His head lifted and when she saw the tracks of tears on his cheeks her heart broke a little more.
"You read the papers, right? You know there've been bears poached?"
"Yeah, I know." Whew, at least she didn't have to lie about that, too.
"It's me, Lauren. I did it."
Well, she didn't have to feign surprise. She'd never expected him to outright confess to her.
"Why? Why would you risk your career? Your life? It doesn't make sense," she said, finally verbalizing what she'd been thinking since she'd realized Nick was the poacher. "Your job is to protect those animals."
He shook his head, then tilted it back and covered his face with his hands. Regret clogged his words.
"I didn't know what else to do. When I heard the diagnosis, it was like the floor suddenly gave way and I was falling. All the worst-case scenarios played in my head and all I could think was that's my mom." His voice dropped. "I didn't want to lose my mom."
Lauren held him close, rocked him side to side like a child. His sobs saturated the air, his tears warmed her shoulder. Lauren still had her mother, so it was hard to imagine what she'd feel if she lost her. But she remembered the devastation of losing Gil.
"Were you poaching for the money? Aren't the treatments covered by health care?"
"Not for money, for gall bladders."
Of all the things… "What? How would that help?"
Nick pulled back. His shoulders lifted helplessly. "I'd watched a couple of shows on TV. They showed gall bladder salts being used to treat some cancers. I didn't know if it would work, but I had to try. What would Kyle do without his mom? He's only thirteen."
He implored her with his gaze to understand the path he'd gone down. It was all so heartbreakingly sad. Nick had tried to hold his family together by what he'd done, but by doing so he'd only succeeded in tearing it further apart.
"I couldn't imagine him living without Mom and now, not only will he lose her, but he'll lose me too." His face crumpled with guilt. "If the cancer doesn't kill her, this will." Fat tears poured down his reddened cheeks. "I didn't want to hurt her. I did this to try to save her. It was supposed to save her!"
He stood, kicked his chair aside. "Why is this happening? Why her, Lauren? What did she do to deserve this?"
"I don't have any answers. I'm sorry, I wish I did."
He braced his hands on the counter, hung his head and breathed deeply.
"I'm going to jail, Lauren."
Her chin trembled with the truth. "You were desperate, Nick. The judge may take that into consideration."
He scoffed. "Not with the way my luck's been running, he won't."
"I'll do everything I can to--"
A hard rap at the door stopped Lauren mid-sentence. Nick's face blanched when he looked out the kitchen window. When she saw the white ranger truck and the RCMP car at the curb, she slipped her hand into Nick's.
His eyes showed his surprise. "You're staying?"
"You're my friend, Nick. I'm not going anywhere."
***
You could've knocked Matt over with a feather when Lauren, and not Nick, answered the door.
"We're here to see Nick," he said, too stunned by her appearance to say anything else. "Is he home?"
Lauren looked past Matt to the two other rangers and two RCMP constables standing behind him. She nodded solemnly.
Matt followed Lauren into the kitchen and he received another shock when she stood beside Nick. Matt's gut twisted and his jaw clenched. With his gaze firmly on his subordinate's, he withdrew the folded paper and handed it to Nick.
"We have a warrant to search for a .264 Winchester Magnum rifle that is suspected of being the gun responsible for the poaching of five bears within Jasper National Park."
Nick took the paper, but didn't bother opening it. Matt shifted his attention to Lauren.
"It's probably best you leave," he said.
Her gaze never wavered. "I'm staying."
His jaw went hard as granite. "So now you're staying?"
"I did what I needed to four years ago. This time I'm doing what's right."
"Fine," Matt snarled. "Cal, you stay here with Mr. Greensborough and Miss McKinnon. You two," he gestured to the RCMP, "come with me and Denis. If it's anywhere, it's likely in the basement."
Matt found the basement door and stomped down, taking the steps two at a time. What the fuck was Lauren doing here? She knew they'd figured the culprit was Nick. Why hadn't she left the bastard to the bed he'd made and high-tailed it out of there by now?
