by Joya Ryan
She leaned into him. “This is like a large cage.”
He just smiled. “Based on what you told me, a cage would be the exact wrong thing to put you in.” He nodded at the instructor that was coming over. “You’re going to love this.”
“Yeah?”
He held out his hand. “Trust me?”
She gave him a side eye, then cautiously took his hand. “Yes…”
“Then just go with this. You’ll have never felt more free.”
“Welcome to indoor skydiving,” the instructor said.
Ava’s heart picked up and adrenaline started coursing.
“While you won’t be jumping out of a plane, you will feel like you’re flying through the air with no restraints and no limits.”
After a few rules and instructions about safety and how to let the wind take them into the air, it was time for liftoff.
“Okay, ma’am, you stand here, and when the air comes in, slowly let yourself go horizontal. I’ll be here to steady you until you’re comfortable and we can turn up the gust.”
She stepped into the middle of the mat. In the dome, it was just them. Nolan moved to the side, but she stopped him.
“Will you do it with me?” she asked. She wanted him to stay close, because she did trust him. She had from the beginning.
He glanced at the instructor and gave him a nod. This obviously wasn’t Nolan’s first time here. “You mind if I take the lead?”
“Go right ahead, buddy.”
He walked to meet Ava in the middle and faced her. She smiled and kept her eyes on him as the air started to come in. A tinge of panic raced through her. Her body locked up, trying to keep her feet on the ground.
“Let go,” Nolan said next to her ear. “You have to give yourself over to it and trust that the wind will catch you.”
“It feels like I’ll fall on my face,” she argued, but Nolan just smiled.
“You have to give up control. Stop fighting and move with it.”
She looked into his eyes and his words encompassed a lot more than that single moment. Stop fighting and move with it. That was Nolan. Everything he was in her world. A relationship she was trying to figure out, work around, or even make sense of. Instead she needed to move with it and just let it swoop her up.
She nodded and leaned forward. He held his hands out, not confining her or even touching her, but it was like he was there to catch her if she fell. It was enough to ease some of her nerves and she started to lay out. And he moved with her. Staying close, he let the wind take him as well. The air picked up and lifted them off the ground. She went fully horizontal and in a split second, she was next to Nolan, balancing on nothing but air.
The instructor gave some kind of gesture to Nolan, as if asking if they needed assistance, and Nolan waved him off.
Judging by the look on his face, Nolan saw the change come over her as she realized that despite giving up control, she was safe. She was free.
“Oh my God, this is awesome!” she yelled.
Nolan smiled and floated closer to her. The instructor watched but let them have the dome to themselves. Then she did something she hadn’t expected, something her body did without thinking. She reached out for him.
Her heart stopped as wind rushed past her face. Waiting. He looked at her for a moment then reached back.
…
She was reaching for him. And Nolan wanted to do a lot more than reach back. He wanted to capture her. He intertwined their fingers, and they hovered together on the wind. Her smile widened, and she laughed with such enjoyment that he felt every note beat deep in chest, as if she single-handedly made his heart work.
The way she let go and gave in to the unknown was incredible to watch. Ava Webber was brave. Brave in how she went after things, brave in her choices, brave in her life. Though she hadn’t opened up a lot about her past, Nolan knew she was brave with that, too.
Her voice on the phone yesterday and the admission that she’d felt caged had almost done him in. Space should be what he was giving her. Instead, he’d had to see her. To help. To be something in her life that she deemed good.
Maybe that was selfish of him, because nothing about what he felt for Ava was secret or hidden. That was Myth’s department. All the more reason for him to give her an experience that would bring light back to her eyes. So what if tomorrow night it would kill him to blindfold her and return to their game? Right now she needed him. Not an anonymous lover. Him.
He tightened his grip on her hands, and the tension must have spread through his entire body, because the air came close to flipping him over and tearing him away from Ava. But at the last second, so quickly that he hoped she didn’t notice, he regained control and forced himself to relax his body, even if he couldn’t relax his mind.
She deserved this calm, collected moment, but losing his balance was all it had taken to remind him how easily trying to hold on to her could make the entire thing fall apart.
…
“Oh my God, that was incredible,” Ava said, clutching Nolan’s arm as they walked down the streets of New York. She felt free and happy and…relaxed. “I can’t remember the last time I had that much fun.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
He hailed a cab with his free arm. She was all but gripping the life from his bicep. She was also riding on adrenaline and wanted to jump up and down. She felt light as a feather, ready to fly, with Nolan her only anchor to the real world.
He helped her in the cab, then slid in beside her. He gave the driver her address, and they were on their way. “Do you want me to walk you in?”
She looked at him. She wasn’t ready for today to be over. But with the sun almost gone and night falling, she had a feeling that if he walked her to her door, she would invite him in. And that would land her in a bad spot, since all she wanted to do was test out this adrenaline rush on Nolan. But tomorrow night she had a meeting with Myth, the person she should be testing adrenaline out on.
Logic was winning this time. “I’ll be fine. Thank you, though,” she said to Nolan as the cab pulled in front of her building. “Today has been amazing.”
