Damn it, why couldn’t he keep his mind off sex for more than ten minutes at a time when it came to anything having to do with Lauren? As tired as Travis was, he was surprised his body could respond like this. He felt like he’d aged more over the past forty-eight hours than in the last two years.
Didn’t Lauren realize how worried he would be about her? How much he loved her?
How could she?
Guilt pierced his heart with a broken blade. Unless she was a mind reader, it would be impossible for her to know that crucial piece of information. He hadn’t been able to tell her the other day when she so desperately needed to hear it. Travis himself hadn’t admitted the depth of his feelings until she turned up missing and he’d gone completely out of his mind with worry. What a shame that she had to leave him just to get something so important through his thick skull.
He loved her!
By now everyone in town knew it, except Lauren herself. Travis Banks, self-proclaimed bachelor for life, was madly, passionately, head over heals, crazy in love with a woman who refused to put up with his halfhearted way of living. Oddly enough he loved her for it. He loved everything about her: her strengths and her foibles; her innocence and her lack of inhibition; her stubbornness and her pride; her strange sense of humor; her unpredictable and ever-changing mind.
Travis couldn’t afford to waste another minute keeping such a wonderful revelation to himself. High on love and caffeine, he started down the path to her home determined to wake Lauren up, if necessary, to tell her exactly what was on his mind. What he had to say would probably be better articulated in the morning, but he couldn’t wait that long.
He hadn’t been able to sleep a wink or hold down much more than coffee—pots of the strongest stuff he could find—ever since realizing that Lauren was nowhere to be found. The combination of sleep deprivation and excessive amounts of caffeine had made him less than pleasant to be around. His friends down at the police station and the sheriff’s office could testify to that fact—and probably would in court if any of them decided to press charges. Having just returned from making a scene down there in his attempt to get someone to take Lauren’s disappearance seriously, he hadn’t endeared himself with the local authorities.
In fact, after making a complete ass of himself, he wasn’t looking forward to telling Larry that he’d been right all along. Travis had simply overreacted, Lauren was just fine, and everything was back to normal.
Or was it?
The closer Travis got to Lauren’s front door, the more bewildered he became. Candles cast a soft glow through the picture window illuminating a cozy, suggestive scene. An open bottle of champagne and the remnants of a scrumptious romantic dinner were left out on the table. And a filmy robe was draped over the back of one chair….
Thunder rumbled in the distance. Suddenly Travis was glad he hadn’t decided to phone the police. If he couldn’t get himself under control in the next few minutes, they might just have to arrest him for murder.
Thirteen
Not jealous by nature, Travis was overwhelmed by the intensity of emotion that made his blood boil. He’d heard of people seeing red before, but until now had never experienced the phenomenon himself. Rage clouded his vision and left him reeling on the porch. He reached for the railing to steady himself and nearly tore it off its foundation. Seeing only one vehicle parked out front he’d jumped to the conclusion that Lauren had picked up someone on her road trip and brought him back here—to flaunt in his face.
He raised his hand in a fist but couldn’t bring himself to knock on the front door.
The thought of finding Lauren in bed with someone else brought with it a hot smack of anger that nearly doubled him over. No wonder some men turned a blind eye to their wives’ infidelities. Denial had to be easier than facing such unbearable agony.
What an idiot he was, naively believing Lauren to be beyond the petty mind games that other women played. Like a blithering fool, he’d put her on a golden pedestal. And spent the past couple of days feeling guilty about compromising such a fine woman by asking her to move in with him and treating her as though she was nothing more than a college roommate rather than a precious object worthy of all his love.
The thought that he’d been on his way over here to propose to her turned his stomach.
The truth of the matter was that Lauren was no better than Jaclyn, the master manipulator who’d taught him better than to place his trust in any woman. Her behavior was contemptible. Like his ex-wife, Lauren was obviously out to prove that she could do exactly what she wanted with her life without regard to his feelings. And while it was true that he and Lauren weren’t married, and therefore, as his friend Larry so drolly pointed out as two of his fellow officers did their best to restrain Travis, had no jurisdiction over what she did with her life. But that didn’t mean they had no moral obligation to each other. He thought they shared something special. A one of a kind love that poets immortalized and movies did their best to imitate.
If Lauren was trying to make him jealous, she’d succeeded as no other woman had before. But it would be her undoing rather than her crowning joy. He’d damned well see to that when she came crawling back and asking for his forgiveness.
Travis wondered if she fully understood just how dangerous a game it was that she was playing. Men had gone to prison for what he was contemplating.
The smartest thing he could do would simply be to march back home the same way he’d come and never once let on how much Lauren’s little ploy got to him. Pride and a gallon of whiskey were calling his name.
But anger’s pull was stronger.
Travis wondered what it said about him that he still loved Lauren in spite of her betrayal. He despised himself and was suddenly glad that he hadn’t openly expressed the depth of his feelings for her since that was the only thing sparing him from absolute and total humiliation.
He tried the front door and was surprised to find it unlocked. Making no attempt to be sneaky, he threw it open and stomped inside. He then made a beeline directly to the bedroom without pausing to notice that only a single champagne flute stood on the table. It took a little while for his eyes to adjust to the fading candlelight. He tripped over a package on the floor, causing him to announce his presence with an oath.
