I didn’t like being away from Kellan, but school had kept my mind busy and off of the inevitable…childbirth. I was terrified of having the baby. I wasn’t afraid of the pain so much as the fear that I would look down and stare into the face of Joe. And, I was even more afraid that Kellan would see it, too. I knew I wanted him with me when I gave birth, but at the same time, I didn’t want to risk it. I was afraid, and as the days and weeks passed, and I became more and more swollen with a baby I didn’t want, the fear started showing outwardly.
“Only about six weeks left, Abby. Are you sure you don’t want to take a childbirth education class?” Landry asked me after my weekly appointment of torture.
“I think Kellan and I have both had enough of school lately.”
She smiled. “I’m sure he’ll pass all his classes with A’s. And, you’re all done, for now.”
“Yes, I’m a high school graduate. Still seems strange to me.” I was fidgeting, not sure what to do with myself.
“Are you sorry you couldn’t graduate with your class?”
“No. I’m much happier with Kellan. I can’t wait to see him tonight.”
“He’s all done now, right?”
“He’s done with his last final today. But, he won’t find out his grades for a couple of days. I’m sure he’ll pass with A’s, despite me. But I’ll be glad when the torture’s over…for both of us,” I sighed.
“It doesn’t have to be torture. You can have pain medication, Abby. You don’t have to be afraid of the pain.”
“No, I won’t do that to her. And, I’m not afraid of the pain,” I said, having no idea what kind of pain I was in for.
“Well, you can always leave your options open.” She looked up, “Hi, Kellan. We’re just about done here.”
I looked up at him and said, “Well, how did you do?”
“I have no idea. I’m exhausted.” He sat down on the bed next to me and said, “How are you?” He leaned down and kissed me.
“Much better now that you’re done.”
“Um, before you two get carried away, I want to do another ultrasound.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Abby, I need to make sure the baby’s head down. I think she is, but I can’t risk delivering a breech baby. I’m sorry, I know you don’t like it, but I need to do this, and since you don’t like cervical exams….”
I cringed at the thought. “Fine!” I lifted up my shirt, but I didn’t have to roll my pants down any longer as my belly stuck out so far nothing stayed up on it anymore.
She grinned and squirted more gel on my belly.
Once again, Kellan was enthralled with the monitor. “She’s getting so big now. She looks like a baby…”
“What were you expecting?” Landry laughed.
“I don’t know. She’s just…beautiful, like her mother.”
He took my hand and said, “Look at her, Abby. Please?”
I did it for him, I glanced at the screen, but before I could focus on the image, Joe’s face clouded my vision and I quickly sat up and brushed her hand and the ultrasound probe away. “Are you done?” I asked, panicking.
She grabbed my hand and said, “Yes. I won’t need to do it again. I’m sorry. It’ll be over, soon, okay?”
I nodded, but the tears wouldn’t stop.
“I um, I’ll leave you two alone. I’ll see you next week, Abby.”
I nodded.
“Abby, I’m sorry.” He hugged me tight and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. You’re all done with school for the summer now, right?” I asked, hoping to change the subject.
“Yeah, no more studying. I’m all yours. For whatever you need.”
I pulled him down and kissed him hard, letting him know in no uncertain terms what I needed at that moment.
He obliged me without question. We were finally free to spend time together and we were inseparable. He had been there for me while he was in school, but I knew that he was torn between catering to me and studying…but now he was all mine.
Later that night Kellan said, “I’m sorry I made you look at the ultrasound monitor today.”
“It’s okay. I know it sounds terrible, but I just don’t want…her.”
“Okay. I’m starting to understand now. I’ll tell Margot to go ahead with the adoption papers…if you’re sure?”
I looked up at him and nodded. “Do you think I’m terrible for not wanting her?”
“No Abby, of course not. You’re taking good care of yourself and the baby. You’re giving her to a good home. To parent’s that will love her. You’re doing everything right. I just wanted to make sure that’s what you really wanted.”
“It is. I’m so afraid I’m going to take one look at her and see…” I shivered. “I know I won’t ever love her or want her and I don’t want to be like Nancy…” I couldn’t say the name Joe; it just wouldn’t come out.
“You could NEVER be anything like Nancy! You’re warm and loving and the sweetest person I’ve ever met. Abby, it’s okay if you don’t want the baby. We can have babies…later.”
I nodded and hugged him tight. “Thank you.”
The next week was wonderful. We spent every waking moment together. I was so glad he was done with school for the summer. But, during my next appointment with Landry she said my cervix was already dilating and thinned, but it was too early.
“I’m ready for it to be over,” I said, thinking it wasn’t too early for me at all.
“I know, but you’re baby’s not.”
I sighed, “I know. Did I do something wrong?”
“No. But, I can’t deliver a pre-term baby here. You’re just over 35 weeks now, so you have to stay pregnant for at least another two weeks or you’ll have to deliver in the hospital.”
“I can’t! They’ll find me!”
“I know, but I can’t risk delivering you this early.”
“So, what do I do?”
“Well, you’re on strict bed rest from now on. You can take a quick shower once a day, but otherwise you have to stay in bed.”
