders and Matt's hurtful parting ringing in her ears, Lauren wasn't up to their liveliness.
Still, it was her job, and it wasn't their fault Lauren wasn't at her best. Sighing, Lauren trudged heavily through the otherwise still empty restaurant, coffee pot in hand.
"Morning, sweetie," Lois smiled. "Haven't met a nice young man to take you away from all this yet?"
Lois was a grandma of three and great-grandma of five. She was four feet eleven inches and all of it cute, from her bluish-grey hair to her sparkling blue eyes to the neon pink knitted beret she wore every day. Happily married for the past fifty-five years, Lois had a heart of gold. Lauren knew the reason Lois questioned her at least once a week; she wanted Lauren to be as happy as she was.
The accident had ruined any chance of that happening.
"Not yet," she an
swered.
"Well, don't give up hope," Elsie said. "Pretty little thing like you needs to have some regular sex. Of course once I got myself married the regular sex mostly stopped."
"Speaking of sex," Donna said. "My granddaughter, Kimberly, invited me to one of her sex toy parties the other night. You should have seen the stuff she had! I'm telling you, if those things had been around when I was young, I might've never married Edward, rest his soul," Donna said.
"Lauren, you ever go to those sex parties before?" Donna asked.
She felt her cheeks burn. "No."
"Well, I'll bring you a catalogue. I'm not sure when Kimberly will be having another party, but at least this way you can see what they have to offer."
"Bring me one too," Elsie said. "I want to see what the fuss is about."
"And me. But tell her I'd like to book a party," Alice added. "Sometimes these things are better explained in person."
After taking their food orders, Lauren gladly left the ladies to discuss sex parties, of all things. She retreated behind the counter. Suddenly one of Cougar's stories didn't seem so bad.
"You okay, Lauren? You're looking a little peaked today," he asked.
"I was up later than I should have been last night," she explained. She hoped her grin looked more authentic than it felt.
He winked at her. "About time some boy caught your eye."
Lauren's smile wavered. If only it was something so simple and not the ugly scene which had taken place in her living room.
"Are you ready for a refill?" she asked, choosing not to comment. If she did the tears that hadn't subsided until the cold hours of the night might very well swamp her again.
He licked the icing off his fingers. "You bet. Fill'er up."
Betty arrived then, and not long after, more customers. With coffees to refill and breakfasts to serve, Lauren was kept busy and the morning rush was soon at its summit. She was reaching for a plate of Saskatoon berry pancakes when a dizzy spell hit her. The room spun around her. White spots danced before her eyes. Lauren grabbed the counter as her balance wavered.
"Honey, are you all right?" Betty asked, coming up beside Lauren and taking her elbow.
"Yeah, I don't know what happened. One second I was fine and the next I felt like I was going to faint."
She sat gratefully on the stool behind the counter.
"Have you had breakfast?" her boss asked.
"Yeah," Lauren lied. She'd eaten breakfast. Yesterday counted--it wasn't like Betty had specified it was this morning she'd been asking about.
"I'll take it from here. Go in my office, take a break."
"But we're almost full," Lauren protested.
"But everyone's ordered and Donna and Elsie have pitched in and poured coffee for me before."
"I can as well," Cougar volunteered. "Anytime, Betty, you just ask."
Betty patted his hand. "Ah, Cougar if you were younger and I wasn't married..." she teased before turning back to Lauren. "Now, go and rest, things are under control. Who were these pancakes for?"
When Betty was across the restaurant and the spots had vanished from Lauren's eyes, she moved to the small back office and rested her head on the desk. She really should have tried to sleep last night, not to mention force herself to eat something. Lack of food and sleep wasn't going to get her through her shift. And she was scheduled 'til three.
She groaned and closed her eyes. If she could only rest for a few minutes...
The cold winter wind whipped Lauren's face. She hunched her shoulders and hurried to unlock her car. The sooner she could get this awful night over with, the better.
"Hey, Lauren," Matt said, leaning drunkenly into her and nearly knocking her over in the process. "That was some party, eh?"
"Yeah, Matt. It was some party." And considering what she'd discovered, it was one she wouldn't soon forget. Struggling under his weight, she managed to push him back the other way. Only the car behind him kept him from falling to the snow-covered ground.
"Easy, honey, I wasn't going to bite. Well, not unless you wanted me to," Matt teased.
Finally she got her car unlocked, opened the back door for him. "Come on, Matt, get in. It's been a long day."
He leaned his upper body toward her, "Are you gonna make me?"
Dammit she'd hoped not to have to talk to Gil, but Matt wasn't leaving her any choice. "Gil," Lauren called, "I could use some help here."
Gil came around the vehicle. She felt his eyes on her, but she couldn't bear to look at him.
"Come on, buddy. Let's get you home."