Matt stepped into a rather large, well-lit room. A large banquet table filled the middle. It was covered with newspapers. On top of those were four shriveling, drying masses of tissue. It didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out what they were.
His gut churning, he stood there for a moment as the RCMP constables searched the wall of cupboards.
"Got it," one of Mounties said. He turned, a .264 Winchester Magnum in his gloved hands.
***
Lauren sat on the side of her tub, reached her hand into the cold water and pulled the plug. The drain gurgled as the water disappeared. She didn't move until it was all gone and the tub was as empty as her heart. Nick had been arrested for poaching and trafficking. She'd remained at his side as long as she could.
She'd followed the cars to the police station, sticking to her promise. Whether or not Nick could see her or tell she was there, Lauren had needed to stay. Matt hadn't said two words to her. He'd stayed for hours and then had stalked through the waiting room and outside without so much as a glance her way. He knew she was there, though, because his lips had pinched and his eyes were steel when he threw open the door of the RCMP station.
Still, it was no surprise when she heard the rap on her door.
Very much like he had a few weeks ago, he strode angrily into her kitchen, a tornado of fury and contempt. He spun around, his face flushed.
"How can you defend him, Lauren? He broke the law. He spit on everything we believe in. This isn't just a damn job to me and it sure as hell wasn't for you either. It's a way of life."
"What Nick did was wrong. I don't condone it, but neither will I turn my back on him."
Matt scoffed. "No, God forbid you leave Nick the way you left me."
Lauren set her teeth. "The last thing I said to Gil was "go to Hell," that I never wanted to see him again. Well guess what? I never did. That will haunt me to the day I die. I didn't mean it, but I said it and now I can't take those words back. But I can do things differently this time. Was Nick wrong? Yes. Should he be punished? Absolutely. But I will not abandon a friend because he made some decisions I don't agree with. I know it doesn't make sense, Matt, but by standing by Nick, I feel like I'm somehow making up for what I said to Gil. For walking away from you."
Matt's jaw hung open. "You're sticking by Nick 'cause you walked away from me? I hadn't done anything wrong!"
"We can't keep having these same arguments, Matt, not if we're going to have a future together."
"What?" He shook his head as though he hadn't heard her.
Lauren crossed to him, laid her hand on his. "I love you, Matt. Not Nick and not Gil. You. I know I walked out of your life when you needed me most, but I've explained and I've apologized for it. And I can't, won't, keep doing that forever.
"For the longest time I felt such guilt, such blame over what happened. But, with your help, I'm starting to accept it for what it was: an accident. And my actions afterward, even if they made no sense to anyone else, made sense to me."
"I'm standing beside Nick, you can either accept it or not. Since you arrived in town the accident's been between us and that's okay, because we needed to clear the air. But that's done now. I'm trying to let it go, Matt. You have to decide if you can do the same."
***
He slammed his apartment door, ripped off his coat.
How the hell had his life got sucked into the toilet so quickly? Wasn't it just days ago he was making l
ove to Lauren? Now she was defending a poacher, a guy Matt hated, telling Matt, finally, that she loved him, but refusing to take his side.
And there was Gil. Shit, Matt's feelings had been all over the friggin' map regarding his best friend. Ecstatic to see him again, then resenting the hell out of him for still being in Lauren's heart. In denial that Gil could have hurt both him and Lauren, and then angry as hell when he'd realized it was the truth. And then he'd done the unforgivable, told Gil to get out of his life.
Matt collapsed into his recliner, closed his eyes and blindly reached for the remote. He encountered warm skin. Yelling, he jumped off the couch.
Standing before him, a look of uncertainty on his face was Gil.
Shame and relief slammed into Matt in equal measure.
"Gil," he said in a rush of breath.
"Hey, buddy. Thought maybe you could use a friend about now."
The flood of emotion hit hard and pressed heavily on Matt's chest. He nodded until he could gather enough spit to talk. "Yeah. I really could."
Gil nodded and plunked himself on the couch. "Quite a day you had."
"You could say that."
"Can you not understand where Lauren's coming from?"
"It's wrong, Gil. What Nick did, it's wrong."
