“You can do this. You are strong enough to do this. I promise.” He said softly before he dropped her hand onto her lap.
She stared at her band of strength. Funny, she thought, how when she and Jake had gotten those tattoos she really believed that the reminder would will him to do anything. Why was it so hard to look down at that band now and have it mean the same thing to her? She looked up at Luke, he looked so confident in his proclamation that she was strong enough to do this. He believed she could kick her habit, it was right there in the eyes that were looking back at her. She took a deep breath.
“Okay.” She whispered and he took a step back, allowing her room to step out of the truck. Luke pulled up the handle on her suitcase as she closed the door behind her. He looked her over and watched as she shoved her hands into the pockets of his sweatshirt as they started to walk towards the entrance of Lakeview.
He dreaded the end of the walk, knowing that once they made their way to the entrance of the facility, he would have to say goodbye and leave her. He couldn’t walk her in, hold her hand and make sure she was alright. She would walk into that building with her own fate in her hands and completely out of his.
He questioned himself and how he should say goodbye to her. Since her stay in the hospital, she wasn’t as cold as she had been the last few months, yet still he held back from acting the way he yearned to when it came to her. Did he hug her or kiss her cheek? Or did he wait for her to make a move to say goodbye? He blew out a strangled breath when he realized she had stopped walking in front of him and that they were standing in front of the entrance of Lakeview.
She looked up at the building before her and then turned around slowly to meet Luke’s gaze. “Well, this is it…” She said, letting the last word of her sentence trail off.
“You’re going to be just fine... I promise.” He said softly, and then in an effort to busy his hands, he rolled her suitcase to her side and took a retreating step backward. He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked down for a moment, unsure what to do. He lifted his head and looked back at her. She tilted her head to the side and studied him for a moment.
“I guess I should go inside.” She placed her hand hesitantly on the handle of her suitcase and began to turn around. She glanced down at herself and noticed she was still wearing the sweatshirt she had borrowed from him. “Oh, I almost forgot…” She said and turned around towards him. “Your shirt.” She said as she went to grab the end of it to lift it over her head.
Luke placed his hand over hers instantly and shook his head. “Keep it. When you’re feeling lonely, it’ll remind you you’re not alone and that I’m only a phone call away.” He dropped his hand quickly.
“The website says I can’t have any contact with anyone until after I complete detox.” She stated and her eyes searched his. For what she had no idea.
“So then I’ll hear from you in a few days…” He said giving her the green light for her to call him. Little did she know he’d probably be staring at his phone until she did.
Cara nodded and then reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope. “I will call you then.” She stared down at the sealed envelope that had Luke’s name printed on it.
“What’s that?” He asked.
She tore her eyes away from the envelope and reaching out to hand it to him as she looked up at his face. “I found a journal of Jake’s and there were some letters in the back of the book. This one was addressed to you.”
Luke stared down at the envelope for a moment, recognizing the familiar handwriting that belonged to his brother. His breath hitched, a little piece of his brother lived on in that note, he thought. It was something new to Luke, that Jake had never said whether it was written or spoken, there was something Jake wanted to say to him. He swallowed the lump that was lodged in his throat and reached for the letter.
She watched on as he stared down at it in his hands for a moment before he carefully slipped it into his back pocket.
“Thank you.” He said hoarsely.
She nodded. “Okay, Cara… time to put your big girl panties on.” She murmured as she took hold of the suitcase one more time and turned around.
Luke smiled slightly when he heard her coach herself, a little piece of the Cara Sloane he once knew, shining through the broken version that stood before him. “Hey…” He called and she glanced over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow towards him. “C’mere.” He whispered.
She looked at him confused for a moment and turned around to completely face him. He stepped forward and closed the space between them as he wrapped his arms around her delicate frame.
“I’m proud of you for taking this step.” He whispered into her hair as he held her against him for the briefest of moments. He didn’t give himself a second to question his actions and did as he felt. After a moment he pulled back and nodded towards the door behind her. “Now you can go.” He said and offered her a smile.
The corners of her mouth curved slightly and she treated him to a smile before she turned around and this time she didn’t hesitate, she walked straight through the automatic doors that opened for her. Luke watched them close behind her and stood still for a moment, sighing heavily as he let her go.
* * * * *
Once Cara had been admitted into the rehab facility, they had taken her to her room and gave her a few moments to situate her belongings. The room that had been appointed to her resembled a small hotel suite, completely different than what she had expected. She didn’t know why, but for some reason she thought she would feel trapped, as if she was a prisoner. Maybe she still would, but right now she wasn’t feeling all the anxiety she had anticipated on her way up here. Once she had unpacked some of her belongings and made her room feel a bit more as if it were her own, she made her way downstairs to the reception area.
She was scheduled for an assessment with one of the counselors and then would be taken to detox. She assumed that was when the anxiety would kick in. Pushing those thoughts out of her head, she took a seat and waited for her name to be called. There were very few people who were seated in the large area that reminded her of oversized living room. As she glanced around she wondered what their stories were and why they were here picking up the pieces of their lives just as she was.