“Well, at least I have Kellan home now, so staying in bed won’t be too bad,” I grinned and then blushed.
“Yeah, and that’s another thing; I’m afraid sex is out of the question, as well.”
I started to argue with her, but Kellan walked in the door right at that moment with a piece of paper in his hands.
“Hi,” I said, dreading telling him that awful news.
He smiled, “Hi. How’s our patient?”
Landry stood up and said, “She’s okay. I’ll um, let you two talk. Remember what I said, Abby,” she said with raised eyebrows and a threatening glare.
I nodded and sighed.
She left and Kellan sat down on the bed next to me and kissed me. “What was that all about?”
“I’ll tell you later…what’s in your hand?”
“Oh, it’s my grades.”
“Well?”
He handed them to me and smiled. “I knew it! I’ll bet you didn’t even need to spend all that time studying…or any time studying!” I reached up and kissed him and he kissed me back and I could tell he obviously wanted more. “Kellan…”
“Hmm?” he asked while nuzzling my neck.
He’d already managed to strip his shirt off and he had mine halfway off before I could even say anything.
“Kellan…we um, we’re not supposed…” but it was too late, I had already forgotten the strict orders Landry had just given me moments before.
“So, is that how we’re going to celebrate every time you get good grades?” I smiled up at him an hour later.
He took a deep breath and said, “Good grades…bad grades, I’ll celebrate with you anytime. How was your appointment with Landry?”
“Oh, um, it was…fine.” The guilt was starting to creep in.
“Just fine? She didn’t do another ultrasound, did she?” he asked when he noticed I tensed when he mentioned her visit. I had conveniently forgotten
about her visit until he brought it up.
“No.”
“So, what did she say?”
I looked up into his eyes and knew I was about to be in serious trouble, but I sighed and pulled him close, knowing it was worth it. I was lazily tracing figure eights on his chest and I quietly said, “She said that I was dilated more than she would like.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means my cervix is already…”
“No, I get that. What do we do about it?”
“She put me on strict bed rest…”
“Okay,” he grinned down at me and said, “That doesn’t hurt my feelings.”
I took a deep breath and said, “I promised I’d never lie to you again…”
“Yeah?” he said cautiously, knowing I was about to tell him something he didn’t want to hear.
“Don’t get mad, okay?”
“What did she say, Abby?” he asked, his mood quickly shifting from relaxed and happy to tense and stern.
“She also said that we’re not supposed to…do what we just did,” I cringed and prepared myself for his wrath.
“What? Why didn’t you tell me that?” he sat up and reached down and grabbed his pants and quickly put them on as if he could undo what we had just done.
“I tried, but you were pretty persistent…I was going to stop you, but then, well, you’re really hard to resist, and then I didn’t want to stop,” I said, looking ashamed, but unremorseful.
He was pacing the room, “What if I did something to hurt you or the baby? Abby, you have to listen to her! She’s not telling you that for the hell of it.” He threw his shirt on and grabbed his socks and headed out the door.
“Where are you going?” I yelled.
“To get Landry. I hope she’s still downstairs with Margot.”
“Why?”
“Because I need to make sure you’re both alright!”
“The baby’s fine and I’m fine. Stop worrying.”
He looked at me with those angry dark eyes and I said, “I’m sorry. I know I should have told you. I did try, but you kept kissing me…”
“Are you sure you’re both alright?” he asked, softening.
I nodded.
He sighed and sat down next to me. “What else did she say?”
“She said that if I don’t make it to at least 37 weeks that I’ll have to deliver in the hospital.”
“Okay?”
“They’ll find me, Kellan.”
“So what? If Landry said you have to deliver in the hospital, then that’s what you’ll do. I won’t risk your life, or the baby’s life just to hide from Nancy. You don’t have to worry about her, Abby. Don’t worry, she won’t be able to get this baby, and you’ll never have to go back there again. I promise. But, if you don’t want to deliver in the hospital, then you’ll have to follow her orders.”
I nodded. “I guess I’ll just stay in bed for the next two weeks. I don’t like it, but I’ll do it.”
“Maybe I should stay at my house…”
“NO! I’ll be good, I promise. Don’t leave me…”
“I just meant I’d sleep there, but I’ll be with you…”
“Kellan, I need you…here. Please don’t leave.”
He touched my cheek and said, “Okay, but we’re doing…or not doing…exactly what she said, okay?”
“Okay. I guess it’s only a couple of weeks. I waited all summer for you, I guess I can manage two weeks…maybe,” I sighed and looked away.
He grinned, “I have to suffer through it too.”
“Yeah, but you don’t have…this!” I said, outlining my huge belly with my hand.
“It’s beautiful, and so are you.”
I’VE CHANGED MY MIND
A couple of hours later I started to get a backache. By dinner time my back ached so bad that I refused dinner and opted instead to try and sleep.
“It’s almost over, Abby. Is there anything I can get you, or do for you to make you feel better?” Margot asked me.
“No, I just want to sleep, and hopefully, when I wake up, I’ll feel better.”
“Do you want a sleeping pill? Landry left you a couple of them.”