“Who’s there?” Lauren called out.
Heart pounding, she sat up in bed and reached for the lamp beside her bed. In a state of confusion, she knocked it over without managing to turn it on. A dark, hulking figure stood in the doorway of her bedroom breathing heavily. Grabbing a decorative conch shell from the bed stand, she armed herself for battle. She wasn’t sure whether it would be wiser to throw the object or wait until the intruder attacked to hit him over the head with it.
“Who the hell do you think it is?”
Recognizing the sound of that deep, angry voice, Lauren dropped her weapon with a thud. She felt hot, cold and trembly all over as adrenaline seeped from her body. Her fingers tingled, her head ached and tears sprang to her eyes.
“Travis, you scared me to death!”
Mumbling something incoherent in response, he switched on the overhead light and squinted at her with an expression of utter contempt on his face. A veritable stranger with eyes capable of burning holes right through her replaced the sweet and gentle lover she had left less than two short days ago. His hands were curled into fists, and he looked ready to burst out of his shirt any minute.
Lauren had never seen him in such a state. A throbbing vein in his temple worried her. Her mother might label this a conniption fit, but Lauren worried he was on the verge of a stroke.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, throwing back her covers.
A twinge of guilt told her that she should have let him know where she was going the other day, but at the time Lauren hadn’t exactly known herself. Besides nothing she had or hadn’t done warranted this kind of bizarre behavior. Did she really want to be with someone who looked like he wanted to murder her?
Pressing her back against the headboard, Lauren asked, “Have you been drinking?”
Travis looked her up and down in an insolent gesture. Aware of her nipples showing through a nightgown purposely designed to emphasize the swell of her breasts, Lauren instinctively reached for her sheet, which she proceeded to pull up to her chin.
“Where is he?” Travis demanded to know.
He had nothing against Lauren sleeping in the nude with him, but it rankled that she would buy such sexy lingerie for another man. A man he intended to tear limb from limb while she watched.
She looked around in confusion.
“Who?”
Not to be so easily duped by a pair of big, innocent-looking eyes or a pair of shapely breasts, Travis ripped the bathroom door open. And found the tiny room unoccupied. He drew the shower curtain back and found no sign of intrusion.
Undeterred, he stamped over to Lauren’s closet and almost pulled the door off its hinges. Empty hangers clattered against the back wall, and clothes shifted with the impact of the breeze he created. But nobody darted between the feet Travis planted directly in front of the door like an angry giant. A giant who felt himself shrinking to the size of a mouse with the dawning realization that he had made one whopper of a mistake.
“Who are you looking for?”
Travis checked to see that the window was closed and the curtains weren’t stirring from a hastily planned retreat. Nothing. Clearly there was nobody else here but the two of them. His first reaction at being so obviously mistaken was one of complete and utter relief. Sinking onto the foot of Lauren’s bed, he bowed his head as fury turned to shame.
Had God ever put a bigger fool on the planet?
Travis couldn’t fathom what kind of power this woman wielded to turn him into such a mindless brute. He couldn’t believe that he’d actually leaped to such an awful conclusion without giving Lauren the benefit of the doubt. He hoped that he hadn’t scared her so badly that she never wanted to see him again.
The sight of her shocked face made him feel like a monster. He might throttle her imaginary lover within an inch of his life, but surely Lauren knew that he could never, ever hurt her.
How could he possibly rationalize such a display of jealous stupidity? Lack of food and sleep hardly sufficed as a reasonable explanation. Utterly embarrassed by his actions, Travis invented several elaborate lies on the spot.
An escaped convict was on the loose in the vicinity. A rabid mountain lion was sighted in the area. The FBI had issued an all-points bulletin for a group of terrorists headed this way. A one-armed man…
Ultimately he settled on a cryptic version of the truth.
“It appears that I’m looking for the fellow who made a full-blown idiot come to his senses.”
Lauren looked at him as if he was crazy.
“What are you talking about?”
As much as Travis wanted to put her mind at ease, he didn’t exactly want to insult her with actual facts, either. He doubted she’d be flattered by his assumption she had brought another man into their bed. Hoping to deflect attention away from his bad behavior, he employed a sweeter tone of voice as he began slowly inching his way up the bed toward her. The gleam in his eye made her squirm.
“Suffice it to say I misplaced my sanity for a minute, and I thought you, my little runaway, might be hiding it. Do you think it might be under the sheets somewhere?”
“Maybe you should check under the bed,” she suggested dryly.
If he could manage to kiss her within the next minute, Travis thought he might still have a chance to skirt over the reason behind his temporary insanity.
“Did I mention how relieved I am that you’re home?” he asked, with a touch of censure in his voice.
“I’m sorry. Really I am. I should have called.”
Travis’s whole world lit up. A heart that had shriveled in his chest at the idea of her cheating on him swelled in sudden exultation and banged against his ribs. Maybe if he could make her sorry enough about worrying him half to death, she would overlook his caveman routine and even let him peek beneath that pretty nightie. She could pose for a centerfold wearing that mouthwatering little thing.