She reached down absent-mindedly and her fingers found the delicate gold chain that hung around her neck. The only thing that dangled from it was her engagement ring and it fell over her heart. Her name was called and she looked in the direction of the person who had called it. The woman with a welcoming smile was middle-aged, with red hair. She wore glasses and was dressed professionally.
Cara stood and met her in the doorway of her office. She held out her hand as she introduced herself.
“You must be Cara, my name is Linda Snyder and I will be one of your counselors.” She said softly.
Cara shook her hand and stepped inside of her office. Once they were both inside Ms. Snyder nodded towards a row of seats.
“Why don’t you have a seat and we’ll get started.” Ms. Snyder said.
Cara took a deep breath and took a seat and watched as Ms. Snyder did the same.
“Do you have any questions for me before we begin?” She asked.
Cara shook her head and wiped her palms along her thighs. Her nerves were beginning to settle in and she couldn’t help but wonder what Ms. Snyder thought when she looked at her.
“Okay, Cara, why don’t you start by telling me why you’re here?” She probed.
“I’m addicted to prescription pain medication.” Cara whispered and then thought about her answer.
“What is your drug of choice?”
Cara shrugged her shoulders and didn’t meet the counselor’s eyes as she spoke. “Usually it’s Oxycodone, sometimes its Morphine and sometimes it’s both.”
“How were these drugs introduced to your body?”
She looked up at Ms. Snyder and her eyebrows drew together in confusion. “I’m sorry. I don’t understand what you�
�re asking.”
“Did you take them intravenously? Or did you snort them? How did you take the drugs?”
“I swallowed them.” Cara said evenly and watched her take notes.
“When did you start using drugs?”
“I started taking the pills a few days after my fiancée died.” She said and fingered the ring that dangled between her breasts. Ms. Snyder lifted her gaze and looked at Cara, studying her for a moment.
“How long ago did he die?”
“He died in July of cancer.” She closed her eyes briefly as the pain began to creep inside of her. The feeling was familiar and she knew it would only progress the more she talked about it. That’s when the urge would come and she’d want to erase the pain.
“Have you noticed behavioral changes in yourself?”
“I am angry all the time. I try to block out anything I am feeling by taking the pills. I lash out at people who are trying to help me. I lash out at myself. When I’m sober, I want to die. When I’m high I want to die. I only want to live when I’m sleeping because then I dream and in my dreams, Jake is still alive.” She said softly and brushed away her tears. “I feel like I have nothing to live for anymore. I have no family of my own. I only had Jake and his family.”
“His family has turned their backs on you?”
She looked up and met Ms. Snyder’s stare. “No, they haven’t.” She looked down and she was still wearing Luke’s shirt. She hadn’t even noticed that she didn’t take it off when she had unpacked. “They’re partially the reason I am here.”
“Why else are you here?”
“I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to hurt anyone else, either.” It was true. After the accident her biggest fear was that she could’ve possibly hurt an innocent person. The hurt she was inflicting upon herself could wind up endangering someone else, and that was enough for her to want to put an end to the pain.
“Have you ever undergone treatment for addiction before?”
“No.”
“Are there any medical conditions or mental disorders that you haven’t disclosed to us?”
“No.”
“Is there anything else you’d like to add?” She said as she took off her glasses and looked directly at Cara. They both were silent until Cara cleared her throat and stared into her eyes as she confessed.
“I really want to take a pill right now.” Cara admitted and left out that one wouldn’t do the trick. She glanced across the desk at Ms. Snyder as she jotted a few things down before she leaned over and hit the intercom button on the phone that rested on top of her desk.
“Miss Sloane is ready to be taken into detox.” Ms. Snyder said into the speaker.
Suddenly the anxiety that had been absent decided to make an appearance and Cara began to sweat. Not just her palms, but her entire body broke out into a cold sweat and all she could think about was running out of there and taking half a dozen little white pills.
* * * * *
It was dark by the time Luke made his way home. It didn’t help that he had stood outside of the rehab center for hours, because he just couldn’t bring himself to leave. He couldn’t explain the pull towards Cara he was feeling and tried to push it aside. He lifted his sleeping daughter into his arms and carried her into their home. Ava had fallen asleep after he picked her up from his parents. He carefully maneuvered her through the house to her bedroom, where he tucked her safely into her bed. He bent down and pressed his lips to her forehead, marveling at how perfect she was, much as he did every night he put her to bed. He rose to his full height after turning on her Hello Kitty night light, walking out of her bedroom.
He pulled off his baseball cap and combed his fingers through his hair. Once he stepped into his bedroom, he threw his cap onto the chair and walked to his dresser. He went through the motions of undressing. First, Luke took off his watch, then placed it on top of the dresser. He cranked his neck from side to side working out the kinks as he lifted the Henley up his torso and over his head. He felt exhaustion overcome him for the first time since Cara’s accident. His fingertips loosened the belt that held his jeans up and as he went to remove the belt from the loops he remembered the letter that was tucked safely into his back pocket.