"She knows that. She said so."
Matt sat up straight. "You were there? I thought you'd left."
"I never left. And just so you know, when you were in the hospital, you may not have been able to see me, but I was there, too. Every day, I sat in that chair by the window."
Tears filled Matt's eyes, deep sorrow wrapped around his heart and squeezed. "I wish I'd have known."
"I wish I could've told you. It's not always up to me."
"I never stopped--" Matt's words caught in his throat. "I never stopped thinking of you, not once. I miss you so goddamn much, Gil. And I'm sorry I told you to leave the other day. I didn't mean it. It's been killing me ever since. Please don't think, not even for a minute, that my life is better with you not in it, 'cause that's bullshit."
Gil nodded. "I never thought otherwise."
The pressure eased in Matt's chest. "Thank God."
"But now you see, don't you, some of what Lauren's been dealing with?"
Yeah, he really could. Matt knew how shitty it felt to have his last words be hurtful, how he'd wished to take them back. Gil was right; he'd gotten that chance. Lauren never would. But there was still something that sat heavily on Matt.
"I'm glad we cleared this, Gil, I really am. But I can't keep taking second place to you. It's killing me."
"What second place? She loves you. The only reason she said my name was because you were being a jackass, same as I'd been." Gil sat next to Matt. "You love her in a way I never did and you'll never do to her what I did. What I did to both of you."
"No," Matt answered. "I never would."
"Then tell her that."
"I won't talk shit about you."
Gil smacked Matt's arm. "Why not? I deserve it, don't you think? Matt, I'm dead but I'm no angel and I'm okay. I really am. You don't have to protect me, just…remember me."
Matt's vision blurred. "I could never forget you."
"Good. Now get your woman. It's time she had some happiness in her life."
***
He'd needed time, time to grieve, time to accept. Time to let it go. He'd thought of Lauren, of her having lived the last four years as a shadow of her former self, of her having kept Gil's cheating a secret. She'd shouldered it all to punish herself for what had happened that winter night in Waterton. Then he'd come to town and torn a strip off of her. He'd said awful things, and then, when she'd finally told him the whole truth, he'd accused her of lying.
God, it all needed to end.
Not trusting himself to drive with so many emotions reeling within him, Matt had decided to walk to Lauren's. As he strode, he formulated words, explanations. None of them seemed coherent, even in his own head. He stopped when he got to her gate and admired the decorations she'd put out. Her house was every trick-or-treater's fantasy.
Fake cobwebs were strung between empty branches. Danger streamers wrapped around her porch. Three unlit but evil-looking jack-o-lanterns flanked her door. Tomorrow, she'd be dressed in costume and handing out candy, enjoying the night as much as the kids. And God willing, he'd be there right beside her.
She answered his knock dressed in a robe, her feet bare and her hair pulled back in a ponytail. God, she was beautiful.
"Hi."
He wiped his hands on his jeans. "Can I come in?"
She stepped aside, locking the door after he toed off his Doc Martens and walked further into the kitchen.
"Your place looks nice. Outside," he gestured with his thumb. "Your decorations, I mean."
"Thanks."
Shit, she wasn't giving him an inch here, not that he could blame her.
"You heading for the shower?" He looked pointedly at her robe.
"No, bath. It can wait."
She pulled out a chair, sat and gestured for him to do the same. Well, she wasn't kicking him out. That was something. "You were right."
She arched a brow. "Which time?"
"Every time." He clasped his hands on the table, forced his gaze to meet hers. "I was wrong to manipulate you into applying for your old job and I was wrong to accuse you of lying about Gil. I also, um," he scratched his head, unsure how to tell her without saying how he knew. "I figured out who he was cheating with. It was Nancy, right?"
Lauren nodded.
"I do know you, in here," he said, slapping a hand over his heart. "You don't have it in you to hurt anyone, let alone a friend. I should have remembered that."
Her eyes went moist. "I know what it's like to forget what's important when you're drowning in pain. He was your friend and you loved him. It's natural you'd want to protect his memory."