A small smile crept over his handsome face and he nodded once. “Amazing.”
She got out of the cab and tried not to look back. Fail. She didn’t even make it to the sidewalk before glancing over her shoulder at him. Nolan had given her the thing she craved above all…freedom.
All while holding her hand through it.
This went beyond taking care of a club member. He cared for her. He was her friend. The one man she could trust. She wouldn’t sour the moment by overthinking it.
Chapter Twelve
Ava unlocked her front door and walked in. She scanned the pile of mail in her hand as she shut the door behind her, and then she glanced at the clock.
It had been twenty-four hours since skydiving, and all she’d thought about was what to do next. That whole “not overthinking it” idea was not working out. Her plan to keep that line between her and Nolan firm had backfired. After falling through the air with him, she’d obsessed over his words. How she needed to let go. That was the one thing she hadn’t truly done. Let go. Myth had set her body free, but Nolan had helped her truly get out of the cage.
“Oh God…” She flopped her mail down on the coffee table and sank into her couch. “I like him.”
And there, in her small apartment, she looked around, alone. She was talking to herself. Alone. Her phone only held contacts from work. It wasn’t like she’d abandoned all of her friends from before New York. To tell the truth, she hadn’t had much of any friends. Life with her ex had consumed everything, eventually for the worse.
And now she was here, in New York, so desperate to regain control that she hadn’t allowed herself to connect with anyone.
She was totally and completely alone.
Except for Nolan…
Yet when she was with Myth, he made her feel alive, sexy, desired. When she was with Nolan—he made her
feel worthwhile.
She was set to have a scene tonight with Myth. Nolan would be there, of course, in his usual business capacity. But the idea of making it through another twenty-four hours without actually getting to spend time with Nolan seemed painful. She thought again about what he’d said, about her not truly letting go.
She spread out the fingers of her left hand and looked at the faintly lighter skin where she’d once worn her wedding ring. She’d thought it best to keep the ring as a reminder to never let herself be so vulnerable again, but maybe its weight was what was now keeping her from moving forward. Maybe a tiny part of herself was still tied to the past.
She shot off the couch, ran to her room, and grabbed the ring from the top drawer of her jewelry box. Then she grabbed her coat and hustled down the street to the nearest pawn shop.
She’d clung to this one object, and now she realized how it was holding her back. She was finally ready to get rid of it.
The other night with Nolan had brought a lot of truth to the surface. He’d been right. She’d never really let Myth take her over. Not fully. She also kept Nolan at a distance, when he was the one person she could trust.
It wasn’t like either one of them were asking for a commitment. Far from it. So she could at least give herself as best she could to the two men who’d opened her eyes and soul in ways no one else had. It was time to really let go. Time to really move on.
The guy behind the counter of the pawn shop crossed his arms and waited. “What do you have?”
“This.” She opened her hand. The small wedding band was burning a hole in her palm. She placed it on the glass of the pawn shop.
“Looking to sell?” the guy asked. He had a handlebar mustache and slicked back salt and pepper hair.
“Yes, please.”
He looked it over and seemed about to make an offer when something in the case caught her eye.
“Actually, how about a trade?” She tapped the glass over the item she was interested in. “Is that real?”
“Yeah, it’s real and certified.”
She nodded. “You give me that, and the ring is yours.”
He examined the ring, then looked at her. “Deal.”
A big smile split her face. She’d just gotten the bargain of the year. Now she needed to reach out to the man who’d inspired her to make this change.
She called him on his cell.
“Ava?”
There was a surprising lack of club music in the background.
“Are you not at work?”
“No. Not until tonight.” He chuckled. “Even I get a few hours off here and there. Don’t worry. I’ll be there to help you prep for your scene.”
“Wait… Are you saying you’re only coming in tonight to help me?”
“That’s right,” he said. “I wouldn’t trust anyone else to take care of you.”
Wow. After yesterday, she knew he cared for her safety, but she hadn’t guessed how deeply his protective instincts ran. She wasn’t sure what frightened her more: wondering whether this meant he cared for her more than just as his charge at Serve…or the question she was burning to ask him.
“What’s up?” he said.
She took a deep breath, opened her mouth…but the words wouldn’t come out.
Just ask him, Ava…
“Do you think it would be okay if we did something other than Serve kind of activities tonight?”
“You never have to do anything you don’t want.” He paused. “So what do you want?”
She swallowed. “I was thinking that tonight we could just stay in.”
“You’ve said we twice now.”
“I’m aware.”
Now he really paused. Seconds passed without him saying anything. What was he waiting for? Details? Damn the men in her life, always wanting her to spell it out. Still, she couldn’t totally give in and act like a moon-eyed girl.
“I was hoping to torture you with a chick flick and maybe some popcorn.”
He chuckled. “Do you think that’s appropriate?”
She hoped he could sense her smirking. “Why? Because you’re Serve’s manager and I’m a member?”
“Something like that.”