And just like that Matt slipped into the backseat, face first across the seat. In seconds he was snoring. Lauren shook her head. She wished she could be so oblivious.
"He won't be your buddy come morning," Lauren said, unable to keep her bitterness contained. Her eyes met Gil's. "Not once he knows."
"Hey, Betty said you were back here and I--"
The words startled Lauren, shattered her dream until it was broken glass at her feet. She jumped to her feet, sending the chair slamming into the file cabinet. She stared, still caught somewhere between her dream and the present.
"Nick?" she managed when reality once again returned and it wasn't Gil she was talking to. It wasn't a dark night in Waterton and she wasn't about to get in the car and ruin three lives.
Nick Greensborough, dressed in his full green Parks uniform, watched her carefully. She'd met him here at the café. At first he'd come in on his lunch breaks, always sitting at the counter. Then he'd started coming in on his days off. A few times they'd gone out socially, or ordered pizza at her place. She'd even met his brother, Kyle, and the three of them had spent time together.
Though he'd asked her out several times, and flirted shamelessly, she'd made it clear friendship was the only thing she was interested in. Some days he needed more reminding than others.
"Jesus, you're white as a snow bank. Who did you think I was?" he asked, as jealousy slid behind his concern.
"Nobody. I was dreaming," she murmured. "I should get back to work." Though as she said it, a brute of a headache slammed behind her eyes.
"Like hell," he answered. "You look like you're about ready to pass out. Wait right here," he ordered, and walked into the café. He was back within a minute, Betty hot on his heels. A frown of concern creasing her boss's forehead.
"Lauren, you look absolutely exhausted."
"Just more tired than I realized," Lauren answered, not about to tell them she'd just taken a trip down memory lane and promptly landed in the ditch.
"Nick said he'd take you home. Go on, take the rest of the day off. I'll call Juliet in early. And if you need tomorrow, take it too. I need you better for this weekend."
The following Monday was Thanksgiving and the last big weekend before ski season began. Hotels had been sold out for months. Betty was right; she'd need all her staff for that one.
"Thanks, Betty. But I'm sure I'll be better by tomorrow."
Her boss gave her a measured look, then left her in Nick's hands. Since Lauren's knees felt like they'd been molded of Jell-O, she didn't balk when Nick put his arm around her waist and led her through the café and outside.
But she took exception when his hand curved over her butt.
***
Well hell, Matt thought, as Nick and Lauren stepped from the café arm in arm. If that didn't just cap it all off for him, he didn't know what would. Two of the people he liked the least in the world right now were draped over each other and it wasn't even eleven o'clock.
It hadn't taken more than a day to realize he and Nick Greensborough weren't ever going to be buddies. Nick was cocky and overconfident. And worse, he wanted Matt's job. Having been overlooked by what he considered an "outsider" didn't make for very warm feelings toward his boss.
Matt knew it, felt it, and ignored it. Nick could either do his job or quit. Either way, Matt was determined not to let Nick's attitude put a dark cloud over what he'd worked his ass to achieve. But
seeing him, of all people, with Lauren royally pissed Matt off.
He didn't want anything to do with Lauren. But shit, did she have to pick Nick?
They stopped next to Greensborough's work truck, a replica of the one Matt was sitting in. Lauren shook her head. Nick let go the door handle, and again wrapped his arm around Lauren. Matt sat up straighter. Had the bastard's hand just slid over her ass?
It didn't matter that she immediately pulled away from Nick. Matt still saw red. And he forgot to breathe. When he remembered, he inhaled deeply and forced himself to relax. She wasn't his problem. Matt reached for the keys dangling from the ignition.
"Is this a bad time?" a voice asked cheekily from the passenger seat.
Holy freaking hell!
Matt jumped back so hard he tattooed himself to the door of the truck. He broke out in an instant sweat, his pulse thumped louder than STOMP. Blinking furiously didn't change what he saw. It was Gil. Holy shit, it was Gil. And his laughter filled the cab of the truck. It damn near broke Matt's heart.
Matt stared, partly because he wasn't sure his tongue would ever work again and partly just to soak up the image, an image he'd never forgotten. There Gil sat, wearing jeans, worn sneakers and his favorite blue golf shirt. The grin was so familiar it brought a lump to Matt's throat.
"What the fuck?" Matt mumbled.
"You haven't lost it. It really is me."
"But, how? Why?" And then because it felt so good to see him, to talk to him again, he asked, "For how long?"
Gil smiled. "Let's not worry about that for now. I came to see how you were doing."
"Doing?" Matt clenched the wheel, wanting desperately to reach out and touch Gil, but afraid he wouldn't be able to, which would only prove he was hallucinating.
"I'm here, buddy. For a while, anyway. It's okay to be a little freaked out."
"Yeah, just a little."
Love By Accident Page 4