Although Travis would much prefer she model it for him alone.
“I got home quite a while ago. Where have you been?”
The question stopped Travis in the middle of his trek up the length of the bed. Indignation pushed its way to the forefront of his jumbled emotions.
“Do you really have the audacity to ask me where I’ve been?”
Lauren’s voice was as tiny as a mouse’s. “I didn’t mean for you to worry.”
“And are you sure that wasn’t the idea?” Travis demanded. “To worry me out of my mind and bring me to my knees?”
Lauren blushed.
“Okay, I’ll admit it. In the back of my mind I did hope you’d miss me while I was away. But mostly, I just needed to do some soul searching, and since I don’t seem to be able to think very clearly when you’re around distracting me with your kisses, I took some time to sort things out by myself.”
Speaking of distractions, Lauren reached over to fondle him.
Suddenly Travis couldn’t think very well, either. At least not with the head on his shoulders.
“Besides I didn’t think I needed your permission to leave the premises,” she said, giving a gentle squeeze.
Travis’s voice grew raspy. “And did you come to any conclusions while you were gone?”
“I did. But maybe we shouldn’t discuss this in bed,” Lauren suggested. The mysterious smile that crept across her face was reminiscent of Mona Lisa’s.
As little as he liked the sound of that, Travis was having trouble concentrating at the moment. With great effort he removed her hand from where it rested and pulled himself up to sit beside her. The brass headboard at his back pressed against a wall of burnished logs.
“If you promise to keep your hands to yourself, I’ll promise to stay on my side of the bed until we resolve our differences,” he said.
Primly, Lauren folded her hands on the outside of the bedding. “It’s a deal.”
A light rain began pattering against the tin roof, playing the refrain of a love song as eternal as the dark mountain silhouetted in the moonlight outside. After long days of drought and doubt, a sudden shower arrived to wash away the last traces of human pride. Lauren looked deeply into Travis’s eyes.
“You’ll be glad to know that while I was gone I came to terms with life as a single woman. I decided that it was wrong to try and pressure you into doing anything that makes you uncomfortable just to make me happy. You should do what makes you happy.”
The scent of Lauren’s perfume made Travis happy. The sparkle in her eyes. The lilt of her laugh. The warmth of her touch. And the way she made him feel when he was around her.
Just as soon as she finished being so very selfless, he intended to tell her as much. She made him happy.
Wearing a look of complete earnestness, Lauren continued. “It would be wrong of me to hold you to some outdated social mores that don’t necessarily fit anymore. I have no right to ask you to be anything but who you are. I do love you, Travis Banks, but you’re probably right about us needing more time to get to know one another.”
Travis couldn’t have looked more startled. Was Lauren having second thoughts about wanting to get married? As mercurial as her moods were, he just might end up losing her yet if he didn’t pin her down soon.
“What exactly are you trying to say, Lauren?”
“That I’d like to move in with you—if you haven’t changed your mind about it, that is.”
A week ago, Travis might have felt as though he’d won by getting such a huge concession. Today, Lauren’s declaration only deepened his desire to commit to something more formal and binding. Something that would last forever.
“I have,” he stated emphatically. “I most definitely have changed my mind.”
Lauren dropped her head and stared at the hand
s folded in her lap. To keep them from shaking, she clenched them so tightly together that they turned a ghastly shade of white. She bit her lip—hard—and tasted blood. Her mother and Suzanne had both warned her this might happen. She’d had her chance at happiness and screwed it up royally.
And she had no one to blame but herself.
Lauren couldn’t fault Travis for changing his mind after the childish stunt she’d pulled. Hot, stinging tears came to her eyes. She forced them back. Knowing that making a scene wouldn’t do anything but make matters worse, she somehow managed to give him a quavery smile.
“I understand,” she said, willing her voice not to crack. “How soon do you want me to move out?”
“Immediately.”
His blunt response hit her like a volley of machine gun fire. Numbly, she attempted to salvage the remaining shreds of her dignity. She threw back the comforter and tried to get out of bed without somehow falling down. Travis grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back beside him.
“I don’t think you do understand,” he said.
“Yes, I do,” she croaked, resenting him for making this so much harder than it had to be. Couldn’t he just let her go and allow her the dignity of crying her heart out in private?
“I want to marry you, Lauren. I want to make you my wife.”
Thinking that she had misheard him, Lauren clarified her position one more time.
“I already told you. You don’t have to marry me. I’m not pregnant if that’s what you’re worried about, and even if I were, I’d be okay. Actually I really am okay. With or without a ring.”
Travis’s smile reached his eyes and gave Lauren reason for hope.
“I know you are, but I’m not okay with any kind of half-baked commitment from you. I think it’s safe to say that I want a whole lot more from you than just conjugal rights. And for what it’s worth, I’m disappointed that you’re not pregnant. Nothing in this world could make me any happier than to have a baby with you. Ever since you left I’ve been thinking about what my life was like before you waltzed into it. I assure you it’s a very sad and lonely existence.
Only Skin Deep Page 13