“We’re also friends though, right?” She swallowed. “Aren’t we?”
“Of course we are,” he said.
She heard something hidden in his tone, but she couldn’t figure out what it was.
“But you’ll come?”
“Yes,” he said. “I’ll come.”
“Good. Because I’m hungry and dying to watch my favorite film.”
From the sound of his voice, she could practically see the grin splitting his face. “That sounds like dinner and a movie, sweetheart.”
“Snack and a movie.” She swallowed. “Do you think Myth will be mad that I’m asking for a rain check?”
“I’ll make sure he understands.” The confidence in Nolan’s voice eased her concern that Myth would be upset. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see Myth, but today had changed something deep, deep down in her soul. Something that was telling her to hold on to these few moments with Nolan. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him yet. Not tonight.
…
She chose me…
It was the single most awesome thought Nolan had had since he’d gotten into the cab to her place. When she’d called an hour ago and asked him to come over, he’d damn near run. It was set to be a popcorn and movie night, but he wasn’t complaining. He just liked being in her company.
Now, sitting in her living room, he felt happy, even with a god-awful movie about some Beatrice woman and her diary playing in the background. The smell of popcorn lingered in the room.
She sat next to him on the couch, her feet tucked under her. He stretched his arm over the back of the sofa…
Christ, he felt like a teenager at the movie theater trying to cop a feel. He wasn’t trying to cop anything. Well, he would if she let him, but his strategy was bigger.
She. Chose. Me.
Who cared if it was for a movie instead of his dick? Being with her like this felt more real. More intimate. And if this was what she needed, this was what he’d give.
Up until this point, he’d thought his only way to have her was by being Myth. But maybe he, Nolan, had a shot after all…in the real world. She’d chosen him after skydiving, and now again instead of entering another scene tonight.
“So…” She set the popcorn bowl in her lap and reached for a small, wrapped box on the coffee table. “I saw this today and thought of you.” She handed him the box.
He took it and opened it.
“No way!” He pulled the treasure out. “A signed Joe DiMaggio card!” He knew he sounded like a damn kid on Christmas, but he couldn’t help it.
“You like it?” she asked, gently clapping her hands with excitement.
He met her eyes. Hopeful green eyes with some nervousness behind them. She’d really thought of him. Really tried to do something nice for him.
“I love it,” he said, the words catching in his throat a little. It wasn’t just the card itself. It was her interest in him, her knowing him and thinking of him when he wasn’t around, enough to want to act on it.
He cupped her face. “Thank you, Ava.”
She took a shaky breath. “You’re welcome.” She glanced down and lifted the popcorn bowl. “You want some?”
Oh, he wanted some, but he was staring at her mouth, not the bowl. He glanced away quickly. She might have chosen him tonight, but she still had a hard limit and wanted to be friends. But he still wanted to know her. Maybe he could finally get her to open up a little. Share with him.
“I want you to talk to me.”
She frowned. “About what?”
The hand that was resting on the back of the couch picked up a lock of her hair and brushed it off her face.
“Tell me why you like these two different worlds.” She breathed deeply and pursed her lips, as if wanting to physically keep the words in. “Te
ll me, love,” he asked softly.
Her expression softened. “I was married, up until two years ago.”
That caught him by surprise. The hard limit, strictly-anonymous woman with sass and a brassy mouth had been married?
“How long?”
“Right out of high school. My life wasn’t great, and he was my only way out. But I basically became his puppet.”
“Did he hurt you?” Anger rose in his chest. He’d kill the fucker if—
“Not physically,” she said. “He just…” She shook her head. “He took everything I was.”
The pain in her voice made Nolan’s gut twist. “You’re strong. You’re so much—”
“Now I am. Well, trying to be. I’m still working on it.” She shrugged. “I just don’t ever want to be back there. Serve keeps things in perspective. Let’s me explore who I am and what I want. There doesn’t have to be anything beyond that.”
“Nothing? And no one?”
She nodded and looked at him with a kind of desperation, longing, and sadness that made him want to reach out and hold her until everything bad she’d ever felt faded away.
“Yeah,” she whispered, leaning in a little. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it while it lasts.”
When her lush mouth brushed his, he was a goner. He couldn’t think. Not about anything but her touch. Her taste. The feel of her. It was like the first time. Like he hadn’t experienced every sweet offering she’d given up over the past few weeks. Because this was different. She was kissing him. Not Myth.
And God help him, he kissed her back.
…
She should stop. She knew she was in trouble and breaking her own rules the moment she pressed her mouth against Nolan’s.
But he was so warm, so inviting, and she wanted to dive in and have him. Just this once, just for this kiss, she needed to finally feel the man he was.
“You haven’t touched me,” she whispered against his mouth, then kissed his bottom lip. “You could have several times by now. But you haven’t.”
He nodded. “Hard limit…” he said, then delved his tongue into her mouth and took her breath away, leaving behind tremors of need.
Something in Nolan’s kiss, his very touch, felt familiar. Her mind went to Myth and how with his every caress he seemed to know what she needed.