"When I think how many times I accused you of not honoring his memory." Matt scoffed. "And all along you were holding all that inside."
"His life was cut short because of me. Cheating or not, he didn't deserve that."
His hands reached for hers. "I'm sorry for what I said. I'm sorry I hurt you."
"Can we do this, Matt? Can we let it go? Can we move on?" Her eyes filled; this time the tears spilled onto her cheeks. "I really want to."
He came to his feet, moved to her chair and held out his hand. He didn't breathe until she accepted it. Then he pulled her into his arms and hung on. Dammit, this time he wasn't letting her go.
"Lauren, I promise you, for however long you'll put up with me, I'll never cheat. Ever."
There were tears, but this time they were tears of forgiveness, tears of joy as tragedy gave way to happiness.
Matt leaned back, his arms not losing their grip around her waist. "There's one more thing."
She tensed. "I'm scared to ask."
"My sister's husband is a private investigator. I had him keep tabs on you; it's how I knew you were in Jasper."
Lauren gaped at him. "You had me followed?"
"Sort of, only the paper trail. I couldn't let it go, Lauren. I couldn't let you go."
She searched his eyes and he felt her relax back into his arms.
"Is that it, then? Are we all out of secrets?"
"Yeah," he confessed.
She cupped his cheek and he felt the love, the tenderness, in her touch.
"Good." She took a deep breath. "Matt, I love you, but I need to know and I won't ask you this again: I will be at Nick's trial, I will visit him in jail and I'll do what I can for Kyle. Can you accept that?"
He'd thought of that since their last meeting, since his talk with Gil, and he didn't hesitate to answer. "I can."
Her smile was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
Movement caught Matt's attention and he looked to the window. Gil was there, giving him a thumbs up. He held Matt's gaze long enough for Matt to know Gil was saying goodbye for good. Matt's eyes filled; he nodded his g
oodbye. Gil gave him the peace sign and disappeared.
Matt turned back to Lauren, his voice thick. "I love you, Lauren. I think Gil would want us to move on and be happy."
"I'd like to think so."
"He would, trust me." And one day, he'd tell her just how he could be so sure.
As they looked at each other, secure in their embrace, Lauren felt at peace. For the first time in four years, she was truly happy.
"What?" Matt asked, looking at her questioningly.
"I was just wondering how demanding a boss you were going to be."
He frowned. "I'm a good boss, why would you--" His eyes widened, the blue of them sparkling like the clearest mountain stream. "Did you fill out the application?"
"I did. I gave it Denis today. It'll be on your desk in the morning."
Since he was stunned, she took the opportunity to slip from his grasp and take the little rectangle of plastic out of her purse. Flashing it to him she smiled. "And since I can't very well drive a Parks truck without a license, I got one of these too."
She giggled at the shock on his face.
"You did all that? Hell, Lauren, I'm so proud of you!"
Her heart swelled with warmth. She was pretty darn proud of herself, too.
"Any other surprises?" he asked, his grin still taking over his face.
"That depends," she teased. "Are you staying?"
His grin faded but the love in his gaze didn't. "For as long as you'll have me, Lauren, I'll stay."
She'd been pretty sure he'd say so, but the words filled her nonetheless. Who knew, she thought, that life could start again at thirty-two?
Lauren went around him to the cupboards, pulled out two wine glasses. He shrugged out of his leather jacket as she took out a bottle of white Zinfandel and filled the glasses three-quarters full.
Handing him one she asked, "Can you drink naked?"
Matt's dick throbbed in his jeans. "Without a doubt," he answered.
"Well, then" Lauren said, unbelting her robe and letting it fall to the floor. "Let's go celebrate, Skarpinsky."
Laughing, he swept her up into his arms. Wine sloshed over them both. He watched hungrily as a rivulet slid into her cleavage.
In the bathroom, he set her on her feet, then shed his clothes. With candles glowing on her skin, Matt kissed her, a kiss full of promise and hope. Then he bent her over his arm, his gaze fixed on the drop of wine sliding between her breasts.
Love By Accident Page 21