“No, I’m okay.”
“You’re not having contractions, are you?” she asked while walking toward the door.
“No, it’s just a backache. I’ve been in this bed for three days straight now. I’d love to get up and walk for a while,” I looked up at Kellan and realized there was something else I wanted more, but I knew he wasn’t going to let me do that, either.
“If you could lay on your belly, I’d give you a back rub,” Kellan grinned.
“Funny! I can lie on my sides though, and you can massage one side and then the other,” I told him with a smirk.
“I can do that.”
“I think I’ll take my leave now. Goodnight, Abby. Kellan, are you coming down for dinner? I um, well, there’s someone I’d like you to meet. Actually, I’d like both of you to meet him, but maybe next time for you,” she smiled at me.
I saw the look in her eyes, and suddenly I felt like meeting this mystery man. “I think I would like to have some dinner…now,” I grinned, curious about the visitor that brought such a shine to Margot’s eyes.
“Emery, this is Kellan and Abby.” Margot put her arm through his and continued, “This is Emery.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Kellan said, offering his hand.
He smiled at me and I said hello.
“I guess congratulations are in order,” he smiled when he looked down at my over-grown belly.
“Emery, why don’t you help me get some wine, okay?”
They left and Kellan and I took our usual seats at the table. Landry and her husband joined us a few minutes later and soon we were all laughing and joking during dinner. Emery was a wonderful man and I could see Margot was really happy. I was happy for her. After dinner, everyone was going to the living room to talk. I stood up and Landry said, “Abby, I gave you a reprieve for dinner, but I’m sorry, it’s back to bed for you. Sorry, but I don’t want you on your feet any more than absolutely necessary.”
I sighed. “Okay. It was nice meeting you, Emery.” I looked up at Kellan and kissed his cheek. I’ll see you when you come up later.”
“I’m coming up now. Goodnight, everyone.”
“Abby, you are following…all of my orders, right?” she asked.
I looked up at her with guilty eyes, but Kellan said, “Yes, we are.”
She nodded and Kellan picked me up and carried me up the stairs.
“I think I can walk to the bedroom.”
“Nope, Landry said you needed to be off your feet.”
I smiled at him. “I love you.”
“Hmm, good thing, because I love you, too.”
Hours later I woke up and my backache was worse. I knew it was from constantly lying in bed. I showered and then did what I was told and climbed back into my bed, hoping to have some relief from the back pain.
The backache continued and a few hours later, I felt a pressure in my lower abdomen. I felt Kellan stir and knew he was starting to wake up, so I put my discomfort aside and focused on him.
“Good morning, Love. How are you feeling this morning?” he smiled at me and stretched.
“Hmm, better, now that you’re awake.”
He got up and showered and came back to me looking…gorgeous, as usual. It was irritating to me that while my abdomen kept growing, leaving me feeling fat and miserable, he still looked exactly the same…thin and perfect.
“I um, I have a few errands I need to do today. I wish you could go with me.”
“Me, too!”
“I should only be a couple of hours. Do you need anything?”
“Just you. Well, maybe some chicken strips,” I grinned.
“I think I can arrange that. Do you want me to go get them and bring it back now, or when I come back later?”
“Hmm…later. If you bring them now, I’ll onl
y want them again tonight,” I smiled.
“Well, if you’re going to crave something, I’d much prefer it be chicken strips instead of pickles and ice cream.
“Oh, that sounds good, too!” I laughed jokingly.
“I’m sorry I said anything.” He leaned down and kissed the top of my head and said, “I have my phone if you need me. I’ll try not to be too long.”
I watched him walk out the door and reached for the remote. I flipped through the channels, finding nothing to watch. I turned off the TV and grabbed my book. I read a few pages and wondered how long Kellan had been gone. “Twenty minutes…that’s all?” I said aloud.
I was bored and I realized I could be stuck in bed for another three or four weeks, which wouldn’t be bad if Kellan and I were allowed to do more than talk and sleep. I knew there was no way he’d go against Landry’s orders, but I was more than willing to break that particular rule…again. I felt fine, other than the backache and I figured being with Kellan may work that out.
I laid there for hours waiting for him to come home and plotting how I could get him to succumb to my desires without a huge fight. I was bored though and I figured I was up for the challenge…
“Hi. Did you get some sleep?” Kellan asked me hours later when he finally made it back.
“That’s all I’ve done. I’m bored to death.”
“Well, I may have just the thing to keep you busy.”
“Actually, I know you do, but I know you won’t do it,” I sighed.
“If you’re talking about what I think you’re talking about, then you’re right, the answer’s no!” he said, obviously not even willing to discuss it.
“Fine. No, actually, it’s not fine. We’re going to have to wait weeks before I even have this baby and then we’re going to have to wait six more weeks…or so. It SUCKS!”
He had to stop himself from laughing when he noticed I wasn’t amused. He sat down next to me and said, “I’m sorry. I don’t like it any more than you do, but there’s nothing we can do about it.”
I sighed, “I could talk to Landry…”
SEPARATED: CONCLUSION TO UN-RELATED Page 12