Luke pulled the white envelope from his pocket and brought his hand around and unfolded it. He stared down at his name and smiled faintly at his brother’s chicken-scratch handwriting. It was the little things, he supposed, that made you miss a person. Something as simple as never seeing the person you lost, sign their name or address a card to you again. He scratched the stubble that lined his jaw and let out a heavy breath, debating on if he should open it or not.
His hand hesitated for a moment before he tucked it into the frame of the mirror that hung on the wall above his dresser, deciding he wanted to hold onto that little piece of his brother for another time. Luke padded towards the window in his bedroom and opened it, letting the crisp fall air engulf him. He filled his lungs, drawing in a deep breath and leaned against the wall, staring out into the darkness of trees that surrounded his home. As he took in the serenity of the outdoors, he wished he could turn his mind off. As tired as he was, he knew he would suffer another restless night, a night filled with those hauntingly beautiful eyes. Her voice would taunt him with the memories of her telling him she would never be his.
He couldn’t understand where these feelings of his had come from. He racked his brain night after night, trying to remember a time in all the years he knew her, if he had ever thought of her in any other way other than his brother’s best friend. For the life of him, he couldn’t pinpoint a time that he wasn’t trying to slap some sense into Jake or wasn’t pushing him to overstep the boundaries of friendship. Why now? He asked himself. Why after all that she had been through, seeing his brother through his darkest days, did she captivate him? He didn’t have an answer and so he walked to his bed and brought down the comforter, preparing himself for another lonely night dreaming of the woman he had no business dreaming about.
* * * * *
Cara lay curled up in a fetal position, secluded, battling her demons. Her body trembled and a searing pain sliced through her abdomen. She would’ve sworn this was death and she was knocking on the devil’s door. She cried out in despair as she rocked her body that was covered in perspiration. She would sell her soul, if someone would just make it all go away, or something rather. She knew the pills would make it all go away. She needed them. She craved them more than the air, she was breathing.
She leaned over the edge of the bed and through blurred vision she aimed for the bucket beside her as her body convulsed and she vomited. The room around her spun in circles and she blinked her eyes rapidly trying to make out the image of the shadow that loomed over her.
“Jake?” She whispered and for a moment she thought she could make out his face. He was here to rescue her from this hell she created. “Is it really you?” She asked as she hunched forward in pain. She fought to lift her head, expecting to see her savior wiggle his eyebrows at her and crook his finger, signaling her to go wherever he was. She’d crawl into his arms if her legs didn’t allow her to stand. She looked at the figure that stood tall beside her bed.
“You’re going to be just fine… I promise.” He said with sincerity. But it wasn’t her Jake that loomed over her, promising her that she’d get through this, it was Luke.
Chapter Four
It was over a week since Cara’s accident and exactly five days since Luke had dropped her off at Lakeview. Not that he was counting or anything, he thought as he rolled the orange shade of paint onto the bare walls of Sam and Nick’s new house. He watched the paint spread onto the walls and stepped back for a moment studying his handy work. He didn’t mind spending his Sunday off painting. It actually relaxed him a bit. What he did mind though was, this god awful color. It was horrid. He glanced over at Nick, who was standing on a ladder across the room, painting the trim around the ceiling.
“What’s with the col
or?” Luke asked and dipped his roller in the pan again soaking up so more paint.
“Don’t ask and whatever you do, don’t mention it to your sister. You love it. Do you understand me? Tell her it makes the room look warm and inviting, got it?” Nick said as he stared evenly at his friend, warning him with his eyes, to do as he was told.
Luke’s eyes widened and he cocked his head to the side trying to fight the grin that wanted to appear. The thought of Sam driving Nick crazy over paint samples was amusing. “Trouble in paradise?”
“No, not at all. It’s just well… she’s driving me crazy with this house. She changes her mind about everything.” Nick blew out a breath and looked at the orange walls, shaking his head. “I swear she read that book Fifty Shades of Crazy and is experimenting with me.”
Luke bit the side of his cheek to refrain from laughing. “I’m pretty sure that’s not the name of the book, you’re referring to.” At least he hoped so.
Nick turned around, his eyes lit up as if he had just figured out the most difficult equation. “You read the damn book.” He said accusingly with the hint of a smile playing on his lips. “That’s why you can read a woman’s thoughts!” Nick said as if he had just had an epiphany.
Luke gave him a minute to have his “Ahah!” moment before he shook his head. “I didn’t read the book.”
“Don’t lie!” Nick said not believing for one minute that Luke didn’t read the book. He watched as his friend put down his roller and rolled his eyes. The front door opened and both men turned around at the sound of Sam’s voice.
“Hello?”
Nick shot Luke a look. “Don’t forget, you love it!” He whispered harshly before turning back around just as Sam walked into the orange living room with Deb and Ava right behind her.
“Oh my God.” Sam said as she took in the vibrant color of the walls. Luke bit back the laugh that threatened as he watched Nick try to figure out if her, Oh my God exclamation was a good one or a bad one.
Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) Page 5
